Text/Su Xin
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There is a name in psychology called the "birdcage effect.".
A Harvard professor named James told his good friend Carlson that he must have a way to get Carlson to keep a bird. Carlson certainly wouldn't have believed that, because he never wanted to keep birds.
Soon after, Carlson received a gift from James, a very delicate bird cage. Carlson didn't think much of it at the time, and hung it in an inconspicuous place in the living room.
But the bird cage made Carlson more and more impatient, because whenever a guest came, they would always ask Coulson, when did the bird die? Carlson explained over and over again that he had never kept a bird. Finally, one day, Coulson lost patience to explain, so he actually bought a bird and put it in a bird cage.
In life, most of us, like Carlson, originally did not think about raising birds, but because we got a bird cage, we had to raise a bird again, and then we had a limited time, and we were occupied by the bird keeping part.
The birdcage effect tells us that in fact, we do not need too many substances, sometimes it is changed by external interference, and it is precisely because we pursue too much external matter that people will be bound by matter.
As one writer put it, "Those who are captured by material things live an unbearable life." ”
When people reach middle age, the greatest self-discipline is to recognize this reality, reduce their possessiveness of materials, and learn to live a "low-end life", which will make people rich in their hearts.
01 Learn to live a low-end life
I like a sentence by the writer Xue Xiaochan: "People live to a certain age, they are recycled, and at the end, three or two confidants, a cup of light tea." ”
Deeply.
I remember chatting with a friend who said that her biggest regret over the years was was wasting a lot of time on useless people and worthless things.
Friends used to be a person who was keen to mix in various circles, and at that time, she believed that when people walked in society, they had to make all kinds of friends, as the saying goes, "one more friend is one more way." But then she found out that these so-called friends she knew had never regarded her as friends in the true sense of the word.
Once, her father suddenly suffered from cerebral bruising, and in a hurry, she suddenly remembered that she had just met an expert in this area, so she called the friend, and after she described her father's condition and symptoms, the other party asked her who she was.
At that moment, she suddenly understood that the things she was passionate about were useless socializing, because she could not bring equal value to the other party, so she was quickly forgotten by the other party.
The friend later said that since the incident, she had changed her mind, no longer mixed in any circle of friends, but retreated to her own space and concentrated on doing what she had to do.
Sometimes, we always want too much, such as high-quality friends, luxurious life, expensive clothing and jewelry, we all know, want to get these things, are at the cost of this.
If it takes a lot of effort to get this, it is better to give up the substances that are too far away from you, because it will only increase your troubles and nothing else.
I remember a friend who said that there was an apple orchard in his hometown, and every year when the apples were ripe, he would go back, and every time he walked into the apple orchard, he was always attracted by the big red apples on the branches, but in the end he did not pick the big and red apples, but went to pick the apples that were enough to reach out.
Yes, people should learn to be content, not to worry about the apples hanging high in the branches, but to eat only those "enough apples" to eat.
A low-quality life is the most comfortable and comfortable.
02 Don't interfere with other people's lives
When people reach middle age, the most taboo thing is to be a good teacher, always using their own life experience to guide others. As everyone knows, doing so is the biggest impoliteness.
What is happiness, perhaps everyone's definition is different, some people think that receiving roses on Valentine's Day is happiness, some people think that eating peace and drinking is happiness, people's desires are different, and the understanding of happiness is different.
Therefore, do not use your own standards to measure other people's lives, let alone point fingers at other people's lives.
Once, when I went shopping with a friend and walked to the jewelry counter of the mall, the friend suddenly said to me: "Look at you, after so many years of marriage, you don't even have the same decent jewelry on your body. "Listening to her say this, I really feel a little wronged."
When I went shopping that day, I was in a very bad mood, and I kept recalling the unpleasant things in my marriage, and even the more I thought about it, the more aggrieved I became.
Until I suddenly remembered one thing, once I went to work with illness, the result was that the mobile phone forgot to charge that day, and the mobile phone was turned off when it was close to work, I thought that I was about to leave work anyway, so I would wait until I went home to charge it. Who knows, when I left work, I just pushed open the company door, and I saw my husband waiting not far from the company.
He said that he was very worried about me, did not know how my health was, and could not contact me, so he simply took two hours off to come to the company to pick me up.
Remembering this incident, my emotions calmed down. I know that happiness really can't be measured by anything material, and everyone's definition and understanding of happiness is different.
Therefore, we must learn to experience our own happiness, do not be disturbed by others, and do not disturb the happiness of others like my friend.
Being able to cherish the present is a kind of happiness, being able to live a life of "low match", not to be high and far away, and to be away from grievances and pain.
03 True happiness comes from inner abundance
The reason why we are getting less and less unhappy is because we chase after external matter and forget the comfort of the heart.
A person's greatest happiness comes from inner abundance, and inner abundance can never be replaced by material things.
An ancient Greek philosopher once said: "The happiness in a person's life should come from reducing dependence on foreign things as much as possible." ”
Sometimes our unhappiness is brought about by the excess substances on the outside.
I remember once, a friend gave me an antique silver mirror, I have never seen such a delicate mirror, I immediately liked it, and I was always careful when I used it every time.
But once, I rubbed too much hand cream, and when I reached for the bronze mirror, I accidentally slipped it to the ground and the handle broke.
I was sad for several days, and went to several places without being able to repair it.
In fact, I didn't need such a mirror before I got it, but after getting it, I only had a short period of surprise and happiness, and then it brought me a series of troubles and regrets.
The external matter we are chasing is like this mirror, it is not what you need in the first place, but you are firmly bound by it, and even joy and sorrow are swayed by it.
When people reach middle age, they should understand what things are important in life, which things are secondary, and which things are not necessary at all, so that we can screen those complicated and chaotic things that interfere with themselves, refreshing and pure, and such a life is worth pursuing.
END.