Shaoxia:
See the letter well!
In the blink of an eye, a few months later, it slipped away, as if the letter was still yesterday.
Regarding the question of "what kind of person and what kind of personality am I" that seems to be well understood, everyone seems to blurt out the answers they already have in their hearts, and these answers are the determination with which they have been with themselves for so many years, and it is difficult for us to deny that we are not the personality orientation that we originally thought we had.
Freshman self-introduction I still remember vividly, the most common version of self-introduction is "I think I am a slow and hot person", everyone in the strange people first meet the more awkward atmosphere of this sentence is to say: In fact, on the surface I am a more silent and less sociable person, but through a long time together I can become a very good person.
We all think that our personality is in the middle of a personality in that situation, not to say that we are extremely extroverted, nor that we are very silent and closed people.
Yes, on the basis of slowly understanding the cognitions in the letter, looking back at the past self and the people around me that I observed, I feel that the character is indeed not what I call polarization, he is a huge unbounded web, and the personality of each of us is at one or more nodes, just as there are no two leaves in the world that are the same, and there is no person with exactly the same personality in the world.
In fact, the pros and cons of extroversion and introversion may not be the judgment brought about by this world of "extroverts", but the feedback from the world that A scale from my heart has been weighing the two personalities, in the final analysis, I myself look at personality with a biased view, so I can't accept multiple personalities and accept myself calmly.
Your public account has recently updated a lot of topics, and I want to talk to you about my ideas.
Let's talk about reading first, most of the books you recommend I have read, in fact, the reason why the classics are classic, is that after years of precipitation, they are still often turned over and often new, and they still resonate, and I also agree with your point of view, if the type of recommended books, novels bear the brunt of it.
Each of us is in an environment where we come into contact with people with its limitations, and there is no way to experience more different modes of life, but the novel provides a carrier of such an experience, allowing us to see people with different personalities and feel another possibility of life.
Yes, at the end of the day, reading is ultimately reading ourselves, looking for a better self in books. Before watching a live broadcast by Teacher Luo Xiang, he said that there are four gradually increasing realms of reading: escaping the world in books, creating the world in books, understanding the world in books, and transcending the world in books.
Think about it, I am still stuck in the first realm, coveting the calm of the flow of the book, unwilling to go into the complicated world, of course, in that time is not a pleasure?
In any case, since we are living people, living in such an environment, the ultimate meaning of reading books with a purpose is to enter the world with the courage and strength that books give us.
My idea about loneliness has always been that people are the lonely species. Loneliness, it sounds like a feeling of falling into an abyss all the time in a dark space, quiet and terrible.
But the two sides of things are everywhere, the more lively and actively integrated, the more impossible it is, and the pain and highlight must come from the same place. Of course, we all know the cost of loneliness, as for what kind of realization we feel to different degrees, but this is not a life experience, people's life is not a life of feeling experience.
Regarding love, if people are not so lonely, afraid of loneliness and should go to find a partner, I think at the beginning such an idea would have backfired, and two people with such a purpose together are doubly lonely.
When dealing with our own relationship with ourselves, we will turn to the outside, to eagerly establish relationships with others, alleviate inner boredom and anxiety, I think only by handling our own relationship with ourselves, we can deal with the intimate relationship with others, those who try to get emotional value in others, I feel sad, after all, the bamboo basket is empty.
Of course, I may be an overly idealistic or even a mere utopian in saying this, and in real practice, I may rather say otherwise. Love is a luxury, the right matching person may not exist at all, only slowly run into each other to compromise can achieve better love.
After reading some of the emotional experiences you have written, although I know that I do not know the whole picture and do not comment, I still want to say that no matter what the result is, at least it is enough to have sincere feelings together, after all, in such an era, this is also rare, I hope that we can always maintain the purest and most fiery expectations of love.
I wish you all the best!
Shao xia's friend:
Hello!
I am very happy to receive your letter, in today's era of developed science and technology but indifferent human feelings, some people are willing to write a letter in this solemn way, to talk about the observation and thinking of life in the depths of the heart, it is too rare, there is no reason not to cherish.
I read the contents of the letter a few times before I began to write back, and I know that you have spent a lot of effort to write these words, so I must not treat it with a few perfunctory strokes.
This letter involves topics such as personality, reading, loneliness, and love, and it is better to say that it is a topic than a problem that must be encountered in life.
These aspects have indeed been written on my public account, of course, it is only my own humble opinion, I rarely have the opportunity to communicate with people, in order to find my cognitive defects. Therefore, I am very happy to be able to communicate and learn from you.
By the way, your writing is good, your expression is accurate, your organization is clear, it makes people look comfortable, and your thoughts are deep, and I think you have been a person with good grades and love to think since you were a child.
