From "The Story of Roses", I realized the truth of marriage and love that will be used for life
Blind date story: Before men and women get married, they must meet more people
01
My best friend went to a far away place last year.
I applaud her for her courage and know how hurt she felt in her heart.
She had been talking to her boyfriend for more than nine years and broke up.
They met on a trip to Tibet, not long after she graduated from college, and so did the boys.
Falling in love with each other at first sight, they gradually fell in love with each other through the help and support along the way, so the relationship was confirmed after the trip.
After the trip, they returned to their respective hometowns, thousands of miles apart, and at first, they experienced a passionate love.
Long phone calls, telling the bits and pieces of sharing with each other.
Seeing each other in a long distance, because of the accumulation of previous days and nights, happiness and joy become extraordinarily strong.
Every time we meet, it is a flutter on the tip of my heart.
At that time, she thought that this person was the one to spend the rest of her life with.
They plan the future together, but then, someday, they become less connected.
It may be that the male student took the civil service exam, or it may be the wear and tear of time on people's mood.
If two people are away from each other for a long time, it will create an illusion that even one person should be doing well.
After that, the contact became less and less, once a week, once a month.
But when they met, they were very happy, trying to put aside all their unhappiness for a while and enjoy the two days they met.
A brief moment of warmth and joy.
02
At that time, my friends would occasionally tell me about them, and sometimes they didn't contact me once every half a month.
I told her from experience that the guy might have other plans, or maybe he had a new girlfriend over there, in his city, or maybe he was married.
After all, they were too far apart, and they had never participated in each other's lives, and they had so little contact that it was as if they were just friends in a distant place.
She didn't believe it, of course, she didn't.
The authorities are obsessed.
Admitting betrayal and admitting that you are not loved seems to be a very faceless thing, and it also seems to be a denial of the years you have walked together in the past.
denied the beautiful youth that he once firmly believed, and denied the choices and judgments that he had previously identified.
The most painful thing is to let all feelings be written off.
This is not an easy task.
How could I not have experienced that feeling myself?
03
A few years ago, I was in the same situation as my friends.
My ex-boyfriend is pretty much my soul mate.
I used to write down all our love stories, getting along with each other, and even the chat history in my blog.
He is upright and kind, affectionate and righteous.
At the time, I felt that even if a man in the world was unreliable, he was very trustworthy.
It wasn't until we talked about getting married, his parents' opposition, and repeated rebuilding and collapse of our confidence, that we finally chose to break up.
But a girl's breakup may always be accompanied by a kind of resentment and disconnection, so although the breakup is mentioned, we are still in touch like that.
Until one day I found that while he was indifferent to me, he could shout at other girls, and he was extremely considerate.
04
At that time, it dawned on me that people can change so much,
Love is only in a thought, and no love is eternal.
Promises are useless.
I will always remember the night we parted.
As usual, I called him and he didn't answer.
And every person who has loved deeply, his existence is a nail in the other person's heart.
That night, when I called him countless times, it was a million busy beeps and no answers.
I imagined how he on the other end of the phone looked at the phone number that he used to be familiar with and talked about everything, and couldn't help but answer, how he couldn't bear to watch the string of numbers light up and go off, and didn't bother to raise his hand and hang up.
That's our whole youth.
It hurts my heart.
I was dazed on the streets late at night, hurt by love, and pulled the nail over and over again.
Pulled out blood.
Occasionally, people passed by, like ghosts and ghosts, and I felt like I was in a desert where no one was around.
Strangled by that nail.
In the end I won, and the nail was pulled out of my body.
I came back to the house about one o'clock in the middle of the night, and for a moment I felt like my heart was dead.
I thought I wouldn't fall in love with anyone anymore and wouldn't give anyone the right to hurt me again.
05
But after a period of heart-wrenching, I didn't give up on myself.
I thought I wouldn't love anyone anymore, but I found out that no, I still feel moved by the people I like.
Still alive and well.
I think it all stems from the fact that I love life.
At that stage, the nail in my heart was still there from time to time, but I learned to slowly appease it and ignore it.
And face up to your own heart.
Don't let anyone, anything, become a "nail household" in my heart.
So, while working hard, I started to go on blind dates through various channels.
The introduction of relatives, friends and colleagues, the search for blind date websites, in the process, I have been on a blind date countless times.
There are those who fool me into opening a house when they meet for the first time, there are those who sell me financial management when they first meet, there are those who despise me and suppress me in WeChat chat before they meet, and there are those who are moved by me but the other party disdains them......
I also met all living beings in the process of blind date~
06
There was a boy who heard that his eyes suddenly felt uncomfortable one day, and he went to a major hospital in Beijing to see, but there was no chance to save it, only a faint light.
I invited him to dinner and was saddened by what had happened to him.
There is also a boy, a college student, who has not graduated yet, and the object is to find someone to study with~
various, but did not meet completely bad people, of course, I myself never had any unrealistic illusions about anyone, and most importantly,
I don't plan to attach myself to anyone through blind dates or marriages.
In that kind of circle, I was also lost for a while.
I fantasize that if we could have more intimacy with our ex-boyfriend, we might not break up.
Fantasy of a certain boy in the past, the conditions are actually very good, if I can endure a certain shortcoming, we should not be bad together.
But eventually, after so many failures and inadequacies, I learned to look forward.
07
I'll admit that I wasn't a lucky person growing up.
It seems that everything you do will go through twists and turns, and the same is true for work and feelings.
I have also had envy when I see other people fall in love on campus and can enter into marriage, but I seem to have always had twists and turns along the way.
But I have always believed that if there is no way to avoid detours, then, after the ups and downs, as long as I do something seriously, the result will not be too bad.
This is a psychological suggestion that I have been habitually giving myself for a long time.
Therefore, even if I experience a detour, as long as it is what I want to strive for, I will not give up, nor will I hesitate because of this.
In the process of continuous blind dates, I have seen many classmates and friends have partners, or get married, and former playmates have children one after another, and I have also been anxious and panicked.
I feel like I can't get married, and I feel like I'm not left.
But later, I understood that the relationship is not about who has it first, but about a lifetime of self-consistency and comfort.
And we spend our whole lives, whether we are married or not, to make ourselves comfortable.
Live a short life.
So, stay true to your heart, we seek the meaning of the other half, and it is not to find a partner who will not change for life.
But in order to be on a journey forward,
Be less lonely and add more experiences to our lives.
08
Later, I finally met my significant other through a blind date.
To this day, after the consumption of firewood, rice, oil and salt, I still believe in love and still feel that love is the most wonderful thing in the world.
But what is the premise?
It is we who have experienced those mountains and rivers, experienced those difficulties, learned to let go of the inappropriate, and learned to look forward.
I know that there may be a long or short nail in everyone's mind, and this "nail" may be a person who can't get over, or it may be a hurdle that can't be overcome, or it may have been injured by a long or short "nail".
But the only way to grow seems to be,
We must learn to live in harmony with those nails.
Whether we pull it out or keep it, it will no longer affect our lives.
We break out of the encirclement of love and being loved, and go to a higher and farther mountain.
And all love is only for the sake of being able to make our lives more abundant, not to trap ourselves.
I believe we can.