10
In my mind, I wouldn't be unfaithful to my family.
Even if you don't like it, you will divorce first and then do something else.
I kind of wanted to find that "Ji Qing" to ask clearly, but looking at Ji Yuntang's resentful appearance, I really didn't dare.
It's annoying!
I leaned back in my seat, rubbing my brow irritably.
Ji Yuntang asked me:
"Let's go to the kindergarten to pick up Nono together, okay?"
"Huh?"
I reacted, a little strangely:
"He's only three years old, and he's in kindergarten?"
So early?
Ji Yuntang was silent for a moment, and his tone was quiet:
"I'm busy with work, and you don't like it...... I don't care much about him, there is only a nanny at home, and I don't feel at ease, so I let him go to kindergarten to play with other children."
I was stunned.
半晌讷讷道:
"Was I really that bad before?"
cold and violent to children, regardless of him, he cheated and wanted a divorce...... Why am I such a bastard!
Ji Yuntang put the computer aside, raised his hand to hold me to his lap, and buried his furry head in my neck and shoulder.
He said:
"It's okay, it'll be fine in the future.
"We are a family of three, and we will have a good life in the future."
11
I really don't like children.
This kind of horror story of waking up with an extra child, Rao is that I have observed my stomach, it is still smooth and there are no traces of stitches, and I still feel cold.
Even if he's my child.
I stood in the cold wind with my bag, silently watching Nuo Nuo staggering out of the kindergarten, throwing himself into Ji Yuntang's arms, and being skillfully picked up by him.
When the child saw me, his eyes lit up suddenly, but he bit his fingers in confusion and called out softly, "Mommy".
Ji Yuntang walked towards me with him in his arms and asked me to hug him.
The child's body was very soft, and I was happy to be held by me, and I buried my head in my arms and kept calling "Mommy".
I stiffened my arms and carried him into the car.
As soon as he got in the car, Ji Yuntang picked him up and skillfully took out the prepared bottle to feed him.
I looked at it with interest, and asked more:
"Do I still need milk at 3 years old?"
"Hmm."
Ji Yuntang said succinctly: "Calcium supplementation."
I have nothing more to say.
Ji Yuntang's proficiency in raising children surprised me and was a little embarrassed.
The more competent he became, the more irresponsible I was as a mother.
I am twenty-nine years old this year, twenty-six when I gave birth to him, and I have just graduated from graduate school for a year......
I suddenly asked, "Ji Yuntang, why did I give birth to him in the first place?"
12
Ji Yuntang was stunned, lowered his head for a while, touched Nuo Nuo's soft ears with his fingertips, and said in an obscure tone:
"I was born when I was pregnant, for no reason."
That's too casual, isn't it?
It stands to reason that I haven't settled down for a year after graduating from graduate school, so how can I have a baby.
There's probably something in there that I don't know......
I couldn't hear the truth from Ji Yuntang, so I took out my mobile phone and sent a message to my parents and girlfriends.
Ji Yuntang watched me tinker the whole time.
After reading it for a long time, I reluctantly asked me:
"Is this so important to you?"
"I'm just trying to figure it out."
I looked up at him:
"I don't really like children, and I don't think I'll have children at such a young age...... I want to understand why."
When I said I didn't like children, Ji Yuntang covered Nuo Nuo's ears.
Looking at his ignorant, glass-like blinking eyes, I suddenly felt a little guilty:
"I'm sorry, I ......."
"It's fine."
Ji Yuntang smiled bitterly, "You just don't like him enough."
13
After returning home, Ji Yuntang coaxed Nuo Nuo to sleep, and returned to the study to look at me in a daze.
He picked me up, sat me on his lap, and offered to tell me:
"You didn't really want him in the first place.
"Yes...... My mother forced you to give birth."
I blinked, "Aunt Ji?"
"Hmm."
Ji Yuntang seemed to be a little sad, buried his head in my neck and shoulders, and said sullenly:
"My mother was diagnosed with cancer, which was very serious, and when she heard that you were pregnant, she had to give birth to you, saying that she wanted to see the next generation......
He is a single parent.
His mother worked hard to raise him, and finally reached the age of happiness, and found out this disease, which no one could accept.
I was silent, "So, you also helped your mother force me to give birth to this child, right?"
Ji Yuntang didn't reply to me.
He cried.
Tears seeped into my collar, warm and numb, accompanied by his choked voice and muttered "I'm sorry."
He said:
"If I knew that giving birth to this child would make you hate me so much, I wouldn't have done it again...... I'm sorry."
At the age of twenty-six, when I was at the best of my life, when my career, my future, and everything was booming, I was suddenly interrupted by a child.
I probably can't like this child, and my husband who forced me to give birth to this child.
A question suddenly came to mind:
"Ji Yuntang, do I have a job now?"
14
"Yes."
He raised his head and said in a muffled voice: "The technical post of a car company in the southern suburbs, I have helped you ask for leave in the past two days."
With Ji Yuntang's current net worth......
I asked suspiciously, "That company can't be yours, right?"
He shook his head, "No, you won't let me meddle in your work.
"I mentioned to you once before, saying that you can not work, I will transfer all my shares in the company to you, or you can come to my company and work closer, so it can be less hard.
"If you quarrel with me as soon as you hear it, and then you don't go home for half a month, I don't dare to ask again."
Ji Yuntang hugged me carefully, his fingertips were clenched with green tendons, and his voice trembled when he spoke.
He was really afraid that I would say something bad.
I broke away from his hand and got off his lap, trying to say something, but I thought I was over.
Things have already happened, and no matter how tangled or turning over old accounts, it is too unclear:
"I see."
I looked up at him, "Since it's over, it's over, and don't think too much about it."
I suddenly thought of a very important question, and almost subconsciously glanced at Ji Yuntang's lower body:
"Will you sleep with me tonight?"
15
Ji Yuntang nodded without hesitation.
The originally tense body relaxed, and the corners of his lips were filled with a smile.
He came over and grabbed my hand and called softly, "Wife.
"Then I'll go take a shower first."
I touched my nose and turned back to my room.