Your experience and opinion, and the style of writing between the lines, are very similar to a friend of mine who has left, and even for a few moments, thinking that this is what she wrote to me, thinking too much, may be an illusion caused by excessive thoughts.
Next, let's get into the main topic, and let's talk about all the aspects you talked about.
Speak of character.
Regarding what kind of personality you are, in fact, no matter who you are, it is not so easy to answer, let alone answer correctly.
A large number of people do not have the consciousness and habit of self-reflection, do not reflect on themselves, do not talk about knowing themselves, even if they often think, it is difficult to understand themselves in all directions, and many of their self-perceived understanding is wrong and one-sided.
As you said, simply dividing personality into introverts is an absolutely narrow view, it is by no means a black-and-white thing, but a web without margins, and it is precisely because of this complexity that it is difficult for us to really understand ourselves and really understand others.
You talk about the pros and cons of personality, saying that you inevitably look at personality with prejudice in the balance, and you can't accept yourself calmly, and you can't accept multiple personalities.
This is very good, in fact, the countless faces in the crowd are like this, they are for the immediate desires and interests, houses, cars, tickets, faces, women, power... I would rather force myself to change the external performance of my personality, choose to wear a mask, say things against my heart, and do helpless things, just to finally achieve my goal and get what I want to take. Pain in falsehood, numbness in time.
You have realized that the prejudices of character interests in your cognition are far different from those of thousands of ignorant people. In daily life, we may inevitably switch masks with interests, and when people think back and reflect or pick up a pen in the middle of the night, they realize that they are living hypocritically and disgusting themselves.
That's okay, how many people can be themselves 24 hours a day? This society seems to be becoming more and more efficient and developed, and it is becoming less and less able to make a living through simple labor, and to a macro extent, this is the price that must be paid to move forward.
It is important that people like you who can recognize their own problems can always stick to their true beliefs and do not forget in warm water what kind of person they want to be.
You have to firmly believe that we have become what we hated in the first place, so that one day we will become what we like.
The philosopher Schopenhauer said: Man's character can never be changed. The saying "the country is easy to change, the nature is difficult to move" says this meaning. So we don't expect to change our personality, but learn to accept ourselves and live out the truth.
Only by living out the truth can we complete ourselves and achieve a lifetime. This has been written in the previously published "Born Ordinary, It Is Also a Limited Edition" and will not be repeated.
No matter what kind of personality you are, there is a corresponding advantage, and all you need to do is make it shine, with a confident attitude, and firmly believe that you are different and not mediocre because you have an innate personality.
Open up, go to the stage to perform; silence, just think in silence; slow heat, just leave it to time to warm; in the end, the only thing you can undoubtedly and can gain is the result given to you by character.
Personality does determine fate, "Relief Grocery Store" said: in fact, all the people who struggle to make choices already have the answer in their hearts, and counseling just wants to get the choice that their hearts tend to make. In the end, the so-called fate is still to come out step by step.
Say read.
Time is the best filter for screening treasures from the vast sea of books, and reading the classics that time has verified, there is a high probability that you will not be wrong. As Murakami said, "What you win with time, time will certainly testify to it." ”
Yes, reading is ultimately reading ourselves. In fact, not only reading, almost all the activities of people are basically in the knowledge of themselves and the completion of the self, which is related to the personality mentioned above, and will not be elaborated on.
Reading has a very crucial role in our lives, increasing wisdom and expanding the world.
Some people say that the gap between people is even greater than the gap between people and pigs, in fact, the gap is mainly the difference between people and the world. Your world and my world are not the same world at all, because the paths you and I have traveled, the people I have seen, the books we have read, the pain and joy we have experienced, the successes and failures, the gains and losses, it is almost impossible to overlap. The content, size, depth, width and narrowness of the two worlds of you and me, there are many dimensions of huge gaps, coupled with the complexity of personality, so it is difficult for a person to meet a red dust confidant, a dream lover and a soul mate.
Why read thousands of books and travel thousands of miles? The purpose is to expand our world, or worldview. As you said, after seeing more possibilities in life, you can find something you like, know the person you like, choose the path you want to take, and live a more satisfactory life.
Compared with the journey of thousands of miles, reading thousands of books is a lower cost way, there is no heavy bag, no need to worry about eating, drinking, living and traveling, no need to spend expensive fares and accommodation fees, you just need to find a quiet place, pick up a book, you can wander in the boundless wisdom, in the text constantly open up new horizons, broaden the new boundaries of the self.
Teacher Luo Xiang said, escape the world in books, create the world in books, understand the world in books, and transcend the world in books. It also gave me new inspiration.
These four realms also correspond to different reasons for loving reading, some people love to read in order to seek immersion and intoxication when reading, which is to escape the world; some are to pursue the perfect form in the book world, which is to create the world; some are to get resonance in books to soberly understand themselves, which is to understand the world; some are standing on the shoulders of predecessors to pursue the eternal truth of the universe, which is beyond the world.
