There is a disease called "mobile phone syndrome", and the symptoms are as follows:
If you can't do without a mobile phone, you can't do without the Internet, or if you go to an area with no signal, the whole person is not good, and your heart is up and down, and there is no decline......
However, as a parent, do you know how much harm it does to children when they always play with their mobile phones in front of them?
Find out in this little story below.
My daughter and I got into a fight
After a busy day, as soon as I got home from work, I received a complaint call from my daughter's homeroom teacher, Mr. Wen:
Sisi was very disagreeable, and asked her to get up to answer questions in class, but she didn't hear it. When I asked her why, she ignored it. ”
My daughter has always been a very polite child, and it doesn't look like anything she can do. I looked at her suspiciously, and I couldn't see any sign on her face.
I had to apologize to the teacher:
"Teacher Wen, I don't know the situation at this time. I'll talk to her first, okay? ”
After answering the phone, I couldn't help but ask my daughter, "What did the teacher say?" ”
I tried to understand my daughter's behavior,
"Is there some misunderstanding? Mommy knows you're not a rude child. ”
My daughter raised her little head and glanced at me, but she didn't squeak.
"Mom only needs an explanation, and she doesn't blame you."
The daughter remained silent. I sighed and said, "Then you think about it first." ”
Until dinner, my daughter still didn't want to explain to me, and went straight to the TV to watch cartoons.
I sat down next to her and watched it with her for a while, and when the cartoon was finished, I patiently asked, "Can I talk to my mother?" ”
The daughter snorted, staring intently at the ad on TV.
"Why don't you ignore the teacher today?" I tried to make my voice as gentle as I could, "Is it in a bad mood?" ”
"Hmm." The daughter replied nonchalantly, her eyes still fixed on the TV.
The feeling of being ignored makes me feel very bad. All along, I try to talk to my daughter as equals.
My daughter once happily told me that her friends envy her for having a good and reasonable mother.
And this time, I just needed a reason, but she turned a blind eye, when my words were air, could it be that I was usually too kind, but lost the majesty of a parent?
A fire burned from my heart, and I stood up with a bang, snatched the remote control from her hand, turned off the TV with a bang, and shouted condescendingly at my daughter, "What the hell is going on with you!" ”
My daughter was startled and looked at me dumbfounded, with a flash of horror and hurt in her eyes.
My heart ached, but I still maintained the majesty of an adult, and ordered:
"Go back to your room right now and figure out what you're going to do!"
She bounced up from the couch and disappeared behind the door, ponytail flicking, full of sadness.
I sat on the sofa in frustration, and my husband, who had not spoken all this time, came over and patted me on the shoulder: "Calm down, you know your daughter best, you should trust her!" ”
Yes, I know my daughter best, she is not an indifferent child, there must be a reason. I stood up, took a deep breath, calmed down and wrote a note:
"Baby, you ignore your mother, your mother is very sad! I was angry at you just now, I'm sorry, I hope you can forgive me. ”
I knocked on the door and slipped the note through the crack in the door.
The real reason for the matter
Two minutes later, the door opened, and my daughter was standing in the doorway, tears rolling in her eyes. When she saw me, she immediately pounced on me, hugged me and cried.
While crying, I sobbed and told me the reason for the incident. It turned out that as soon as I got up today, my daughter decided to do an experiment - no one paid attention to it.
I patted her on the back and asked puzzledly:
"Why do you want to do such an experiment?"
My daughter looked up from my arms and looked at me:
"Mom, were you unhappy when I ignored you?"
I nodded, and my daughter asked:
"When I watch TV, don't you talk to you seriously, are you also unhappy?"
"Yes, Mom felt very uncomfortable."
The daughter whispered:
"I'm also constantly unhappy! Mom, you always work overtime and don't have time to play with me. ”
I sighed and said:
"Mom has been too busy lately, but Mom took you to the park on the weekend!"
The daughter had tears in her eyes, and her little face was full of grievances:
"You didn't play with me, when you were sliding on the slide, when you were swinging, you were playing with your phone!"
My daughter's words swept through my heart like a thunderbolt.
Now that the functions of mobile phones are becoming more and more powerful, I am also addicted to the machine, and the machine never leaves my hand.
Many times when I took my daughter out to play, when I was bored, I took out my mobile phone to swipe WeChat and send messages. Somehow, I remember that when my daughter was four or five years old, I took her to the park to play.
She was having fun with other children, laughing loudly again and again and running towards me, sweat crystal clear in the sun, her eyes were full of excitement, the corners of her mouth were full of happiness, and she ran in front of me silly to me.