I didn't really care about this kind of thing in the first place, I want to come to Ji Yuntang as a boss, who looks like a dog, so it won't be too bad in that regard......
But by the time I came out of the bathroom wrapped in a bathrobe, he had fallen asleep on the bed.
He seemed tired.
During the day, I have to help with the company's affairs, take good care of the baby, and soothe my emotions.
There are too many things to worry about in my heart, and there are too many emotions pretending, even when I fall asleep, my brows are slightly frowned, and I haven't completely relaxed.
I touched the tip of his brow and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at his face in a daze.
When I was in high school, I thought he was good-looking, even if he was cold and detached, and only had learning in his eyes, I thought he was so good that no one could see him.
Later, when I went to college, I talked about several boyfriends, and then broke off love and devoted myself to graduate school, and then crossed seven years in an instant, and had a husband and son.
Ji Yuntang is still so good-looking.
With a fair face, handsome facial features, handsomeness is depicted everywhere.
It's really possible for me to fall in love with such a person at first sight and then pursue it violently......
I gently took off his slippers, tucked him into the quilt, and gently touched his ears.
Even if I woke up less than two days ago, I could still have a very clear understanding.
Ji Yuntang likes me, likes me very much, likes it so much that he can give up his dignity and reserve, just to let me look at him.
Since we like it so much, how did we get to the point of cheating and divorce?
Just because he forced me to have a baby?
I couldn't help but feel lost.
16
When he woke up the next day, Ji Yuntang had already gone to work.
The nanny and aunt were not there, the villa was empty, I got dressed, thought about it, took out my mobile phone and made an appointment with my girlfriend.
I was a little surprised when we met.
In the past, she was a small white flower, but now she has big waves of red lips, and the style between her eyebrows is swaying, and she has an obvious scumbag style.
Listening to my description, she raised her eyebrows slightly in surprise:
"You forgot? Still living with Ji Yuntang, a bastard?"
「…… Bastard?"
"Of course!"
My best friend poked my forehead in hatred:
"The story of him and his secretary was spread all over the city, and you just forgot about it?"
My heart tightened:
"So Ji Yuntang cheated?"
"I don't know if it's cheating."
The girlfriend sighed:
"It's the time when you gave birth, every time you called me, you were crying, only saying that you were in a bad mood, sad, and asking you why, but you didn't say.
"Every time you cry, I go to look for you, but when I got to the door of the villa, I was kicked out by Ji Yuntang with a cold face, he said that you are fine, I had a fight with him at the time, I have to see you."
I was a little nervous, "So, did you see that?"
The best friend was silent, and after a while, she nodded, and her voice was a little obscure:
"See...... It's just that you're not in very good condition, you have a lot of marks on your body, and you're lying dumbfounded, like a lifeless puppet......
I knew in an instant what was going on:
"Ji Yuntang forced me!"
The girlfriend did not dwell on this topic:
"I asked you what's wrong, you keep saying that you are stupid, and you cry when you finish speaking, crying so much that I feel distressed to death, and I want to go out to fight with Ji Yuntang, but you instead grabbed me, hugged me and said it's okay.
"About half a month later, the matter of Ji Yuntang and his secretary has been rumored to be ups and downs, what night is not home, hotel one-night stand and other titles, it is very difficult to hear.
"At that time, you and Ji Yuntang had a cold war, and you moved in with me, pretending to be nothing on the surface, but you ended up watching the news with your mobile phone in the middle of the night every day, crying while watching......
My best friend couldn't help it, came over and hugged me, and poked my forehead:
"You said you finally wanted to open it, and you were going to kick that scumbag to start a new life, why did you forget everything?"
The experience she said was foreign to me.
But in the dark, another voice told me that this was reasonable.
I won't dislike my children for no reason, I won't cheat for no reason, and I won't get a divorce for no reason.
It must be heartbroken and fed up that he would rather throw it away than touch it again.
There was a sudden pain in my heart.
I grabbed my best friend's wrist: "Do you know Ji Qing...... Is that cheating partner of mine?"
"Yes, you even took him to dinner with me."
I said almost without hesitation:
"I want to see him."
17
The first time I saw Ji Qing, I was stunned.
There is no other reason, he is too similar to Ji Yuntang, the eyebrows and eyes, the lip shape, especially the unique cold temperament, is very similar to him in high school.
My best friend said that I used Ji Yuntang's money to support him, helped him cure his younger brother who had heart disease, and bought him a house in the southern suburbs.
She said that Ji Qing just graduated from college this year, majoring in engineering at the top university, and working in the same company as me.
So when we met, the first thing I asked him was, "Don't you want to go on to graduate school?"
"No need."
He smiled shyly, "I'm too busy to take care of you."
I sat down in front of him in silence.
The girlfriend left in a playful manner: "You guys have a good chat, call me after talking."
Almost as soon as she left, Ji Qing showed her grievances and asked me sadly:
"Sister, you haven't come to me for a long time, are you tired of me?"
I looked at him and asked, "You know I'm married."
"Hmm."
"And you're still messing around with me?"
Ji Qing's eyes widened:
"But your husband treats you badly, he cheats, cold and violent, and you don't feel happy with him at all, do you?"
I suddenly didn't know what to say.
After a while, he reached out and poured him a cup of tea: "Tell me the story between me and you, I want to hear it."
Ji Qing probably thought that I was going to revisit his relationship, and laughed happily, with a small pear vortex on the side of his face.
He first met me two years ago, by the lake of the top university.
I sat on the stone in a daze, thinking about it, and suddenly hugged my knees and cried.
And he happened to be worried about his brother's medical expenses, and when he saw me like this, he felt like a fellow traveler for a while, so he handed me a tissue:
"My sister was stunned when she saw me, she took two steps back tremblingly, and almost fell into the lake, but fortunately I was able to hold her.
"Later, when I asked you, you said I was so good-looking, so I surprised you."
He bowed his head shyly, revealing his tiny tiger teeth.
It seems that he has not seen Ji Yuntang, and he doesn't know that he looks very similar to him.
I had mixed feelings for a while.
He continued:
"Later, you paid for my brother's surgery and gave me a place to stay, and I really appreciate you."
