In interpersonal communication, there are many self-evident "routines". If you can understand these routines, you will naturally be able to handle things easily and be more efficient. If you don't understand, you may unknowingly fall into the trap set by others.
In the TV series "The Way of Heaven" starring Wang Zhiwen and Zuo Xiaoqing (the play is adapted from the novel "Distant Savior" by mysterious writer Doudou), whether it is the shrewd and capable Xiao Yawen, or the affectionate and righteous Ouyang Xue, or the straightforward and charming Rui Xiaodan, they are all experts in communication. They are keenly aware of the underlying intentions and underlying patterns behind others' actions, allowing them to navigate a variety of social situations with ease.
01 Before asking for help, prepare your emotions so that you have a better chance of success.
Xiao Yawen is well aware of the importance of Ding Yuanying to her, and realizes that through this person, she can gain new perspectives and thinking, which is like opening a window to a new world. However, with the dissolution of the private equity fund, her direct contact with Ding Yuanying was also interrupted. Therefore, she plans to re-establish contact with Ding Yuanying through her mutual friend Rui Xiaodan, hoping that Rui Xiaodan can take care of Ding Yuanying in the ancient city.
Although this matter can be easily handled by phone, Xiao Yawen chose to spend more than 20,000 yuan out of his own pocket to fly to Frankfurt and discuss the matter with Rui Xiaodan in person, in order to establish a more stable connection. Before making a request to Rui Xiaodan, Xiao Yawen began to foreshadow his emotions: "Xiao Dan, do you remember our days at the Police University......
Rui Xiaodan wittily interrupted her and said, "No need to foreshadow, just say it." But Xiao Yawen insisted: "No, we still have to lay the groundwork first, which is more reliable." Rui Xiaodan responded with a smile: "Best friend." Xiao Yawen was relieved and replied: "With your words, I am relieved." ”
Before seeking help from an acquaintance with something important, it is a very useful strategy to review and highlight past emotional connections, as people tend to reach out based on old friendships. Conversely, if someone comes up to you and talks to you about the good old days, chances are they need your help with something important.
02 When things are too abnormal, there are often hidden ulterior motives
Rui Xiaodan originally just wanted Ye Xiaoming to help her imitate a set of sound systems identical to Ding Yuanying, and the processing of the speakers was arranged in Feng Shijie's workshop in the countryside. Once, when Rui Xiaodan, who was late from work, went out, she ran into Feng Shijie, who was waiting for her outside. Feng Shijie invited her to a workshop in the countryside to see if the speakers and cabinets met her requirements.
Rui Xiaodan felt that Feng Shijie was making a bit of a fuss about this, after all, wouldn't Ye Xiaoming just send it to her after he finished? Why did she have to go to the workshop herself? Although Feng Shijie listed many reasons, they all sounded like excuses.
Rui Xiaodan thinks that this kind of fuss may be caused by someone's personality or his habit of handling things, but it may also hide some kind of imperceptible purpose. Sure enough, Feng Shijie not only took Rui Xiaodan and Ouyang Xue to the village jujube orchard to try fresh dewy dates, but also prepared a super-standard lunch at home, and gave two bags of dates when he left.
When Rui Xiaodan gave two boxes of wine as a return gift, Feng Shijie's expression suddenly became very embarrassed, and he didn't seem to know what to do. Rui Xiaodan said bluntly: "Ding Yuanying and I are just ordinary friends, we don't have the kind of relationship you imagined, even if there is, you are disrespectful to me by doing this, what kind of person do you think of me?" ”
Feng Shijie explained embarrassedly: "I really don't mean anything else, it's just that our village is too poor, I just want to find a capable person to guide the maze, but we can't afford a character like Mr. Dante." "That's why be vigilant, when others are overly nice to you, don't easily think that you deserve it, there are often other reasons behind it, and it is essential to be vigilant.
