Li Juan: Go home

If I say,

I love Akhara –

Actually, how empty-hearted......

How could I love it?

It's always white. The whole world is infinitely patiently white. The way home passes through the white of the world, and it stretches with infinite patience. It took almost ten hours to walk in two trips.

The house was also in vain, and the yard and house were about to be buried in snow. Mom's injuries are much better. The puppy Saihu's injury was almost healed, and he gently rested his head against his grandmother's knee all day long.

Many cattle and sheep died in this snowstorm. The livestock barely had anything to eat, and the children during the winter holidays roamed the village every day, picking up cardboard boxes and feeding their cattle. The government sold some of the corn to herders at a much lower price than the market price, but the low-priced feed was quickly snapped up. The shepherds, who had come late, stood in the open field for a long, long time before leaving disappointed. Corn kernels were scattered on the snow with corn sacks, and nearby villagers drove their sheep there. The sheep buried their heads in search of golden grain sunken in the snow, shaving and gnawing. When the sheep left, there were no corn kernels left, only sheep dung grains in the field. So he stopped the black sparrows that were pressing on the ground, and nodded and pecked sharply among the sheep dung grains. As soon as someone approached, the black flew away with a bang.

There is no more corn in Akhara, no more forage, no more coal. There was no road, and the road was buried deep under heavy snowfall. But we have to live here anyway.

When I went home this time, I helped my family steam eight pots of steamed buns, a total of more than 200. After steaming, it was frozen in the snow outside, enough for the family to eat for more than a month. Fortunately, the pressure well was dug not long ago, and since then there is no need to go to the river two kilometers away every day to break the ice and fetch water. However, the well was too hard and I had to push it down with all my might. I really want to ride on the pressure bar and press it. As I pressed, I imagined the water slowly rising in the darkness of the earth, surging brightly.

I brought a bowl of leftover rice to feed the big dog Qiong Yao, and when I left, it hugged my waist and didn't let me go. Qiong Yao was very lonely, because she always bit people, so she had to be tied to the yard and not let it run around. In order to give him as much freedom as possible, the chain on which the dog was leashed was very long, so he often jumped to the high courtyard wall to play. On two occasions, however, he forgot that he still had a chain around his neck, and when he stood on the wall, he jumped out, only to be led by the dog chain and hung outside the wall, causing him to roll his eyes. Fortunately, I was saved by my mother twice, otherwise I would have died a long time ago. Then it did not dare to jump again, but stood high on the top of the wall and looked at the wilderness in the distance for a long time.

Rabbits love my steamed buns. The puppy Saihu loves to eat Chinese cabbage. The chicken really doesn't have anything to eat, so it has to love everything. We also built a small stove for the chicken coop, and the chickens huddled together tightly around the stove all day. Because of this small warmth in the nest, our chickens are able to lay eggs every day, and they can pick up eight eggs a day. In the whole of Akhara, only our chickens are still laying eggs in the winter. While the other chickens lie deep in the cold, their heads shrunk under their bellies, deeply closed.

When the food is brought into the pen, all the hens rush up with their wings and rejoice infinitely. The roosters, on the other hand, seemed unhurried, patrolling and circling around the hens who were grabbing food. When everyone is full, they come to the front and peck a little bit of the rest. The rooster was very thin and thin, with withered and loose feathers and a drooping crown. But he still looks full of spirit, like a king. Because out of all the chickens, it is the only rooster.

The wind is really strong on the Gobi Desert. It's so sad every time I get home.

In order to catch the shuttle back to Altay City, I groped my way up at four o'clock local time. The house that the family just built this year has not yet been electrified, and it is pitch black. I touched the door, opened it and went out, and it was pitch black outside. The constellation of Orion hangs squarely in the middle of the sky. It suddenly occurred to me that this was the first time I saw the constellation Orion this year. How many nights have I not looked up at the stars......

Light candles, chop wood, and make a stove. The fire was blazing, but the cold room was still cold. The little dog Saihu lay in the dark and watched me do all this. You have to leave as soon as you get home, and it's always going to be. Home is too far, too far away. Saihu's baby, Xiaoxiao, was hit and killed by a passing car while playing on the highway in the summer. Suddenly without a companion by his side, will Saihu feel empty? How do dogs understand "parting"? Will my sudden departure be like Xiaoxiao's sudden disappearance in Saihu's eyes...... Xiaoxiao was buried under the small mound of dirt by the cornfield in the backyard, and Saihu would sometimes go over and sniff for a while. How do dogs understand "death"?

Repeat the jar of the pickle jar along the water. Wanted to feed the chickens, but some too early. Before dawn, the chickens have weak eyesight and can't see anything, and the chicken food is left outside, and it will be eaten by the rats first. In winter, the rats also live a tight life. They are also enduring cold and hunger.

As soon as I got home yesterday, before I could say a few words, my mother went out to run errands in the wind and snow. At night, just me, my grandmother and my sister were guarding the house. For some reason, I always feel ominous in my heart. But I was worried that I would miss the bus, so I was anxious. When the two emotions are combined, it becomes sadness.

As a result, it was not until three o'clock in the afternoon that the shuttle bus slowly appeared on the snowy road. However, my mother hadn't come home yet, so in order not to miss the only car, in order not to delay work, I still went on the road, with sadness.

I thought of Qiong Yao again. Before dawn, when the dogs near and far in the village began to bark, Qiong Yao did not bark. When I went out to shovel soil and coal, I saw Qiong Yao's wide and bright eyes under the starlight. Actually, it knows everything.

There was no coal, so we had to mix the last cinders with the soil and mix them with water, and they were clumped together and burned as coal. Heating, cooking. Such "coal" has weak firepower, is easy to extinguish, and has a lot of ash. But it's the only warmth in winter.

If I say, "I love Akhara—how vain my heart is...... How could I love it? I live away from my family and responsibilities, and I live away from Akhara without any touch. It's just that on some weekends, I will take a long-distance bus home and stay for one night. What kind of love is this?

I arrived in Fuyun County and continued to wait for the bus. The air in the internet café was terrible. Time passed minute by minute, and I don't know if my mother came home. Time was passing, and I was sitting in an Internet café powerlessly killing it. The time I typed out those words should have been spent at home. These are the times you should spend sitting at home and continuing to wait for your mom to come back. And while waiting, feed the chickens, light the fire, and pet the tigers.

I also remembered that the shuttle bus was traveling alone on the white earth, never ending...... I remembered that every tree that the shuttle passed by was an extraordinary tree—these trees in the wilderness, each with no eye on the other. As I said before, on the Gobi Desert, just one tree is needed to keep the earth firmly under the blue sky.

It has also been said that they are not as simple as "growing" on the earth, they are above the earth......

- How rash and frivolous he was when he said these words. But I think I'm still in love with Akhara.