He said seriously, "I am already working to earn money, and I will pay you back the surgery fee later."
It seems that the relationship between me and him is very pure.
I asked him suddenly:
"Did anything happen between me and you?"
He was stunned for a moment, and when he reacted, his cheeks were a little red:
"Nope."
He whispered, "It's unfair to me that you say you haven't been divorced and can't do anything substantial."
He suddenly looked up and asked me:
"The last time you left, you said there was a way to force your husband to divorce, what is the result now?"
I didn't answer him, and I didn't even hear him very clearly.
Because of the transparent glass in the tea room, I saw Ji Yuntang, who was leaning next to Rolls-Royce, with a straight figure and a cigarette between his fingertips, staring at me.
18
This scene of being caught raping really embarrassed me.
He picked up his bag and wanted to leave, but after taking two steps, he returned and said to him:
"If you want to study, just keep reading, you can go abroad, you are still young, and you are not in a hurry to make money."
I took a piece of paper out of my bag and handed it to him:
"Write your phone number and I'll get back to you later."
He sensed that something was wrong with me, so he obediently didn't ask anything, and wrote down the phone carefully, saying, "Then I'll wait for you."
I ran out with my bag.
Ji Yuntang was already in the driver's seat.
Through the front window, he looked coldly at Ji Qing, who was facing away from him.
looked at me who hurriedly opened the car door and sat down in the co-pilot, and his voice was cruel:
"You said I'd just hit him like this, would he die?"
"Don't take me with you if you're crazy."
I fastened my seatbelt and said very calmly:
"Let's go first, find a place to have lunch, I just happen to have something to ask you."
19
The information I was exposed to in the morning was too messy and messy, and I didn't have much appetite, so I hurriedly ate two bites of steak and put down my knife and fork.
The food in front of Ji Yuntang was even more untouched.
He leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed, his eyes like a sword, and he looked at me coldly.
I chatted with him casually:
"Do you know Ji Qing? But he doesn't seem to know you."
Ji Yuntang laughed mockingly:
"How dare I see him?
"You threatened me to jump from the stairs with my baby in my arms if I dared to show up in front of him......
I paused in the action of drinking water.
Once again, I couldn't help but feel awesome in my heart.
I coughed and asked him:
"So what the hell did you do to make me hate you so much."
Ji Yuntang's originally questioning eyes froze.
He stared down at the plate, and his tone was a little obscure:
"I don't know."
"Huh?"
"I really don't know."
He said, "When you gave birth, the company was busy going public, and when I came home, you were asleep, and I could only kiss you on the cheek and sleep with you.
"I've hired a lot of nannies and found a lot of people to take care of you and the baby, and if you're in a bad mood, I want to wait until I'm done with you......
"I thought I was fine with you, but one day, you cried and said you wanted to divorce me.
"You say you're fed up with me, say I hate it, and even say you hate me......
He covered his chest, his expression a little pathetic:
"Shengsheng, you know what? The moment you said you were going to divorce me, I really felt like I was going to die."
He pointed to his heart:
"Here, it's like being dug up by life, it hurts."
I whispered:
"So you forced me?"
Ji Yuntang opened his eyes, and his voice was a little hoarse:
"The first time you mentioned it, I didn't agree, and asked if you were too tired and would like to take you out on a trip to relax.
"Later, when you mentioned it a second time, a third time, and said it many times, and asked you why you didn't say it, I got a little angry and wanted to be closer to you...... I'm sorry."
The arrogance in him is gone, and it is aggrieved and sad.
Hanging his head, like a dejected brown bear.
He really didn't understand why a good home, a good day, suddenly became a mess and a terrible mess.
Ji Yuntang and I have different versions of our married life in the eyes of different people.
My parents are now spending Ji Yuntang's money to travel outside, I asked them, and they said that Ji Yuntang was a son-in-law who was too good to be true.
I made a lot of money, paid for them to buy a house, and took me and my baby to reunite with them every Spring Festival, treating them like biological parents.
In the eyes of his girlfriends, Ji Yuntang is a scumbag who is not good enough for me, entangled with other women, even if he has money, he can't ask for it.
In Ji Qing's eyes, Ji Yuntang is a symbol that is dispensable to me, and even his involvement in this marriage does not have the slightest moral pressure.
What about the original me?
What do I think of this marriage, from school uniforms to wedding dresses, that seems to be about to break down?
I do not know.
Ji Yuntang didn't seem to know either.
He was so confused that he wanted to catch me, and for three whole years, stubbornly refused to divorce me.
He was still smiling bitterly:
"At first, you said that you could get a divorce and that you could leave the house, but you didn't want to see me.
"I thought the sky was going to fall, and you were a person who valued money so much, but he didn't even want money to leave me."
It's probably because my heart is dead to the extreme, and I didn't think about it for a while.
I took a sip of my tea and guessed:
"And now? I'm probably not that stupid in the current divorce settlement, right?"
Ji Yuntang nodded, thought of something again, and his expression became serious:
"No matter what conditions you make, I can't agree to a divorce, you die of this heart."
I don't have any plans to divorce right now:
"I'm asking you something."
I put down the teacup and asked him very seriously:
"Did you cheat?"
20
Ji Yuntang was stunned, his expression instantly became fragile, and countless sadness was shrouded in it.
He asked me sadly:
"Why do you think so much of me? How could I possibly do such a thing, cheating......
These two words grinded between the lips for a moment, turning into tears in the corners of the eyes.
Ji Yuntang cried, his eyes were filled with tears, he choked and wiped his tears, and turned his head to refuse to look at me.
As if humiliated, he said in a hoarse voice:
"You can't insult me like that, you can't treat me like this, obviously I like you so much, no one but you......
I silently opened my phone and transferred to me the photo of my girlfriend and his secretary who was all over the city.
——It is a photo of him being supported by his secretary and walking into the hotel together.
According to the news, none of them came out of that room that night.
Ji Yuntang was stunned.
stared at the photo with a twisted brow for a long time, and then remembered something slightly, and his expression was indescribable:
"So you lost your temper with me because of this?"
