#大学教授##裸辞##跨国婚姻##美国生活#
This is the 4,188th real story we have told
I, Mengmeng, am 50 years old and now a freelancer.
Although I was born in a rural family, it was not easy for my parents to support me in college, and then agreed to let me go to graduate school or study for a PhD. But I became an associate professor and master's tutor at the university that everyone envied, but despite the opposition of my parents and family, I resigned naked halfway.
In the best 20 years since my freshman year, I have been in many relationships in a row, and finally married an American man who is 2 years younger and lives in a small town and starts my own business.
Because I was too old to get pregnant naturally, I did IVF 5 times in a row and suffered all kinds of hardships before I successfully gave birth to a mixed-race treasure, so that I finally became a mother at the age of 49.
So, do I regret my original choice?
(We are a family of three)
In 1974, I was born in a rural family in Shiyanfang County, Hubei Province. I have three older brothers and two older sisters, and I am the sixth.
There are many children in the family, and the parents are really hardworking.
The genius was bright, and I was still asleep, so they went to work in the fields, and came back at noon to make a simple lunch, and the last big bite of rice was just put into their mouths, and they couldn't sit still, so they picked up their hoes, and walked to the fields while chewing the rice, and they didn't come back until dark, but there was still a big pile of housework waiting for them when they got home.
However, when the older siblings are older, they can help their parents whenever they come home from school, or on their days off.
Because I am the youngest child in the family, I have had a sister-in-law at home for as long as I can remember. Living with my sisters-in-law, I think about their feelings at a very young age to see if they are happy. Therefore, I am more sensitive, I will observe words and feelings, and hope that everyone around me will be happy, even if I have wronged myself.
However, although my parents were farmers who faced the loess with their backs to the sky every day, their strict and enlightened education method gave me the freedom to pursue my dreams in distant places, whether it was study, work, or love.
(My good friend in junior high school)
I have been excellent in my studies since I was a child, but I also stumbled on the way to study.
In the early 80s, the school was more than ten kilometers away from home, so I had to live on campus. However, when I was in the fourth grade of primary school, the whole school building suddenly collapsed, and the government temporarily rented a classroom for us to study, but there was no dormitory, so I had to borrow it to live at my cousin's house.
When I graduated from junior high school, my family wanted me to take a technical secondary school exam, because at that time, it was the best choice to take the technical secondary school exam, as long as I entered, as soon as I graduated, I could wait to be assigned a good job.
However, surprisingly, I was not admitted to the technical secondary school, but I entered the high school score line. But my family felt that I didn't know what the outcome of high school would be in the future, and they wanted me to give up.
I was not reconciled and went on a hunger strike for two days to show my resistance. My mother went to discuss with my brothers, but in the end, she respected my wishes and agreed that I should go to high school.
When I went to high school, I studied very hard and I always remembered my commitment to my parents. I was the first in my grade for three years of high school, but the quality of our teachers and education at that time was limited, and I was only admitted to Hubei University.
(Mom and Dad and Me)
However, in the year of admission to the university, all of them were merged, and they needed to pay tuition, accommodation, books and other miscellaneous fees, and the first year was 3,000 yuan, which was a very large amount in the early 90s of the 20th century.
However, our parents are very old, we live in the mountains, and we can barely eat the food we have worked hard to grow for a year, except for feeding a pig every year to sell and selling some eggs, there is no other source of income.
My brothers and sisters have all married and started a family, except for one brother who is a private teacher, the others are in the countryside, and the economic conditions are not good, so my parents had to borrow money everywhere, and borrowed all the relatives and friends at that time, and also suffered a lot of white eyes and humiliation.
My parents cut back on food and clothing, and finally managed to provide for me to finish four years of college.
After graduating from university, I continued to study at Hubei University, but my family did not oppose it, and my parents and family fully supported it. I couldn't bear to let my parents provide for me to study anymore, so I told my parents and older siblings that I would no longer take a penny from the family, and that I would take out my own student loans and work-study programs.
