Without you, you can live well.
Source | Xiaobei (ID: kuwoxiaobei)
I once saw a topic online:
"How do you get through the breakup period?"
One of the highly praised answers was:
"Don't take unwillingness for liking."
There are many variables in feelings, and no one can really guarantee that they can go to the end without waves.
When the breakup has become a foregone conclusion, the sadness and pain that torment you are actually more because of unwillingness.
The liking that used to fade quietly faded long ago before you noticed it.
In the movie "Girlfriend", Xiwen and her boyfriend have been in love for many years, and she has her own plan for the future of the two people.
Married at the age of 28, born at the age of 30, bought a house before marriage, honeymooned to Paris, but all these beautiful visions were shattered at the moment when they met their boyfriends cheating.
She couldn't accept this reality at all, crying to keep her boyfriend, she could do anything herself, she just wanted to go back to the time when the two people were happiest, but the boyfriend said it was too late.
She was in the pain of lost love, but fortunately her two girlfriends were always by her side.
When she came out of the haze of lost love, she finally figured out about this relationship: "In fact, it has long faded, just because I am too accustomed to him being around me, and I don't want to change that kind of life." ”
The painful party when breaking up is not necessarily the party who loves more, but is too dependent on the other party in this relationship, accustomed to the other party being by your side every day, as if without this person will not be happy, as if without this person also lost the motivation to live.
But you probably forgot that in the days before you met him, you lived well alone.
So, all your pain isn't all about losing someone you love, it's because you lack the ability to break up.
Good feelings are the ability to break up.
This is not to say that you are rash and not serious about feelings, but emotionally, you love this person but not him, psychologically, you are not without him.
When you feel it's time for the relationship to end, you can break up at any time.
I remember that in the third season of "Love Apartment", Wanyu left a wedding photo and a letter with Zhan Bo and quietly left.
At that time, many people did not understand why Wanyu wanted to leave, and even some people felt that she did not love Zhanbo.
In fact, when I look back later, I think she didn't do anything wrong, even if she loves someone again, she shouldn't give up her life.
She had met someone she liked because she wanted to be free, but she wouldn't want to be with someone she liked at the cost of giving up everything.
She can't give up her dreams for love, and she can't afford the consequences of the other party giving up her future for her.
Because no one can predict that one day in the future, this willing sacrifice will not become an excuse to blame the other party, so that the relationship will be rifted and eventually reach the point where it cannot be repaired.
So, it's better to end it when it's time to end.
In fact, we should all learn not to give everything in any relationship, and it is better to love anyone than to love ourselves.
Because when love becomes the whole of your life, love collapses, you collapse, and at that time, you are not capable of running your own life.
This is very dangerous, and the result of a desperate bet is doomed to lose everything.
But if you always maintain independence in love, only take it as a part of your life, you can do it well with him, no, you can still live a very happy life, you can stand in an invincible position in the relationship.
Only by attacking and retreating can we grasp the right to belong and take the initiative in happiness.
- END -
Author: Xiao Bei, founder of (Kuwoxiaobei) All the Way north culture media Co., Ltd., a well-known emotional anchor. Best-selling author, author of "This Fickle World Rarely Has You", "Meet Every You with a Story", and has a public account that accompanies you to say goodnight at 9:09 every night. I want to cure every lonely patient with sound and words. It's good that you're here. WeChat public number: Xiaobei (kuwoxiaobei) Weibo @ Xiaobei loves to eat meat. Jiang, who has a story, published it with authorization, please contact the original author for reprinting.