"What did you do that night?"
Ji Yuntang opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but he didn't say it.
He made a phone call with a strange look.
After the fight, it is difficult to describe his expression.
A little stupid, a little relaxed, a little sad, and a little regretful......
He muttered in a low voice, "Is it because of this that we have missed so many years?"
21
Half an hour later, I found out what Ji Yuntang was calling for.
The secretary, not a secretary to be exact, was one of his male friends, very white, very thin, and wore red women's clothes.
He explained to me with a bitter face, saying that Ji Yuntang was in a cold war with me and was in a bad mood, so he called them out to drink.
Playing a big adventure, he lost, wore women's clothes, was too lazy to change, and directly sent Ji Yuntang back to the hotel and stayed with him for one night.
The next day, things fermented, he didn't dare to let Ji Yuntang know, so he hid and processed the entry, but he didn't expect to be seen by me in just a short time, and because of this, he and Ji Yuntang wanted to divorce......
His cold sweat was almost dripping down, and he almost knelt down for me, and begged me with tears:
"Sister-in-law, don't misunderstand Brother Ji because of this! He is sincere to you, you let me go, really, I'm afraid that Brother Ji will kill me......
"Oh......" You rich people have a really good time.
I took my phone back and smiled apologetically at him:
"It's okay, you go back, I'll continue to talk to him."
His friend left in a state of trepidation, still wearing a red dress and high heels, which was extremely funny.
I thought about it for a moment.
Ji Yuntang also felt ridiculous:
"Shengsheng, since you mind this, it's been three years, why don't you come and ask me?"
"I don't know."
I shrugged my shoulders and came to a conclusion about what had just happened:
"So you're not cheating, this photo is a misunderstanding, it's really ridiculous."
Ji Yuntang's expression was also a little gloomy.
I said slowly, "Actually, I'd rather you cheat."
This way I can be sure that he is a scumbag and divorce him without any psychological burden.
But now I find that everything is a misunderstanding.
Ji Yuntang really loves me, is really good to me, and thinks about me everywhere.
Then why did I live in the miserable situation described by my best friend?
There must have been some things that Ji Yuntang didn't know, his girlfriend didn't know, and even Ji Qing didn't know.
Only I know, but I have amnesia.
It's a real headache.
I pressed my eyebrows irritably.
22
I went home with Ji Yuntang in silence.
The ins and outs of this marriage are a little clear, and when you look at this luxurious and elegant villa, you are not as excited as you were when you first lived in a big house.
I feel inexplicably depressed, like this house, this marriage, are all cages that trap me.
I suddenly remembered the house I bought for Ji Qing, on the top floor, with a huge terrace with a view of the lush trees in the southern suburbs.
- Openness.
These two words popped into my head.
I was quietly led inside by Ji Yuntang.
Nono had been picked up by the nanny and was sitting on the carpet putting together the blocks.
When he saw me, he stood up excitedly and shouted "Mommy".
I touched his head and wanted to hug him, but was stopped by Ji Yuntang.
He asked the nanny to carry the child down.
"What are you doing?"
I asked, confused.
Ji Yuntang's expression was a little serious, he took my hand and sat down on the sofa, and asked me very seriously and earnestly:
"Shengsheng, do you still want to live with me?"
I was a little surprised: "You're willing to divorce me?"
Ji Yuntang suddenly shut up.
The thin lips were pursed tightly, and his expression suddenly became fierce.
I understand.
He didn't want to divorce by respecting my wishes, but he wanted me to sincerely agree to live with him, if I didn't want to...... Probably, it won't end well.
I remembered Ji Yuntang's cruel words at the beginning.
"Kill that animal out there."
I didn't know much about him, but a voice told me that he could do such a thing.
I was silent for a moment and asked him:
"Since you didn't give me a choice in the first place, what are you asking?"
Ji Yuntang covered my eyes tremblingly, and asked me sadly and desperately:
"Shengsheng, why the hell have we come to this point?"
"You should ask me before I lost my memory."
"I asked."
He laughed miserably, "But you didn't say anything, just looked at me mockingly, and said I didn't deserve your love."
His tone was very helpless, very sad, he really couldn't do anything about me.
I'm weird too.
It's not dumb, why don't you say anything.
My girlfriend asked me why, and I didn't say.
Ji Yuntang asked me why, but I didn't say.
What an unspeakable thing it was, hidden in the bottom of my heart, grinding me into a hysterical resentful woman little by little.
I shook my head, "I really don't know."
touched Ji Yuntang's face:
"It's probably a very sad thing, so don't think too much about it.
"At least I know by now that there's nothing unforgivable."
I grabbed his hand and interlocked my fingers:
"We should be able to live well, shouldn't we?"
He was silent for a moment, and then suddenly spoke:
"Then you and Ji Qing are clean.
"Other ......"
I touched my nose and was a little unreasonable:
"Don't worry, I don't have anything to do with him, and I'll definitely settle him...... I'm sorry."
Either way, it was I who betrayed the marriage first.
When Ji Yuntang heard this "I'm sorry", his eyes were stained with hazy moisture.
He lay in my arms and choked again:
"Shengsheng, you know, I've been waiting for you to come home for many, many years.
"Every time I send you a message and ask if you want to come back, you reply to me if you are happy, and ignore me if you are unhappy......
"I'll be waiting for you on the couch until late at night, and I'm going crazy at the thought of what you're doing with that beast right now."
The corners of his eyes were red, with tears, and he was like a long-standing complaining husband, biting the soft flesh on my neck, crispy and numb, and a little painful.
My heart softened a little, and I felt a little guilty, and I reached out and patted him on the back.
23
The days that followed were calm and harmonious.
Ji Yuntang stared at me every day, and called me after work for more than an hour before he got home.
I didn't like driving, so he bought me a car, got a driver, and stubbornly demanded that I have to ride.
It was also at this time that I realized that I had always had a bodyguard hired by him by my side, and he was also watching my eyes.
Ji Qing went to study abroad.
His grades were very good, and he successfully applied for an old professor to be a tutor, and the thank you letter he wrote to me was sincere and told me very seriously that he would definitely return all the money to me in the future.
