At the age of 50 and 80, a single mother and daughter chose to live together for the elderly

streak

2024-06-27 15:24Creators in the field of life

Wu Ang is 50 years old and unmarried.

Mother Lin Xiuli is 80 years old this year and divorced.

This is a mother and daughter who are both single,

A special pension arrangement was chosen:

Living together in a hut in Pu'er, Yunnan.

More than 20 years ago, Wu Ang helped his mother escape from his father who was domestic violence.

She described herself as a "war group" with her mother and younger brother.

Together, they began the "post-disaster reconstruction" of this small family.

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Wu Ang and his mother, Lin Xiuli, read at home in Yunnan

Wu Aung said, "Daughters should naturally change blood for their mother's ideas and consciousness."

In the first year of cohabitation,

Lin Xiuli read fifty or sixty books recommended by her daughter,

She likes to make clothes while listening to podcasts,

When eating breakfast, I couldn't move on the vocal lessons,

Learn mobile phone photography, retouch pictures and color grading by yourself,

Use your phone to control all smart home appliances.

Now, she has become a center of influence among her peers,

I also want to "learn to be 100 years old" and travel to the universe.

After Lin Xiuli experienced a marriage of domestic violence,

never urged her daughter to get married, and her daughter "agreed to whatever she wanted".

With her support, Wu Ang had a calm desk,

In addition to writing tirelessly, he also developed his own career in painting.

In the imaginable mother-daughter relationship,

They seem to provide a model of the most harmonious -

They don't have to eat together, they don't share the same routine,

I can't even say a word for a few days,

But in a relatively independent coexistence space,

They know that they are the smallest community that supports and supports each other.

Statement: Wu Ang, Lin Xiuli

Editor: Jin Lu

Editor-in-charge: Ni Chujiao

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Wu Ang and his mother read together, and together they would discuss the contents of the book and the life of the author

In June, Pu'er ushered in the rainy season, and the gentle cool rain will come every afternoon, which is also the best time to eat mushrooms and 100 root soup. Wu Ang had just finished writing an outline of a script, and he had reached the stage where he could breathe a sigh of relief for a while.

This year is the sixth year that Wu Ang and his mother Lin Xiuli have lived together, and the third year in Yunnan. In 2018, because of the illness of the family, the mother was much haggard, and Wu Ang also had some problems with his own health, so they decisively decided to move in together.

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The mother and daughter soaked ginger, green plum wine and bayberry wine together

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Wu Aung and his mother have their own separate workspaces

The mother and daughter are 30 years apart, and what they have in common is that they are both single.

50-year-old Wu Ang is glad that he chose not to get married. After she left Zhangpu County, Fujian Province, she studied literature in Fudan and worked as an investigative reporter for traditional media, but she has always decided to "eat the bowl of literature", after leaving the institutional media, she took writing novels as her life's work, and in recent years, she has started painting again, and has been doing freelance work for 21 years.

80-year-old Lin Xiuli, a rare college student in that era, became a well-known obstetrician and gynecologist in the county after graduation, and married Wu Ang's father at the age of 28. At that time, she had to take care of the family and the sick at the same time, and the "burden was heavy", but at the same time, she also endured her husband's incessant domestic violence, and for more than 20 years, she did not have the freedom to sing and dance, was not allowed to wear beautiful clothes, and no one believed what she said. It wasn't until she was 55 years old that she escaped from her marriage that she had endured for 20 years of domestic violence with the help of her children.

After struggling to strip away that home, Wu Ang promised to take his mother to live with him.

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Lin Xiuli prepares nutritionally balanced food for herself

Now, they really live together. Their rule is to maximize the amount of space for each other to be independent. All the time, they are almost doing their own thing, and sometimes they can't say a word for a long time.

In this space, the title of mother and daughter has become less important, Wu Ang and her friends call their mother "Sister Lin", and Sister Lin likes to call Wu Ang "Teacher Wu".

Recently, Wu Ang has to do a script, and he will get up at seven or eight o'clock.

Moms tend to wake up naturally at 10 o'clock, and then start to make a hearty breakfast with a reasonable combination of protein, carbohydrates, and fiber, and listen to vocal lessons on their mobile phones while eating. She loved singing and dancing when she was young, but she was embarrassed to tell us, "Actually, I can't sing, so I'll just listen to it." ”

Lin Xiuli sometimes buys some groceries at the gate of the community, and when she comes home, she starts making clothes while listening to podcasts and audiobooks, and she recently likes to listen to Random Wave and Alice Monroe. Every time her mother sent the finished clothes to the group, Wu Ang, her younger brother and sister applauded wildly, and even gave her a sewing machine on Mother's Day, so the more she worked, the more enthusiastic she became.

