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Aesop's Fables: "People who are born to do bad things will blatantly do evil if they can't find a beautiful excuse." ”
No one is born bad, and bad people are slowly formed the day after tomorrow.
More specifically, the logic, cognition, three views and way of thinking of bad people are not innate, but there are bad people around them, or they grow up in the environment accompanied by bad people, and they are gradually cultivated into bad people.
There are two kinds of bad people: one is a bad person in the narrow sense, that is, people often say that they are wrongdoers; the other is a bad person in the cloak of a good person, who looks good on the outside, but is bad in his bones, and the three views are not correct, and when you get along with them, you will find that they do not say good people, and even if you leave their relationship with them, they do not easily let you go.
Combined with marriage, some mothers-in-law belong to such bad people, she teaches her children badly, but does not think that her children are wrong. When a child makes a mistake, she will blame someone else for the mistake. Such a person is intolerable to good people.
The mother-in-law of the woman below is the kind of person above, let's listen to her story together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
Some people say that men betray marriage because men are unconscious; some people say that men betray marriage because men are inherently bad people. In my opinion, the betrayal of men is directly related to the three views of parents.
My ex-husband betrayed the marriage because my mother-in-law's three views were not correct.
Because we met on a blind date and decided to get married before long, I didn't have time to do a lot of preparations, just praying that my marriage wouldn't have problems.
In order to ensure the smooth marriage, I worked hard to play a good wife, a good daughter-in-law, a good sister-in-law, and paid for my in-laws in the way of poverty alleviation, spent money for them, and met their various requirements. But even so, I was betrayed.
If it was only my ex-husband who betrayed the marriage and the rest of the in-laws did not mix, I might be willing to gamble and lose, thinking that I was unladylike, after all, my pre-marriage preparations were not done.
But the truth is that after my ex-husband betrayed the marriage, my mother-in-law couldn't wait to jump out and say to me: "There is nothing wrong with my son betraying the marriage!" There must be something wrong with you, you are not a good wife, otherwise he would not have betrayed the marriage if he was satisfied with you. So, you have no right to blame him! ”
I swear to God that I hadn't done anything until now, just thinking about whether to get a divorce or not. But she thought she could prejudge my prejudgment, and she was stronger first, thinking that as long as she blocked my mouth, I would have nothing to say.
I am not someone who is easily shaken, nor am I one easily persuaded. If what she said was reasonable, I would think about it; but her words were obviously unreasonable, they were protecting the calves, they were arguing for her son, and they were manifestations of the three views of injustice.
I was angry that she belittled me out of thin air and asked her, "What's wrong with me?" After marrying your son, I almost used to work as a cow and a horse for my in-laws, is this not right? Just because I aspired to be a good wife and mother, it led him to betray the marriage? If you fabricate such a lie out of thin air, you are not afraid to flash your tongue? ”
She began to play a rogue: "Anyway, you are not right, I have crossed more bridges than you have walked, and the men under the sky have betrayed their marriages because there is no good wife in the family!" ”
She cleverly thought that this would make me afraid to divorce, but it turned out to be self-defeating, adding a powerful fulcrum to my idea of divorce. It's just that if a man betrays me, I will hesitate; but coupled with the fact that "the mother-in-law's three views are not correct", I have nothing to hesitate about, and I must get a divorce.
I thought that divorce would free me, who would have thought, after the divorce was disgusted by the in-laws again.
The sister-in-law called me and opened the door: "I have no living expenses, quickly transfer me twenty thousand!" ”
I said I was divorced and the poverty alleviation was over. However, our conversation did not end there, she said: "I know you are divorced, and it is because I know that I asked you for money." Because your divorce property with my brother was unevenly distributed and unfair to my brother, my mother asked me to ask you for money, saying that the money you owe our family must be returned! ”
It's the mother-in-law again, she is really haunted! I'm divorced, and she still won't let me go!
She thought that there was nothing wrong with her son's betrayal of the marriage, which was tantamount to disguised connivance; I obviously only took the property that belonged to me, but she thought that her son had suffered a loss, and encouraged her daughter to ask me for money. All kinds of problems show that the wrong behavior of my ex-husband and sister-in-law stems from the mother-in-law's three views, which seem to me to be an ironclad fact. What do you think?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
When pedagogy talks about the "stage of children's moral development", a term is mentioned called "custom level", which includes two stages: one is the moral orientation stage of good children; the other is the moral orientation stage of maintaining authority or order.
From the perspective of family education, the above two stages are the focus of parents in the process of parenting, otherwise the child will not become a good child, can not abide by the order, will directly affect the child's future development.
From the perspective of teaching and learning, if the parents' three views are not correct, it is difficult for them to be disciplined positively as an educated child, which will be more serious than ignoring the above two important points.
The woman's in-laws can use this line of thinking to explain, as she said: the wrong behavior of her ex-husband and sister-in-law is directly related to the mother-in-law's three views. The children have grown up, and her mother-in-law is still influencing them with her own incorrect three views, and it is not difficult to imagine how many times the child has been affected by her mistakes in the process of growing up.
In other words, all the things that ordinary people think should not be done are things that should be done in her mother-in-law's eyes. Use this "upside down black and white" way to educate children, and children can become good people when they grow up!
All the mistakes related to "people" in marriage have their origins, either to the problems of the original family or to the problems of the parents. This requires parents to pay attention to the far-reaching impact of family education on children, and children themselves must know how to test their own three views when they grow up, so as to ensure that after you become a parent, you will not teach your children badly.