I was reading his letter, and Ji Yuntang sneered very disdainfully:
"You spent two million on him, when will he be able to afford it?"
I touched my nose weakly, not daring to argue with him on this.
Nono was not the child I gave birth to with hope, but I couldn't feel the despair of being persecuted at that time with my amnesia.
On the weekend, Ji Yuntang and I took him to the amusement park.
He was so small that I could only hold him on the merry-go-round.
He sat in my arms, grabbing the merry-go-round's pole in novelty, bouncing with excitement.
I looked at him and laughed.
Ji Yuntang took a photo in a timely manner.
Looking at us, his eyes moistened slightly.
This is probably the scene he has been looking forward to for many years, a warm and harmonious family, his loving wife and children.
At night he put his arms around me and kept kissing my hair and eyebrows.
The tone is full of cheerfulness:
"Shengsheng, I'm so happy today."
I turned to him, poked his abs with my fingertips, and complained:
"But I'm not happy.
"The next time we go to the amusement park, we won't take Nono with us, okay? I wanted to play with a haunted house, and I wanted to play with a pirate ship, but I couldn't play anything with him."
Ji Yuntang laughed lowly, his chest vibrated with it, and he reached out to hug me, and his tone was gentle:
"Okay, next time, we'll go by ourselves and don't take him with us."
seems to be happy, but we all know that it is just a flash in the pan.
The bomb that only I know was buried in the ground, and I don't know when I stepped on it, and it blew up the happiness in front of me.
I knew that day would come.
But I didn't expect it to come so quickly.
24
It was a sunny afternoon, and I was busy checking project data at the company, when suddenly a woman in high heels walked over.
She smiled and said hello to me, "Shengsheng, long time no see."
I didn't recognize her and said awkwardly, "Hello."
She didn't mind and walked away.
The sister next to me poked me, and her tone was a little envious:
"She stayed in the foreign headquarters for four years, and when she returned to China, she was the technical director, and the headquarters trained her to the management position in the Asia-Pacific region, which is majestic!"
She glanced at me again, and suddenly sighed:
"The person who was recommended to go to the headquarters for training back then was clearly you, and it was a pity that you gave up before it was her turn."
I didn't care, so I followed her words and asked:
"When, how come I don't know?"
"Just the year you first joined the company, the headquarters wanted new people, what a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but you said that your husband couldn't do without people, and took the initiative to give up."
Sister "tsk" twice:
"Give up the opportunity for promotion for the sake of a man, Shengsheng, do you regret it now?"
Regret.
These two words seemed to turn on some switch on my head, and my head suddenly hurt badly, like a pinprick in a needle, and my temples twitched and stabbed.
My body swayed, and I fainted, hitting my head on the corner of my desk.
25
Everything after the marriage is generally flashed in my mind.
The sweetness when he first got married, Ji Yuntang's busyness, and his mother's pickiness......
The supervisor told me that the headquarters was very satisfied with my resume and wanted to transfer me to Germany as a preparatory talent training.
I confidently refuse:
"I still feel that family is more important, and I can't bear to leave my husband and go so far away."
"This is a rare opportunity that may never happen again in a lifetime," the supervisor emphasized.
I was young and frivolous: "I'm still young, I believe there will be more opportunities in the future."
I didn't understand the regret in her eyes at that time.
So one wrong step, one wrong step.
His mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and she asked me to give birth to this child, Ji Yuntang's tired eyes were full of blue and black, like a child on the verge of collapse:
"Shengsheng, my mother is dying......
The tone was uneasy, but it blocked all my rejections and rebuttals.
I gave birth to the child as they wished.
It also completely ruined my opportunity in the workplace.
On the day when the supervisor talked to me about dissuading me from quitting, I could hear the regret in my words clearly.
She said, "Sheng Sheng, your bachelor's degree in 985, master's degree in top university, all the way down to study, just to just graduate and have a child for someone else?
"It's not easy for women in the workplace, how can you be worthy of yourself like this?"
How can I be worthy of myself?
This sentence seemed to stun me, made me groggy, and I didn't know the years.
Probably because of Ji Yuntang, the matter of persuading him to quit was over.
But in this way, I have completely become a relationship that is dependent on Ji Yuntang to stay in the company, and I have become the dodder I used to hate the most.
I used to want to be self-reliant, I wanted to break through on my own, and I ruined this opportunity with my own hands.
So I hate Ji Yuntang, I hate that child, and I hate myself who didn't hesitate to give up my future for him at the beginning.
There's also a little bit of postpartum depression.
The magnified anxiety and uneasiness enveloped me, and Ji Yuntang became all my spiritual source and hope, and a little wind and grass could bend me.
I began to nervously monitor his surroundings, every secretary around him, every partner.
Like the dark eyes in the night, I have completely become an unreasonable shrew-
Until that day, a secretary next to him came to get the papers, and muttered discontent in the face of my critical eyes.
"Just like you, where are you worthy of Mr. Ji?"
This sentence knocked me out.
I remembered that I was also the pride of the sky, with a resume that no one dared to despise, and I took the best offer and joined forces with Ji Yuntang.
And now, I have no hope in my career, my body is out of shape, my skin is sallow, and I even have unsightly stretch marks on my stomach......
Neurotic, resentful, sick, and unworthy of him...... The piles and piles weighed me down.
That day, I burst into tears.
In the evening, I filed for divorce with Ji Yuntang.
With great difficulty, word for word, he told him, "I don't want to live with you anymore."
Ji Yuntang is still very gentle, and his good-looking eyes are full of tenderness.
He put his arm around me and said helplessly, "Is it because you've been too tired to take care of your baby lately?
"When I'm free, can I take you out on a trip?"
Syllable!
I slapped him:
"I don't like him, Ji Yuntang."
Hideously told him, "You and him make me feel disgusted—"
26
Ji Yuntang took me to the doctor, knew that I had a little postpartum depression, listened to the doctor's advice, separated the child from me, and hired many nannies to take care of me.
He also tried his best to find time to spend with me, watching me work out, exercising, and distressing me when I was losing weight:
"Eat a little, you look good."