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Recently, Lin Xiuli is making new shirts for Wu Ang

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When Lin Xiuli makes clothes, she will carefully draw design drawings and indicate the size

Lin Xiuli has always had a "science and engineering" temperament, she will demarcate different exclusive rags for different areas of the kitchen, and the sketchbook for making clothes is also densely filled with drawings and numbers.

Compared to her mother, Wu Ang is a little bigger, but she has inherited her mother's dedication to work when she was young, she is immersed in work from morning to night, it is easy to hear others, until the evening, if it does not rain, she will occasionally go out for a walk or swim.

They have a natural division of labor in the house. In 2011, she learned to shop online, always buying ingredients, snacks and fabrics online, and also paying electricity and water bills online, while Wu Ang was more responsible for running errands: going downstairs to pick up parcels, throwing out garbage, going out to run errands or purchasing.

At first, his mother took on more housework, but Wu Ang soon realized that this was unfair, so he began to cut back on household chores very planned, among which cooking was obviously the most time and energy, so they untied themselves from eating together early on.

Wu Ang likes to make rice noodles, and his mother prefers some steamed whole grains and small pasta, and there are overlaps and differences in eating habits and eating times, so they don't always have to be together.

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I bought balloons at the vegetable market and prepared to go home

On the second day of filming, Wu Ang went to the vegetable market with his mother. They would hold hands and hang out together, curiously asking about the properties of the fungi and herbs like every new Yunnan native, and Wu Ang would also go around to the other side to buy rice noodles while his mother was buying meat.

Wu Ang bought a cartoon balloon in the shape of a rabbit and tied it to the handle of the cart, and his mother pulled the balloon string and smiled happily at the camera. They filled a small cart and returned home full of spring cakes.

Chizuruko Ueno said in "Beginning with the Limit": "The daughter is the fiercest critic of the mother and the most ardent advocate. But in Wu Ang and Lin Xiuli, we rarely see the struggles, conflicts and tensions that are common in mother-daughter relationships, on the contrary, they are walking hand in hand on a quiet and peaceful road of reconstruction, and they have progressed together to become a "newer version of themselves".

Here's what they had to say.

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Lin Xiuli hugged Wu Ang when she was a child

Lin Xiuli:

In the early years, it was all for the reputation of the family, and it seemed to outsiders that our family was very good, he was the University of Science and Technology of China, my Fujian Medical College, and both children went to Fudan. So no matter how much physical aggression the other party gave me, I felt that speaking out would affect the reputation of the family, and for more than 20 years, I have been suppressing my inner feelings and forcibly not bothering with him.

But later, in the late 90s, Wu Ang was already in graduate school, and his younger brother was in undergraduate, first of all, I had the motivation that my children gave me. Wu Ang told me that after she saw her father beat me, she had a plan in her heart, she said that she would leave him and take me to court with her brother in the future.

After the child spoke up, I felt that I should get rid of this person and not let him hurt me for no reason like this.

At that time, all the relatives, brothers and sisters of the family came together to oppose it, including my high school classmates, colleagues, and neighbors, and there were probably more than 100 people who came to talk to me and persuaded me not to leave. But I felt that I was not afraid, and I showed my colleagues and friends the lawsuits we had brought to the court and the children's submissions, hoping to get their support.

Wu Ang wrote in the opinion: "I have made up my mind since I was a child that I will rescue my mother when I can. ”

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In the days of living together, the two will not deliberately have to eat together

But I got too little support. On the morning of the first court session, seven or eight of my classmates from high school came to the hospital to prevent us from going to the courthouse. And my son said unto them, Where were you when my mother was beaten? Before I decided to divorce, I called these old classmates many times and begged them to help me stop this person's behavior, but some of them said, "Is it true? "Think I'm lying.

At the first hearing, the court ruled that the divorce was not agreed. But I had already made up my mind at that time that I had to fight my way out, and the legal policy at that time was that a divorce could be granted after two years of separation, so I insisted on ignoring him for two years.

In the past, he would interfere in all my lives, and I couldn't wear nice clothes, shoes, let alone makeup. I like singing and dancing very much, but he forced me to quit the propaganda team, and once my position was promoted, he had a bad face and didn't go with me, and I don't know why he hated me so much.

After the divorce, I wanted to be free. I wanted to wear what I liked, be like everyone else, put on makeup, and sing and dance freely.

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A group photo of Wu Ang traveling with his mother in his early years

Wu Ang:

For as long as I can remember, my father's domestic violence has not stopped, he will be angry at any time, and my mother is very difficult, and her body has suffered a lot of damage.

