When it comes to bride price, many people hate it.
Some people also think that without the bride price, the in-laws will not respect people, and men will not cherish fate.
There are also some marriages that are blocked from the door by the sky-high bride price, which is really heart-wrenching.
So why do you know that the bride price is not very friendly to marriage, as a mother's family, still want a bride price?
It's really not "everything looks at money", but also has to be comprehensively analyzed to find the answer to human feelings.
01
Traditional etiquette needs to be respected.
There is a saying in the "Book of Rites": "Men and women do not communicate without matchmaking, and they do not see each other without silk." ”
Judging from the records of ancient books, the bride price has always existed as a kind of etiquette.
The ancients paid attention to "the life of the parents, the words of the matchmaker", when the man's parents handed over the bride price to the woman's parents, a fate was settled.
At the same time, when the bride price is given, there is also a matchmaker as a witness.
Even if the children are young, as long as there is the act of handing over the bride price, it will be counted. Years later, when the children grew up, they did what they had agreed before.
Nowadays, free love, we are no longer limited to the arrangement of our parents, and we must also be matchmakers, but some traditional etiquette still cannot be ignored.
In my hometown, even if a man and a woman fall in love freely, when they get married and get married, they still have to hire a matchmaker by the man to witness happiness. At the same time, send new clothes, shoes, red envelopes, etc. to the matchmaker.
Zhang Jiuling of the Tang Dynasty said: "The reason why people are valuable is because they are trustworthy and courteous; The reason why the country can be strong is because of good faith and righteousness. ”
In addition to the legal constraints on weddings, it is also necessary to see the constraints on morality and etiquette.
A marriage without etiquette is a mess. It's like we hate marriage troubles very much.
Being poor is really not a reason to "give up the bride price".
In the eighties of the last century, my cousin went to a woman from the next village.
The family is very busy because of the marriage event. On top of that, my cousin's family was poor and didn't know how to scrape together the money for marriage.
After much deliberation, the cousin gave a bride price of 200 yuan. The mother's family took the money and bought a nest of chickens, which was delivered to her cousin's house on the day of marriage.
Not to mention, my cousin later became a farmer. The family also became rich.
Xunzi said: "Benevolence, righteousness, courtesy, and kindness are also to people, and they are like goods and corn to their families." ”
Yes, a family that talks about etiquette is very kind, and it will not be bad in the future.
When people interact with each other, etiquette is in place, and the relationship is naturally good. When the relationship is good, people are more likely to be helped, and their life development will be smooth. This is the principle of everyone collecting firewood.
On the other hand, anyone who loses etiquette will not respect people, and will also corrupt the moral bottom line at any time.
02
The face of the wedding needs to be fought for.
There was a founding hero in the Western Han Dynasty named Chen Ping.
When he was young, his family was isolated and he lived in his brother and sister-in-law's house.
Chen Ping likes to read and make aspiring friends.
Once, he helped the locals divide the meat, and he was fair and strict, which was praised by everyone.
Zhang Cheng, a wealthy local man, heard that everyone praised Chen Ping and decided to marry his granddaughter to Chen Ping.
Zhang Cheng's family objected: "A poor man, everyone laughs at it, why let him marry our daughter?" ”
Zhang Cheng said: "Look at it, Chen Ping has lofty ambitions and a dignified appearance, how can he be poor for a long time? ”
The marriage event has been decided, but Chen Ping has no money and no house, and the bride price cannot be paid.
Zhang Cheng quietly sent a servant and sent some money to Chen Ping.
Next, Chen Ping took the money given by his mother's family as a bride price, sent it back to his parents' house, and also set up a beautiful banquet, inviting neighbors to bless him.
From the perspective of outsiders, this Zhang Cheng is really "dying to save face and suffer crimes".
But in the long run, Zhang Cheng took into account the "face of his mother's family" and gave Chen a face, which can be regarded as a kind of foresight - burning incense in a cold temple.
Think about it, at the wedding, the mother's family did not get a little bride price, nor did they have anything to dowry, which is to be cold.
If you have a daughter, who doesn't want her daughter to marry in style? This is human nature and human nature.
From a spiritual point of view, when the daughter gets married, the scenery is a little more beautiful, which also means that the future days will be prosperous, which is a psychological effect and a person's spiritual outlook.
03
The sincerity of the in-laws needs to be tested.
In the "Seeking Love" column on the "LeTV Xianxialu" online platform, there is a story.
A woman named Peng, who had not yet graduated from college, made a lifelong agreement with Zeng while she was a trainee nurse and had a child.
In the face of happiness, they didn't have time to understand, so they broke up because their mother's family asked for 80,000 dowry.
It is understood that the elders of the Zeng family think that Peng is too powerful and everyone doesn't like it; In addition, life is more difficult, and I have lost confidence in marriage; Zeng's parents have also divorced a long time ago, and their care for their children's growth is not in place.
There is no doubt that there are thousands of reasons why a person wants to break up; If two people want to love each other, they can also find thousands of reasons. The key depends on whether people are persistent in marriage.
Judging from the amount of the bride price, it may be a little more, but from the perspective of interpersonal relationships, did the mother-in-law's family take the initiative to negotiate with the mother's family?
The bride price has become a love problem, but there are always more ways than difficulties. If the relationship between the in-laws is a little better, then there is room for everything, and the woman can be reasonable.
Sometimes, the bride price is a window to peek into the authenticity of love, and it is also an opportunity for both parents to meet and negotiate. You really don't have to, you change color when you talk about money.
Children are the hearts and minds of parents, and all parents want their children to live better and promote marriage, which is the common goal.
Only those irresponsible parents, men who do not take responsibility, will give up marriage at every turn.
But if you encounter the "Geng" of the bride price, the man who can discuss well and prove his love with his actions, as well as his in-laws, is more reliable.
04
Of course, how much bride price to give has to talk about "etiquette".
It is recorded in the "Records of Observations": "Usually engaged, tea is used as a gift. ”
The man gives a dowry gift, which is "tea"; The woman accepts the dowry, which is "eating tea"; Husband and wife walk into the cave room, this is "joint tea".
Look, when the ancients were poor, they could still use a few cups of tea as a bride price to make marriage delicious.
Marriage, the relationship between two big families is changing, and its root is courtesy, affection, but we must pay attention to the ways and means of communication, and we must also be proactive, don't consume.
Marriage also requires a sense of ceremony, and the bride price is an important ceremony, and it is also a process to promote harmony and beauty of the family. You can spend a little less, but don't lack the number of courtesies.
The ancients said: "The wedding will be good for the two children, go up to the temple, and go down to the future generations, so the gentleman is important." ”
Be a humble gentleman, not to benefit the villain, everything is easy to do.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.