But at that time, I stubbornly regarded him as a demon who pushed me into the abyss.
Throw away the dish he gave me, and viciously tell him to "".
I spent a fortune to remove unsightly stretch marks on my tummy.
The effect is slow and ugly.
Every time I saw it, I hid and cried, and the more I cried, the more I broke down, and I couldn't help but compare with a knife, trying to dig out that ugly and loose piece of flesh—
was rushed over by Ji Yuntang and taken away.
He held me carefully and wept sadly:
"Shengsheng, you're sick."
"yes!"
I sneered and told him, "You and that beast should die, I will never see you again, maybe it will be fine."
"Shengsheng!"
Ji Yuntang covered my mouth, his lips trembled in pain, he wanted to say something, but he couldn't say anything:
"He's your child, you can't curse him, you can't ......."
He closed his eyes in agony.
27
At first, I would be sad for Ji Yuntang's cheating.
I cried for two nights staring at that photo, and I felt that he was not worthy.
Wandering around the campus when I was in love with him, standing by the lake, listening to the rippling water.
I remembered that at the beginning, he gently took my hand, put it on his chest, and whispered:
"Shengsheng, in my life, there will only be you."
It was also that night that I met Ji Qing.
He looks very much like Ji Yuntang, that hesitant and helpless look, and he is also very similar to Ji Yuntang's fragility when his mother was sick.
I didn't hesitate to help him - with Ji Yuntang's money.
Ji Yuntang knew, but he didn't dare to care about me.
They could only hold me and cry in the dark night.
He asked me, "Shengsheng, are you trying to punish me by finding someone who looks like me?"
"You did it, I'm so sad and miserable now, I'd rather you kill me...... Stop bullying me, okay, please."
Ji Qing and I didn't do anything.
Ji Yuntang is reluctant to divorce, and there is a moral connection between me and him after all.
I was also idle in the company, so I simply learned to cook, and the black mess was placed in front of Ji Qing, he looked strange, and said euphemistically:
"Sister, did anyone tell you that you weren't fit to cook?"
My expression stiffened.
Yes.
Ji Yuntang.
I did it once, and he took a bite, and his original smile froze, and he reluctantly told me:
"Shengsheng, in the future, our family, will I cook?"
……
Probably thinking of him, when I went home that night, Ji Yuntang was sitting on the sofa, watching Nuo Nuo climb on the carpet.
He's been nine months old.
I stared at him for a while, and then I said, "He's grown up.
"Children always grow fast."
Ji Yuntang asked the nanny to take him back.
Walking quickly, his originally gray eyes were dyed with a bit of brilliance.
He wanted to hug me, but he didn't dare, so he could only clench his cuffs and whisper:
"Shengsheng, you're back.
"I'll be back and I'll send you a divorce deal."
His kind expression instantly cracked.
I admired the meeting with pleasure, and my heart was strangely satisfied, and I couldn't help but strike while the iron was hot:
"Ji Yuntang, do you think it's interesting to live like this?"
"So you're going to divorce me and be with your new boyfriend?"
Ji Yuntang lowered his eyes, and his voice was very soft:
"Do you particularly like this look, even if you look for it again, you have to find someone who looks like me."
"It's none of your business—"
"Shengsheng."
Ji Yuntang interrupted me, and his tone was inexplicably gloomy:
"Don't push me.
"I don't want to touch you, and I don't want you to be sad...... But don't push me, I'm not going to let that beast go.
"I'm not a good person, you know."
Where did the capitalists come from?
His gaze sent chills to me.
Standing tall in an empty villa, looking at me like a caged bird.
The villa is the cage that imprisons me.
Even if I'm at the same starting point as him, he's going up, I'm sliding down, little by little, into his hands.
"If you dare to move Ji Qing, I will hold your child and jump from the upstairs of your company......
Tears welled up, and uncontrollably grief occupied my heart.
I pushed away Ji Yuntang's body over and over again, ignoring his increasingly cold eyebrows, and cursed him fiercely:
"Why don't you die, Ji Yuntang, you bastard! Why don't you die?"
28
It's illogical to talk to someone who is sick.
When my mood was a little more normal, I felt that Ji Yuntang was very boring.
Divorce is procrastinating, like a dog skin plaster that can't be thrown away, not like a man.
Three years wore away my love for him, and my disappointment in myself made me more and more disgusted with him as a promoter.
I hated him to the extreme.
On the afternoon when I lost my memory, I happened to hear in the company that the person who went to the German headquarters for me was about to return to China as a technical director, and he would soon enter the management of the Asia-Pacific region.
I was so sad and remorseful that I cried as I looked at my messy and cramped workstation.
Probably out of the mechanism of self-protection, I forgot everything about the reunion with Ji Yuntang.
I think about it again at this moment.
Everything is like an outrageous and ridiculous story, but it is a reality that happened to me.
I sat on the hospital bed and looked at Ji Yuntang who rushed over in a daze.
29
He touched my forehead very skillfully, and when he saw that I was fine, he breathed a sigh of relief:
"Why did you faint all of a sudden? Do you want to do a physical examination?"
"Ji Yuntang."
I looked at him in a suit and leather shoes in front of me, his eyebrows were gentle, but he still couldn't hide his fierce temperament.
It was the killing decision infiltrated in the mall, and it was the aura that was tempered day after day.
I pushed him away and wanted to hug me, "I remember."
His body stiffened, and he was enveloped in sorrow, and his arms holding me trembled slightly, and his eyes were misty and speechless.
I don't know what to say.
As a normal person standing here, I have to admit that my past actions are difficult to hide and be extreme.
Ji Yuntang's mistake is not so big.
I gave up my job of my own free will, and he didn't even know it was there.
His mother has a tricky temperament, and he struggles to adjust, but after all, he can't hide the parting of life and death.
On the night he cautiously asked me if I could give birth, I glared at him and couldn't hold back my tears.
He also cried, hugged me and said, "Shengsheng, I'm sorry, I'm useless, I'm sorry......
He said sorry again and again, and his tone was softer than the other, coaxing me to flutter, and I didn't know what to do.
