Wen | Mengshan woodcutter
Time is rushing, so hurried that you can't savor it. At the end of the year and the beginning of the year, I feel that the years have flown by. Looking back on the past, it was blank, like coming from a snowy field, there were originally shallow footprints, a burst of snowflakes, no trace of snow, no trace of time. The past is a friend who said goodbye last night, got up in the morning, but I can't remember when we met. The calendar is turned over page by page, and it is changed one by one, and in this yellowed page, the dense handwriting is my handwriting? After looking at it for half a day, I didn't know anyone. Where have those days gone? I want to say goodbye to yesterday, I can't find yesterday anymore! The years are ruthless and unrighteous people, always quietly leaving, I am thinking endlessly, what have I done in this quietly passing day? I lost my memory, I tried so hard, I was miserable to think about it, I really couldn't remember, I felt like I couldn't hold myself. I try to find the years of the past, holding my breath, I am listening to the echoes of the years.
Where are the echoes of the years? When I was young, I spent a lot of time, always felt that the bank of time stored too many days, always felt that time was still very long, lying on this day was desirable, always envious of those elders, envious of their life experience, envious of their heavy achievements, I was on a blank page, stupid to listen to them talk about their glorious past. Shame on your youth, ashamed of your own nothing, ashamed of your ignorance. What you have is youth, what is youth? I can't see that after yesterday and today, after today and tomorrow, I am the person who threw "a thousand gold". A lot of days have been thrown away. As a child, I picked up stones and threw them at the surface of the water, leaving a circle of silent ripples. The years are like ripples, a few circles of water, and it is calm again. The days of this storage, day by day, became less and less, and the wind and frost of the years began to be written on the face. When I was a child, I saw the folds on my father's face, and I didn't think that this fold was also engraved on my face. Watching costume film and television dramas, the old man has white hair and long hair fluttering on his chest, which is really envious, this is the character of the immortal product! Now, I have "sideburns and stars", if I had been young and bearded, I should have grown my hair fluttering. But I don't have the state of mind of a god, so I am an ordinary man in the world, who needs to eat and drink Lasa, who also has seven passions and six desires, and also has parents, wives and children, and there are also inseparable. When he was young, he was a dime boy, envious of the titles and salaries of his predecessors. When I reached the age when I was envious of my elders, I looked at myself, but I envied the young people who were flourishing, saw their passion like fire, and saw them shine brightly. And his own life, a face of autumn frost, neither courage, nor vigor, stick to the rules, step by step. I'm going through the years day by day, is this my day today? When I was young, I envied my elders; when I was old, I envied young people. Exactly, what did I do? What else can I do? Is there any value in my life?
Every time I came home to see my mother, she was like a leaf still hanging on the branches in autumn, the previous day it was still a green leaf, and when a gust of wind came, the leaf turned yellow. I know the ruthlessness of the years, I know the sky and the earth are old. Whenever I see an aging mother-in-law, I am always sad. Once, my mother was sick and bedridden, and when I saw my mother in pain, and saw that she was coughing incessantly, I didn't even feel that I was crying. When I'm old, I should be this old and sick. Seeing my mother, I thought of my future self.
When I was young, I always wanted to go far, and thousands of rivers and mountains walked through, which was a beautiful scenery of life. And myself, going to school is less than two hundred miles away from home, and the job is at my doorstep. Thinking about this life, like a sparrow under the eaves, chirping, pecking under the eaves, I have not fought the sky high, and I have not stood proudly on the tip of the waves. Just watch over their own fields day by day, watching a stubble of grass grow into a seedling, watching a stubble of crops harvested. Day after day, year after year, like walking through a mill road a thousand times, yang hooves are still drawing circles, although I have a thousand miles of ambition, but I am a donkey born in the mill road. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, I run under my feet every day, and I never run out of my feet.
Most of the people who used to work with me dared to fight. For decades, they all had luxury cars and mansions, and I had nothing. I worry too much, and I am tripped by this too much worry. I looked into the distance, but I was stuck under my feet, and I didn't have the courage to leave. I think about my students, I always feel that I leave them, they are like children who have lost their fathers, can others love and protect them as much as I do? Thus, the sweat of youth flowed among the students of this stubble. Without the dream of wealth, it is always difficult to get rid of the monotonous and embarrassing life. I have never lived in a spacious house, I have never seen a lot of money, and I have barely made a living in a simple single year of eating and wearing. Calmly like a pool of stagnant water, I once thought of change, but slowly I stuck to this monotonous and quiet day. Like a snowflake, although it is also sprinkled with foreign flowers, it always melts silently when it falls to the ground.
