Image source: Network
Two days ago, a netizen on Weibo shared such a thing:
A child suffers from depression and happens to be reading a book when he goes to the follow-up clinic. When the doctor saw it, he praised her: "This child is really hardworking." ”
Who knows that the child's mother listened, but poured cold water and said: "Work hard, fake hard work." ”
Doctors work hard to repair the wounds in the child's heart, and the parents casually deny it, but they push the child into the abyss.
It's really anxious and helpless!
The netizen pointed out to the point:
"Parents really don't know why children get depression, it's because this stupid 'education' consumes their children's self-confidence little by little, wears them out, and is denied every day."
After the microblog was issued, many people thought of their experience of being belittled by their parents when they were young:
After reading these comments, I can't help but think deeply:
Parents are obviously for the good of their children, obviously love their children more than anyone, but why do they always use the way of blowing and denying to cause harm to children again and again?
01
Percussion education is a poison.
In "The Teenager Says", there is a girl named Yuan Jingyi who is the most distressing.
She loudly accused her mother of comparing her to "other people's children", but never encouraged and affirmed her.
This "other people's child" is his own bully girlfriend.
Mom also added fuel to the fire: "She has such good grades, how can she be friends with you?" ”
Yuan Jingyi's expression is actually very methodical: children are not only better than others, your own children are also very hard, why don't you look at it?
Who knew that the mother listened expressionlessly and brought out a large set of theories. Simply put, it is no problem for me to compare you with others, and there is no progress without comparison. Then a whole bunch of shortcomings were listed in public.
The child said again, but I am not suitable for radical law.
As a result, mom is more reasonable: if it doesn't hit you, you may be a little fluttery.
What is the rationale for this?
The child turned around and ran, crying bitterly offstage.
The most painful thing is that the child said before he went on stage, "My mother will definitely beat me."
She had long known that this was a fruitless, suspenseful rebellion.
Chinese parents' enthusiasm for "percussion education" is unshakable.
How many parents in life, full of love, but full of vicious eyes, hurt their children the most.
"You're so careless, no wonder your grades are always inferior to XXX."
"Don't always eat meat, see how fat you are?"
"I know how to play games every day, and I still think I can do well in the exam?" Dream about you! ”
Seeing that the child is unhappy or unconvinced, I have to add another sentence: "Where did I say wrong?" It's not all for your own good! ”
Under the banner of "good for you", belittling and denying the child, making him feel bad, not worthy of being trusted, and not being treated well, this is not a percussive education.
In fact, a blow is a blow.
The blow never brings education to children, but harm.
02
How bitter are children who are denied by their parents.
Last year, "Where Did Daddy Go 6" was renamed "Let's Go Together", and towards the end of 2019, it aired on Mango TV International Edition.
Perhaps many people remember this parent-child variety show?
Chen Xiaochun, Bao Bell, Yang Shuo, Geng Le and He Youjun (intern dad) formed the new season of dad lineup.
But the picture that should have been happy and harmonious, once it was broadcast, it was scolded by netizens on the hot search.
The core of this topic is not the cute little bell pepper jasper, nor the dumplings hidden in our emojis... Instead, it is "Xiao Bao Zong" Yang Shuo and his son, Yang Yuchen.
Everyone is saying, is there something wrong with Yang Shuo? The way to educate my son is like a horror movie!
In fact, on his own, Yang Shuo evoked the childhood shadows of many people:
"You kid is so stupid!"
"Do you know how much I paid for you?"
"I ask you what to say, why don't you talk?"
At the beginning of the show, he showed a super "desire to control".
As we all know, "Where Daddy Goes" has a classic link - choosing a house.
The program team will arrange a worst house, and everyone will avoid it.
But on the contrary, Yang Yuchen chose the worst room 5.
Just because, 5 is his lucky number.
He did not expect that because of this choice, he ushered in the beginning of his nightmare.
Room 5 has the highest altitude and the farthest road, and the people in the program group remind Yang Shuo on the road that if the child is uncomfortable, he can hug it.
But Yang Shuo attributed all the hardships to the fact that the child chose the wrong room.
He reminded Yang Yuchen over and over again that he had chosen the wrong one.
On the other side, in front of the child, he said to the program team, "I don't care about him, he chose himself." ”
Then he sneered, "Isn't 5 your lucky number?" ”
Finally insisted on walking to room 5, Yang Yuchen, who did not cry all the way and did not make trouble, did not exchange his father's affirmation, but was hit again:
Worth it?
worth. Then it is more worthwhile for you to run farther next time.
What number do you choose next time?
Number 1. Next no. 1 is the furthest.
What's worse is that his denial is not only in private, in front of outsiders, but also in the face of outsiders, he also expresses his disappointment in his own son.
For example, while talking to other children in a good voice, the other side does not forget to step on one, "You are awesome, Yang Yuchen can't do it." ”
The children who stood on the sidelines became non-committal in such blows, and they became less and less confident...
Psychologist Fairbairn said: "When children are treated badly by their parents, they tend to think that they are bad in order to maintain the intention that their parents are good." ”
Parents who hit their children will only make them feel that they do not deserve good things, do not deserve to be loved, and do not deserve to be happy.
In the end, what you get is a child with low self-esteem, cowardice, and depression.
03
Children who are supported and trusted live as a beam of light.
Remember last year's fire of "Galaxy Tuition Class", the whole film revolves around family education, telling the story of how the father played by Deng Chao trained his son, who had given up studying, to become a Chinese astronaut.
In the story, there are touching, there is laughter, there is a father's companionship and persistence to his child, and there is a child who promises his father to dream and change.
The most memorable thing in the film is that Ma Haowen just got out of prison and saw his "scum" son being notified of criticism at the school meeting and expelled by the director of teaching.
In order to let his son continue to study in school, Ma Haowen made a bet with the director of teaching: in the final exam, my son will be from the bottom of the first to the top ten of the grade, and he will be the best student in this school.
No matter how sarcastic and contemptuous the director of the teaching department was, the ex-wife always said that her son was stupid and did not show up, but Ma Haowen always believed in his son.
He said to Ma Fei: "You are the smartest child on the earth, as long as you keep thinking, always thinking, you can do anything in the world, you can progress." ”
The love that children need most is the unconditional belief of their parents.
Later, on the way back from the air show, the father and son were trapped by floodwaters. Ma Haowen, who could not find his son, shouted like a demon on the shore.
He kept repeating the sentence: Look at what's around you, keep thinking, keep thinking, believe you can, you can definitely come out!
In the end, Ma Fei used the objects around him to escape from the flood, which was the first time he felt the power of thinking, and since then, his progress in learning has been out of control.
Parents in the education of children, the most basic is to trust their children, because there have never been children born to fail, some are only failed parents, and failed education methods.
The trust, companionship and love of parents allow children to build a bridge in their own hearts, which can make the soul go to the solid bridge of dreams.
At the critical moment of the child's future life, it is also this bridge that allows children to overcome difficulties and brave difficulties, no matter how big the difficulties, never admit defeat!
What we really should leave for our children is not a blow, not a denial.
It's unconditional support and trust.
What we can do is to see the light in the child's heart and guide them step by step to the far side of the future.