- In the final analysis, I have come to this point, and the biggest mistake is the heart that always feels sorry for him.
A distressed man has been unlucky for a lifetime, and there is nothing wrong with this sentence.
"Ji Yuntang."
I told him seriously, "Let's get a divorce."
30
After years of internal friction, I can't do it anymore to like him.
I can try to reconcile with my failures, provided that I leave him as a reference.
Ji Yuntang was not surprised, just sat down beside me, raised his hand and touched my head.
He asked me, "Shengsheng, you really decided to give up on me, right?"
"I......
"I made a mistake in the first place, and you just sentenced me to death, and you didn't give me a chance to defend myself, right?
"You told that beast that you are still married, and it is unfair for him to have a relationship, so have you ever thought about whether it is fair for me that you abandon me like this?"
His eyes were red.
He said, "I've really worked hard to make myself what you like.
"I let people follow him, learn his dress, learn his gentleness, and even learn him to be coquettish, I want you to see me more and love me.
"But you just abandoned me."
Ji Yuntang grabbed my wrist and asked me softly:
"Shengsheng, tell me, what should I do?
"Do you want me to be so cruel to me if I have a complete makeover to look like him, put on a voice changer and learn to speak in his voice, or even cut off a bone to be as short as he is?"
Ji Yuntang is out of control.
He was very serious and stubbornly out of control.
He was asking me for an answer, an answer that I could walk with him.
"Ji Yuntang ......"
I choked up suddenly, reached out and put my arms around his neck, and asked the same question he had asked me so many times:
"How the hell did we get here?"
31
This marriage is impossible to divorce no matter what.
Ji Yuntang disagreed, and my parents didn't agree either, and when they brought it up at a little bit, they scolded them so much.
My best friend agreed, but suggested that I should make a lot of money from Ji Yuntang, and I couldn't blind my youth in vain.
But what really made me give up my plan to divorce him was the child I used to hate the most.
On his birthday, Ji Yuntang bought him a cake.
He folded his hands, sat down at the table with his small body, and made a vow earnestly and reverently.
When eating the cake, Ji Yuntang helped him wipe the cream off the corners of his lips and asked softly, "What did you promise?"
The child said in a soft voice:
"I want Dad, Mom, and Nono to be together forever."
He was not brought into this world by my expectations, but he still couldn't hide the love and longing for his mother in his nature.
A few mornings, I felt his tiny fingertips poke at my arm, grin delightfully, and quickly withdraw it.
He was pitifully innocent.
I suddenly didn't want a divorce.
I'm almost thirty years old, and the throbbing and adoring of my teenage years is a bit ridiculous at this age.
Ji Yuntang is rich, good-looking, and well-maintained, and being with him at least has absolute material benefits.
What's more, he loved me so passionately, even almost terrifyingly.
I think of my reunion with him.
At the entrance of the electronic information institute, the slanting sun sprinkled on his placket, and I ran out of it after taking the retest, just in front of his glass-like eyes.
My heart became hot in an instant.
It took me three months to catch up with a boyfriend.
Since then, he has received infinite preference and persistence, and so much money......
In fact, if you calculate the input-output ratio, it's worth it, isn't it?
32
In this life, the biggest problem is to reconcile with oneself.
It was only when I really started to face up to the weak parts of my personality that I began to realize.
I am where I am today, and in the final analysis, it is because of my emotional shortcomings.
I'm too soft-hearted and too easily influenced by people I care about.
So Ji Yuntang's fluttering words can stir my emotions.
Coupled with postpartum depression, this emotion is infinitely magnified, and the self-esteem of the proud son does not allow me to confide in others about my weakness.
The pain was hidden in the bottom of my heart and gradually tortured me into a hysterical madman.
I was going to accept my fate.
Now there is no shortage of money or time, and having a child is enough, so I can go shopping and travel and have fun.
can lead Nuo Nuo to go shopping, and when he saw Ji Yuntang's poster on the big screen in the city center, he felt inexplicably unwilling.
I started from the same starting point as him, so why is it so much worse now?
I hugged Nuo Nuo back home, looked at his glass-like eyes, and remembered that what attracted me most about Ji Yuntang was these eyes.
However, Nuno is pure and naïve, showing brilliance and simplicity everywhere.
At the beginning, Ji Yuntang was like a wolf, his eyes were dark and dull, and he had a hidden edge.
I touched Nono's head.
He was delighted and threw himself into my arms with a smile.
33
In the evening, I told Ji Yuntang, "I want to go to PhD."
Ji Yuntang was stunned, obviously incredulous: "What did you say?"
"Ph.D."
My eyes lit up and I was excited to tell him:
"I think I can do it, and my mentor will definitely want me."
"You ......"
Ji Yuntang opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but he couldn't say it.
半晌,无奈抿唇:
"It's not that it's against anything, it's just that it's ...... Forget it, you can go if you want."
He was still a little unhappy, but when he looked at my obviously lit up eyes, he smiled too, and his eyes gradually became gentle.
He kissed me on the cheek:
"Do whatever you want, wife, I will always support you."
I touched his delicate eyebrows and suddenly asked him:
"Wasn't it hard to endure those three years?"
The smile on Ji Yuntang's face froze for a moment, and then touched my head helplessly:
"It's okay, I know you're sick, or because you're sick because of Nuono, I don't blame you...... It's just a little regretful once in a while.
"I shouldn't have let you give birth in the first place—"
I covered Ji Yuntang's mouth: "It's all over.
"Nuo Nuo is very cute, you raised him very well, Ji Yuntang, we don't regret having him in the future."
How pitiful he must be if even his real parents felt that he should not have been born!
I don't want my children to be so pathetic.
34
During the interview, my mentor asked me why I had a baby at such a young age.
I thought about it for a moment and said:
"At that time, I was young and stupid, and I always felt that he couldn't do without me, and I was reluctant to embarrass him."
The mentor smiled, "Do you regret it now?"
"This kind of thing, how can you talk about regret or not regret."
I whispered:
"I don't want to regret the path I've chosen."
I can't predict what the future holds, so I can only make the right decision now.
