As the train slowed down in the southern city, the slightly dispersed sunset and the elongated back of the dusk, I looked through the glass, and the tired city clearly had a story. When the train finally remained relatively still with the surrounding buildings, I got out of the train and headed for this strange place. The luggage is not very heavy, the heavy is just the memory
Memory is like a falling leaf floating in the air, always unforgettable.
Renting a small courtyard in seclusion, I stayed. The maple leaves in the courtyard are very red, and they look even brighter in this golden autumn, but such a fiery red, why not the color of blood? The soft maple leaves under the feet, stepping on the soft and spongy, obviously no one has come for a long time, and no one has cleaned it for a long time. But for such a place, I like it.
In such a courtyard I write and read every day, like a person hidden in the city, but also a person who has been forgotten by life, or am I not trying to escape from this chaotic world? But I wasn't happy.
Just the other day, I saw a girl haunting this yard and heard the landlady say, "The girl is just a student, a very well-behaved student, and she lives upstairs next door."
When writing at night, I can always see such a woman, wearing simple pajamas, quietly lying in front of the window, when I look at her, intentionally or unintentionally look away, with a sweet smile on my face, forming a beautiful scenery in the hazy moonlight, autumn river moonlight, a pool of duckweed, such a night always buried a lot of feelings!
Skirting the corner of the hallway of the house, I met the girl, the glare of sunlight that suddenly stung her eyes as she turned, and all I could see was the shadow of the white fingers on her face.
"Hello".
I didn't really notice the girl until after greeting each other. The round eyes jumped a sense of tranquility in the big eyes, the long printed rain-colored dress looked even more moving in the maple leaf fire world, she smiled, the spotless smile was as pure as gardenia, and on her body, I smelled a faint incense.
The sky was still white, and a few scattered clouds were gurgling in the sky, and I thought that such a beautiful woman should have come out of the clouds. In the days that followed, I could no longer write with peace of mind, and when I lifted my pen, I always had the girl's innocent smile in my mind. This, why not the situation of the first encounter with Roselle in the dream of the King of Dong'a, but I am not the King of Dong'a, and without Cao Zhi's writing, I cannot depict the beauty of that girl by one-tenth.
Familiarity is the precipitation of time, and in the precipitation of time, the relationship is closer to each other. At that time, I knew that his name was Yingxue. "Welcoming the spring is proud of the wind and cold, and the snow presses the plum blossoms to condense the fragrance." What a poetic name. She told me how much she loved writing, how much she loved literature, and I just listened quietly to the sound of her breathing. In a trance, I had forgotten myself. Out of the corner of his eye were a patch of plum blossoms. Wet that smoky past...
When I was 19 years old, she walked into my world, her name was Cloud, and she was a quiet and lovely girl.
The first time I saw the clouds, I was just a very ordinary boy, at that time I was so simple, so childish, but the five-year-long crush made my heart peel off the simple memory layer by layer, peel off the bright smile under the innocent sun. When the past is fragmented into a story that cannot be remembered, I just use my pen to create one tragedy after another. Yes, the more people in the stories I write, the more people shed tears, just as I did, but my heart still can't let go. My pain, no one can understand.
"What are you thinking?"
Suddenly, I looked back and saw Yingxue's dark eyes looking at me, interpreting innocence in their eyes, just like when I was a child.
"Oh, it's all right."
Over and over again, Yingxue and I gradually became acquainted, she liked my writing very much, often watched the words I wrote and burst into tears, I helped her hold a tissue, while telling her that the story is all deceitful. She asked me, "Are you feelings here?" and I smiled, then poured a cup of tea and let the tea aroma surround the small study.
I have seen many stories of teacher-student love, and I have never believed that such a thing can happen to me.
Yingxue hugged my neck and said to me, "Zhi, I like you, let me be your girlfriend."
I was afraid, twenty-seven years of single life, I had long been accustomed to the world of one man, at first I just kept the love of the clouds, and later, the cold I had become numb to love.
"Why did Heaven let Yingxue enter my world?"
"Zhi, I really like you, without you my life can not be happy at all."
