1. I remember when I checked the college entrance examination results before, my dead party score was 379, and the undergraduate line was 389. The dead party saw that the vomit was remorseful, and hated that he could not exchange his 200 pounds of fat for 20 points

1. I remember when I checked the college entrance examination results before, my dead party score was 379, and the undergraduate line was 389. The dead party saw that the vomit was remorseful, and hated that he could not exchange his 200 pounds of fat for 20 points! I reminded him: 389 is the undergraduate line of liberal arts, what are you blindly excited about? The dead party listened, like another village, checked the science undergraduate line, not to check it, a check is more angry, because it is 380 points.

2, today is my girlfriend's 60th birthday, when she went to the company in the morning, I said: "Today Tanabata, things I have prepared, you wake up and send them to the front desk of my company, let me have a little face." "When I woke up, I saw a prepared box lunch on the dinner table. So I ate a little and put the rest neatly in a lunch box and sent it to her company to the front desk. When I came home in the evening, I suddenly found a beautiful diamond necklace and a bouquet of roses on the coffee table...

3. The day you leave school after graduating from college. Bought a ticket for the morning, I got up early in the morning and my roommate was still sleeping. I didn't have the courage to face the parting, carefully packed my bags, but still woke up a roommate. She didn't say anything, and as soon as she hugged me, my tears came out. She choked up and said, "It's been four years, and Niyade got up earlier than I did for the first time!"

4. The reporter interviewed at the exit of the railway station: This passenger, have you bought a train ticket? Passenger A: Got it! What about the one next to it? Passenger B: Bought. The reporter interviewed more than a dozen people at random and was happy to find that everyone had bought train tickets to go home

5. The reporter interviewed on the speeding train: This passenger, did you buy a train ticket? Passenger A: Got it! What about the one next to it? Passenger B: I bought it. The reporter interviewed more than a dozen people at random and was happy to find that everyone had bought train tickets to go home.

6, my wife is in a good mood today, when chatting, I asked what it was like to get along with her? I replied that it was the same as setting off firecrackers for the New Year. "Is that a lot of fun?" "It's like a monkey that was released during the New Year, and if you are happy, you will go to heaven, and if you are not happy, you will explode." Without further ado, the washboard is here again...

7, the female boss's alcohol addiction is relatively large, the most favorite drink is 82 years of Lafite! Since I helped her run errands to buy alcohol, the landlady has now quit drinking. On this day, the landlady bought three bottles of Maotai and came to my house happily to thank you. I was surprised and asked, "I also take your money to do things for you, what is there to thank you for?" The landlady said with a serious face: "Of course I want to thank you!" If you hadn't gradually mixed water into the wine you sold me in the past few years, how could I quit drinking now? Now, I can drink a glass of water at home and get over the addiction!

8, the brother-in-law likes to chew betel nut, and then a day without chewing will be uncomfortable. But since he went to a small workshop to buy betel nuts, he has now quit betel nuts. On this day, the brother-in-law customized a pennant and came to this small workshop happily to thank him. The owner of the small workshop was surprised and asked: "You buy betel nut, I sell betel nut, what is there to thank you for?" The brother-in-law said with a serious face: "Of course I want to thank you!" If you hadn't really made betel nuts in the past few years, how could I quit now! Now, I can eat a piece of chocolate at home and enjoy it. ”

9, I grew up thin, always bullied outside. After growing up and marrying a tough daughter-in-law, I felt very relieved in my heart: my mother no longer had to worry about me being bullied outside! But, uh-huh... It was too early to be happy! I TM am now only bullied at home...

10, yesterday, I called my cousin: "Sister, I invite you to eat the buffet!" Cousin: "Still eating?" The jade bracelet on my wrist stuck and couldn't be taken off, and I had been dieting for three days. An hour later, my cousin called excitedly: "Where is the cafeteria you are talking about?" I just fell and the jade bracelet shattered! The old pig is coming too! ”

11, in Jingdong to send express delivery, and the chairman just graduated from high school daughter on the good. On that day, the chairman and his wife went on a business trip abroad together, and the girlfriend was afraid at home alone, so he asked me to accompany her. I was so excited that I immediately drove to my girlfriend's house. In order to prevent her parents from suddenly turning back, I took out my mobile phone, clicked on the compass, and chose the direction. Finally, I lit a candle, and my girlfriend said to me, "You actually lit a candle, it's so romantic!" I immediately explained, "No, this is just in case your parents come back, the chicken lights go out and hide under the bed!" ”

12, the daughter asked her husband: "Daddy, why is it called a highway, not a mother's road?" The husband replied: "Building roads is manual work, all of which are done by men, so it can only be called a highway!" The wife listened unhappily and said: "The highway is the public meaning, and everyone can use the road." The daughter thoughtfully asked, "Is the husband a man that everyone can use?" ”

13, summer is coming, everywhere are girls dressed cool. One day I went out for a walk with my wife, I saw a little sister wearing a miniskirt, I couldn't help but look at it a few times, my wife snorted coldly, I was very unhappy, and said: "What, the mountain treasures and seafood are tired of eating, and I want to taste the taste of wild vegetables?" I gorgeously said: "You are mistaken, it is that wild vegetables have eaten too much, and I want to taste the taste of mountains and treasures" And I was scratched violently...

14, there is a rich second generation often give me LV bags, clothes. When he gave me a BMW, I decided to marry him. After marriage, I always quarreled because of small things, and today I didn't take it seriously, and I still lost. I was suddenly unhappy, sad to go back to my mother's house, and my brother immediately ran to comfort me. The old brother said in a serious voice: Sister, you have such a big temper and so many rules, don't look at this as your stupidity and run away! What do you mean! When I was a child, I beat you up, right?