来源丨十点读书 (Duhaoson)
Author丨Cake is now final exam week, and every parent wants their child to have a good grade.
Scores seem to be the only criterion for testing children's learning.
If you do well in the exam, everyone will be happy; If you don't do well in the test, the chickens will fly and the dogs will jump.
In fact, in a child's examination career, it is normal to not do well in the exam.
At this time, it is a good time for parents to guide their children to put the exam in perspective.
With good guidance, the child will soon pick himself up and catch up;
If the guidance is not good, the child may give up on himself and collapse.
Here are 3 words from smart parents that I hope will help you.
Emotional guidance: "If you don't do well in the exam, your parents know that you are uncomfortable, what do you want us to do for you?" ”
There is such a cartoon on the Internet:
When a child scores 60 points, he will bow his head and knock on the door cautiously;
At 95 minutes, he will hold his head up and knock hard;
And when the score is full, he will not only "proudly" kick the door with his foot, but also shout loudly in his mouth......
Isn't this feeling of being dominated by exams very similar to us when we were children?
In fact, if you don't do well in the exam, the most uncomfortable thing is the child himself.
At this time, if you scold him excessively, it will not only increase his psychological burden, but also wear down his self-confidence.
Compared with this, the fluttering sentence "It's okay if you don't do well in the test" seems to be comforting, but it is actually a kind of implied evasive response.
It is to divert the child's attention and escape the child's frustration, and it does not help the child's frustrated heart.
It is wise to accept your child's emotions and guide him in a gentle and rational way.
I've seen such a story:
One child, once in an exam, his table mate took the first place in the class, and he was only twenty-first.
When he got home, he asked his mother if he was stupider than others.
Mom didn't know how to answer.
In another exam, he took the seventeenth exam, and his table mate was still the first.
When he got home, he asked his mother the same question.
Mom really wanted to tell him that people's intelligence is three, six, nine, and so on, and those who take the first test are indeed smarter than the average person.
But if you say that, your child may feel like a stupid person.
So his mother took him to the beach, pointed to the birds that were fighting for food on the beach, and said:
"When the waves come, the little grey finch always flies up quickly and flies into the sky with a few flaps of its wings, while the seagulls are very clumsy and take a long time to fly from the beach to the sky, but it is the seagulls that can really fly across the sea!"
His mother's words inspired him a lot, and he no longer bothered about his own achievements and those of his peers, but continued to improve at his own pace.
Later, he was admitted to Tsinghua University with the first place in the school.
Exams are never just about scores, but also about children's mentality and attitude towards setbacks.
An unsatisfactory score can make children grow from it, which is the biggest gain.
As a parent, being able to help your child come out of negative emotions is to give your child the best love.
Exam review: "In this exam, which part do you think you did better, and which part is your weakness?" ”
Student examinations can be divided into two categories, one is the selection examination, only the high school entrance examination and the college entrance examination; Everything else can be called a diagnostic exam.
The selection focuses on scores; Diagnosis, on the other hand, focuses on the problem.
If your child does not do well in the exam, it means that he has encountered a problem in his studies.
Instead of dwelling on scores, let's see how your child's scores come about.
Teacher Spark's daughter, when she was in elementary school, once scored 67 points in a math test, and she cried all the time when she came home at noon.
Teacher Spark did not criticize or accuse, but patiently channeled her daughter's emotions first.
When her daughter's emotions calmed down, she said to her daughter:
"It's also great that you got a 67 because 67 is much higher than the 33 you lost, tell your mom, how did you get 67?"
The daughter was a little surprised, but she still talked very seriously about how she got the questions with a score of 67 right.
Her method of doing the questions was fully affirmed by Teacher Spark, and she gradually regained her confidence.
After that, Mr. Spark asked her to analyze how the 33 points were lost.
When she said that she didn't understand the class and couldn't do it, Teacher Spark guided her to find a way to remedy it.
For example, ask the teacher, or ask the classmates who do the church.
When she returned to school that afternoon, she quickly understood all the questions with a score of 33.
In the evening, she proudly said to Teacher Spark:
"Mom, let me tell you, this 33 points, I came back!"
Have you found out, no matter how many points the child takes, through review and analysis, the child can also find a way to score 100 points.
Therefore, even if your child is doing poorly in the exam, do not rush to deny your child.
Through subtle encouragement and guidance, children can be brought back to the test paper itself from the tangled scores.
First of all, affirm what he has done well, such as: good composition, good math operations, good attitude to problems, etc.
Then, I accompanied him to analyze the reason for the failure of the exam, whether it was carelessness, or the basic knowledge was not solid and the learning method was wrong......
Make a list of the problems exposed in the exam one by one to help him better "prescribe the right medicine".
When all of a child's problems are solved, the sense of accomplishment he gets is far more important than how many points he scores.
And that's what exams really mean.
Goal motivation: "You can set some small goals and improve your performance step by step, and your parents believe that you have the ability to achieve these goals, and we will work together." ”
Why do parents need to help their children set learning goals?
One answer goes something like this: because goals can stimulate a child's inner motivation.
Without clear learning goals, a child's learning can become aimless.
When your child is not doing well in exams, setting goals is undoubtedly the best way to improve their academic performance.
These goals must be set according to the actual situation of the child.
It can neither be without challenge nor unattainable.
For example, if your child's strength is 80 points, you can set a goal of 85 or 90 points;
But if the child's strength is only 60 points, you can't set a goal of 100 points, which can easily backfire.
In Zhou Ling's "Cognitive Awakening", the knowledge about this aspect is mentioned:
Expand your range of action on the edge of your comfort zone.
It means that the abilities of both individuals and groups are distributed in the form of "comfort zone-stretch zone-difficulty zone".
Jumping into a difficult zone can frustrate your child, and staying in your comfort zone will make him stagnate.
In order for children to grow efficiently, they must always be on the edge of their comfort zone and expand their abilities little by little.
In this way, children can be able to achieve steady progress and steady improvement.
And when the child achieves his learning goals, we should not be stingy with our own encouragement and praise.
Even if he doesn't meet expectations, as long as he makes a little progress, he is worthy of our affirmation, just like this father in Jiangsu.
To celebrate his child's 7 points on the exam, he pulled a cart of fireworks and set off them around town.
Everyone was puzzled by this, and later the reporter interviewed and learned that his child often scored 0 points.
When I learned that my child had scored 7 points in the test, in order to motivate my child, I took my child to buy fireworks to celebrate.
And because of this kind of encouragement, the child becomes very sensible, and even takes the initiative to ask for progress.
Today, he has scored 57 points.
There is a saying that is particularly good: "Excellent children are motivated!" ”
Effective motivation is the greatest motivation for children's progress.
Take your eyes off the "score" and focus on your child's own growth and progress.
Supervise children to implement learning goals conscientiously; Encourage your child to work hard to overcome difficulties.
Accompany him with heart and go through every difficulty in learning.
Some people say:
"The world is big, and the exam room is small; The exam is a point, and life is a line. ”
No one wins everything because of one exam, and no one loses their entire life because of one exam.
Although we can't avoid the topic of "scores", we must let our children understand:
We care more about his feelings and growth than about his scores.
No matter how many points he scores, he will always be the pride of our hearts.
Because the score is never the standard to measure whether he is good or not.
If he is a pillar of talent, he will be handed over to the state; If his qualifications are mediocre, then he will be happy.
As long as he grows up healthy and happy, that's enough!
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Source of this article: Ten o'clock reading (duhaoshu)
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