What should I do if my child is bored with school?
"Boredom" is often associated with "Internet addiction."
Many parents find Internet addiction terrible because more and more children are falling into it uncontrollably, and even abandon their lives and studies.
"Internet addiction" has become a common social phenomenon, and many children like to use the Internet, often labeled as "Internet addiction". Indeed, many students have slowly evolved from liking and getting used to the Internet to becoming addicted to the Internet. These children play with their mobile phones every day, begin to tire of school, and their grades slowly decline, becoming the biggest trouble for many families and parents.
▼ What should I do if my child is bored with school and falls into Internet addiction? Teacher Li Jianxue, an adolescent psychological counseling expert, analyzed it for everyone.
Quanzi is a 14-year-old boy who is in her second year of junior high school this year.
In the impression of many people, Quanzi is a child of "someone else's family" - very well-behaved at home and listens to her mother. Moreover, Quanzi was at the top of the class, and the teachers and classmates liked him very much.
Lately, however, Izumi's mother has been anxious.
The reason is that recently Quanzi is addicted to the Internet, unwilling to interact with classmates, playing mobile phones until 2 or 3 pm every day, unable to get up the next morning, and sleeping on the table after arriving at school.
If he does not play, he will make all kinds of noise and noise, threatening his mother by not going to school: if he is played, the time to agree to be fun until the time is never counted. If you agree to play until 11 p.m., he will play until 1 a.m., if you agree to play until 12 p.m., he will play until 2 a.m.... Endlessly prolonging the time, sometimes playing tricks, refusing to hand over the phone. There was nothing mom could do about it.
What is even more troublesome is that due to lack of sleep, Quanzi returns to the classroom and sleeps on her stomach and does not do her homework.
Sometimes he would bring his mobile phone to the classroom to play, and if the mobile phone was confiscated by the teacher, he would make a big fuss. Because he affected the order of the class and interfered with the learning of other students, the school frequently complained to parents.
A "well-behaved" child in the eyes of his parents, a "good student" in everyone's eyes, suddenly fell into "Internet addiction" and became so "rebellious", Quanzi's mother was both confused and anxious.
What broke the mother was that every night in order to let her son go to bed, she made herself anxious, she was seriously sleepless, and the next morning, she had to get up very early, because it took a long time to get her son up, and it was difficult to wake him up many times. In this way, my mother did not rest well, and she surrounded this matter all day long, mentally exhausted, and her work was also affected.
Helplessly, the mother had to bring Quanzi over for adolescent psychological counseling, hoping to quit the child's Internet addiction.
Sitting in the consultation room, Quanzi's dark circles are obvious, and her eyes are a little swollen, but she still keeps her head down to play with her mobile phone. Quanzi's mother was anxious, anxious, and rushed to say about the child's situation. Less than two minutes after Izumi's father sat down, his mobile phone rang, and after saying sorry, he hurried out to answer the phone.
It turned out that Quanzi's father was a salesman, and he was usually very busy at work, and basically did not care much about children. The things that educate children to learn all fall on the mother alone.
The relationship between husband and wife is not too close, but the relationship between mother and child is more intimate. Many times Quanzi sleeps with her mother, and her father sleeps in the study. Quan Zi Ma never felt that there was anything wrong with this.
Learning and interpersonal relations are frequently frustrated, and only mobile phones are friends
Quanzi, who had excellent grades, originally went to a relatively good junior high school, and the school had many of his friends and classmates.
Quan Zi Ma is a person who is prone to anxiety and is particularly nervous about her child's education. In order to give Quanzi a better education, her mother decided to send him to a better, full-time private boarding school.
Quanzi was very reluctant in her heart, and finally under her mother's insistence, compulsion, and soft grinding, she had to go. Unexpectedly, within a few days of the start of school, Quanzi fell ill, received a notice from the school, and the parents took the child back, but found that the child would be fine as soon as she returned home.
After that, Quanzi was sent to school again, and within a few days she had a fever and diarrhea. The school could not do anything, and reflected the situation to the parents. After such repeated tossing and turning, teachers and parents felt that Quanzi could not adapt to the school, and when there was still more than a month left in the last semester of the first year of junior high school, the mother had to take the child home again.
In the second year of junior high school, through relationships, the mother arranged another key middle school for her child, the junior high school where Quanzi is currently studying. Unexpectedly, Quanzi began to tire of school and play games every night.
Because Izumi's addiction and boredom affected grades, it dragged the class back. The school is under pressure, the teachers are also under pressure, the parents also feel ashamed, and the mother is even more bitter, hoping that Quanzi can study hard.
At first, when Quanzi played with her mobile phone, in the face of the sadness and tears shown by her mother, Quanzi would put down the mobile phone. And now no matter how her mother cries, how uncomfortable, how to persuade, Quanzi is indifferent and continues to play with her mobile phone without raising her head. Mom felt that Quanzi was no longer upset with her, and felt very sad, but also more anxious and helpless, and did not know what to do.
Mom felt that Quanzi had become like this, and all this was caused by the mobile phone.
Quanzi does not think that she has an Internet addiction, or that it is not as serious as internet addiction. He said that playing with his phone at night is because he can't sleep, and if he doesn't play, there is nothing else to do.
The child's condition reflects family problems
1
The father is absent, the mother is anxious
In family relationships, the father is absent, the mother is anxious, and the child is prone to problems. On the surface, the family is a sound one, but in fact the father is a formal existence and a substantial absence. In this family, the relationship between husband and wife is long-term bad, the mother-child relationship is too entangled, the child cannot grow up normally and freely, and he does not hesitate to sacrifice himself against his parents in order to obtain the freedom to grow.