I also recently asked my mother some questions because I started to write some articles about my parents' marriage, I didn't dare to ask at all, such as what happened to her knee, she said that my father once pushed her knee from behind, because she was very small, less than 1.5 meters, she knelt directly on the ground, and her meniscus was broken, which directly affected the quality of life in the second half of her life, and now she can't walk a long way.

As her daughter, I'm really just an eyewitness. The real pain was enduring this marriage for more than twenty years of her life, which was so golden.

Our brother and my aunt were the ones who helped her pack up her things, made an appointment with the driver, moved out of that house, and went to live in the doctor's duty room in my mother's hospital.

My mom was completely out of the house. Later, we joked that home was our "Occupied Zone", and we didn't have time to rescue our precious childhood memories when we were young, and sometimes we would suddenly remember that our philatelic book and "One Thousand and One Nights" were still in the "Occupied Zone".

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Today's peaceful life is the result of hard struggles and resistance

Wu Ang said: "Only after experiencing all this can I know how precious life is at the moment"

I've written a lot of these experiences very directly when I've been writing poetry. After I wrote about living with my mother after escaping domestic violence, many girls told me that their families were like this. I don't think you should go home and suffer like this, as if you were living in a war zone.

So I think we should have this responsibility to let them know that you can go through this road, you can walk safely, very well, and you can live a very peaceful life on your own.

I used to think that my mother might not live to be 60 years old in marriage, but she is now 80 years old, and we have won such a peaceful and happy life for her and herself after the divorce.

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Wu Aung regularly dresses his home with seasonal local flowers

Lin Xiuli:

The first year we lived together, I read fifty or sixty books. Wu Ang recommended a lot of books to me, and she would think about what books I was suitable to read, such as Yang Jiang, Wang Zengqi, Yu Hua, and Su Tong, and then brought them in batches.

Later, in the second year, I felt that I couldn't be idle like this, and I should find something to do. When I was a child, I used to help my mother sew button holes, and I thought it would be nice to be able to make my own clothes and wear them on my body, but I didn't have time to do them after work.

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After retiring, Lin Xiuli began to make clothes as she wished

In 2011, she learned to use her mobile phone to shop online, and the fabrics at home were all grabbed by herself in the live broadcast room

So I thought why not buy some fabrics, which are available online, and slowly started to learn. This is my personal hobby, and in the process of making clothes for my children in the past few years, I myself feel a little improved, and the clothes I make for my children, they don't dislike it, and I wear them in public, so I am more interested.

One of my most rewarding outfits is the reversible cashmere coat I made, and I've been trying to make some men's clothing in the past few years.

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Lin Xiuli practices mobile photography

Last year, I also took a mobile phone photography class, studied for a month, and scratched the door a little roughly. I couldn't walk around on my legs, so I walked around the neighborhood and patted it. The trees here grow very tall, and the other day I saw a tree that was as tall as a six-story building, and I thought I was going to take a picture of it. Then wait until next year to shoot again, and then it might grow to seven floors.

And now the home is intelligent, if I don't understand this, I can't cope with life. You see, I now use my mobile phone to control the rice cooker and sweeper at home.

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Everywhere in the house hung Wu Ang's own paintings

Wu Ang:

I think it is natural for a daughter to change her mother's ideas and consciousness, especially feminist ideas and consciousness.

It's not that mom doesn't want to, or doesn't have the ability to become version 2.0 or 3.0 of herself, it's just that the era she lives in is not conducive to women's development. If you don't study yourself, you won't be able to exchange blood for her.

Chinese used to be a little reluctant to face sensitive issues directly, such as women's situations, marriage and childbearing choices, and even money. I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of, you should just put them on the table and discuss them like men.

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The men's shirt that Lin Xiuli made for her son is no different from what is sold in the store

Many people say that the progress of educating mothers and infecting them is very slow, and there are even many relapses and relapses after a while, so I think it is important to be patient.

You can arrange some of your teaching materials in a very "scheming" way where her five senses can reach. For example, I like to buy beautiful utensils to go home, but at the beginning my mother would say that no matter how you look at it, it is gray and gray, like it can't be cleaned, and when my friends who are engaged in art come to my house for dinner, they take pictures like crazy and keep praising it, and my mother suddenly has an epiphany and realizes that it is beautiful.

You have to give her time, because their generations have not been exposed to aesthetic education, or a more avant-garde, grayscale life. You have to give her some point-to-point guidance, such as retweeting some nutritious links, so that she knows that there are people in the world who are not so traditional in life, and that young people have many different ways of living, but it is still feasible and my daughter can live happily.

Also, you want to let your mom know your financial situation, and if she knows that you have money in your pocket, she won't be particularly worried.

My mom has now become a new center of influence for two or three generations before and after her, and her whole person has been renewed.

