Today, I want to talk to you about "likes", across genders, regardless of right or wrong.
When discussing the topic of the same sex with colleagues, we "argued" for a long time about the foothold of the article, and a teacher asked me, in the final analysis, what kind of point of view do you want to convey?
In fact, the answer is very simple - "Where the heart goes, it is the orientation." ”
Liking a person is to meet a suitable soul at a certain time, no matter which is more important, the heartbeat is an instinct.
So we tried to understand the feelings between the same sex, and one of the answers was very touching.
Q: "How did you find out you liked boys?" ”
A: "A little courage plus some fantasy, to be precise, is a pre-existing tendency, and only then is the result." ”
"Courage" is the key word in their love. No matter when, no matter how much frustration and negativity they face, love and tolerance allow them to regain courage and confidence. They are equally unwavering in their treatment of feelings, after all, all of them deserve to be loved and taken seriously. Be brave enough to accept yourself, embrace love, and be precious forever.
Because of such feelings, too many controversies and constraints have been given, including heartache, contradictions, and abandonment, but some people have chosen to face it.
In the three stories we interviewed, they may not be fully prepared for the unknown outcome and the choices they will have to go through as they age, but they all believe that it is a fortunate thing to have the courage to face it now or ever.
- 01 -
"Acceptance is a process, liking is just instinct"
@ Soul 20g
Age 26 years
"That's my life now, the path I want to take."
"Regarding the fact that I like girls, the first thing that comes to mind is the self who was more resistant than anyone but was deeply attracted.
A long time ago, probably when I was in junior high school, when I first saw the two girls around me together, my heart was full of contempt. Under the inherent thought, I was thinking, how can two girls be together?
Although I still smiled at the intimate gestures between them, holding hands, hugging and even kissing as if they were between normal couples, I thought it was a kind of love that would not be tolerated and would not have results, and the disdain I said came from this recognition.
/Images are from the web
But privately, I would unconsciously inquire about their recent situation, and at that time I felt that I would pay too much attention only because I thought from the bottom of my heart that such feelings were wrong, because they were special cases.
Until after high school, I talked about some objects of the opposite sex, but the result was always sloppy. I have always felt that I have a very serious physical contact phobia, just hold a hand in love, other actions, I am not willing to accept.
I remember a certain ex-boyfriend, because he put his arm around my shoulder, out of instinctive resistance, I pushed the other party, and later, the quarrel broke up, and the water came to fruition, but I was not sad.
At that time, there were more and more same-sex couples around me, and I was still unconsciously curious about their experiences, thinking that it was just curiosity, but gradually, I began to perceive my own "strangeness".
Just like every night when I hide in the bed and secretly understand these things nervously but irrepressibly, watching movies, listening to radio, watching comics, or rushing to determine my own orientation or even download social software, I feel the excitement I have never felt when I am in love with boys, and I find that I do not resist the approach of girls, both physically and psychologically.
At that time, I didn't know if it was a "disease", but I saw that the resistance that had once been there might have stemmed from a sense of cowardice that was deeply attractive but bound by reason.
And when I decided to accept myself, I told these to my close friends, regardless of whether they understood or not, but the moment I said it, I had the courage to reconcile with myself, negated the ideas I had and saw a more real self, and also dared to have a vision and yearning for such "likes".
In the next few years, I followed my heart and experienced several relationships with girls. In fact, there is no difference with the opposite sex, two people take care of each other, and there is sweetness, quarrel and sadness in each other's companionship.
The sense of distance between girls is easy to blur and ambiguous, it is difficult to take measure, and the probability of cheating will become higher. Remember an ex, always had a haunted girl and her cheating experience in front of outsiders, it really hurt.
This incident has become a difficult past in my heart to let go, and I have also thought about not contacting this group anymore and trying boys again, but it has not ended. Until, I met her now, I still couldn't help but want to hug her and appreciate her.
After a long time together, although we are busy with each other, we can also understand each other, in my opinion, this is the original appearance of the relationship. Slowly, I stopped dwelling on my own orientation, because it was no longer important.
