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Say a fact that most parents are unwilling to accept

Say a fact that most parents are unwilling to accept

Hi, I'm chubby.

In the past two days, Fat Fat inadvertently swiped the video, and brushed up on a point of view, which may be related to the advent of the aging of this population, and it is also related to this demographic structure.

Now many marketing accounts lose such a point of view, an argument, and now these marketing accounts are saying that when people are old, they find that it is a blessing for their children to stay by their side, and they feel that the direction of the wind has completely changed.

Like someone who said before, this child has a future, and it is a blessing to hope that the son will become a dragon and the daughter will become a phoenix.

So is it a blessing to say that when a person is old, is it a blessing for his children to have a good income, or is it a blessing to have no money?

With the brainwashing and information cocoon effect of marketing accounts in recent years, Fat Pang saw that more and more people began to agree with the saying that "children are blessed if they are not productive" in the comment area.

The reason?

Children who have no interest often stay with their parents to facilitate the care of the elderly, you see in the countryside, the children who are close can also take care of the elderly at any time, accompany them every day, and enjoy the joy of family.

As a result, Chubby often hears that some people even begin to dislike those "promising" children, thinking that they go out, what's the use of making more money?

Parents can't enjoy it, they can't go out of the big city, but they are lonely.

There are really a lot of examples of this around Chubby.

For example, if you are Chubby and a Chaoshan person, there are also some overseas Chinese around you, and some of them are working hard, but they have become the "negative teaching materials" in the mouths of their neighbors - "You see, children earn so much money a year, but their parents stay in the countryside and are lonely, what kind of filial piety is it?" ”

When the fat fat man hears this kind of remarks, he will also hear some extraneous meanings, and the smell of moral kidnapping will be stronger.

Sometimes people will say a few words mildly when they are discussing, we can't use the concept of "parents are here, not far away" to morally kidnap young people.

That child has its own choices and lifestyles, and it is selfish not to be able to treat others as their own, and to force them to come back.

Moreover, how people live is their business, it is the will of individuals, and we are not qualified to dictate.

Dismantling children "no interest is a blessing"

In terms of how we look at this topic, Chubby would like to share his own views on a personal level.

Saying that "not being productive is a blessing" for children, Chubby will feel that this is actually a wrong conclusion when he is only one step away from the truth.

Let's break down this statement.

Why is it considered a "blessing" for children to have no income?

Does that imply that once a child has a chance, it will become a "disaster" for the parents?

But isn't that strange?

It's not a bad thing for children to have a good life, it's obviously a good thing, how can it become a disaster?

The root of the problem may lie with the parents themselves, and will it be a disaster for the parents?

If the children are promising, the parents find it difficult to accept, probably because the parents themselves can't keep up with the pace of their children and ask their children to keep up with their own pace, then both parties are right, but the request to "follow" is wrong.

The idea of being chubby may be a bit direct, but it is indeed the real plight of many families.

Children are unable to grow with them in their old age, and parents feel pain because they are unable to adapt to this distance and difference.

So what is the correct way to say it?

In fact, Chubby will feel that the greater the gap between parents and children, the stronger the pain of both parties.

This gap may be material, it may also be values, spiritual.

For example, if a rural parent raises a child who has entered a college or university, and the child later goes abroad for job opportunities and develops well, but the parents cannot understand this choice and feel that "I have raised a child but cannot provide for my old age".

This mental estrangement and difference in values is the source of suffering.

What really makes parents suffer is not whether their children are promising, but when their children fly higher and higher, parents cannot understand their children's worldview and life choices.

This is the key reason for the contradictions and feelings of loss between the two sides.

This difference in values is not only reflected in the fact that children are far more than their parents, but also in the contrast between their parents and their children.

With the reopening in recent years, there are more and more students studying abroad and working hard in other places, and many peers around Pang Pang have gone to all parts of the country to do business all over the world, and some have simply settled.

And those who study, buy a house, and get married in big cities are like carps jumping over the dragon gate for children like us who come out of the countryside, and with their own efforts, they finally reach the starting line of urban people.

Relatively speaking, it can be regarded as crossing a basic threshold.

As for those parents, as long as their children are not too far away and feel that they can still take care of them, they will be at ease and will not be too anxious.

But now, not only parents, but also marriages are affected.

The extreme "severe" theory of binary opposition

Chubby often brushes up on the extreme "severe" argument transmitted by some marketing accounts, what old and dead do not get along, and the blood relationship is directly cut off, and the output point of view of binary opposition Chubby feels too radical when he listens to it.

There is such a thing as blood relationship, and it is not something that can be broken by saying it.

We are human beings with emotions and affection, not cold-blooded animals.

