Yesterday, a friend sent me a private message and asked: Can I use the holiday to do something, such as giving a gift or something, to ease the relationship with my ex, although I have broken up for a month or two, but I still can't let go of him.
In fact, I have taken so many emotional cases, and I don't recommend that everyone still be obsessed with giving gifts to each other after a breakup.
First, let's analyze the impact of gift-giving on recovery:
From your point of view, maybe you did something wrong when you were in a relationship before, or something disappointed your ex, and out of the psychology of making amends, you want to increase the favorability of the other party by giving gifts.
But what if we look at it from each other's point of view?
Giving a gift is an act that highlights your purpose, and he thinks that you want to please him by giving gifts, so that he will soften his heart and make him change his mind and get back together with you.
But let's not forget that in all relationships, the reason that leads to a breakup, it must not be single.
It can be the result of a confounding of factors.
And in most cases, when your predecessor makes a statement and advice to you, you may never take those words to heart and don't seriously make changes.
Everything is as it is, so why does he want to start over with you just because you gave you a gift? Even if he likes the thing he receives, it won't change his opinion of you.
Some people feel that they may have a good relationship foundation with their ex, and want to choose each other's birthday, or some commemorative days.
I want to use this special time to give gifts, and I want to get closer to each other in this way, and I think it would be better to get back together.
But in the eyes of the other party, this kind of behavior is not only not a plus, but a point deduction, because in this kind of sensitive festival, the exchange of gifts between the two parties is equivalent to confirming the relationship, and it is also a process of pressure.
You're putting a lot of pressure on the other person to do that, and if he accepts it, he's accepting "you two start over."
But if he doesn't accept it, it seems that it will make you a little uncomfortable in terms of face, and then I am afraid that you will continue to pestering and disturb him, making each other even more embarrassed.
So at this stage of redemption, the gift thing, it is mostly a disservice, you want to bring the relationship between two people closer, but instead push the other person further.
I tell you from the perspective of an emotional counselor that giving gifts at this time is an act of transgression, which is logically and humanly unreasonable.
The act itself is full of awkward connotations, unless you have escalated to the stage of ambiguity and are about to get back together, and you can make a relationship clear by giving gifts.
And in the early stage of compounding, I really don't recommend giving gifts.
So if we want to redeem our ex, but we can't give each other a gift nakedly, what is the right way to do it? Let's get back to the breakup first.
Except for breakups in an abnormal state, most of the people who are broken up are takers in this relationship, you ask for a lot of love, care, care and giving, but you do not give back the same thing to the other person in time.
did not provide the other party with the emotional value he wanted, so he gradually lost patience, became more and more disappointed in the relationship, coupled with the dissatisfaction accumulated in daily life, and finally couldn't bear it anymore, so he would directly propose to break up with you.
So at this time, if you want to redeem it, you must first let the other party release these negative emotions accumulated in your heart, and first lower the other party's ranking towards you.
Re-establish normal communication between two people, and then to advance the relationship, then to ambiguity, and then to reunite.
And when the first step of solving the other person's negative emotions has not been completed, rushing to give gifts will only increase the other party's boredom with you and make him more alienated from you.
On the one hand, you will make the other party feel: We have broken up now, and you are giving this thing for no reason now, what are you going to do?
On the other hand, you also expose your sense of need, which will put a lot of pressure on the other person.
Because when he just broke up, the other party thought of you with some negative comments, and he doesn't know how to face you now, let alone consider getting back together with you, he just wants some personal space and just be quiet by himself.
But the gift you are sending now seems to remind him, and even force him to: immediately, immediately deal with the relationship between you, which will make him want to avoid and stay away from you more and more.
How could he possibly give you good feedback in this situation? So don't be in a hurry, sort out your emotional conflicts first. Step by step, the gift can be used as an opportunity to catalyze feelings. Skillfully upgrade your relationship.