In order to earn tuition and living expenses, I have worked many part-time jobs, helping companies distribute flyers, substitute teaching in private schools, and taking classes in training institutions. And the most I do is tutoring, and I can't even count how many students I have taught one-on-one.
(Me during my internship at university)
When I graduated with my master's degree, I was really struggling with whether to work directly or continue my studies.
My parents are old, and I want to make money early to be filial to them. Besides, she is a girl, she is not young, and she is also facing the pressure of getting married and starting a family.
However, with the repeated encouragement of my master's supervisor, I went to Wuhan University to study for a doctorate. At this time, after all, there were not as many doctors as there are now, as long as they are doctoral students, it is not the city and the unit that picks people, but the people who pick the city and the unit.
After graduating with a Ph.D. in 2006, I chose to work in a 985 university in Shanghai, an international metropolis, in August.
In college, I worked very hard. In order to prove himself and to be recognized by his leadership colleagues, he did the work of three people by himself when he was busiest.
At the same time, I also want to see the outside world, and it has always been my dream to study abroad. So I applied for a public exchange assignment and in 2009 I successfully applied to Columbia University, an Ivy League university, for a year. After returning to China, I was promoted to associate professor and began to lead graduate students.
In 2011, I started to be the deputy secretary of the party committee of the college.
(When I was in graduate school)
But the job of a university professor is not as easy and beautiful as imagined, but very stressful.
I am mainly engaged in teaching and scientific research, in terms of teaching, I need to prepare and attend classes, students need to evaluate teaching, scientific research work, I need to write articles, publish books, apply for scientific research projects, and participate in academic seminars.
It seems that teachers have winter and summer vacations, but there are a few teachers who can play completely chic during the winter and summer vacations, and there is a lot of work to do.
Not to mention winter and summer vacations, even after work or on weekends, no matter what you do, you still have to think about teaching and scientific research in your mind.
On top of that, I also had to work part-time as an administrator.
I used to be in charge of student work, and I would encounter all kinds of strange things, including love problems, conflicts with classmates, and even students looking for short-term ......
One of them was a schoolgirl who fell in love with a boy in society, and then the girl felt that the boy was not suitable and wanted to end the relationship. The boy wrote dozens of pages of complaint letters to us, and went to the school to threaten the girl many times, which made people panic.
(When I was a PhD student in Wuhan)
In order to prevent accidents, I have to remind the female student to pay attention to safety at all times and advise her on how to deal with it. Fortunately, the boy was only a threat, so that the girl was not harmed. But I've been working hard for a long time, and I still have lingering palpitations, in case a girl ......
It's really stressful to be in charge of students, because if any problems arise with students, they need to take responsibility, and I am in charge of graduate students and doctoral students.
They are all adults, they have their own thoughts, lives, and even many of them have already worked, plus they all have mentors behind them, their mentors are my colleagues, and some are even leaders, how to balance these relationships is a headache.
I am also in charge of the work of retired teachers, many of whom are very old, sick at home, hospitalized, or deceased...... I need to think about it, visit it, and arrange it.
Sometimes I get so busy and exhausted that I start to get tired of the job.
It's not uncommon for work to go wrong, and I've had a few relationships, but they've all been unsuccessful.
(I'm a Ph.D.)
When I first entered college, I was in a long-distance relationship with a high school classmate, and I broke up many times in the middle, and then we broke up completely. But he came back to me for many years.
When I was in graduate school, he also found my dorm, so I left a phone number for him. He often called the dormitory, but he called either too early or too late, which disgusted my roommate, so I stopped contacting him. When I was a postdoc, he also went to the school to look for me, but he didn't find it. Later, I heard that he was in love and married.
When I was in graduate school, I was introduced by a classmate and talked about a boyfriend. We both liked each other, but at that time I was very headstrong and proud inside, and we often had conflicts over small things.
Later, his sister felt that there were too many brothers and sisters in our family and prevented him from dating me, and we broke up. But then we kept in touch on and off, until I left Wuhan to work in Shanghai, and it was completely cut off.
During my Ph.D., I dated a boy, and I was also separated and married, and I dated for three years. I've always liked him, but only occasionally contacted, I thought it was no fun.