The pursuit of life should be balance, is to find the right "degree".

How to handle it, you should weigh it yourself, instead of letting the marketing account lead the way, break it when you say it, and cut everything off with anger.

If your thinking and judgment are controlled by these marketing accounts, you will lose the ability to think independently.

Chubby just feels that he can't reduce complicated family and marital problems to extreme antagonisms.

The important thing is to find a balance that suits you, a degree, and not blindly accept the dualistic definition of others who are full of anger.

We should think about what is the logic behind this?

Why do some people now think that it is a "blessing" for children to be unproductive?

In fact, this reflects the deep-rooted traditional concepts of some families.

Parents regard their children as private property, thinking that "if I give birth to you, you will have to provide for your old age", and regard their children as a kind of attachment and a tool to continue themselves.

At the heart of this thinking is control – because I gave birth to you, you are mine, you must listen to me, you must remain under my control.

The contradictions within many families stem precisely from the conflict between the need for "control" and the pursuit of independence by children, which is the trigger for many inevitable consequences.

If we break out of this framework and see the essence, we will find that the problem is not "whether the children are successful", but this conflict between control and expectation.

On the one hand, parents hope that their children will glorify their ancestors and put gold on their faces, and on the other hand, they hope that their children will never abandon and stay by their side to fulfill their filial piety.

This "double standard" mentality is inherently contradictory – children must be busy with their careers if they want to be successful, and success means freedom and the pursuit of more self-development, and it is impossible to focus everything on the needs of parents.

This phenomenon is also very common in marriage.

You are like a partner who not only hopes that the other person will have a successful career, but also hopes to be by your side at any time, and you can grasp both love and career.

But if a person is dedicated to pursuing his career, he will inevitably not be able to fully take care of his family.

This kind of double expectation of both success and companionship, double standard, is itself mutually exclusive, so it is destined to produce contradictions.

Then we can actually see that many parents' expectations for their children and mutual expectations in marriage are essentially a "kidnapping" relationship.

There are no independent personalities, and each is looking at each other with the concept of "ownership":

Children are subordinate to their parents, and partners also have each other, and the lack of independence will only breed endless conflicts.

If the child has his own ideas and is not in the interests of his parents, he will be criticized as "unfilial";

In marriage, if a person cannot meet the expectations of the other party, it is easy to be accused of "not loving enough".

The marketing campaign instigated extreme "severe" dualism, encouraging young people to cut ties with their parents altogether.

Chubby will feel that inciting his children to stay by his side "unproductively", and the extreme "severance" of family affection is binary, but duality often has traffic, but in fact, family affection does not need to go to such an extreme point.

Blood ties are essentially a natural bond, and they cannot be broken by saying so.

The extreme practice of severing relatives often fills the flow of information with anger and emotion, but on the other hand, we also need to think about it, is this a phenomenon worth pondering?

So why is it that some people can accept that "raising children does not prevent old age", while some people can't?

It's one thing to have a rule and welfare, if you have a benefit, it will reduce some of the phenomenon, so let's say that Chubby is not talking about what he is praising or belittling anything, Chubby is just thinking about a phenomenon.

To some extent, filial piety must be compatible with self-development

It is from the perspective of the independence of this personality that filial piety must be compatible with the development of the self to a certain extent.

The concept that the ancients said that "parents are here, not far away" may no longer be applicable in today's social context.

In modern society, information is exchanged, and distance is no longer an insurmountable obstacle as in the past.

Those who have sufficient financial resources can spend money to solve the problem of caring with their parents.

But for those young people who are adrift in big cities and do not have enough resources, this has become a question worth pondering:

You can't have it both ways, and if you can't have both, then you have to make a choice and give up something to get something else.

Chubby has a more dialectical attitude towards the topic of "filial piety".

In my opinion, the relationship between parents and children can indeed be seen as an unwritten social contract, and children are expected to fulfill a certain responsibility of care to their parents.

However, this responsibility should not be premised on self-development.

From Chubby's point of view, filial piety should serve personal development, not become a shackle that restricts individual growth.

A person is first and foremost an individual, and then a member of the family and a member of society.

Therefore, how to find a balance between filial piety and self-development, and master this "degree", is crucial.

That's just Chubby's personal opinion, everyone has a different point of view, and Chubby is just discussing some of his own thoughts on the point of view.

Dualism has traffic preferences on the Internet, but Chubby doesn't like to spread outrageous or extreme views.

As a public media, everyone can see that if you always output some emotional and one-sided personal values, it is likely to mislead some readers, although it is not visible to the naked eye, but the potential impact may be incalculable.

As an individual, Chubby feels that he can't treat others with himself, and the public media is the same reason.