Some scholars said that the Republic of China, the pioneers of the new cultural movement, paid an extremely painful price in order to break with their arranged marriages.
Only Hu Shi not only accepted the arranged marriage, but also had an increasing relationship with the original match, living into a legend of the Republic of China.
One is a foreign talent, a cultural scholar, and a handsome man;
One is a small-footed village girl, illiterate in large characters and mediocre in appearance.
From imperfection to mutual froth, today we come together to interpret Hu Shi and Jiang Dongxiu, how the most perfect arranged marriage is cultivated.
A compromise, a respect, a "good" word
Some people say that Hu Shi and Jiang Dongxiu are typical of post-marital love, and they have a long-term relationship.
In the summer of 1917, Hu Shi, who was far away in the United States, received a letter from his mother "forced by death" asking him to return to China to complete the marriage, and he had no idea that he would eventually fall in love with this old-fashioned woman.
Previously, he had written a letter to his mother and wanted to dissolve the old-style marriage contract, but he did not expect it to be counterproductive. Not only did it not dismiss the marriage, but it put the marriage on the agenda.
Hu Shi lost his father at the age of three, and the family's life was completely maintained by his mother, which was not easy.
This also became the biggest weakness of his life: only the mother's fate was obeyed.
Hu Shi's marriage partner was named Jiang Dongxiu, the daughter of his mother's cousin.
When he was 12 years old, he was favored by his cousin's relatives and brokered by the two old men to promote the marriage.
It is said that Jiang Dongxiu belongs to the tiger, one year older than Hu Shi, and there is a local custom of "men can be ten years older, and women cannot be one year older", and this marriage was not optimistic at first.
But the two were destined to have a fate, not only the eight characters fit, Hu Shi's mother folded up the eight characters of the courting girl she received, put it in the bamboo tube in front of the stove god to test, and finally the lottery was also Jiang Dongxiu.
Since then, he has confessed his fate and made a marriage contract.
When he first came to Shanghai to study, Hu Shi did not reject this marriage.
He said in "Tribute to Chinese Women": "If a woman does not want to be a waste, one is to put her feet down, and the other is to read", and also wrote to Jiang Dongxiu, asking her to let go of her little feet, enter the academy to study, and change herself.
But with the departure from the United States and the study of five cars, his position changed, his thinking was radical, and he began to advocate free love.
He and the American girl Wei Liansi are attracted to each other, and the thought of being involved with Jiang Dongxiu for 13 years is a headache.
At this time, Jiang Dongxiu had become an elderly leftover daughter, and stayed in the Hu family as a daughter-in-law to serve her mother for Hu Shi.
Now that his mother was forced, Hu Shi felt that there was no way back.
The left hand is freedom, the right hand is filial piety, Hu Shi finally chose to compromise, but he also put forward his own insistence: marriage is OK, you must not kowtow or worship, according to Western rituals.
This request does not seem to be a big deal, but Hu Shi believes that Jiang Dongxiu is an old-fashioned woman and it is impossible to agree.
Unexpectedly, although Jiang Dongxiu was a village maid, he had a bold personality, thinking that "it is a ceremony, I don't care, as long as I can get married!" I agreed happily!
The old bride with a Western-style wedding, this seemingly unmatched marriage, because of Hu Shi's compromise and Jiang Dongxiu's respect, satisfies this law of supply and demand.
Although there is no love as a foundation, it lays the starting point of a virtuous circle for the harmony they get along with later.
(Jiang Dongxiu)
A wisdom, a determination, defending a word "love"
Marriages without an emotional basis are destined to be full of twists and turns, and Hu Shi and Jiang Dongxiu's marriage is facing a huge test in the early stages.
Advocating free love, but marrying a small-footed wife, Hu Shi was ridiculed by friends in the Beijing circle.
Tang Degang teased him: "Hu Shi's great name is heavy on the universe, and Mrs. Little Foot is also with him." ”
Xu Zhimo laughed at him with Su Shi's poem: "I overheard the lion roaring in Hedong, and the staff fell into the palm of his hand in a daze." ”
This made Hu Shi's heart uneven, and later took advantage of the fact that he went to Hangzhou for convalescence, and his wife was not around, and he cheated on the third sister-in-law's half-sister Cao Chengying.
The two stayed on the shore of Xizi Lake for three months, and with the crystallization of love, Hu Shi also put the "divorce" with Jiang Dongxiu on the agenda.
Helplessly, Hu Shi's friend Xu Zhimo was more plastic, his mouth was a little big, and he said the derailment in advance.
Cao Chengying was the bridesmaid at Jiang Dongxiu's wedding. After Jiang Dongxiu heard about it, there was a kind of tragedy of being stabbed in the back by his own people, and the reaction was quite fierce.
She held her son in one hand and a kitchen knife in the other, and said harshly to Hu Shi: "Divorce is OKAY, then I will kill my son first, and then commit suicide with you." ”
At that time, Hu Shi's friend was also present, and he was simply stunned. Later, when the knife was taken down, Jiang Dongxiu grabbed the scissors and threw them at Hu Shi, frightening Hu Shi into a panic and scattering his soul, and since then he has returned to his family.
This was not enough, Jiang Dongxiu also picked Up Hu Shi from bed, dragged him to the door to "show the public", and counted his husband's past events in front of his neighbors.
Hu Shi was a scholar, his face was particularly thin, his face was suddenly swept away, and finally he did not dare to break the silk with his lover.
Hu Shi's "fear of his wife" has been famous ever since.
Jiang Dongxiu lives a very transparent life and knows that Hu Shi's derailment is inseparable from his circle of life.
At that time, Lin Huiyin's "wife's living room" was a fashion trend, which inspired Jiang Dongxiu, who was also in Kyoto's wife circle.
