Written in front: This year's Olympic Games are particularly exciting, not only because it was held in Beijing, but also because of the outstanding performance of Gu Ailing, Su Yiming and other post-00s young players, who single-handedly pulled the mainland's snow sports to the world level, and had to praise them here.
Su Yiming won the championship and once again slaughtered the hot search list. After watching his interview, I had to sigh: This is really the ceiling of other people's children, and in the face of many honors, it is still so indifferent. The reporter asked: "How do you view your efforts and achievements?" Xiaoming replied: "Love is the most important thing for me, and only by loving this thing will I do my best to complete it." ”
Coincidentally, Gu Ailing also talked about "love" in an interview. She said: Whenever I wave, I ask myself: "If I really love something, what will I do for it?" And every time my answer was, "I'm going to give my all I can!" ”
Two children let them ponder, what does love mean to children? Why is the love of Su Yiming and Gu Ailing to win glory for the country, while the love of our bear children is to brush short videos?
The end of love is self-drive
What exactly does "love" mean for children? Su Yiming has actually given the answer. He said: "Only by loving one thing will you do your best to complete it", and it is clear that love means "self-driving force". Only if you really love a thing will you want to do it well from the heart, this initiative comes from within the child, it is a spontaneous act of doing things, is this not the definition of self-drive?
Self-drive comes from the book "Driving Force", which mentions that everyone has an intrinsic need to dominate their own life, learn and create new things, and be the best they can be, which is the source of self-drive.
Self-drive is too important for children! Without self-motivation, you have to rely on others to urge. When he was a child, his parents urged him to study; when he grew up, his leading friends urged him to forge ahead. Imagine if Su Yiming had relied on the urging of her parents to practice, would she still have today's results? The answer is clearly no.
Excellent children never rely on "forced"
The good news is that every child is born with an internal drive. Normally developing children are naturally curious about various things. Language, mathematics, and natural science are all innately wanted to explore by children, which is the initial spark of self-drive. Seeing this, most parents may have to come out to oppose, how can the bear baby who picks up the mobile phone and is eager to get into the small video have self-driving power?
Don't rush to deny it, have you ever thought about it: the loss of children's self-motivation is probably due to your excessive control?
The biggest problem for many children is that the parents' all-round control, dating, leisure, learning are all under the control of the parents, and the children will naturally feel powerless. While we all want our children to be good enough in the future, it's also important to know that true autonomy is what makes it possible.
A child's true self-drive is based on the following needs.
Demand one, independent demand: it refers to the child's desire to arrange his own things and gain a sense of control over one thing.
"Arranged parenting" robs the child's initiative, and the more it is arranged, the stronger the child's dependence, and the lower the desire to drive itself. Therefore, we will advise parents to let go in moderation, let the child decide what he can do, and arrange his own time.
For example, if your child completes his homework in advance and wants to watch TV, he is allowed. It is highly undesirable to come up with another homework assignment. Only if the child thinks that he can complete his homework efficiently and earn time that he can control, he will be more motivated next time.
Need two, competence needs: Competence is the key to children's self-confidence, which is very important.
Children may be messed up at the beginning of doing something, parents must be patient, use positive language to encourage children to pay, and help children build confidence.
For example, Yumi has recently been practicing paper cutting, and he can't master the strength of his hands very well, and when a pair of scissors goes down, he will either die or be crippled, and whenever this happens, I will say: "It's already much better than the last time, congratulations on your progress again, you can see that you can cut the arc." Now, she already enjoys herself cutting paper at will.
With competence, the child's engine starts and he can drive himself.
Need three, to meet the need to belong: This need is actually to make the child feel loved, and the child will only drive himself to do better and live up to his parents if he knows his position in the hearts of his parents.
Gu Ailing and Su Yiming are like this, they know their weight in their parents' hearts. When Su Yiming played, he knew that his parents were paying attention to him in the stands not far away, and he shared his joy with his parents at the first time after dancing the super difficult action, and even finally crashed into the fence. Everyone, including children, will pay special attention to whether their parents really love themselves, and only when children know their place in the hearts of their parents can they do better.
Parenting has always been a two-way rush, the more sure the parents, the harder the child, the more willing to struggle, this is to meet the need to belong.
Only when these three needs are stimulated, the child's personal self-drive will be built, and the child's growth will enter a positive cycle.
How do you give your child self-drive?
Self-drive is important, so are there some simple and effective ways to make children have self-drive? And to love what you do? Yes yes:
First, cultivate a child's growth mindset.
"Growth mindset" is proposed by Carol S. Dweck, a professor of psychology at Stanford University in the United States, and is recognized as one of the most influential psychological studies in recent decades. People with a growth mindset believe that any ability and skill can be developed through acquired efforts. They are more open to challenges and actively improve their abilities and skills.
To put it bluntly, it is to make the child believe that he will become better, even if he fails now, it does not matter, what we have to do is to use the mistake of failure as a way to sum up the experience and look for opportunities to continue to improve, and this thinking transformation will become the driving force of self-driving force.
Just like Su Yiming, Gu Ailing and other top athletes, they all corrected their actions in one failure after another, and fell countless times before they had this soaring sky.
Second, let the child learn to experience flow.
Have you ever found that when you focus on something you love, you feel that time passes particularly quickly, and that's flow. In the state of flow, people's spirit is highly concentrated and does not feel pressure, for example, when a child who likes Lego, when building a castle; a child who loves to read, immersed in a story book; a child who loves basketball, when playing a ball game, this is the state of the child entering the flow.
Flow can make the brain more motivated and focused, and can guide children to work hard, learn, and pursue achievements. Believe me, as long as the child has felt the flow, he will love it. What we parents can do is to guide our children to find a favorite thing to experience flow, and tell children to remember this feeling, so that they can continue to challenge in the future.
Finally, and most importantly, give your child enough control.
Children with a low sense of control are almost always doing things passively, and they are either not interested in doing things, or they are afraid and self-abandoned because of the pressure of their parents. This loss of control is difficult for children to discover the true love in their hearts, so we recommend that parents take a step back and give their children the opportunity to choose as much as possible.
Just like the top figure skater Yu Yu, he hated skating when he was a child. Because of the hard work of training, he told his parents: "I will never skate again." The coach even confessed: "I think he was reluctant half the time. Compared to skating, I look much happier when I play baseball with my dad. ”
Instead of complaining, the father asked his son, "Do you really like skating?" If you hate it, you can give up. What his parents did not expect was that YuSheng Yushin, who had more choices, gave an unexpected answer after a period of thinking: "I want to continue skating." It was also from then on that Habu began to become a true king of ice.
Let children learn to "love" is simply the child's own business, but after digging deeply, I know that it is closely related to my parents, and I will share this article with you today, hoping to inspire you.