01
Think of lessons as education
Probably the easiest mistake parents make
Once, when I was eating out, there was a family of five sitting at the next table, my grandmother, my parents and a pair of young ladies and brothers.
The little sister has a lively personality, and she can't stay idle in her seat, one will help her mother to bring rice, and the other will help to see how the dish has not yet been served.
The child's grandmother has also been reprimanding her:
Can you be honest and not sit still for a second!
Look at your brother, eat motionless, and look at you again!
Again, as long as your brother, don't want you anymore!
Under the repeated preaching of her grandmother, the little girl changed from the initial talk and laughter to sullen and unhappy.
The child's mother may be a little unable to look at it and said:
"Don't discipline her all the time!"
The child's grandmother immediately said:
"I'm not training her! I'm educating her, it's for her good! ”
The girl heard her mother speak for herself, and looked at her grandmother timidly, only to see that her mother heard her grandmother say a word and immediately lost her words, and listlessly bowed her head to eat, no longer lively before.
In fact, in real life, many mothers also said that their patience was consumed by the trivial things in life, and in the face of the baby at home, "gentle, soft does not work at all."
Sun Li is a mother who is famous in the entertainment industry with high IQ and emotional intelligence, and she still can't do it completely without teaching, and after teaching that kind of heartache and guilt, it is also the same, right?
Treating lessons as education is probably the most common mistake we parents make.
02
Education should convey the heart
Don't convey emotions
Why do we get emotionally out of control and get angry? This is the first question we have to ask ourselves every time we get angry with our children and calm down.
Is the child's behavior violating the bottom line of the rules, or is it because the child is not meeting his expectations?
In reality, we can't help but get angry with our children a lot of times, all because of a kind of "kicking cat effect" of psychology about the contagion of bad emotions.
Kicking the cat effect
The father was criticized by the boss at the company, and when he came home, he scolded the naughty child, and the child angrily kicked the cat rolling around him, and the cat ran into the street, ran into a truck, and hit the child on the side of the road.
It may not be difficult for you to find that when we are too busy at work, tired of overtime, unwell, quarreling with our partners, etc., the threshold of anger is very low, and it is easy to be badly spoken by a little unpleasant thing.
And children who have not learned to "see the face" are often the bearers of our bad temper.
Although the substitution of emotions for reason can quickly cut through the mess in most cases, it does not allow children to learn the ability to deal with problems.
Once saw a mother to comfort the child who fell down by climbing the railing, she first went forward to check the child, found that the child was not injured, and then held the crying child, did not say anything, and after the child was emotionally stable, she led the child to see the "no climbing" sign and gently said to the child:
"My mother told you before that Uncle Construction put this sign here for our safety."
Not to judge the child's right or wrong, but to objectively describe this matter, not only to appease the child who fell into the uncomfortable, but also to let the truth enter the child's heart, which is the purpose of education.
03
Jack Ma: It is the parents who determine the fate of the child and the child's learning
Ma Yun said in a speech: "In China, before the child is 18 years old, it is the parents who determine the fate of the child and determine the child's learning. ”
Therefore, we should strive from the stage of lessons to the stage of education, and provide children with the most suitable original family for growth.
You can't reflexively educate your children, learn more scientific parenting skills, and pay more experience in work and interpersonal relationships in education.
Accept your child's imperfections
Someone did such an interview, and the reporter asked the parents: "If you score your child, how many points will you score?" "Many parents start to gush about their children's deficiencies, and then answer: 50 points, 60 points, 75 points, 90 points...
When the reporter asked the child: If you scored your mom and dad, how much would you give? The kids all answered proudly: 100 points!
Perfect. We can often accept some shortcomings of strangers and even ourselves, but often because of too high expectations for children, we can't accept a little mistake from children.
As parents, we must learn to appreciate the advantages of children, accept their shortcomings, and help children make up for their weaknesses.
Education should find the right time
Once met a mother and daughter on the bus, the girl's sense of direction is very poor, the girl's mother came up, she said that the child could not figure out the things in the southeast and northwest, and then disgusted the child to humiliate her, she said very loudly, the whole bus people looked at the girl.
The girl looked out the window in embarrassment, the girl's mother still chattered and shouted, pointing forward to ask the girl what direction it was, and the girl cried angrily, and she couldn't tell the southeast and northwest more and more.
Educate children must find the right time, give children face, and do not embarrass children in public.
Education should be done on a case-by-case basis
When some parents educate their children, they like to repeat the old things and like to magnify the events down to the child's character. Not only in parent-child education, but also in the quarrel between husband and wife, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Don't involve the previous things because of this matter, nor can you deny the child's efforts because one thing is not done well, judge the child's character, evaluate the child in the right way, and then guide the child to evaluate himself in the right way.