Total: 2875 words / Time estimate: 9min
Hi, I'm Nanchi, a 93-year minimalist life who loves writing, and a gentle and firm working mother of her second child.
Dabao was sick and hospitalized, and looking at the needle in his hand, he suddenly became a little sensitive and fragile.
Seeing the appearance of Rose's curly-haired mother-in-law in "The Story of Rose", especially the plot of accompanying her during pregnancy, and the memories of living with her in-laws when her second child was pregnant, attacked me like an awl.
After Dabao was born, I lived with my mother-in-law for 3 years. When the second child was pregnant, my father-in-law retired and came to live with us.
Tell me about my personality.
I can be regarded as a soft personality on the outside and strong on the inside, a senior I person, who cares about what others say about me, but also wants to be myself firmly and freely. Most of the time it is rational and calm, and it is easy to be emotional after being suppressed for a long time.
On the one hand, I hope that each other can be decent, so I forbear and retreat, on the other hand, I don't want to be depressed, so I occasionally use the cold war to vent my little emotions.
Although the appearance is not comparable, I think that it is quite similar to the roses at this stage in the play.
93 years, 31 years old, married with two children, many of his peers around him have also entered the next stage of life.
I really want to give a piece of advice to all unmarried girls: don't talk about marriage easily if you haven't met your parents.
in Chi
01
After Rose became pregnant, Fang Xiewen let his mother go to Shanghai to take care of her without prior consultation.
Perhaps, Fang Xiewen knew Rose's attitude, but he pretended not to see it, or didn't care. After all, the only time he asked his mother to come over, Rose had already politely refused.
But for Fang Xiewen, who grew up in a single-parent family, the meaning of his mother is far above everything, and he has even arranged her into the life plan of the young couple.
I haven't seen my mother-in-law's rose, so it's naturally difficult to feel this transcendent emotional dependence.
If Rose had met her mother-in-law before she got married, she would have known to some extent:
eg: Rose spent her own money to go out for a walk and buy flowers, in the mouth of her mother-in-law, it was a big deal, and the pressure of the whole family was on Fang Xiewen alone.
eg: When my mother-in-law appeared, the first thing she said to the pregnant rose was "My son is happy", and the meals she cooked were all "my son likes to eat".
eg: Rose understands the difficulties in the early days of Fang Xiewen's business, does not hold a wedding banquet, does not want a bride price, and deliberately goes to Yanji to register. But the mother-in-law said behind her back that she was not a person working with her hands, and even the red envelope for the rose was prepared by Fang. even deliberately spoke his hometown dialect in front of Rose, complaining about the Rose family in dialect.
eg: My mother-in-law threw away the eternal flower of the rose without permission and planted garlic in a vase. Under the pretext of cleaning, he entered Rose's room to look through it, and deliberately stared at the screen to look at Rose's computer. Rose did her own thing, she was watching TV next to her, eating melon seeds, and turning on her voice.
Some things may not be fully understood at first, but people have intuition, especially women.
Marriage is not a continuation of two people's love, but a marriage of two families.
Before getting married, take some time to meet the man's parents. Trust your sixth sense and know the other person's attitude towards you.
After understanding this, think seriously about whether to let the other person be your in-laws.
in Chi
02
After reading Rose, Fang Xiewen, Su Gengsheng, Zhuang Guodong and so on, you will know that the influence of the original family on a person is really great.
For Fang Xiewen, his father died in distress, and his mother pulled him up alone, and he endured all the hardships all his life.
Such a family of origin shaped his inner inferiority, cowardice, strong desire for control, and devotion to the supremacy of his mother.
So in the barrage, in addition to the "ex-husband's brother", someone sharply pointed out his essence: Ma Bao Nan.
In the early stage, Fang Xiewen and Rose fell in love, lived together in a rental house, endured hardships and started a business together, and warmed each other together.
Fang will put an umbrella in Rose's bag in advance, will give her something to eat, will pay attention to what she cares about, and will give her full emotional value.
At that time, they really loved each other, so they became very pure love.
Many people say that the change in a man is a sudden change from the moment he gets married.
But I think there are traces of this.
Two people in love are like a ray. Because I can't see the end of the relationship, I will subconsciously whitewash myself and keep working hard to show my best side to the other party, in order to achieve some unknown expectations.
Once you get married, you tie a knot online, tie two people together, and the sense of threat you lose disappears.
The most important thing is that the contradictions involved in love belong to only two people. But marriage never covers more than two people.
If Rose had seen the relationship between the Fang family's mother and son before getting married, then she would have realized to some extent,
Before getting married, go and see the atmosphere of the man's original family.
Once you've figured this out, think about whether or not you want your boyfriend to become your husband.
in Chi
03
Last month, I had a night chat with a friend. The topic, of course, revolves around mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, children and family.
Because it's someone else's privacy, I can't say everything in detail, but the general meaning is:
The in-laws have no sense of boundaries, squeeze and borrow money, interfere in their private lives, and the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are constantly in conflict. The husband, as the middleman, instead of playing a mediating role, was one-sided, and joined forces with his parents to blame this friend, a typical mother's boy.
What I can't accept the most is that my mother-in-law actually entered the marriage room of the young couple, gave her son a good morning kiss in front of her, and affectionately called him "baby".
I was pregnant with my second child, because my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law had a conflicting emotional breakdown, and my friend said something to me, which I have always remembered until now. She said:
I still believe in love, and when I see boys on the subway holding flowers to meet girls, I feel happy and bless them.
But I don't want to have it anymore.
I really feel sorry for her. A girl needs to be hurt to have such despair.
If you had known your husband's nature before you got married, maybe your friends wouldn't have been caught in such a huge struggle as they are now.
However, no one has the power of prophets.
If you don't get married, who will really know who is Mom Bao. But once you get married, it's too late.
Marriage is a paradox.
in Chi
04
As a girl, although the paradox of marriage cannot be changed, it does not mean that we can only accept it silently.
93 years, 31 years old, married for 6 years, mother of two children. As someone who has experienced problems such as love, marriage, pregnancy, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I would like to tell all unmarried girls that the paradox cannot be changed, but at least, please do 2 things before marriage:
01 Meet both parents
To get to know each other's family members, living habits, and daily relationships, even if it is to look at the city where the other person has lived since childhood, and the rooms they have lived in.
There will be traces of the past on people's bodies, which can not be concealed no amount of ink.
02 Pre-wedding travel
I've always encouraged people around me to take a pre-wedding trip before they think about getting married.
From pre-departure discussions, formulating strategies, packing luggage, and itinerary arrangements, to all kinds of emergencies during the trip, they are all handled by two people.
In a completely unfamiliar environment, the only people around you can rely on are each other.
In this journey of intimacy, one inadvertently reveals the strengths and flaws of one's character.
Write at the end:
Dear girl, getting married is like a big gamble with an unknown ending.
Only by making the hole cards in your hand clearer and clearer, can you have control over the overall situation, and the winning rate will be higher and higher.
Before you think about getting married, remember to meet your parents and plan a trip.
Put love in the details of life, although you can't see the whole picture of marriage, but at least, you can see some clues.
After seeing the lowest point of the other person, think about whether you can accept it.
Like this article, click [Like] or [Watching], and witness the growth with Nanchi. Looking forward to meeting you next time ❤️
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