(I give lectures at other schools)
At the end of 2011, he approached me out of the blue and asked me if I was still single, and I said yes. He offered to marry me, and I readily agreed.
After we dated again for more than a month, we got a marriage license. But this marriage is in name only, we haven't even kissed, I didn't expect him to be a gay, and he had to separate after half a year.
Later, I also talked about two Chinese people in Canada, but both died of failure.
I think that when you fall in love, you must be loyal to each other, for the purpose of love and marriage, and be able to pay for each other. So no matter what, I still hope that I can meet the right person, get married and have children.
Who would have thought, but I met true love on the Internet.
On an English-language dating site, an American man who was two years younger than me took the initiative to write to me. So we started chatting and found out that both of us were serious about making friends for marriage.
After chatting for about two months, I first went to the United States to meet him. Because I had a 10-year tourist visa for the United States at the time, he had not yet applied for a Chinese visa.
(We often go out to play)
It was August 2016, and we first met at the Los Angeles airport in the United States. He picked me up at the airport and saw him wearing a dark brown suit, jeans, sneakers, tall, but very fat. In terms of appearance, I was a little disappointed at the time, and I didn't like fat people very much.
However, we didn't say "goodbye" to this, and after we met, we went to Las Vegas and spent a week together. I found him to be very polite, very careful, well-mannered, knowledgeable, and broad-minded.
He also felt like he was in love with me, so we continued to dating.
Later, he flew to Shanghai to see me. In this way, the United States, Shanghai, Shanghai, and the United States came and went more than a dozen times, and we gradually had feelings.
Maybe you won't believe it, but what struck me the most was his natural little expression.
That time, when I heard that my dad was sick, I didn't do anything, but I saw that his eyes were red. At that time, I thought: such a kind person is worth entrusting for life. What's more, I'm already a "half-old".
Another time, when he heard that my mother was sick, he hurriedly flew over from the United States to visit and accompany me, and he was always by my mother's side until she died.
(Proposed to me at Shanghai Disneyland)
Later, my dad passed away too. Because of the pandemic, we can't go back to China. He bought paper money from the Internet, asked his brothers, sisters-in-law, nephews and nieces to come and kneel to burn paper, put Kong Ming lanterns to mourn, and washed the photos of my parents in black and white and put them in the living room, so that I could see "my parents" at any time.
He was always considerate of me, and I unconsciously gave my heart to him.
On January 3, 2018, it was a rainy day, and it was very cold, and we were playing at Shanghai Disneyland. But without my knowledge, he suddenly took out the ring and proposed, which surprised and surprised me very much. It turned out that he had a plan, and I was moved without hesitation and readily agreed.
February 14, 2018 was Valentine's Day, we got our marriage license in the United States, took some simple photos, and the American family got together.
On April 30th, we held a Chinese wedding in our hometown of Fang County, Hubei.
After marriage, there is no so-called collision and difference between Chinese and Western cultures between the two of us. But we gather less and leave more, because our respective work is in different countries.
(We're married)
Considering that my husband doesn't speak Chinese and is not used to Chinese food, it must be much more difficult for him to come to China to live than for me to go to the United States. Besides, I also want to live and work in a different environment.
Therefore, I did not have too much struggle, and in June 2021, I submitted my resignation to the school.
My friends, colleagues, and superiors all felt a little sorry for my naked resignation, but they also expressed their understanding.
Of course, none of my relatives and friends at home were in favor of my resignation. After all, I studied hard for decades, and finally graduated with a doctorate, a professor at East China Normal University, how loud this job sounds, and it is the envy of many people.
In a way, I also think that "without the platform, it's nothing". I'm a university teacher, but when I leave school, the professional knowledge I have learned is of little use.
However, I have made up my mind, and my family can only respect my choice.
After the naked resignation, there are no more complicated things to disturb me, I am like a bird out of the cage at ease. But after a while, I feel a little nostalgic for my former colleagues and students, and occasionally regret it.