The years are vigorous to others, like the sonorous and powerful yellow bells; and for me, at first it was a nocturne-like sound, and then this slight sound gradually disappeared, and I tried to search, but I could not find the traces of the years. I listened hard, but I could never hear the echoes of the years, even with the whispers of the autumn leaf grass and insects. I think of my ancestors, I think of my fathers, who spent their whole lives in the dirt and in the dust, and finally returned to the dirt. I am left with infinite nostalgia, and this nostalgia sometimes makes me cut my heart. One of my predecessors, who joined the revolution at the age of 18, has changed over the past few decades, and his heroic deeds have changed several medals, and he has left a stick of ashes to his hometown. When he realized that he was not long gone, he returned to his hometown, and finally it was the loving land of his hometown that accepted his wandering soul, and the homeland became his final destination. One of my colleagues, who was once a proud teacher in the industry, struggled step by step, went to Gyeonggi, and his career was booming and famous. However, when he died young, he still chose his homeland. On the hill of his hometown, he was sleeping on the drift. I'm also thinking, where does life need to go? Is it far away? The far side always has to return. Is it the homeland? Always travel far from your homeland. I was confused, when I was young, a song "After Thirty To Understand", today, I am fifty years old, how come I still haven't understood? Am I such an IQ? Whenever I gather with former students and listen to them talk about their work, I enjoy sharing their career success and life growth with children. When it comes to their profession, I sound confused. Once, I stood at the podium as their beloved teacher, they were my students, a pair of eyes listening to my lectures adoringly, and they loved my erudition. But today, I feel that I am their student, and they have given me a lot of creative inspiration, and a lot of life experiences that they have inspired me. Life is such a role swap. When I was a child, I was a son; now, I am a father; when I was a child, I was a grandson; now, I am a grandfather. In this kind of exchange, you can't change a few roles, and you have reached the twilight of your life.
Every time I walk home to see my mother-in-law, I take photos of the chickens, geese, vegetables and vegetables that the old woman serves every day, together with the streets and alleys of my hometown, and send them to the circle of friends. Friends from afar, envious, lamented that I can accompany the waiter's mother, I also regretted that I did not work in the bustling city, did not see the excitement outside. Just today, when I remember that I have been watching my homeland for decades, and now I am about to grow old, I feel that I have been waiting for my relatives, and I have been cultivating my own knowledge and energy to cultivate the descendants of my hometown, my heart is not separated from my relatives, there is no pain of separation, my body and my heart are a whole, just in my hometown. Without separation from the land of birth and nourishment, one feels that one is a happy person. The feelings of home and country from ancient times to the present have enriched my enthusiasm and turned into love for my hometown and my relatives and future generations. Whenever I look at the babies in my hometown, I am full of joy in my heart, and I think of the talents in my hometown who have been born and successors. After teaching books all my life, I feel that I feel that reading is pitifully small now. I have been writing for decades, and I have not written a work that I am satisfied with. Watching TV, when I saw the state solemnly commending the reform pioneers and solemnly commending the models of the times, I joked with my family that there was no us here, and I was ashamed of myself. When my family comes back to me, you're going to be on TV, and I'm afraid it's not from this family. Despite the jokes, I still feel like I'm still one in 1.4 billion in this country, and I'm a part of this country. The students I have taught are guarding the border for the country, the students I have trained are saving lives and helping the injured, the students I care for are directly involved in the development of AG600, and my students can be found in the countryside in all walks of life that are needed in the factory in the motherland. I am ordinary, but my students are creating extraordinary achievements; I am ordinary, but my students are creating brilliance. The feathers are withered, the wings are weak, and I am in the eaves of my hometown, and I still dream of flying far away.
The years are silent, the love is speechless, the youth is dreamy, and there are traces under the feet. As I grew older, I suffered from "New Year syndrome" for a while at the beginning of each year. There is a sigh in the heart, there is a block in the chest, and I have to use words to vent it in order to calm down. Half a life of struggle, obsessive watch, I hurried past. The Master said, "Asahi says, you can die at night!" "What courage it was to seek the Word all his life." The road is long and the road is long, and I will seek up and down. This is Dr. Qu's oath, although, Dr. Qu walked and walked, the road was not clear, and he threw himself into the river, leaving thousands of years of lamentation and lamentation for future generations. Today, for me, I am so fortunate to be wiser than my predecessors. The spirit of the former sages still inspires me, the road is ahead, the road is under my feet, and I follow the call of the years with my footprints. Step into the future, step forward, whether there is an echo or not.
(Originally published on February 8, 2022, on the eighth day of the first lunar month of the Year of the Tiger)
About the Author:
Chen Kai, pen name Mengshan Woodcutter, is a member of the Communist Party of China, a member of the Chinese Essay Literature Association, a member of the Shandong Writers Association, a member of the Shandong Provincial Prose Literature Association, a member of the Linyi Writers Association, and a vice chairman of the Pingyi County Writers Association. China Rural Talent Pool certified "Chinese Rural Writers", Qilu Evening News Qilu Yidian Qingwei Supplement Signed Writers. After 30 years of teaching and researching Chinese in high school, I picked up the pen again to continue the literary dream of my youth. Speak for your hometown and establish a legacy for your loved ones. Build a garden of characters, enjoy the joy of typography, and retain the nostalgia of the homeland and the style of the rural era.
One point number Mengshan woodcutter