It wasn't until I smiled and nodded at her that she jumped away like a happy rabbit again.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I hugged my daughter tightly in my arms.
Children love their mothers so much, they crave their mother's response at any time, and they look forward to sharing with their mothers when they are happy to play.
Later, when my daughter got older, I thought she didn't need it anymore. Perhaps, my daughter has cast many expectant glances at me, but I have ignored them.
I suddenly understood, "You're doing this experiment of ignoring people to give me a taste of neglect, right?" ”
My daughter nodded and looked at me timidly. I couldn't help but laugh, and this method really made me feel deeply about treating others the way they would be.
I took my daughter's hand, bent over, looked her in the eye, and sincerely apologized:
"It's not right for mom to play with her phone. The fact that you can come up with this method shows that you are very good at thinking and having your own opinions.
You let mom see your shortcomings.
But next time, you can communicate directly with your mom and don't take such an extreme approach, okay? ”
The daughter nodded heavily: "I'll go and apologize to the teacher tomorrow!" ”
The polite daughter is back, and I decided to turn off my phone when I play with my daughter and enjoy quality parent-child time.
Reflection: What is a Parent?
What is a parent? A salutation? A natural power? Yes, but ...... Parenting is a profession!
You think you are with your child, but the child finds that the mobile phone robs their parents!
Don't think that sitting next to your child while looking at your phone is accompanying your child.
Don't think that you are playing with the computer on, and you are just taking care of the children by urging the children.
Spending time with your children delays your time, but you delay your children's life.
American psychologists have found that 20% of a person's achievements depend on acquired efforts and 80% on the teachings of his father.
As one of the "most important people" in a child's life, the same affirmative sentence, if spoken by the father, will have 50 times more influence on the child than the mother.
The influence of the mother on the child is whether the child can become an independent person, and the father will shape the child's view of life, which is related to the formation of the child's personality.
Who is more important in family education, father or mother?
The answer is that all are important! Whether the relationship between a person and his mother is harmonious will affect whether the child's future marriage is happy; Whether the relationship with the father is harmonious or not will affect whether the child's future career will be successful.
Give your child 15 minutes a day and you can't do it?
Establishing a close parent-child relationship with your child requires the accumulation of little by little every day, rather than overnight. Building a high-quality relationship requires 15 minutes of dedicated spending with your child every day.
The so-called high-quality companionship means that when accompanying the child, the father or mother is wholeheartedly interacting with the child, without distractions, without distraction, without thinking about work, without thinking about pressure, although these all exist.
- Accompaniment: Find something to do together
It can be reading books and telling stories with children;
It can be playing with your child or playing ball;
It can be listening to a piece of music and singing together;
It can be sitting on the beach with your child, listening to the sound of the waves, and explaining the knowledge of nature;
It can be climbing mountains with children, sitting on the ground together, studying nature, observing small animals, small flowers, small grasses and trees.
- Accompaniment: Listening + physical contact
Listening can be non-judgmental, without accusation, without contempt, without blows, without interruptions, just very simple, appreciative, very focused, very happy to listen quietly to what the child has to say.
In the process of listening, parents can respond with "uh-huh, oh, wow, yes-oh, then, and, what's next".
In the process of companionship, try to have as much physical contact as possible: pat the child's shoulder, touch the child's head, put the child's little hand in your hand, hug the child, etc.
Also, appreciative glances are important. There are many more ways to do this, but the most important ones are:
In that moment, as a parent, were you all together?
Whether you believe it or not,
Parents need training the most but lack it
The characteristics of this "profession" of parents are: the most need for training but the most lack of training! You may have a successful career, but the success of your career cannot make up for the failure of family education.
Regardless of children, children are not the mother's alone, you only have one chance for children's growth and education, don't miss it!
Mobile phones can accompany you for 50 years, but the time of intimacy with children is gone.
A word to parents: please put the phone aside, if we are 30 years now, all the way to 80, we still have 50 years to be with the phone, as long as we pick it up, it is always there for us, at our beckon......
If our babies grow up, they grow to 10, 12, 16 years old, you will find:
Gradually, they will need their own space more and more;
They no longer babble and "pester you";
will no longer "vexatiously" let you accompany him;
will no longer be like a baby in your arms and coquettish;
They will no longer drag you to their bedside and beg you to tell them a story to sleep with them, as they did when they were children.
You will find that many of the most intimate moments with you are in the child's place, once you miss it, you can never get it back......
So, those parents who accompany their mobile phones more than their babies:
Please put your phone aside, spend more time in your arms, and slowly savor the years of truly owning your baby.
▍Source: Daughter Pie
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