(Our Traditional Chinese Wedding Photos)
In July 2019, I sold my house in Shanghai and we moved to the United States. I wanted to be a free man, so I chose to start a small business. Because I have also been a university teacher for more than ten years, I want to try a different industry.
Besides, even if I graduate with a doctorate in China, it is difficult for me to find a job at an American university, unless I study here to get a degree.
Moving to the United States, we can finally enjoy the world together.
My husband often writes on my computer and lunch box before he goes on a business trip or goes to work: I love you. Every time I watch it, I think it's fun.
Usually resting at home, he often looks like a child, wearing the toy decoration of his childhood, and suddenly appears in front of me, making me scream in fright.
But my mother-in-law wanted us to live with her, saying that she couldn't take care of such a big house by herself, and that the house would belong to me and my husband in the future. Besides, my husband was born and raised here, and my husband and I like it very much, the climate is good, the environment is good, it is safe, and the people here are very friendly.
So my husband sold his house in other states, and we moved into my mother-in-law's house. But we found out that my mother-in-law's house had a mortgage, so we helped her repay the loan.
(We took our dogs for Halloween)
At that time, considering that I was both 46 years old, we had to think about having children first. However, I was too old and I couldn't get pregnant naturally after more than 1 year. So we started doing IVF.
With IVF, the physical pain is secondary, while the mental stress is unparalleled.
IVF was done again and again, hope, disappointment, hope, disappointment, 4 times in a row, all unsuccessful. But I never thought of giving up, because I have confidence in my body, and my belief also supports that I can definitely do it, and I am the kind of character who "will not die until the heart of the Yellow River".
The emperor lived up to his painstaking efforts, and the 5th test tube was finally successful, and we were both so happy that we hugged our heads and cried. At the age of 49, I finally became a mother. This is a feeling that only couples who have difficulty getting pregnant can experience.
However, it is more casual to bring children here: most children grow up with cats and dogs; It doesn't matter if a child blows an air conditioner or fan; Parents basically take care of their children here, and elders or nannies rarely help with them.
(We are by the sea)
My husband and I are both people who like to play everywhere, and with children, although it will temporarily affect our time to go out to play, we are more happy, and we feel that we have a rush in life and a new goal to strive for.
My mother-in-law is in very good health, but she is very good at enjoying it, and she doesn't want to do anything, cleaning, laundry, cooking, or even washing dishes. Of course, the mother-in-law will not help with the children, but she will occasionally tease.
However, my husband basically took care of the housework. He is a training manager in the service industry, mainly hotel management, and is a good hand at home and abroad.
If I could do it all over again, I would definitely choose to come to the United States to live with him.
My small business is doing outdoor furniture, because it is a completely unfamiliar field, and now in the fifth year, I have basically figured out the doorway inside, and I have just started, and the income is okay. I don't have a lot of requirements, as long as I am content with the same income as I used to work.
At least I'm free, no one cares, and I don't have to suffer any grievances at work.
(49-year-old me, first-time mother)
Now the mother-in-law says that the house will be divided among her three children. So we've been looking at houses lately, and we're planning to move out in the near future, because it's easy to buy a house in the U.S., and it doesn't matter if you want a house for your mother-in-law.
In the future, I will work hard while taking care of my children, and try to be able to spend time with my children and work. At the same time, we should pay special attention to physical health, because we have a child late, and we must have a healthy body to accompany the child to grow up. Of course, continue to do your own business.
Love is a sweet pain, and sincere love never takes a smooth path. Life is short, and we can't do it all over again, so let's cherish the present.
(Welcome to follow the protagonist's account "Dream in the United States")
[Dictation: Dream Dream]
[Written by: Smanro]
[Editor: Wuxi Wu]
We can't experience different lives, but we can feel different life trajectories here, every photo here is a bit of life, every story is a real life, if you also like it, please click to follow! @真实人物采访
(*This article is based on the oral statements of the parties, and the authenticity is the responsibility of the oral narrator.) Friendly reminder from this account: Please identify the relevant risks by yourself, and do not blindly follow the trend to make impulsive decisions. ）