Is it a snobbery to be a door-to-door? Beware of modern "bad marriage"

The "door-to-door pair" should still be part of the rational choice of marriage today. This is not to say that marriages across classes will necessarily end in bloody farces or even tragedies, but rational choices can pre-empt the risk and eliminate this "asymmetric deterrence." (People's Vision/Photo)

Wash away the lead of romantic colors in order to see the essence of marriage. Marriage is not only the affection of "you and me", but also the daily life between husband and wife, but also the bond between two families and the intricate property relationship. Unlike the modern Romantic view of marriage, which deliberately avoids these factors, traditional marriage pays more attention to these factors that maintain marital stability.

Divorce in the Western Middle Ages had no secular significance, but the Church had the right to declare "marriage null and void", which was almost a "backdoor" reserved for aristocratic men. However, aristocratic men rarely used this privilege, divorce rates were extremely low, and marital relations were unusually stable.

The first consideration for aristocratic marriages is the reciprocity of each other's ranks. Lengthy consultations and discussions, the contract reached is complex and lengthy enough to be bound into a book. Among them, the division of property should account for a large proportion, especially the property rights agreement of the "princess". By convention, the dowry is the personal property of the "princess", which is at her disposal for life and is not lost due to widowhood or divorce. The husband's family will also allocate a separate source of income to the "princess", which can be a "dressing collar" in the form of a territory or a "dressing fee" in cash. If it is a royal family with the right to mint coins, then it may also be a specific coinage, and this is how the "queen money" engraved with the queen's head comes from.

These generous treatment is not because of the "love brain" impulse, the balance of strength of the two families is backed by the balance of strength, in addition to the powerful third-party forces will be arranged as witnesses to ensure the validity of the agreement. This kind of "door-to-door" marriage is based on family strength, so that both men and women in the marriage are best protected.

Women who enter into marriage in this way are not weak, because if the contract is not enough to protect women, there is revenge from the wife's family, and even enough to trigger war, which is the "reciprocal deterrent" of the door to the man and woman of the marriage. Richard the Lionheart, the protagonist of the medieval legend, once fought for his sister Joan Da, who was married to the kingdom of Sicily. Joan and her husband, King William II of Sicily, had no heirs, and after William II's death, he was succeeded by William II's cousin. Not only did he not give Joan the treatment she deserved according to the premarital contract, but he even imprisoned Joan. The Lionheart used force to get justice for his sister, and Joan was released and paid her due compensation.

The stability of traditional marriage stems from the "equality of the door" rather than pure emotional maintenance. Lu Xun's novel "Divorce" describes a divorce storm in the jiangnan countryside in the late Qing Dynasty and early Ming Dynasty. The empathetic husband wants to divorce his wife Qigu, which triggers a three-year dispute between the two families. In the meantime, the family of the seventh girl rushed into her own home and destroyed the stove, which was a great insult in the countryside. In the end, the squire presided over the mediation, the husband's family lost money, and the two sides divorced. Although Lu Xun turned on the satire mode throughout the whole process, it can also be seen that the divorce in the traditional countryside is not easily done by finding a reason to write a letter of resignation in the "seven outs".

The stability of traditional marriage is based on the "reciprocity of risks" and "reciprocity of deterrence" based on door-to-door pairs. This still has references for modern marriage.

The "marriage of Cinderella and the Prince" became a romantic inspirational story, but the risks involved should not be underestimated. It is not uncommon for the growth experience, family background, and interpersonal circle of the two parties in the "differential marriage", and the situation of subtle mentality and communication failure is not uncommon. In the past few years, the society has discussed the phenomenon of "phoenix man", and now more discussions are being held on whether the marriage room prepared by the man should add a name to the woman, both of which involve a large number of "differential marriages", regardless of the tendency of public opinion, the risk of marriage failure is always borne by the parties themselves.

In recent years, the problem of "poor marriage" has become more and more intense, and it is a hot spot in public opinion on the hot search at every turn. This is because the efficiency of modern media magnifies the risk of "poor marriage". The "bad marriage" in traditional society is mainly the risk of bullying of the vulnerable, and the phenomenon of "Cinderella anti-killing" has been more under the blessing of modern media. For example, Harry and his wife have become a big trouble for the British royal family. After Megan achieved the "Cinderella counterattack", it was difficult for the royal family to cope. Of course, "Cinderella" can also be a man, such as South Korea's Samsung "eldest princess" to marry a security guard, and finally a chicken feather.

Such a situation is not uncommon in modern "differential marriages". Marriage partners hold each other's private secrets, and once they reach the point of open confrontation, those with higher status are more attracted by public opinion, and the losses caused by negative public opinion will be greater, and eventually they have to accept the unfavorable results of almost extortion. This is the consequence of the dramatic increase in the efficiency of modern media communication, especially in the Internet era. The "door-to-door pair" should still be part of the rational choice of marriage today. This is not to say that marriages across classes will necessarily end in bloody farces or even tragedies, but rational choices can pre-empt the risk and eliminate this "asymmetric deterrence."

(The author is a historian and economist)

(This article is only the author's personal opinion and does not represent the position of this newspaper)

Jiang Dongyu