There is a saying in the countryside: "One generation manages one generation, one yard is one yard." ”
In the past, in the big family, it was possible to have three, four, and five generations in the same house, and it was very difficult to manage the family well.
Nowadays, most families live together for two generations. How to deal with the relationship between parents and children is the most important thing.
In many small families, parents always pave the way for their children, and they are also used to condescending arrangements. tried his best, but instead raised his children to waste.
In the long run, we have to manage one generation after another, love without spoiling, manage without control, and parents must not overdraw the blessings of their children.
01
Mothers say little, and do not consume their children in language.
"Three women in one play", this common saying, is enough to show that women like to nag habits.
Saying everything, even scolding, is ostensibly education, but in fact it is an element of "disgust" for children.
When their children are disobedient, some mothers begin to curse, even curse, roar, and become angry. It's really scary to think about.
As a sentence in "Desire and Desire": "A soft tongue can break a person's bones, and verbal violence is sometimes more hurtful than violent violence." ”
A far-sighted mother knows how to control herself and love her children with actions.
Psychologists believe that people can disguise themselves verbally, but body language often "betrays" them. Through body language, you can get to know yourself more accurately and move others.
Writer Xue Xiaozen, after becoming an adult, recalled three hugs from his mother.
The mother is a doctor, she is very busy with work, and she neglects the education of her children.
When Xue Xiaozen was seventeen years old, he fell in love with a boy who could draw. When her mother found out about the situation, she locked her in the house.
But she escaped through the window to elope with the boy.
She and the boy went to a few small attractions to feel the pleasant wind. But soon he became homesick and met a neighbor who said, "Your mother's hair is gray, and she is in a hurry."
When she got home, she thought her mother would beat and scold. But her mother just held her in her arms. From then on, she took the initiative to kneel beside her mother, swore to separate from the boy, and focused on studying.
The second hug was when she got married. It is mother-daughter separation.
The third time I hugged my mother, who was very old and demented, couldn't help but put her in her arms, afraid that she would get wet.
Mother, how long have you not hugged your children? How long has it been since you gazed affectionately at your children? How long has it been since you smiled at your children? How long has it been since you took your children by the hand and gone for a walk?
Mother, you can still do something for your children, it's a hundred times better than nagging.
Mother, have you put down your mobile phone and turned your eyes to your children; Have you put down your phone and read the texts with your children?
Don't mess up your children's dreams with endless nagging, just lift them with your hands.
02
Fathers have less money and do not consume their children financially.
Bacon said, "Money is a good servant, but it can also become an evil master on certain occasions." ”
The father took on more pressure to make money, and really hoped that he would become a local tyrant and be able to make his children and grandchildren "worry-free".
But the father also has to know that no amount of money he gives his children can support them for a lifetime.
When children "sit back and enjoy their success", the children's lives are nullified.
During the Ming Dynasty, the imperial history king who returned to his hometown after relieving the official and deprived himself of his family wealth and built the Humble Administrator's Garden.
The Humble Administrator's Garden covers an area of 78 acres and is very luxurious.
But the children don't know the blessings in the blessings, and they have developed the bad habit of gambling money.
After Wang Xianchen died, his son lost the garden overnight.
It's really surprising that a person who has exhausted his efforts to make money and buy a house ends up raising his children and leaving them homeless for the rest of their lives.
As for people, if they don't experience a life of poverty and are not beaten by society, they don't know how difficult life is, and they can't find a way to survive.
A good father understands the truth that "it is better to teach a man to fish than to teach him to fish".
No matter how rich the father is, he must give his children a hard education, and he must also tell his children that he is a poor person and that his home is an ordinary family.
When children become adults, they must be forced to earn money. Maybe the children will suffer a lot, but they will slowly rise up and get rid of their dependence on their fathers.
The father's endless giving money to his children is actually a drain on the children's ability to make money on their own. It's very sad, and it's just in front of you.
My father was poor and there were times when he couldn't do anything, but my father's heart was very rich and his pattern was very large.
03
Parents are less noisy and do not emotionally consume their children.
Many parents find that their children are emotionally unstable, or they are very afraid of marriage, and they do not want to associate with the opposite sex.
There are also some children who, when they grow up, have a distorted view of love.
Li Meijin, a parenting expert, said: "Intelligence is innate, and character is acquired." ”
Obviously, what a child will become has a lot to do with the words and deeds of their parents. How parents deal with emotional disputes and how to live their lives is the action education for their children.
Children who have incorrect emotional concepts and cannot stabilize their emotions have a lot to do with their parents' daily life.
On the "Jiangsu News" online platform, I wrote about a couple who often quarreled and then divorced, and the wife was in pain and wanted to commit suicide.
The six-year-old son went to the police station for help.
After the mother was rescued, when she saw her son, she hugged her head and cried.
The poet Byron once said, "For a marriage to last, you need to overcome self-centeredness." ”
Husband and wife are together, no matter how long they are, everyone has their own cognition, three views, and their own circle. It is impossible to be completely in the heart.
Quarrels are inevitable, as long as there are ways to deal with contradictions, and you learn to be courteous and accommodating, then you are not afraid.
When both parents can regard each other as "first" and are willing to be "second", the marriage will be harmonious and the family will be peaceful.
Parents often walk hand in hand, always able to resolve conflicts in time, discuss how to make money, take care of the elderly, etc., which is the best three views passed on to their children. The emotions and feelings of the children will become better, and it will be easier to step into marriage.
04
If you overdraw your money, you can return it when you develop yourself in the future.
If you overdraw your feelings, it will be difficult to return them, which is a love debt owed by parents to their children.
The blessing is overdrawn, and it may take a lifetime for the children to return it.
A family, the pattern of parents, the end of children.
Parents need to base themselves on the present and see what will happen to society in the coming decades, and how their children will live independently.
Visionary parents let their children use their childhood to heal their lives.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.