In a recent hypnosis, the visitor is a 25-year-old girl named Jing shu, the reason for the visit is very simple, she wants to solve her habit of not rejecting people, and whenever she encounters interpersonal conflicts, she is very afraid, afraid of getting along with others when the other party is not happy, so in interpersonal relationships she is a flattering type of "good miss", and therefore often suffer losses and grievances in various interpersonal relationships.
In order to change this situation, she found our psychological counseling studio after many inquiries, and wanted to do hypnotherapy to change herself.
After a detailed understanding, we began our first hypnotherapy attempt. After more than ten minutes of hypnotic relaxation, I tried to communicate with her in a simple question-and-answer style: "When you are always afraid that others will be unhappy, when you please others and wronged yourself, is it because of any memory at that time?" ”
Jing Shu thought about it, and said that she remembered that on a thunderstorm night, she was lying on her own small bed, but she heard her parents arguing fiercely outside the room, and she knew that her mother had prepared her luggage, and if she continued to argue, she would run away from home, which was an extremely terrible experience for her, and it was also a scar full of fear and fright for interpersonal conflicts and unhappiness, because at that time she was lying helplessly on the bed and could not do anything.
I continued to ask Jing Shu, "What do you think of yourself at that time?" Jing Shu replied to me, she felt that her parents were so angry, she didn't know what they were arguing about, but she knew that as long as they quarreled, her mother would be ready to run away from home.
I asked her again, "What do you think you felt like at the time?" She closed her eyes and thought calmly for about 10 seconds, and then replied to me: "My parents quarrel like this, I really don't know why they are so angry, I can see their expressions are very terrible." 」 ”
After two questions and answers, I found that this memory may be the key to Jing shu's flattering personality, and in the quarrelsome relationship between her parents, she can no longer see her little self.
Her description of the past in such detail means that the horror in this incident is still profound, and Jingshu has created this kind of flattering personality, which may be caused by childhood trauma, so I tried to ask a different way, and I called out to Jingshu again.
Later, Jing Shu took a deep breath under my reminder, and I took her as an adult and returned to the door of her childhood room again, letting her face herself who was lying on the bed at that time, terrified and overwhelmed.
I invited Jingshu to practice looking at the little girl lying on the bed and calling her name three times in her heart until Jingshu could clearly see and feel her childhood self.
Then, Jing Shu began to act spontaneously, walked to the little girl's bedside, squatted down, and said softly to her: "You must be frightened by the sound of their quarrel, don't be afraid, I'm here," "It's not your fault that they quarreled", "It doesn't matter, let me accompany you", she accompanied the bedside until the child calmed down.
The whole process, no more than 20 minutes, specifically, Jing Shu to the childhood experience of pain in her own self, she did several things:
First, see the emotions;
Second, soothe emotions;
Third, accompany emotions.
When Jing Shu left the picture, I invited her to think back and feel the picture again, and she gave a very different statement, she said: "The thunderstorm outside seems to be getting smaller, and the bed I was lying on at that time did not seem to be so deep and so difficult to turn over." In addition, she also felt the relief in her heart.
After several hypnosiss, I found that Jingshu had changed a lot, and she herself could feel the strength and confidence of herself. Hypnosis allowed her to learn to lift herself out of her state of hurt, helplessness, fright and fear, and become the big hands in her life, rather than expecting others to save her.
Jing Shu's case is actually a very easy reaction of the parties when there is a major emotional event. Because in times of panic, most people's attention will be on the things that cause fear, and ignore their own feelings at that time, this fear makes people as long as the scene is reproduced, it will once again induce the shadow of fear and uneasiness buried in the heart. Even if the person concerned is an adult, as long as it appears in a conflict situation, the person will unconsciously become the child who escapes fear, and over time, he will only compromise and be afraid in interpersonal relationships, creating a flattering personality.
The original text is from the Rong Xinqi Professor Psychology Hall, if you need to reprint, please obtain permission and indicate the source.