I stroked Yingxue's forehead: "It's not early, go back to rest!" ”
People's initial acquaintances are always very beautiful, and once feelings enter your world, they begin to carry shackles and burdens.
I write until late at night every day, and Yingxue will accompany me until late at night every day, and when I am tired, Yingxue will brew a cup of tea, and she knows that I don't like to drink coffee. When it was cold, she would hold me quietly when I was tired, I didn't know what kind of relationship I had with Yingxue, I didn't dare to love, and I had a fear of loving me from the depths of my heart.
Time is like an hourglass, passing my first memories, when the pieces of fireworks fall into the darkness, half a layer of smoke and sand, drifting away from the years. Why wouldn't I want a girl I like and a girl to be around? But I couldn't overcome the fear that came from the depths of my heart. Love, for me, can not touch.
It's three years again, and the time has passed so quickly that you haven't had time to look back, and all the blossoms have withered. In the year I was about to graduate, Yingxue was even more inseparable to me.
That night, it was very cold, and it seemed that snow was still falling. I was lying in bed getting ready for bed when I heard a knock on the door to greet the snow.
When I opened the door, I saw Yingxue standing outside wearing only thin pajamas, and her face was already frozen red, and I was stunned for a few seconds before letting Yingxue into the room.
The sky has been flooded with starry snowflakes, greeting the snow, after all, ushered in the first snow of 2011.
"Are you okay?"
I saw tears roll down One after another on Yingxue's face.
"Why are you crying?" When I tried to comfort her, her gentle hand untied the straps of her pajamas, and in front of me, the lattice cotton pajamas silently slipped off.
I was stunned there. Just when I was at a loss, Yingxue wrapped his arms around my body.
On this early winter night, my body was hot like never before, and a drop of sweat poured out of my forehead. Finally, wushan clouds and rain, we broke through the last layer of obstacles.
Nearly thirty years old, I never dared to approach a woman, but the moment of intermingling with Yingxue was so beautiful. At that time, I carefully looked at Yingxue's body: "Jade fat condenses snow, Qi Qi is slender, pink face jade eyes, looking back at the city with a smile." Warm and soft, I just forgot everything in such an environment.
When I woke up in the morning, I saw Yingxue in my arms, and my heart was flooded with infinite regret. Putting on only thin clothes, I rushed out the door. The snow fell all night, the ground, the trees, all became a silver world, I grabbed a ball of snow on my face desperately, and then walked in the snow with my bare arms, but the torture of the body was far more unbearable than the torture of conscience, I could not give Yingxue happiness, but despicable possession of her body.
Yingxue is a good girl, I knew it from the first time I saw her.
Yingxue, who was awakened by me, also walked out of the room and hugged me tightly.
I hadn't seen Yingxue in half a month, and when I saw her again, she was visibly emaciated a lot, and she told me she was pregnant.
I advised her to beat up the child, not that I didn't want to be responsible, but I didn't want to burden her with the burden of the family at a young age, and she was unwilling to live or die, but my attitude was not compromised.
In the end, this child was still not born, and yingxue left, disappearing forever in my life. After I left the snow, I realized that I was deeply in love with her.
Readers wrote: "Zhi, your novels are getting more and more tragic." I didn't answer, I was really heartbroken because of a love affair, and the broken one couldn't bear to look at it.
Four years later I finally finished my novel, Love Without Courage, which I knew I had written with my heart, with fragments of pain and longing, where there was my cowardly love.
Someone called me and said they would invest in my new book publishing.
That day's press conference was crowded, and when I saw the woman who invested in my new book, it was Yingxue, a Yingxue that appeared in my dreams many times, at that moment, I was already in tears on the stage, at that moment, I no longer cared about anything, and fiercely held Yingxue in my arms.
There was a round of applause from the audience, and I finally drew a happy ending to my novel "Love Without Courage". When I put my arms around the snow, I hope that this moment will never be separated.
Yingxue slowly pushed my body away and said with tears in her eyes: "I'm sorry, I'm already married, this time I published your book for you, I just want you to remember, I will always love you...