In January this (2020), the tragic male protagonist "Xie Zuwu" won the Asian TV emperor with the role of dementia in the TV series "First Love's Lover", and in July, he will perform the stage play "The Last Love Letter" again to discuss the issue of farewell to life and death. After experiencing the sudden death of his father and taking care of his dementia mother, he faced the regrets of life after 50 and felt more deeply. In order to reduce regrets, granite-like hard-core men like him have also become softer.
In front of the lights, Xie Zuwu is an ageless male god, a signature smile can charm the audience; but in private, he is actually a serious man who does not talk about "May Fourth Three", after the sudden death of his father and the impact of his mother's dementia, he almost does not show weakness in front of the public. At the beginning of the interview, he set the tone for himself: "I am a piece of granite, allowing the waves to erode, wind and rain to remain unchanged." ”
Growing up in the strict tutoring of his military father, and entering the show business circle at the age of 17, Xie Zuwu developed a hard and textured personality, not only rarely gathering with friends for leisure, but also not used to talking to his wife about the pressure in his heart. In the face of setbacks and shocks in life, always accustomed to swallowing, unspeakable sadness and pain, are also silently borne by themselves.
Stills from "The Virtuous Wife"
Until last year, he took over the first stage play "The Last Love Letter", which explored the issue of life and death. Xie Zuwu, who has always been dedicated, originally only regarded the script as a part of the work, until the end of the performance, but it was a wave of sadness that hit his chest, he remembered that when his father left, he was not around; he also remembered that his mother was demented and no longer remembered who he was, Xie Zuwu realized: "The so-called regret is not too late to say; but when it is too late, it is not expected, and when it is really thought, it is already impossible." ”
This play changed his closed social habits, began to take the initiative to ask friends to eat, cherish every moment of gathering with relatives, originally regarded as part of the work of Facebook posts, but also became more willing, and even willing to collect dolls in their leisure time Interest, funny and unreservedly in front of the public.
An indestructible piece of granite finally quietly opened the soft part of the heart.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-center-line" > the traditional father and son who are about to leave, but still try to understand and reconcile after the father's death</h1>
How many people at the end of their lives find that all the love and hate, incomprehension and entanglement between people will eventually turn into reluctance at the moment of farewell, becoming a regret that it is too late to reconcile? If I could do it all over again, would I be able to get through the final journey sooner and with blessings and love?
Recalling the last meeting with his father, Xie Zuwu could still explain the details clearly, as if that scene had been played in his mind countless times. That day was the day to go to Wuxi to shoot a drama, he took his wife and children to his parents' residence, and when he left, his father's trivial thoughts were nothing more than to remember to bring more clothes and work hard, obviously what a daily and ordinary resignation, but unexpectedly became a trick between father and son.
Xie Zuwu and his wife
"It was a very bad memory, but it was the only memory after all," Xie Zuwu said, apologizing for his tears, "the last few words he confessed before his death, to say what he got from it, in addition to grief, is to 'cherish', to cherish every gathering of relatives and friends." ”
Behind the tears, in addition to the regret of not being able to accompany the death of the father, it also contains reflection on the relationship between father and son. For his father, Xie Zuwu had many complaints. He was taciturn and a granite father. He often called me stupid and rarely praised me, and Xie Zuwu asked his father, "How do you think I am acting?" He always said, "I don't see it well." ”
With the memories of father and son, always full of contradictions, the last thing Xie Zuwu did was to reconcile.
Stills from "The Chinese Daughter-in-Law"
In January, he and his wife went to Li Zongsheng's concert in Kaohsiung, and Li Zongsheng sang the "newly written old song":
"Those years only cared for myself, although my pursuit, he was incompetent, also powerless to participate, only remember that I was in a hurry, maybe because of this, I did not hear his weak praise, I know he must be proud, but I can't wait for the opportunity to mention it to me in person."
As if singing the entanglement of his feelings with his father over the years, sharing the regret of not being able to say goodbye, he could not help but start to reflect: he always felt that his father was not good, but after he became a father, he realized that in fact, he did not do much good, why did he ask his father in the first place?
More than 10 years after his father's death, Xie Zuwu would still take the time to visit his father, standing alone in front of the tower and muttering to himself, talking about trivial matters at home, his mother's physical condition, and some work situations, and even unspoken complaints.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-center-line" > even if the dementia mother does not know herself, she must continue to love her</h1>
In "The Last Love Letter", the issue of the good end of life is discussed, and Xie Zuwu realizes that everything in the world has room for redemption, only life cannot. Therefore, it is even more necessary to make changes in time and with practical actions to reduce the regret in the heart of the farewell moment.
After his mother lost his mind, Xie Zuwu spent a lot of time caring for his mother and also let her mother live in the same community for visits.
"When I went yesterday, I found that my mother's hair was cut shorter than her own, like a little boy, and the doctor took her hand and taught her to walk, just a short distance from the dining room to the bedroom, but walked for nearly half an hour." And the continuous degradation is not only physical function, but also a memory of gradual regression, "Yesterday my mother also said: 'Did Xiao Wu go to school?'" It sounds funny at first, but I can't laugh. Her memory of me is still stuck when I was studying, and she even confuses me with my son. ”
Xie Zuwu and his son
Every scene watched is the daily life of the disease, but it is also a pain that is difficult for the Son of Man to heal. In the face of his mother, who has been moving towards the middle and late stages of illness, the doctor reminded Xie Zuwu to be mentally prepared, although he has been with dementia for more than 8 years, he is still nervous, and the more he prepares, the more he cares about that day.
The only thing that can be done to protect people who have no memory is to continue to love her, even if she does not remember or know, but also to make regrets less regretful.
But for Xie Zuwu, who has a granite personality, he is shy even to express his love for his mother, and sometimes the caretaker is next to his wife, even if he is full of emotions, he can't say the sentence "I love you". "I always feel like I'm filming TV," he said with a bitter smile, he had to touch his mother's face, or even just look at her from the side, only to find that when acting, you can easily say so much I love you, for the love around you, it is difficult to say, always have to wait until only 2 people are alone, dare to whisper to your mother.
< h1 class= "pgc-h-center-line" > face life and death, change the closure, and slowly release himself</h1>
In the face of the shadow of life, Xie Zuwu has been carrying the weight forward, not smiling, he often only communicates with people when working, giggling, social networking sites are mostly under the supervision of his wife, until last year,"The last love letter" performance ended, he changed his lonely and closed personality, and slowly let himself out.
"I have become a little more lively, I must cherish not only myself, but also cherish the relatives and friends around me, and don't close myself up every day," Xie Zuwu laughed, adding that granite is now more like a stone man.
Stills from "Who Knows the Woman's Heart"
People say "mourning in middle age", when people are young, happiness is always more than sadness; but after 50 years old, even if the next day is sunny, they will worry about the next second typhoon coming.
He uses more positive actions to fight against this mentality, Xie Zuwu shared, do not trap yourself in the past memories, but to use practical actions, keep yourself busy, your sadness can not recover the facts, it is better to make more money, better health, more muscles.