I'm very determined, I want someone who can accompany me through the mixed life, she is a partner who is compatible with me, but she just happens to be a girl.
Now, my WeChat name is 20g, because I remember her who does not know how to express feelings, and quietly told me that if everyone's soul is really only 21g, I am enough to occupy the 20g, so the unexpected "earthy love words" make me moved.
Even though she would be willful, would be spoiled, would be soft, and would be elusive, she was as brave as I was, and in her feelings for me, she healed me, she strengthened me, she was full of strength, and so was I.
When it comes to reality, maybe the world is not as good as we think, there will be moments of controversy and need our choices, but there are still countless possibilities for all of this, and we should not back down first.
If one day in the future we have to choose when I will face pressure and doubt with her. Whatever the outcome, all I know is that this is the way I live my life now and the path I want to go. ”
- 02 -
"Keep pace and do what's worth it"
@zy
Age: 24
"I was born that way, and I know that the road ahead is difficult."
"Maybe I am the dna spectrum, the more special one, since elementary school, I like short hair, but also very resistant to wearing skirts, every important school ceremony, girls' formal dress, always skirt with bow tie, so, such occasions, I can only ask for leave." 」
Unlike obsessive pink and cute girls, I was always easily aroused by the same sex with a strong desire for protection and possessiveness, from childhood to adulthood, this feeling has not changed, I am sure that all along, I have only liked girls.
At that time, when I was in love, I dared to express it boldly and give it without hesitation, because liking and protecting a girl was a very beautiful thing in my opinion.
I had a serious discussion with the subject of three years in college about our future. I said: "After graduation, I can go to your city, we don't talk about long-distance love, as for family, we will find a way together, first break through this barrier, you can plan the future." "At that time, I believed I could take on that responsibility.
I've always thought that love is good and fair, and it has nothing to do with gender and right or wrong. I just want to enjoy this kind of happiness, give it wholeheartedly, and also expect to meet someone who will bear fruit.
For a long time, I did not have too many struggles and entanglements about liking the same sex, and I did not gradually accept such a self, because my orientation was probably born like this.
It wasn't until my family found out and wanted to take me to a psychiatrist that I realized that maybe the future was destined to be a difficult road.
Found by the family, it was a photo of a certain object in the bag, which was inadvertently seen. Mom was a very controlling person, she couldn't accept it, she tore everything up, at that time, I suddenly did not dare to boldly tell her, I have always been like this.
It's not because I think it's wrong to like the same sex, but because such a thing may be a kind of harm to the family, after all, it is contrary to reality, and at that moment I hesitated, very different from what I envisioned, and I had thought of talking calmly with my family, but I still couldn't say it. In the end, the matter ended in a silence that my mother speculated about and did not want to accept.
After that, my family will always consciously or unconsciously remind me that such a thing is wrong, and even find me a blind date, I added the other party's WeChat but did not say a word.
Those days, the first time in all these years, I faced reality, and it aroused the most pessimistic side of my heart, perhaps my thoughts and persistence were really vulnerable compared to reality.
Although I can't change the fact that I like girls, but when I talk about love again, I began to have reservations, began to care about the results, unconsciously judged whether this person was really like-minded with me, but whenever I noticed that it was not worth it, I would tell myself to stop the loss in time.
I once said: "I don't want to make a wedding dress for others, I have such an identity to fall in love, in the end, or to watch her bow her head for reality, like or dislike is it really so important?" ”
The confused days lasted for a long time, and probably only time could calm the impact, until I remembered and understood the sentence: "You can't choose who you like, you can't plan a relationship, you can only do what you feel is right." 」 "When I said that, I just like girls, I have experienced twists and turns and doubts, and it is still the same, so why should I make a bitter vendetta."
Slowly, I walked out of the days when there was no light, in fact, I still have some gratitude in my heart, I will no longer be too idealistic to think about the future, but also to stick to this difficult road, make full psychological preparations.