Since I thought it was the most correct at that time, all the pain and all the suffering in the future could only be suffered one by one.
Think of it as paying for your immature self at the beginning.
35
When following the mentor to attend major conferences, it is inevitable that he will bump into Ji Yuntang.
He was a proud protégé of his mentor, and he often came to greet him, and his eyes rolled and rolled to me.
I lowered my head as if I didn't see it.
I didn't tell the other brothers and sisters in my sect about my relationship with him.
Everyone is busy experimenting and working, how can they have so much time to care about other people's gossip?
Until the gossip bumped into it-
When Ji Yuntang stood on the stage with the microphone in his hand, his eyes stared at my direction gently, and he said slowly:
"Besides, I'm thankful to my wife.
"There was always a spiritual strength in her that I envied, reminding me countless times that it wasn't bad, and pulling me up from the bottom of the pit countless times.
"Even when I had the worst relationship with her, when she heard that I was framed, she still tried her best to prove my innocence, and then taunted me, 'I can't even prevent this little trick, don't mess around in the future'."
There was a burst of laughter throughout the whole process, and Ji Yuntang also laughed, and took the opportunity to bring up the topic:
"So, for this new brand, I decided to name it with the homonym of my wife's name.
"For 'Shengsheng', which means the sun that never ends."
There was a roar of applause all around.
The tutor turned back from the first row and gave me a meaningful look.
I lowered my eyes silently, my cheeks were a little hot, but my eyes couldn't help but moisten.
What Ji Yuntang said should be that I gave birth to Nuo Nuo, just out of confinement, and the relationship with him is already very tense.
He didn't go home that night, and the next day, news came that he had been taken away for investigation over tax issues.
The board of directors was shaken.
I braved the rain to go to the company, quarreled with the group of directors who wanted to take advantage of the chaos, and ordered someone to check the tax and cooperate with the investigation.
I found someone to check the whistleblower, and by the way, I found out a bunch of problems in their company......
Anyway, there was a lot of chaos.
By the time Ji Yuntang was released on bail, the matter had been basically resolved.
I leaned on the car and crossed my arms and taunted him:
"This kind of calculation can be tricked, don't mix it up in the future."
He smiled wearily at me and reached out to hug me, but I avoided him.
"Stinks to death, go back and take a shower."
I hate getting in the car.
This memory is really not good.
At that time, I had just given birth, a little fat, a little yellow, and I had acne on my face.
Coupled with the loud noise that I don't care about my face, the people on the board call me a dominatrix.
The place that has always been attacked and blamed by others has only been known by Ji Yuntang when it is said so lightly.
It turned out that he really never cared about the changes in my body.
My soul, my will, my spirit, are far more attractive to him than this fickle skin.
One year on Valentine's Day, he wrote to me on a greeting card:
[You are very beautiful, but I love you more warmly and happily, all the time, like an endless sun. 】
Tears flowed hotly.
All of a sudden, I wanted to hug him.
36
It seems that since Nuno was born, Ji Yuntang and I have been quarreling, cold war, day after day.
If it weren't for my amnesia to relive those years, I would still be stuck in a cycle of hating him and abandoning myself.
Four years is too long, so long that I have gone from a small lump to a wide open and talking, walking on the road with a small schoolbag on my back, and shouting "Mom" at me.
Four years is too long, so long that Ji Yuntang is exhausted, there are fine wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, and his brows are always slightly frowned, stained with the wind and frost of the years.
Four years is too long, so long that I have even forgotten how it was like to fall in love with him at first sight......
In the past, when I read books, I always ridiculed infatuated men and women for falling in love.
Now that I am really in it, I feel in a trance that all the frustration and loneliness, pain and torture are actually an experience.
I went out for a trip, and when I came back, I sent a message to Ji Yuntang.
He hurried over and saw a large bouquet of roses in my hand.
- Like when I was younger, I chased him.
His eyes moistened.
Going round and round, we live our lives as a circle, what we look like when we meet, and what we end up being.
I approached him:
"Actually, for the past two days, I've been thinking, if I hadn't met you back then, if I had married someone else, what would have happened now?
"But I found I couldn't imagine it.
"When I think of how big the bed is, what color of curtains I buy, and when I think of those tea, rice, oil, and salt, I subconsciously think of you, I can't change it.
"Even those painful memories of being with you, I think it's an experience, you can't always go by without waves, it's boring, isn't it?"
I put the rose on my chest, and looked at him very gently and expectantly:
"Ji Yuntang, let's have a good time in the future, okay?"
He was already hugging me excitedly.
His body trembled, and his voice was so hoarse that he couldn't do it:
"Shengsheng, you know, I love you, I love you very much, don't leave me again, don't think about it...... If you ever say that you are separated from me, I will really go crazy."
I rested my chin on his shoulder and told him apologetically:
"I'm sorry, I won't."
And, "I like you too."
37
On the day I graduated from my Ph.D., Ji Yuntang also came, taking Nuonuo, who was already in elementary school.
He donated a building, and by the way, he took me and Nuno and took a photo with the mentor.
The two of us walked around the campus holding hands again, looking at the shadows of the cocoon trees, and couldn't help but whisper emotion.
"It's been ten years, Ji Yuntang."
"yes!"
He said leisurely, "When you came out of the courtyard that year, and your eyes kept on me, I thought, you must be chasing me.
"As a result, you did chase me down."
I blinked, suddenly thought of something, and asked him:
"Two days ago, I was looking through my address book and found that when I was in high school, you drew a sun next to my name."
I shook his hand, "So you've liked me since high school?"
"I can't talk about it."
He whispered, "It's just that you're special, always with infinite energy and enthusiasm, and you don't seem to get tired at all.
"It's really like a little sun."
I scratched his palm.
Ji Yuntang helped me buy rock sugar strawberries, wrapped in a layer of sesame seeds.
I got tired of it, so I only ate one bite and gave him the rest.
He smiled indulgently, and continued to hold my hand, swaying, walking in the blazing sun.
In the middle of the night, tell me:
"You know what? When I saw you downstairs, I thought you would be with me.
"Back then, I actually fell in love with you at first sight."