2
Control vs. counter control
Parents love their children and hope that their children will receive a better education, which is beyond reproach. However, when it comes to junior high school, the mother does not respect the child's wishes and forcibly sends the child to boarding school.
Izumi is more eager to study at the same school with his good friend. Although the boarding school is also very good, Izumi is resistant in her heart, and being sick is actually a physical reaction of psychological resistance.
On the second transfer, the mother once again took matters into her own hands and sent her child to a key school. Izumi has always been a very good student, but after the toss of the first year of junior high school, his learning has been greatly affected. When it comes to key schools, it is even more unsuitable, and the grades cannot catch up.
Quanzi has always considered himself to be excellent, and his grades in key schools are at the bottom, and this unprecedented gap is unacceptable to him. Because he came in the middle of the way, he had no interaction with his classmates, couldn't play together, and frequently frustrated in interpersonal relationships. This made Quanzi, who was originally more confident, begin to become inferior, very unhappy and miserable in reality.
No one likes to be frustrated and frustrated, and the game happens to be able to comfort themselves. Izumi escapes this painful reality on the one hand by playing mobile games; On the other hand, through this self-destructive way, mom was helpless and defeated her mother's control over him.
No matter how his mother cried and got sick, Quanzi was not distressed or inconsiderate, indicating that he was full of anger at his mother. In the past, through tears and illness, the mother let Quanzi feel sorry for her and understand her to control Quanzi, and let Quanzi learn, live, and develop according to her wishes, but she did not know that doing so was depriving the child of the right to become himself.
For the problem of playing mobile phones, the son and mother are competing, in a kind of tug-of-war. The mother is controlling "her own son", hoping that the son will develop according to the route she has set, study hard, and become excellent; The son is also controlling the "mother's son", he just wants to sabotage his own development, play mobile phones, doze off in class, doze off, do not do homework, make himself decadent, unable to keep up with learning...
Through this way of sacrificing the self, that is, hurting the "mother's son", the mother is painful and uncomfortable. Obviously, in this power struggle, the son is the winner, and the mother is unable to do so, and ends in failure.
Adjust family relationships and change the family atmosphere
Through a period of counseling, the father realized that he had too little discipline and companionship for the child, so he tried to re-participate in the relationship, face the child's problems with the mother, and give the child the most solid dependence.
On the one hand, the father began to interact more with the child, entered the child's world, felt the child's joys and sorrows, and on the basis of equal respect, discussed with the child and formulated family rules for the three members of the family.
Love, on the other hand, is as important as freedom. Previously, the mother only emphasized that the child did not care about the mother's feelings, but she had not considered the child's feelings all the time. If the child cares about your feelings, first of all, parents should care about the child's feelings and respect the child's needs.
Parents learn to be parents with three points, friends with seven points, try to respect the child, return more of the child's growth and development to the child, no longer make decisions for him about life's dating, learning, playing and other matters, so that the child becomes what he wants to be.
For example, in the issue of learning, after obtaining the consent of the child, the child is transferred to a class that the child adapts to. At the same time, strengthen extracurricular tutoring and tutoring, so that children can re-establish self-confidence.
Children naturally love their parents, and when he feels the care, love and respect of his parents, he will naturally care about and value his parents' feelings.
When a child gets full love from his parents and establishes a full sense of trust, when he encounters problems, if he can get the understanding and help of his parents, he will naturally express attachment and trust to his parents.
With the progress of counseling, the relationship between husband and wife has been significantly improved, and the child feels that the family atmosphere is relaxed and comfortable, which also promotes the improvement of parent-child relationship.
See the essence of addicted mobile phones, get out of dependence and return to reality
In the communication with Quanzi, the hidden reasons behind playing mobile phones were discussed: "Scapegoat" psychology, not that I was bad, not that I was stupid, not that I did not work hard, but only because I could not sleep at night, I could not control playing with mobile phones, and then led to my poor rest, in the morning can not get up, so that dozing off at school can not concentrate on listening to lectures, so learning can not keep up, will be poor grades.
In this way, the mobile phone became the "scapegoat" for his academic performance decline, and he himself did not need to take any responsibility for the quality of his academic performance. When she learned this, Quanzi seemed to have a feeling of waking up from a dream.
With the implementation of family rules, the family's work and rest are slowly regular, Quanzi mobile phone play less and less, he from 2 o'clock every night to sleep, first advance to 1 o'clock, and then slowly advance to 12 o'clock, and then advance to 11 o'clock, step by step shorten the time to play mobile phone.
Quanzi was originally a very intelligent child, and after counseling, he realized that his inner "scapegoat" psychology, escape psychology, was not intentional, this was done subconsciously. After Quanzi understood this, she was also willing to adapt herself to the current learning environment.
Through a period of adjustment and tutoring, his grades improved; in the class where he adapted, his self-confidence was greatly improved, and he made several good friends who could communicate together in learning and life.
The parents are surprised by Izumi's transformation and believe even more that each child is a perfectly independent individual, and that the child's interior already has all the elements of "becoming himself". The child himself also hopes that he has a good academic performance now and a good life in the future.
For the growth and understanding of his parents during this time, teacher Li Jianxue said from the bottom of his heart:
"Yes, if one believes that a grain of wheat has all the elements that make it an ear of wheat, one will be at ease to do the simplest watering and weeding work, rather than carefully arranging when the seed will emerge and when it will flower, let alone worry about it growing into a weed."
Li Jianxue