03 Borrow things to shorten the distance between the heart, and warm up friendship
After Rui Xiaodan listened to "Daughter of Heaven" once at Ding Yuanying's house, she was deeply attracted by the charming sound quality and decided to build the same sound system. She searched everywhere and visited all the sound stores in the ancient city, but she could not find a device that could achieve the same sound. In desperation, Rui Xiaodan had no choice but to take Ye Xiaoming to Ding Yuanying's house to experience the sound system in person.
Ye Xiaoming was full of praise for Ding Yuanying's sound system, and when he left, he stepped forward and introduced himself to Ding Yuanying: "I am Ye Xiaoming, and the Yafeng audiophile store is not far from here, so I have time to come and sit in my store." By the way, Mr. Ding, can you lend me your Mutt violin album for a few days? I promise to return you soon. Rui Xiaodan thought on the side: This boss is really good at doing business, and this will bring the relationship closer.
If you want to connect with someone, borrowing their items is a very effective way to do so. Ye Xiaoming understands this very well, just like when he used to pursue girls, he used to borrow calligraphy, and now he uses the same principle to borrow records. Through borrowing and returning, the relationship between the two parties naturally becomes closer, and frequent exchanges can deepen the relationship between each other.
So, why did Ye Xiaoming want to establish contact with Ding Yuanying? The reason is simple, he noticed that although Ding Yuanying was in a poor situation, he still maintained a certain quality of life, such as drinking expensive tea, using high-end laptops and having top-of-the-line audio. These details made Ye Xiaoming feel that Ding Yuanying was not an ordinary person, but a person with a story.
Ye Xiaoming realized that establishing a relationship with Ding Yuanying might help his audio business, especially when his own career was facing difficulties, and he needed such a master to guide him.
Rui Xiaodan said when he was thinking: "Who is the real smart person? Ye Xiaoming, Feng Shijie, and Liu Bing are undoubtedly these people. They don't need to know what opportunities exist in Berlin, Paris, or Beijing, and they don't have to care about who Han Chufeng, Jenny, and Zheng Jianshi are, and they don't have to investigate the source of the funds, or how the personal debt will be repaid in the future...... They only need to rely on Ding Yuanying alone.
#图文春日打卡计划#因为通过丁元英, they have his knowledge, wisdom and a wide social network, using all the resources at his disposal, and these people are truly models of intelligence. ”
From Rui Xiaodan's words, I gradually understood why so many people now like to approach those who are powerful. It's not because of how charismatic these people are, but because they have resources at our disposal. Once we are able to climb on to such people, we will be able to reach through them the vast network of resources behind them.
Conversely, if we have resources in our hands, it will naturally attract people to come close to us; If not, then we may be overlooked. Therefore, we must keep a clear head and not be fooled by the sweet words of others, whose true purpose of approaching us is often only for the resources in our hands.
Just as Feng Shijie did not hesitate to lower his posture in order to get close to Ding Yuanying, he established contact through Rui Xiaodan. It is not because of how charismatic Ding Yuanying is, but because Ding Yuanying has rich knowledge, a sharp mind, extensive contacts and strong financial resources. Feng Shijie clings to Ding Yuanying, not only to use his wisdom to guide his direction, but also to use his connections and funds to achieve his goals.
Therefore, with Ding Yuanying, it is equivalent to having all the necessary resources to succeed, which is why some fans of "Tiandao" think that Feng Shijie is the real master.
In the TV series "Tiandao" starring Wang Zhiwen and Zuo Xiaoqing, we can learn that before turning to acquaintances, if we can lay a good emotional foundation first, then the efficiency will be greatly improved; If someone suddenly behaves unusually well to you, there must be an unknown purpose behind it; If you want to establish a connection with someone, you may want to borrow something from them, and through the process of borrowing and returning, the relationship between the two parties will naturally deepen. When you meet a real master, you will be able to access all his social resources through him.
In the same way, when others try to approach us, they are likely to take a fancy to the resources we have. Therefore, we must see the essence of things and not be deceived by superficial rhetoric. Understanding these communicative skills in the Tao of Heaven can improve our social cognition and make us more tactful and sophisticated in interpersonal communication.