Happy families are always similar, but unhappy families have their own misfortunes. --Lev Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
The original family has become an increasingly hot topic in recent years.
Childhood seems to have become one of the most important indicators in most people's minds to determine whether a person can have a happy life.
There is a famous quote from psychologist Adler circulating on the Internet:
Happy people use childhood to heal a lifetime, and unfortunate people use a lifetime to heal childhood.
A person's childhood trauma is likely to become a lifelong pain.
Childhood experiences are an entry point for many psychotherapists to find a person's inner trauma, and according to the psychologist Jung's prototype theory of the child, subsequent researchers have proposed the concept of "inner child".
According to different traumatic experiences, it can generally be divided into the following 5 different "inner children".
Abandoned children
Although my parents never joked with me about "you picked it up from the garbage heap", my childhood was always shrouded in this feeling.
I seemed to be a servant, serving my parents and my brother.
Independence is a manifestation of a person's inner strength.
Psychologist Blackman, in his book "The Mask of the Mind - 101 Kinds of Mental Defense", mentions a kind of camouflage power called "false independence".
In fact, a person with a truly independent spirit is not able to cope with all the problems in life on his own, but has a clear enough understanding of interpersonal relationships, has a sense of boundaries, and can maintain contact with others.
And people with pseudo-independence do not have no need for socialization, but once they have established an intimate relationship with others, they will stimulate the fear of abandonment in their hearts.
If a person has an abandoned child living inside, then he or she will often choose to isolate himself and gain a sense of security.
Any kind of intimacy will plant a seed of fear in their hearts, so "independence" becomes a protective color that allows themselves to hide in the crowd.
Injured child
When I was young, the most memorable thing was not some happy memories, but the experience of being physically punished again and again.
Whether it is physical trauma or mental trauma, it will undoubtedly become an indelible memory of a person's childhood.
Although corporal punishment has become less and less common, the harm caused by verbal violence to a person's soul still does not receive equal attention.
A wounded inner child often writes a "victim" life script for himself, and in his work and emotional life, he is likely to continue to fall into some oppressive relationships.
At the same time, their empathy is often particularly strong, and they are particularly prone to resonate with the suffering of others.
In addition to giving them some direct painful feelings, excessive empathy can also make it difficult for them to get out of some bad relationships.
Reject the child who grows up
Why should I go and accommodate him? It should be him who has come to accommodate me!
In many one-child families, a child is likely to be surrounded by a lot of attention.
Psychologist Adler believes that coddling is also an important cause of a child's psychological problems.
A spoiled child is likely to have a child in his heart who refuses to grow up.
They refuse to understand the rules of this society, believing that all people should pay for themselves, not through their own efforts, to get what they want.
Getting too much coddling is not a good thing.
Lack of empathy and social skills often makes people feel hurt, thinking that they have been failed, but they cannot realize the problems that exist in them.
Fairy tale kids
Happy people never fantasize, only those who are dissatisfied fantasize, and unfulfilled wishes are the driving force behind fantasies. — Freud
In the life of an adult, in addition to the present, there are also poetry and distance.
But for an adult living in a fairy tale, they can't accept the present moment in life, and only want to have poetry and distance.
If a person's heart is occupied by a fairy tale child, he will immerse himself in his own fantasies, get satisfaction in his imagination, and once he puts it into action, he will be overwhelmed by a series of feelings of disappointment and loss, thus becoming a person who does not want to do it.
Perfectionism is also a typical way of thinking for fairy tale children.
Irritable children
Anger is also a common emotion in life.
An irritable person is often also a very controlling person.
Psychologists believe that 6-month-old babies will experience a critical period of "narcissism", this stage, in the process of crawling, through the exploration of the surrounding environment, can form a sense of the boundaries of their own ability.
That is, to be able to realize that you have the ability to explore the world, but also to know that your abilities have boundaries, some things that you can control, and some things that you can't control.
Irritable children usually have the trait of "all-powerful narcissism", that is, they think that they should be omnipotent, that others should follow the rules they have set, and that once violated, they will generate angry emotions.
It is true that a person's original family can have a very drastic impact on a person, but each family is also a constituent unit of society.
Real society is not an illusory utopia, every family faces a variety of different problems, and likewise, everyone does not grow up in a sterile environment.
Many people are eager to heal their childhood wounds, and the first step in healing is to identify what kind of child lives in our hearts.
Do you know which inner child you have inside? Welcome to leave a comment, maybe your sharing, will also become a nourishment to heal others.