(a)
Harry's story
Harry, a dentist, often follows his wife.
Because he was very afraid that his wife would abandon him and run away with others, he became more and more controlling.
If Fran talks to the opposite sex, he accuses Fran of being merciful, and when Fran receives a call from a male colleague at home, he gets very angry, and he takes the trouble to inquire about Fran's itinerary every day.
Harry's paranoia annoys Fran so much that she begins to distance herself from Harry, not wanting to talk to him, while Harry sees Fran's estrangement as evidence of cheating.
Harry slipped from repression to anger, and his vexatious fuss drained Fran's feelings, so Fran began to exclude him physically. In his obsession, Harry is turning the nightmare into reality with his own hands.
When their daughter goes to college, Fran feels that she can finally be freed and that she can choose to leave Harry.
She told Harry of her decision, and Harry was horrified, and he vowed to do anything for Fran, as long as Fran gave him another chance, but Fran wanted to separate first, and asked Harry to seek help from a psychiatrist, otherwise he would not forgive him.
Harry has been suspiciously following Fran round after round, and he always has a ridiculous logic to excuse himself.
Harry's long-term jealousy and suspicion indicate that he suffers from a mental illness called "paranoid personality disorder".
When an obsessive person has a paranoid personality, he may have violent tendencies. The counselor suggested that they should be separated from their lover or spouse for a while, at least three months, and do good psychological counseling to solve their psychological problems.
Harry agreed, and was very active in the counselling sessions. Gradually, his suspicions and other obsessive behaviors lessened.
(b)
An obsessive lover who is emotionally kidnapped
In the previous article, we talked about the first of the four obsessive lovers: the crazy pursuit of true love
Today, let's talk about the second obsessive type of lover: emotional kidnapping
No matter who you are, rejection is always like opening the floodgates of the abyss of pain
: The pain of not wanting to accept it, the pain of feeling humiliated, the pain of losing confidence, the pain of recovering the scars.
Whether it's physical pain or emotional pain, it's telling us that something needs to be changed, it's an instinct, and when you feel pain, you naturally want to do something to alleviate it.
Healthy lovers always deal with the pain of rejection in a positive way, even if it is not easy.
They are able to face their own sore spots, admit their failures in the relationship, and try their best to let go of the people they can't keep.
But obsessive lovers can't just let go, they repeatedly do some behaviors that are bound to hurt themselves or the other party, and more often than not, hurt others and hurt themselves.
They go all out to do something stupid, let action replace perception, and there is no time for pain. This practice of using negative actions to divert painful feelings is called "catharsis" in the field of psychology.
(c)
Emotionally abducted obsessive lovers usually have the following reactions when faced with rejection?
1. Catharsis through self-punishment
We often see in the media, movies and television how obsessive lovers are obsessed and forcibly intrude into the life of their "target", threatening or hurting them.
But in reality, after being rejected, most of the time, the reaction of the obsessive person is directed at themselves, and they unconsciously do some torture and harm themselves.
Self-punishing obsessives often drink heavily, overeat or go on hunger strikes, take drugs, gamble, act irritable or absent-minded at work, become lethargic or insomnia, alienate family and friends, and even commit suicide in heartache.
2. Redeem by stalking
The purpose of the obsessive stalking is to get the other person to regain their old love, and once they want to do it, without exception, they either vent it on themselves or find someone else to vent it.
Pursuit itself is not necessarily a sign of obsession. But the pursuit should be moderate, if the other party insists on leaving, no matter what the reason, you should choose to let go, no matter how painful.
But for the obsessive, letting her go is like killing her. If the other party leaves, their only thought is to chase back, chase back, must chase back, must chase back.
3. Make excuses and make excuses to meet the other person
By making up all kinds of bizarre excuses to pester each other, wishful thinking tries to maintain the relationship, and the result is to keep the other person away from themselves.
4. Engaging in phone harassment
The obsessive person harasses the other person endlessly over the phone, trying to protest the other person's indifference by using the phone to inquire about the other person's location and determine if the other person is around, so as to dispel their inner uneasiness.
In the eyes of obsessives, keeping in touch trumps everything, and they go to great lengths to find opportunities to connect with each other.
From the perspective of others, the obsession who constantly harasses their "only perfect lover" does not help to repair the relationship at all. But obsessives have a set of logic to convince themselves.
5. Drive and squat
Telephone harassment is far from the ultimate pattern for obsessives to chase their "goals", this is just a starting point.
Most obsessives quickly find that phone tracking is no longer enough, and they are desperate to get closer to the other person.
Driving stalking does not seem to be a chase, as there is no direct contact between the obsessive and the "target", and most of the "targets" do not find themselves being watched.
In fact, driving stalking is also a chase strategy, because its motivation is nothing more than to find an opportunity to contact the other person, or to facilitate the exploration of the other person's privacy.
Like, where is he/she? With whom? What have you been doing lately?
Like other chases, driving stalking is addictive and a bad habit in the life of the obsessive.
Obsessives are often surprised and confused by their own running to the other person's door or office, as if some force is driving them to lose control of themselves.
For some obsessive, driving and squatting is out of desire. They have no suspicion or jealousy, only because they miss it.
They want to be with each other every day, but the other person doesn't allow it, so they follow each other in their cars, at least so they can feel each other's presence.
What a poignant love this is! The obsessives sit alone in the car, looking sadly at the house where their dreams are treasured, holding the broken dreams and enduring the torment of guilt.
6. Uninvited guests, often make up some reasons, without telling each other in advance, to see each other
7. Tracking
Quietly follow their target, tracking.
The stalker always has a set of absurd logic to excuse his actions, and the obsessive person explains it this way: although he also feels ashamed and blamed for it, it will at least free him from the pain of suspicion for a while, and let him get a moment of peace in the torment of attachment and jealousy.
But tranquility is only temporary, and no matter how many times the other party has been proven innocent, the suspicion of the obsessive will return, and they have no confidence in the future at all.
8. Suicide threats
Some obsessives end up with suicide threats.
When all is exhausted, some obsessives threaten suicide.
Although some people do carry it out, suicide threats are still a chase tactic.
The obsessive person compels him to commit suicide in order to trigger the other person's uneasiness and guilt and force the other person to return to him.
The obsessive person wants to commit suicide for two purposes: to end their own suffering and punish the other person.
It is impossible to recover a lost lover by death, and even if the other person comes back temporarily, it is only because of fear or pity, and fear and pity can hardly be the basis of true love.
(iv)
All the chase is futile, hurting others and hurting oneself
Blowing up the phone, driving on the road, uninvited, stalking, and even threatening to commit suicide, obsessive lovers run out of means, convinced that all their absurd behavior is due to intense, holy, poetic love.
Stained with the brilliance of so-called love, aggressiveness, invasion of privacy, and harassment all seem so grandiose.
Obsessed people will do whatever it takes to achieve their ends.
The various "methods" of the obsessive have created a punitive and increasingly vicious circle, in which the obsessive person is deeply trapped and feels more and more desperate and inferior.
The more they "fight", the farther they push each other, and the more painful they become.
When we are not able to express and deal with our inner anger well, these feelings are like a sharp boomerang, and we end up hurting ourselves and inflicting our own problems.
Anger burrows into the depths of our subconscious, disguised like a sensitive chameleon, and transforms into a variety of symptoms, from headaches to exhaustion and depression.
Sooner or later, all the obsessed people will taste the realm of self-inflicted suffering, and at that time, the frustration of not being able to ask for it and the sense of humiliation that often turns into anger. The anger of most obsessive lovers will eventually turn into a flame of revenge and rush on each other.