She aimed her "toughness" at the men who had stopped their wives and remarried, gathered the unfortunate original partners under her command, and turned her living room into a "spit conference".
At that time, Liang Zongdai, a professor at Peking University, fell in love with the female writer Shen Ying, and had a divorce lawsuit with his wife He Shi.
Jiang Dongxiu tiptoed to the court with He Shi and argued on the basis of reason. Because what she said was reasonable, even the judge became a fan of her.
Not only did he win the lawsuit, but he also became a "women's representative" and made headlines, and since then he has made a name for himself, and his status has been even more unshakable.
Jiang Dongxiu defended his marriage with his fierceness, and Hu Shi has since "three from four virtues" to his wife:
"The wife must follow when she goes out, the wife must obey the order, and the wife who says wrong should blindly obey;
Mrs. makeup should wait, mrs. birthday should be remembered, mrs. scolding should be endured, and mrs. spend money should be willing. ”
With the wisdom of ridicule, put your own status down, so that this marriage without feelings, gradually embarked on the track of love.
(Hu Shi)
One is down-to-earth, one is appreciative, and a "home" word is propped up
The reason why Jiang Dongxiu and Hu Shi can get along with each other is that they are very much in the same frequency in life.
Hu Shi has a hobby, extremely generous to his family and friends, and he must spend everyone when he has money.
Jiang Dongxiu happened to have a similar temperament, not only cooked a good dish, and greeted Hu Shi's friends with the Hu family's meals that were difficult to forget, but also extremely bold, and extremely understanding of Hu Shi's zhou ji others.
The Yadong Bookstore paid Hu Shi a royalty of 30,000 yuan, and Hu Shi took the money to buy clothes for his brothers and nephews in his hometown, and even his sisters-in-law.
Jiang Dongxiu not only did not stop it, but together with Hu Shi, once there was really no money, and he also removed his own skin jacket to make a vest for his sister-in-law.
Hu Shi later went to the United States and sent 1600 yuan to Jiang Dongxiu in China for living expenses.
At that time, there was a shortage of food and clothing, and this money was equivalent to saving lives.
Jiang Dongxiu immediately made a distribution: 150 yuan for Luo Ergang, 100 yuan for Wu Han, 100 yuan for Mao Zishui, 140 yuan for servants' wages, a few hundred yuan for loans to fellow villagers, and 200 yuan for an academy.
It is completely consistent with Hu Shi's style.
When Hu Shi learned of this, he praised Jiang Dongxiu:
"It's rare that you can remember the poor people in your family and send them money in times of trouble.
I am very grateful. In a place like this, you are truly worthy of being your mother's daughter, worthy of being my mother's daughter-in-law. ”
Hu Shi loved books extremely much throughout his life, and Jiang Dongxiu understood it very well.
At that time, the war was chaotic, the family fled, and Jiang Dongxiu actually packed more than thirty boxes of Hu Shi's books and tried to take them with him intact.
This made Hu Shi's eyes light up again, and he felt that the husband and wife were in touch.
He said that even if he carries these books, it may be difficult to be thorough, and he really does not know how the uncultured wife can bring them out.
Later, when Hu Shi went to the United States, Jiang Dongxiu thought more carefully, and in the pocket of the cotton jacket mailed to Hu Shi, he actually put seven pairs of ivory ear piercing.
Even Hu Shi thought of the possibility of robbery, sewing $5 in the inner lining so that he could have a way to go home even if he was robbed on the street.
There is no such thing as not failing to live a marriage in love, marriage needs details, and so does understanding.
The grace and affection of life is the basis for the accumulation of feelings. This made the marriage of Hu Shi and Jiang Dongxiu more and more rooted in the depths of emotion, and finally flourished.
An inclusion, an effort, a run-in to a "consummation"
Accommodation, tolerance, submission, acceptance, adaptation, forgiveness, forgiveness, understanding, compromise, tenacity, confession, marriage requires "decathlon".
Hu Shi and Jiang Dongxiu from quarrel to appreciation, to respect, love, the first half of their lives love and kill each other, people to middle age, because of mutual support, attachment is also getting deeper and deeper.
In order to be able to match Hu Shi, Jiang Dongxiu insisted on studying, and later reached the point where he could read martial arts novels, and he could also write a letter to Hu Shi expressing love:
"I heard him say that you are not very good today, and my heart is like a knife cutting..."
This made Hu Shi satisfied with the romance, fully accepted this old-fashioned woman with no culture, and gave all his love to his wife.
He looked at the words, and although there were many typos, he was often intoxicated.
Time has proved that Hu Shi's compromise is the most valuable concession, and time has also proved that only Jiang Dongxiu knows Hu Shi best.
After Hu Shi died of a sudden heart attack, Jiang Dongxiu devoted the rest of his life to the collation of Hu Shi's works.
Love made her extremely kind to Hu Shi's lover Wei Liansi, and even let him write a biography and put it in Hu Shi's writings to give the person she loved deeply all her life the final consummation.
Wang Guozhen said:
"Love, which is not a good match on the surface, is often harmonious, because there are often more profound internal reasons for such love;
The love of the superficial match is often not harmonious, because the reason for such love is simply because of the match. ”
The meaning of the match in actual life is not knowledge, appearance, nor speech or status, but its content involves all aspects of life.
For example, the concept of life, facing hardships together, putting each other in mind, and so on.
Jiang Dongxiu's resolute persistence and optimism, Hu Shi's warmth and gentlemanly demeanor are all conditions for opening.
Sweet and sour, bitter and spicy, the taste is the best.
The taste is like boiled water, not cold or hot, and the temperature is suitable for drinking
Because a good marriage is always cold and warm self-knowledge, not the superficial judgment of others, only experience and self-measurement is the only criterion.