Interacting with people is indispensable to human feelings, which is also part of traditional Chinese culture and is integrated into the blood of Chinese.
One of the most important aspects of these sophistication is the courtesy. Etiquette is a profound science.
It contains a lot of doorways: the object, the occasion, the timing, the type and value of the gift, etc., all need to be considered.
If you are not careful, it may have negative effects, and the gains outweigh the losses. It can be said that a person's level of courtesy reflects his social wisdom and ability to control the world to a certain extent.
Not all occasions require a salute. Properly rejecting unnecessary invitations can avoid unnecessary trouble, and it is also an affirmation of one's own worth. There are four situations in which it is not necessary to give gifts.
1. People who have not been in contact for a long time do not need to be courteous
From students to entering society, from single to starting a family, different environments and identities are destined to keep changing the people around us.
Once inseparable at the same table, it may be difficult to see each other; The comrades-in-arms who fought side by side may now be on different sides of the world.
These old friends, who have drifted apart, are no longer in constant contact, but they still occupy a special place in their memories.
Many people are entangled, on the one hand, not wanting to lose this opportunity to reconnect; On the other hand, they are worried that their wishful thinking will embarrass each other.
But if both parties choose to distance themselves "tacitly", then rash contact may make both sides feel embarrassed.
A gift cannot fill the distance between hearts. On the other hand, if the other person sees your gift and feels intimidated and owes a favor, it may alienate you even more.
In this case, perhaps the wisest option is to express your blessings in the simplest way possible, without being obsessed with the salute.
A sincere blessing, a long-lost greeting, is enough to express your heart. Don't worry about looking shabby or rude, because true friends don't care about these forms.
Instead of forcing yourself to go with a gift that may bring embarrassment, it is better to send the simplest blessing in the most sincere way.
2. The gift in the name of "pretending to invite guests" does not need to be followed
As the saying goes, it seems that courtesy has become an indispensable part of everyone's social life. On some occasions, it is not necessary to give gifts, but may fall into routines and traps.
Some people are collecting money from guests under the guise of inviting guests. There are a lot of such wonderful relatives in life. Relying on the good academic performance of the children in the family, they held a celebration banquet.
Every time a child wins an award, he will set up a banquet to entertain him, and those who come naturally have to pay for it. After a long time, everyone figured out his routine, and the invitation to dinner was just a pretense, and the purpose was to reach out to everyone to ask for money.
Children should study well, and aren't parents paying for food and tuition? In his opinion, his relatives and friends are lambs to the slaughter.
After a long time, everyone will stay away from him, and they will walk around his house every New Year's holiday.
In human exchanges, it is indeed rude to come and go, but excessive asking will also cause resentment, and interpersonal exchanges should be based on sincerity and mutual trust, rather than becoming a tool for taking.
If a relationship is only left to give and take, and loses emotional communication and sincere blessings, can it still be called affection?
3. The etiquette of "going and not returning" is not followed, and it is chilling
There are some people, colleagues get married and have children, and he also follows them, and when it is his turn to do it himself, he can save money, and only collect money and do not hold banquets.
It seems to be generous on weekdays, but in fact it is just calculating returns. This kind of behavior of gaining and losing becomes more and more isolated in interpersonal relationships over time.
In today's fast-paced society, many people feel tired of being polite. Some people may say that the amount of the gift is not important, but the important intention. This is true, but in real life, human feelings are far from being as simple as imagined.
Chinese interpersonal communication pays attention to intimacy and alienation, and the closer the relationship, the more personal debts.
But the relationship between people is changing, when friends become nodding friends, when relatives become strangers, these personal debts are useless.
Trying to measure feelings with money, there is a good saying, a true friend is not to fool around with you when you are drunk, but to tell you the truth when you wake up.
Real relatives and friends will not hold grudges because of temporary gains and losses, let alone pin their feelings on money.
When someone tries to take advantage of your kindness and make a lot of money, you might as well say no. There's no need to feel embarrassed or worry about offending people. For those who only know how to ask and are not willing to give sincerely, it is wise to keep a distance.
The bread is given by others, and the more you eat, the less you eat; The more you kill, the more daring you get. For the "cannibalism", avoid it in order to protect yourself.
This does not mean that everyone should "turn a blind eye" to the sophistication of the people around them, let alone encourage everyone to be careful.
