She has a pathological obsession with thinness, she feels that thinness is the only way for her to bind men, she feels that only thin men will like it, only men want to live It makes sense, as long as the figure is out of shape, it will be abandoned by men.
It was the first time in 25 years that I spoke to her like this, and it was the last time. But the words she said to me, "One fat ruins everything", "The girl next to my boyfriend is very beautiful", "Men just like girls with beautiful bodies and good figures", "My brother just makes me worry more than you", "You went to a prestigious school and failed in life than me", "Your boyfriend will abandon you sooner or later because you are fat", they have been repeated countless times, and they are my deepest nightmare for a long time.
I am not afraid to speculate on her with the deepest malice, because she has always done the deepest harm to me in the name of love. I have come to this day with my own efforts, and I have seen a lot of praise for me, but I really want to say that she did not praise me like this even once, but kept attacking me, making me feel deeply unworthy even if I am loved by many people.
I don't have to prove how normal my way of getting along with others is, and I don't have to say what kind of unqualified daughter I am, I can honestly say that I have done my best to play the role of a daughter. Whether it is to persuade her, or to enlighten her, even if she cheats, I try to forgive her and justify her behavior, even if she attacks my body countless times and causes me to fall into deep body anxiety and body shame, I try every means to diet and lose weight, just to make her satisfied and happy.
I was far away in a foreign country, she never said hello to me, "I want to eat on time, rest well, I don't fight when I am tired from work" such the simplest care has not been once, I only have dinner at 11 o'clock in the evening after work, she will only let me go on a diet and not eat. It's a pity that it ended up like this, no matter how much I tried alone, it was in vain, I chose to be the wicked person in your mouth, because I want to let myself go. That's it, so be it.
I will always try to live courageously with hope and passion, to love all those who deserve my love, and although she occupies a pivotal place in my life, she is not the whole story. I'm not going to give up on myself because I'm good enough to be loved.