Maybe it will still be a secret that cannot be broken between my family and me, maybe I will pluck up the courage to have an open and honest chat, maybe there will really be no one who can accompany me for a long time in the future, but these things are not terrible, the real horror is that I have lost the courage to face it.
To this day, I'm still sure I like girls, but the difference is that I accepted the joys and sorrows that came with this matter, and the brief pain that came with controversy and confusion.
- 03 -
"Contradictions are not opposites, but on the contrary, they are also mutually reinforcing"
@H
Age: 25
"After all, that's what the heart wants."
"There is love between the same sex, and my first understanding of it was 'demonized'. I think my peers have had this experience, it is deformed in the education of parents, it is off track in the discipline of society, it seems dazzling in the crowd.
At that time, I did not support or oppose such a view, but I did not expect it to happen to me.
In this matter, the change in cognition is the most impressive to me.
Back to the time when adolescence love was ignorant, the child's concept of love should not be too complicated, as far as I am concerned, when I meet someone who is very attractive to you, you just want to be good to him and give him everything. It's a cliché to say this, but that's what love looks like in the first place.
Whether you believe in love at first sight or love over time, that person must be the existence that you want to give all the petals to him, and if everything has a starting point, this is my original intention.
So, like all boys, I also discussed the gossip of the girls, talked about the small story between two classmates, and longed to find the girl I liked and talk about a campus love based on an idol drama.
Later, it was also a wishful thinking. Although the process is tortuous and the results are not satisfactory, it is not a failure to live up to the youth.
I was impressed by my first love, she was nice and the memories were good. But under this relationship, I found that there was a different feeling that accompanied it, and it was like a shadow clinging to the other side of the unrecognized.
In all the education I received growing up, it was suppressed. It is not recognized, not even to myself, because I grew up under discipline and could not face myself.
But the more I suppressed, the more I wanted to be brave. Things changed when I got to know and meet some classmates with same-sex tendencies. I found that while facing up to their feelings, they could cry loudly and laugh loudly. They don't question themselves because of the other side. I think if they're happy doing that, then I can too.
In my opinion, two people with love can be tall, fat and thin, spanning Europe, Asia, Africa and the United States, so is homosexual love right or wrong? I don't have a definite answer, but the contradiction is not an absolute opposition, and I always have to try it, after all, this is the heart's desire.
Later, I met him, only to find that the original same-sex love can also make people blush, maybe no longer passionate, just like other feelings, like the slanting sun in winter and the breeze on the summer solstice.
I remember that he would run to the city where I worked to meet briefly, create unexpected surprises, wait for me to work overtime in the snow at minus ten degrees, take care of my anxiety, relax and happy in a rental house of more than ten square meters, and secretly take pictures of us under the street lamp where the shadow was stretched.
I knew then that I hadn't made a decision that I regretted.
In fact, from the moment I decided to try it, I accepted myself. Because of this, I don't think this matter is anything secret to me, and accepting or not accepting it is just someone else's problem for me.
What I can do is definitely not to meet a person and tell this person that I like boys, but if the other person asks this question, it is good to say "yes" generously.
As for the future, the reason is very simple, many things are not figured out, you can do whatever you want.
In this environment, I don't know what I will do when I am faced with a choice, nor do I know if I can pick up the courage to accept myself and tell my family. But personally, about such feelings, contrary to reality, but I followed the heart, which is not shameful and worth remembering.
The existence of any kind of feeling may bring good memories.
When "like" is labeled as a same-sex person, the key words derived should also be bravery, equality, tolerance and warmth. Just like the ta in the story, they were also ashamed to face it, afraid of the future, eager to judge their own orientation, and difficult to accept that kind of self.
But after letting go of prejudice, it is only the instinctive feeling of soul collision when the heart is excited, and how can the gender and result be preset in advance.
I once saw a saying: "Love does not end at any end, and the process of being able to love and loving or not being able to love without loving is the ultimate meaning."
I think, gender aside, they are just bravely pursuing a suitable partner, and that feeling is equally beautiful and sincere.
ps: Hereby, thank you to the sharers of each story, may courage and persistence, always worth it!
- END -