On the contrary, when relatives and friends need help, it is human nature to give a helping hand and help within their ability.
The key is to distinguish between sincerity and routine, to be attentive when giving, and to be reasonable when refusing. Between human relations, it is important to treat each other sincerely and focus on the same heart.
Instead of forcing yourself to follow a gift that may fall into a trap, it is better to use the most sincere blessings to convey the warmest friendship.
Only interpersonal relationships based on mutual trust and love are the most valuable and long-lasting.
Fourth, the gift of "promotion and wealth" is not followed
Gifts were originally a way to express goodwill and convey friendship in interpersonal communication. Some people see the gift as an investment, expecting a good return.
They are calculating, suffering from gains and losses, and even at the expense of their own interests, to curry favor with those so-called nobles.
Such an approach, instead of getting real respect, may lead to falling into the whirlpool of human affection and unable to extricate oneself. For example, Xiao Li, who works in a foreign company, usually works very hard and has excellent performance.
But because he is not good at relationships, he doesn't know how to give gifts to leaders in a timely manner, and he is pressed by colleagues everywhere.
Even the opportunity for promotion and salary increase was "snatched" by those who would come. Xiao Li felt aggrieved and felt that the company was unfair, but he was helpless.
Such examples are not uncommon, and many people mistakenly believe that as long as they invest more in others and give more gifts, they can be promoted and reused.
A true nobleman is one who appreciates your talent, not covets your gift. Blindly currying favor will not make you get real respect, but may make you lose your dignity.
As Xiao Li said, when the leader accepts your gift, he may not think of you when he is promoted, but when he falls off the horse, the first thing that comes to mind must be you.
A person who has no principles, sometimes offering courtesy to this person and sometimes to that person, is unreliable, because he has no idea what he wants.
If a person always pins his value in the eyes of others and always tries to cater to the preferences of others, then he will never be able to find his own direction in life, and he will never be able to win true respect.
Many young people, in order to gain a firm foothold in the company, please the leader everywhere, he learns all the leaders' hobbies, the leader likes to drink tea, he becomes a tea master, the leader likes to play golf, he becomes a high fan.
But in the end, there was no promotion, the money was spent, and in the end there was no benefit, such people abound. Blind opportunism will not make you stronger, but will gradually lose yourself.
When your ability can't control your goal, then you should calm down and practice; When your ability is not enough to support your ambition, you should settle down and settle down.
To please those who don't know how to appreciate you, it is better to calm down and make extraordinary achievements in an ordinary position.
There is a saying on the Internet: The way you turn around and leave is the pride that everyone can't learn.
This sentence describes a kind of free and easy, neither humble nor arrogant attitude towards life. If a person always cares about the eyes of others, he will lose his bottom line.
If you can calmly face the incomprehension and doubts of others, and focus on your own ideals and pursuits, it is easier to win true respect.
It's not that everyone should be indifferent and ruthless to the people around them, and avoid talking about people's sophistication. In interpersonal communication, everyone should learn to empathize and put themselves in the shoes of others. A person, only with good intentions and sincere dedication, can he gain sincere friendship.
To those who truly care about you and truly help you, you should be grateful; But for those routines with ghosts, everyone must dare to say no.
Only by withstanding temptation and test can we achieve the best of ourselves.
epilogue
In this fast-paced and efficient era, we must learn to be flexible and know how to observe words and feelings, but we must adhere to our own principles and not follow the crowd.
Everyone must understand that the so-called exchange of gifts does not mean to blindly give, nor does it mean to welcome indiscriminately.
Everyone salutes in order to express their hearts and pass on a blessing, not to gain the favor of others, let alone to seek personal gain.
The ancients said that the friendship between gentlemen is as light as water. The interaction between people should be like water, innocent and unadulterated with any impurities. Only in this way can we grasp the balance in the complex interpersonal relationships, and be neither humble nor arrogant, nor flattering.
Etiquette is a mirror of human sophistication, reflecting a person's cultivation and quality.
On the issue of gifts, we can neither be too hypocritical and deliberately unconventional; It can't be too sophisticated. Casual gifts may seem like a trivial matter, but they reflect a person's attitude and life pattern.
I hope that everyone can grasp the balance in the sophistication of human feelings, treat people with sincerity, treat things with courtesy, and become a person who is affectionate, righteous, and promising.
This is the end of the article, friends who like this article can forward and like to support everyone!
Reference:
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