She would be very proactive in telling her colleagues, classmates, and juniors what I spread to her, educating them not to rush to marry children, and calling her elderly relatives who were not enterprising and saying that you should listen to podcasts, learn how to shop online, and learn how to use apps.

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In recent years, Wu Ang has explored painting as a second profession in addition to writing, and has also held solo exhibitions

Wu Ang:

I'm sure like all the post-70s generation has struggled and tried to build intimacy. My mother's story gave me a lot of cautionary tales and opportunities to think.

Some classmates always tell me that "a woman's greatest value and ultimate destination is marriage", and I have no mercy on this cliché. Their next trick is to say, "You don't make any money doing literature," and I say, "How do you know?" ”

I also had very open and honest exchanges with my mother, and my mother's views are even more avant-garde than those of the post-90s, so she never pushes for marriage.

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Wu Ang's paintings are basically women

My mom has a particularly important strength: she feels that her child makes sense in whatever choice she makes, and she firmly believes that we are right. She doesn't measure my success or failure in terms of money, but rather by whether or not I'm doing what I should be doing the most.

So even if I chose to leave a high-paying position in the media at that time and suddenly enter the novel industry for 30-50 yuan per thousand words, my mother felt that it was understandable, and this kind of support was very important to me.

I've been freelancing for 21 years, and in the last few years I've started painting again and have a second career. In everything I do, I try to accomplish it with all my passion, all my concentration. My mom would be very supportive of all of these choices, even if they weren't important.

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The walls of Wu Ang's studio are covered with literature-related sticky notes, writing about important writers and eras in the history of world literature; The bookcases in the living room and studio were stacked with books

Lin Xiuli:

When I was in medical school, there were no standards for marriage at all, and I didn't particularly love anyone, and I couldn't decide on my own in the end. At that time, five or six people wrote to me, and I took it to my cousin, and she looked at it and said that this person was from a prestigious university, and that was it. You see, that's how we chose our subjects at the time.

Now that she is working so hard at everything, I feel that she is happy. I really agree with what she wants, I will not be afraid that there will be no offspring to support her in the future, I think the society is progressing, and the social services in the future will be able to keep up with these unmarried and barren people.

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Lin Xiuli flipped through her own clothing design book

Wu Ang:

Living with my mom and most importantly allowed me to have a calm desk for at least a few years. Because of our mutual support, I felt that I could completely ignore the issue of making money, and I relaxed from the predator state of the previous years and went on to develop my second career with peace of mind.

Because I have to take my mother with me, and I am freelancing, I can't think about retirement too late, and I began to realize it at the age of 40. My brother and sister and I are very united, we are like a legion, very planned, and we think about solutions in the same way that we took my mother to escape is a fighting style.

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The mother and daughter make separate purchases at the vegetable market, and the mother will use her mobile phone to pay for the groceries

After I talked to my mother, we both decided that we would not send her to a nursing home, and I thought it was good that she would die at home, as Chizuruko Ueno said. My mother and I didn't want a cemetery and felt it would add an unnecessary burden. She has dealt with the will very early, and we will also face the notarization of the will, which is nothing to shy away from and be ashamed of.

We also consciously made some local friends here in Pu'er Simao, and if I went on a business trip, someone could come over at any time, and if necessary, we would also hire a nanny or a nurse one day.

People who have already experienced so many ups and downs in society, why should they stop or be afraid in front of the elderly? Why fear death? I think that rationality about death is a choice that people who have struggled with in life should have.

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Buy meat and balloons at the vegetable market

Lin Xiuli:

Human aging is a natural law in physiology, and organ decay is normal. People should face up to the increase of age and the deterioration of the body, and do not be pessimistic and discouraged because of aging.

I felt that I had to be as energetic as a young person, so I often couldn't remember what I was or how old I was.

There have always been two people in my heart. One is Yang Jiang, who is my most respected role model. After reading many of her books, I got a lot of strength from her. When her daughter died, I said how she could hold on, and Wu Ang would tell me what kind of person Yang Jiang was. She's been through so much, but she's still working and writing until after 100.

The other is the blind singer Zhou Yunpeng, who I like very much. He lost his sight at the age of 9, but he still went to college, writing, composing, writing ballads, and touring everywhere. I once asked him, where does you get this power? He said to me, you don't have to think about anything.

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Lin Xiuli listens to vocal lessons online every day

So what reason do I have to always think about it and stagnate? I also have to be like them, if I can live to be 100 years old, I will also learn to be 100 years old.

I just want to keep up with the times, and I want to learn more about artificial intelligence in the future. Aren't people now saying that there will be space travel in the future? I always tell my old colleagues to live well and stay in the space hotel together in the future. One day, I would like to board a spaceship and travel the entire universe to see the planets in the universe with my own eyes.

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