I think that the four realms exist at the same time and act at the same time, but on the surface it seems that the influence is high or low. But in any case, people reading with different purposes will undoubtedly bring a common harvest: increase wisdom and expand the world.
You don't have to care about which realm you are in reading, don't do it utilitarianly with a purpose, in fact, every time you decide to go to a book to read, you only need to tell yourself: First, reading really makes me enjoy and be happy, and second, reading is really the most correct first good thing in the world, that's enough, just start reading.
Those who know are not as good as those who are good, and those who are good are not as good as those who are happy.
Reading should be like this, regardless of gains and losses, with a heart of liking, doing nothing, in order to last.
Say lonely.
Here we need to quote the words mentioned above, because the world is different and the personality is complex, and the gap between people is even greater than the gap between people and pigs. Therefore, no one can really understand whom, people have sorrows and joys, the moon has clouds and sunshine, and no one can always accompany anyone. Loneliness is indeed the essence of human beings.
But loneliness is not terrible, if you read a little more prose essays in philosophy, psychology and literature about loneliness, you will find that many thinkers and artists are praising loneliness, and only the inner integration of loneliness can make people live a complete life.
Jiang Xun said in "Six Lectures on Loneliness": Loneliness and loneliness are not the same, loneliness is full, loneliness will make people panic.
We need to distinguish between loneliness and loneliness, and I agree with Baidu Encyclopedia's explanation of these two words, "Loneliness is a subjective feeling and experience of self-isolation and alienation from others or society, rather than an objective state", "Loneliness is a kind of thought between loneliness and loneliness." Soon after an individual leaves the group, there is a peculiar state called loneliness. ”
Man is a social animal, but also a social animal, and it is impossible for everyone to exist independently of others, and no one can tolerate absolute solitude. We need to interact with people, export our thoughts and feelings, and get recognition and love from others. In addition to the activity of living organs, the human brain and heart, that is, thoughts and feelings, must also be active, otherwise it cannot be called a living person.
A person who suffers because he is not accompanied by others is lonely; a person who suffers because he is not understood by others until he is full and full without the need for others to understand him is lonely.
Whether it is loneliness or loneliness, pain or joy, it is indeed an experience of life, but we need to observe and think, to get a clear experience, otherwise it is easy to fall into it, and the authorities are confused and cannot pull away to look at it correctly.
Say love.
I have published a poem called "A Man Is Lively" that says, "A guy who feels lonely alone, if he gets together as a couple, it will only be more lonely, and these people will gather more together and will fall down." ”
As you say, associating with people with the purpose of escaping loneliness will eventually backfire. We must first live peacefully with ourselves before we can handle our intimate relationships with others. Before you love others, you have to learn to love yourself.
It is only when we are younger that we cannot realize this, and have experienced some painful separation, that we can realize that the tragedy of the past is also the only way.
You say that love is a luxury, which is roughly unattainable, "If the Si people are rainbows, they know that there is everything they know." "Rainbows are so easy to appear, wait and wait, always appear."
True pure love is arguably the most powerful thing in the world, and it can make people give everything, even the most precious life of a person. The truths, interests, and laws of daily life are all pale and overshadowed in the face of love. A man can say a lot of truth to a woman for hours, but a woman only needs one sentence to get the man to do, "Don't you love me anymore?" ”
What is love? "It's like suddenly there's a weak rib, and suddenly there's armor."
I have indeed been fortunate to have experienced a sincere love, fortunate to experience the most beautiful feeling of love in my life, and even if I still can't escape the fate of tragedy in the end, I am still grateful for having it for a short time.
It's just that now I still envy those young plum bamboo horses who go from children to marriage, or the final results from school uniforms to wedding dresses, and from youth to twilight. Seeing them in pairs, they will still shine with their eyes and sigh why they have no such good luck.
I often tell myself, be content! The more beautiful things are, the more they must be appreciated from a distance, not necessarily possessed.
How to have a rainbow, how to embrace a summer wind
The stars in the sky laugh at the people on the earth, always can't understand, can't feel enough
If I fall in love with your smile, how do I collect it, how do I have it
If you're happy, not for me, will you let go, in fact, you have it
Naoko: "I hope you can remember me, remember that I lived like this, stayed by your side like this, and maybe always remembered?" ”
Watanabe: "Forever." ”
Naoko of course knew, knowing that sooner or later the memories in my mind would have to be diluted. Only then did she emphasize:
I hope you remember me and remember that I existed like this.
— The Norwegian Forest, the first chapter of looking back.
I wish Pepsi, good health and peace, and welcome frequent letters.
Public number: Shaoxia stays behind
Readers are welcome to write.