In a marriage relationship, why is it sometimes worse and worse to explain?

The difference in the thinking of men and women, so misunderstanding is inevitable, everything is not talked about and not explained, often the beginning of the estrangement, but it seems that in the married life there will be a suffocating phenomenon, that is, not do not want to say, but sometimes say how much is useless or even worse.

I have heard many such complaints, especially some male visitors, that is, to blame their girlfriends, saying that the more they explain, the more they are suffered, and then simply ignore it and let nature take its course.

Due to traffic jams on the road, so delayed the time to go to dinner, because there are other colleagues in the car, are chatting about work is not convenient to answer the phone, so delayed the reply to the message, because today's workload is too large, so back home is too lazy to help you dry clothes and wash dishes, but the so-called explanation, in the other side, is not necessarily the reason, but an excuse.

Many people will play out similar scenes countless times or repeatedly in their lives, but even very patient people will slowly find that in some cases, the explanation seems to be a laborious or even troublesome thing.

Explanation will ignore or even negate the other person's feelings

In the process of narrating, you may indeed explain the ins and outs, but under the perception of the other party, you do not completely care about the matter itself, but the feelings that this matter brings to yourself.

The interpreter thinks that he should be pardoned if he is well-founded, while the person who listens to the explanation feels even more wronged, and your reasoning does not mean that he has not been harmed.

So sometimes it's not that he or she doesn't believe what you say and doesn't understand your situation, but that he or she doesn't like the feeling of being ignored and denied.

Therefore, the more anxious you are to explain your innocence, the more angry the other party will be. On the contrary, if you can directly empathize with the other party's feelings, comfort or apologize, you can eliminate the misunderstanding faster, and the details of the cause and effect are only icing on the cake, and cannot become a death-free gold medal that does not blame the previous suspicions.

You have the real reason under your own position, but you can't be completely irresponsible because of this "perpetrator", and you want to quickly make the other party deflated and make the relationship harmonious, the most fundamental problem is to find out what the other party is angry about, where the emotions are, is the root of the solution, not the simple explanation itself.

Explain what is in front of you, but you can't erase the accumulation of many times

Many emotional outbursts are not simply because of one thing, so they explain the immediate events clearly, but they cannot alleviate the accumulated resentment.

To put it bluntly, you are a "repeat offender", similar or even repetitive behavior more than once, even for the best reasons can not slow the anger of the bearer.

Therefore, if you want to resolve the contradiction, the first thing to admit is the mistake, the face is the problem, of course, the most fundamental thing is that the next time there is a real change, you will admit the mistake, and if you admit it, it will make the other party crazy.

"Marriage Psychology" reminds us many times that many couples or couples quarrels are not the quarrels themselves, but from the lack of love in the early years of the heart, there are childhood traumas and regrets, but also there are two people in the process of communication, so finding the crux of the problem is the root of the problem, but also the key to happiness, otherwise no matter how many people you change, you still go back to the original point.

The psychology of marriage: marriage is the best practice is divided into four parts to address feelings in marriage.

Understand the nature of marriage

The meaning of marriage is not that two people simply live together, but the process of committing to each other and understanding each other with respect and understanding the marriage contract, which not only helps us to re-understand marriage, but also rebuild ourselves.

Marriage is only a continuation of love, not an end. Maintain a correct and rational attitude to deal with the relationship, so that your marriage has an advantage at the starting line.

The author proposes four business rules: mutual support, maintaining deep friendships, avoiding marriage lies, and taking responsibility for time spent with your partner.

When a person can establish awareness in married life and consciously operate, they can find the password for two people to synchronize, and only when both parties grow synchronously, it is easier for marriage to reach a tacit understanding.

Learn about the complex behind men and the meaning of true love practice

A thing that needs to be explained, there must often be a "contradiction", men are concerned about the matter itself, and women are often concerned with the feelings that this matter brings to themselves.

Women like to express their emotional feelings, men prefer to speak with facts, not too good at expressing emotions, if you can not learn to use the opposite sex thinking to deal with, then the more you explain, may misunderstand the conflict is more serious, because from the beginning, you have already deviated from each other's inner trajectory.

Understand what real reasons are behind marital problems?

Husband and wife quarrels do not come from the current contradictions of the two people at all, but from the lack of love in the early years of the heart, the mode of parental getting along directly affects the next generation, we can't stand it on the one hand, but we are inadvertently imitating their way of getting along.

Therefore, whether it is the explainer or the person listening to the explanation, the discord in the relationship needs to find the root cause of the real cause of our unhappiness, what the other party has done, whether it is the dissatisfaction of repeated teaching, or because fundamentally speaking, the original ecological family has planted a shadow on itself.

How to use the psychological knowledge of marriage to find the "law" of marriage management that works together for a lifetime

In the face of the development of marital relationships, excessive blame and silence need to be overcome.

And making corresponding adjustments and changes, the author mentions 6 kinds of misconceptions about changes, namely:

Adults do not need to change, make changes now, do not have to adjust themselves in the future, the relationship is more distant after the change, refusal to change is the reason for the failure of marriage, change means betraying themselves, re-recognize themselves from these 6 wrong cognitions, and know how to change themselves in the marriage relationship.

The most common and feared thing in life is indifference or extreme gushing explanations, too tolerant of oneself and too harsh on one's lover.

So with contradictions, don't rush to explain, find inducements, get married and live together and want to be truly harmonious and happy, don't be afraid of trouble, remember to use the right method to get along from the root of the details, in order to be able to really control happiness, easily resolve conflicts and contradictions, rather than blindly explaining the reasons and reasons you think.

END

Text/Relief Emotional Station

(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.