"Mom, the kindergarten kids bullied me again"
"Dad, when I went downstairs, my neighbor brother murdered me"
……
Every day, I can hear my daughter's complaints, and at first I will hurt her for a few seconds, and even take her to find someone else to theorize. However, in the end, I found that my daughter was a bit exaggerated, not as exaggerated as she described, and there was a lot of unhappiness because of it.
For the daughter's love of complaint, there is really a headache, each time it is "pretend" to listen, and then there is no follow-up. Because I don't know how much of my daughter's "complaint" is true and how much is false. Obviously, it is a very small thing, but the child always clings to it, either to the parents or to the teacher, which has seriously affected his psychological development.
Whether it is in the workplace or in life, the type of people that everyone hates the most should be the "complaint spirit". Get along with people who love to play small reports, every day to "worry about fear", do not know when it will be "put together", after all, "dark arrows are difficult to defend".
Why do children like to sue? This is a necessary journey of psychological development
3 to 6 years old, is the child's favorite age to complain, as long as they find the clue, they will tell the people around them. This kind of behavior of liking to make small reports and accuse others is a normal mental process, and every child will experience this time period.
Admittedly, this kind of behavior is indeed a bit "nasty" and can even make people feel angry. But at this time, the children, they do not understand these "dangers" behind them, and even think that this kind of behavior is very funny, full of a sense of justice. As a parent, don't be too anxious, let alone reprimand and stop, it may backfire.
Think about it from another angle: since it is a normal mental journey, one day, as the child continues to grow, it will naturally disappear.
It should be noted that understanding why children like to file complaints is the point. You know, each child's psychology is different, even if they encounter the same thing, they will have different reactions and performances. If it is just a simple mental journey, it does not matter, if it is mixed with other ideas, it is still necessary to understand in advance.
Children like to complain, mostly out of these psychology
1. Their own interests have been damaged
Suing just want to get help from parents is what many children think. They are young and don't have the ability to solve things, especially when their interests are damaged and they don't know what to do. At this time, they will protect their vital interests through "complaints".
In this way, the complaint is not a bad thing, at least two messages are revealed: the relationship between the child and the parents is very good; Children know how to protect themselves. From these two perspectives alone, parents should feel fortunate, indicating that their children are well educated.
2, inexplicably want to express themselves
Since childhood, I have had a comparison mentality and want to constantly express myself through complaints. Mainly in the early stage of the complaint, I was praised by my parents to help make the child feel that the complaint was a good thing. Of course, this has a lot to do with the child's own desire to perform.
In order to get recognition, they will get more people's affirmation by "belittling" others. I have to say that such children are very active in their thinking, and even have some small wisdom, but they must know how to stop at the right time and must not cross the line.
3. Attract the attention of others
How can I get the attention of others? The best way is to keep filing a complaint, which is the so-called "brush sense of existence". It is difficult to complain every day, and it is difficult for others to ignore it. Children are afraid of being lonely, and if they can be noticed by more people, it is also a good thing.
Of course, the child does not have bad intentions, but simply wants to "show off". They always feel that being noticed by more people is an honorable thing and can make themselves different. Especially when it comes to spending time with other people, there is a special feeling of pride and pride.
There are so many small secrets behind the seemingly simple complaint incident, and most of them are related to the psychology of children. In contrast, the two kinds of psychology of expressing themselves and attracting attention are not very good for the psychological development of children. These two kinds of psychology show that children have developed the idea of comparison and vanity, which need to be curbed early.
What should parents do in the face of their children's complaints?
Even if they know that their children's complaints are mixed with water, parents should not rush to criticize, but patiently listen to them, which is the most basic respect. After that, guiding the child to deal with things alone will not only improve his ability to solve problems, but also dilute his idea of filing a complaint.
In daily education, children should be taught the distinction between "just need" and "must". Let him understand: you can file a complaint, but you must divide things. Only if it is just needed, can you complain to your parents; As for other non-essential things, learn to solve them on your own.
Written in the end: When encountering a problem, it is natural to solve the problem first, rather than to escape, which is the most basic way for parents to teach their children to deal with things. In the future, children need to have the ability to grow up alone, and parents will eventually have to withdraw with dignity.