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Gulliver's Travels: "Blindness can increase your courage because you can't see danger." ”
The so-called "fearless of the ignorant" is about this truth, because they have not considered the consequences, have not suffered losses, and think that there will be no danger, so they will be fearless.
Some people can be crooked and do something by mistake with the courage they blindly bring to themselves. But in most cases, the courage brought by blindness is only impulsive, and it is inevitable to plant a head, and it is inevitable that there will be regret after the tragedy.
There is no shortage of such people and things in the emotional world, some people blindly love, have to marry a bad person who is recognized by everyone, the consequences can be imagined; some people blindly think that they are great, watching love being destroyed and indifferent, but ultimately regretting it.
The following woman's complaint about her ex-boyfriend is about this aspect, let's listen to their stories together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I think the concept of "emotional misalignment" that you mentioned in the article is very interesting, compared with my previous relationship, I found that only these four words can summarize the whole thing.
My ex-boyfriend didn't go all the way, and there were many ways of misplacing.
The first is the dislocation of "self-perception.".
There was also a time when our respective cognitions were consistent, but only before talking about marriage, and when the mother-in-law intervened, the cognitive dislocation between us began.
Originally, there was no concept between us that no one was superior to anyone else, and we felt that two people who loved each other were equal. As a result, because of the mother-in-law's "praise" and "stepping", there is no equality between us.
My mother-in-law said that he looked talented, and he had a graduate degree, and he was superior to me in all aspects, and if I had to marry him, I would have to pay more so that the gap between them could be narrowed.
I never expected that he would be taken astray by his mother-in-law's words, and then get along with me, obviously posing as a superior person, yelling at me to do five or six, and ordering me to do this and that, which directly led to a rift in our love.
The second is the misalignment of the "concept of marriage".
"The Siege" mentions such a concept of marriage: women should marry men with better conditions than themselves, so that they can become better; men must marry women who are inferior to themselves, so that they can control.
This is inconsistent with my concept of marriage and love, I think that as long as there is no too obvious gap between each other, we should pay more attention to each other's character and feelings, and other things are secondary.
His concept of marriage and love is obviously contrary to the concept of marriage in "The Siege", he is more like the woman mentioned in it, who wants to marry a wife with better conditions than himself. Because there is no ready-made person, I am a person who is inferior to him, so I try to narrow the gap between each other by making me pay more.
In other words, I value feelings, and he values material things. I did not ignore the material because I valued feelings, and he and his mother-in-law only focused on ignorance and completely ignored feelings.
Just like his mother's request to me: "You must paste a suite in your in-laws' house, otherwise you will not want to marry my son!" ”
What else can I say but say that she is poor and crazy?
There is also the dislocation of "time".
The realm of their mother and son's self-deception is really not to be underestimated, and finally even they themselves believe, as if they are already high-society people, think that I am leaving just right, and then you can justifiably find a person who is the right person to marry, and no matter how bad it is, you can find a woman who is willing to paste a suite of people with stupid money.
Illusions piled up with vanity are not the same thing as their real situation. I really let them go and look for the right person, and instead of finding the right person they thought was a good candidate, not even someone like me.
After tossing and turning for a long time, they realized that they were not so advanced. At this time, they thought of me again, thinking of putting down their bodies and begging me, and then they could save me.
I certainly wouldn't agree, because what they do, in my opinion, is nothing more than "falling back" to the point. Just as people who can't afford luxury goods can only end up targeting the stalls, if I agree, I am equivalent to admitting that I am a stall.
If during the time of the breakup, he suddenly woke up to keep me, I would turn back. But after so long, I reluctantly kept me, so why should I turn back? You say yes?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Women like her are one of the "women who really fascinate men."
A pair of lovers who have been in love, if the woman is normal, the man changes his heart for various external reasons, such as because he is instigated by his family or outsiders to make random requests, or if he does something unfavorable to the woman and causes the two to break up, the man will regret it in the end.
Whether a man's psychology is "retreating to the second place" or really realizing that "it is still good for the ex", the psychology of regret or love will make him more fascinated by women than before.
In addition to this, there is also a situation about "love and not can not". A man likes a woman but has not received it, and this obsession of "difficult to reconcile" will torture the man for a long time, because the more he does not get it, the more perfect the woman's image tends to be in his heart.
From a psychological point of view, if a man is really successful in getting a woman, he will not be fascinated, because there is no suspense, two people are too close, there is no shame to open the fantasy, and each other's attraction will weaken day by day.
From that perspective, the "misalignment" that the woman mentioned wasn't entirely a bad thing either. As long as both men and women can realize the misalignment and use it effectively, instead of destroying each other's feelings, they will make each other more fascinated by each other.