Hello everyone, I'm Wenwen's father!
Qinqin, a neighbor's child, is 5 and a half years old this year, and her mother has been busy decorating her room, choosing bed sheets, curtains, etc., since the summer vacation, and preparing to officially start sleeping in separate beds and rooms.
On the first day of the room, Qinqin was very happy, and quickly fell asleep amid her mother's story. But in the middle of the night, I woke up, ran to my mother's bed with a pillow and stood, crying with a handful of snot and tears.
From that day on, as long as she mentioned sleeping in separate beds with Qinqin, she was particularly resistant. Now that half a month has passed, not only is there no separate bed to sleep, but the child seems to be more clingy to adults.
Qinqin's mother said suspiciously: Didn't the Internet say "3-year-old divided bed, 5-year-old divided room?" My family is 5 and a half years old, so I should have slept in separate beds a long time ago?
Wen Wen's father persuaded her not to worry, and at the same time told her about her daughter's experience of sleeping in separate beds on the first day:
My daughter didn't start sleeping in separate beds until she was 6 years old, and after doing all kinds of foreshadowing, my daughter finally agreed to sleep in separate beds. As a result, I woke up crying in the middle of the night, and then I had to sleep with my parents.
After being rejected, she cried and asked me: Mom and Dad, do you dislike me anymore?
Hearing my daughter's words, the two of us were so distressed that we hurriedly hugged her with all kinds of comforts and promises, and the first time we slept in separate beds was declared a failure.
Ever since we had children, we have always been susceptible to all kinds of anxieties online, in books and around us:
When the child reaches the age of 3, he must be separated from the bed, and at the age of 5, he must sleep in a separate room, and it cannot be late;
When a child is 3 years old, he or she is aware of gender, and the daughter cannot sleep with her father and the son cannot sleep with her mother, otherwise it will affect independence and induce precocious puberty......
Is that really the case?
American children's sleep experts have conducted a long-term follow-up study on children from 200 families, and these children were 6 and 18 years old, and tested and evaluated their cognition, personality and behavior.
The results showed that no children who slept in separate beds/rooms after the age of 5 months, 3 years or 5 years old did not have problems caused by parent-child co-sleeping.
So far, there have been no studies to prove that parent-child sleep has a negative effect unless it is part of a family relationship with psychological problems, the research expert explains.
So, if your child is not ready to sleep in a separate bed or room with his or her parents. Parents don't push out the child who is crying and doesn't want to sleep in separate beds to face the darkness alone.
The knowledge on the Internet and parenting books can be learned, but there is no need to read from the book, each child has its own growth rhythm, and the theoretical knowledge in books and online cannot replace us to solve all problems.
Therefore, how often do children start to sleep in separate beds and separate rooms, it has to be specific, don't be hurt by "3 sleeping in separate beds and 5-year-old separate rooms".
01. The premise of children sleeping in separate beds is to give them a sense of security
If you want the child to sleep in a separate bed or room, the premise is that she has a sense of security in her heart, and if she sleeps in a separate bed with the baby, it will only increase her inner fear.
My colleague's daughter is 8 years old and still wants to sleep with her parents, although they have been trying to guide them, but the child just doesn't eat hard and soft.
But some time ago, after a colleague accompanied the child to read a storybook, he said with emotion: When my mother was 6 years old, she decided to sleep in a separate bed with her parents......
"Really?" The daughter asked with some doubts;
Of course, you can sleep in a bed by yourself, sleep wherever you want, sleep as you want, how comfortable it is!
"Then I decided that I would sleep on my own from the beginning of the weekend", says my daughter seriously;
At first, the colleague didn't take what her daughter said seriously, but she didn't expect that night, the child really hugged the pillow and quilt and went to his room to sleep.
In this way, my colleague and my daughter successfully slept in separate beds and rooms.
Therefore, if the child is not ready to sleep in a separate bed with his parents, what the parents have to do is not force and wait quietly.
Some netizens posted on the Internet to share their experience of sleeping in separate beds with their children:
The mother said that she was a mother who was keen to emulate the concept of parenting abroad, and she slept in separate beds from the first day of the child's birth, and slept in separate rooms since she was 1 year old, even though the child was crying a lot, but she still did not give up.
Later, the child also got used to sleeping in separate beds and rooms alone, but the child became silent and rarely spoke to his parents.
Once there was a guest at home, and the mother planned to sleep with the child, but the child was unwilling, shouting: I don't like to sleep with my mother, and my mother doesn't like to sleep with me.
At that moment, she regretted it very much.
I can imagine how frightened and desperate a child of a few years old must be when he is rejected by his parents again and again.
Not every child at the age of 3-5 can calmly face the darkness and the little monster in their hearts.
Wenwen's father remembers that when he was a child, when he slept alone, he would always think of all kinds of monsters in his mind, and he was always worried that there were bad people under the bed.
At that time, I was so eager to sleep with my parents!
Therefore, when children are not ready to sleep in separate beds with their parents, parents should give them enough security and stop forcing them to sleep in separate beds.
Children are not products on the assembly line, different children have different growth rhythms, some early, some late, when they are not ready, we have to rest assured and anxious, waiting for the child to be ready.
As celebrity mother Yi Nengjing said, it will happen sooner or later, and there is no need to rush to force the child.
Ma Yili also mentioned her daughter's experience of sleeping in separate beds on the Internet, saying that after chatting with her classmates, she heard that her classmates had already slept by herself, so she also decided to sleep in a separate room with her mother, and she quickly got used to it.
But when the child really sleeps in a separate bed or room with his mother, many mothers are reluctant.
Ma Yili even posted on Weibo, looking forward to one day, her daughter can say to her: Mom, I want to sleep with you tonight.
02. How old should the child sleep in separate beds or rooms?
Although there is no uniform standard for how old you can sleep in separate beds or in separate rooms.
However, from the perspective of children's emotional development, it is generally believed that children who are born naturally can be separated from bed at the age of 5-8; Caesarean section children can be separated from 7 to 10 years old.
Why is there a distinction between a vaginal birth and a caesarean section?
Some studies have found that children born by caesarean section are more sensitive to external sounds and more likely to lack a sense of security after birth, so the age of bed separation is later than that of natural birth.
In Wenwen's father's opinion, as long as the child completes the separate bed before the age of 10, it is okay!
In addition, before separating the bed with the child, parents should give the child more encouragement and preparation to help them take the first step bravely.
(1) Provide more guidance and take "preventive shots" in advance
On the eve of preparing to sleep in a separate bed with your child, you can use picture books and cartoons to instill the concept and benefits of sleeping in a separate bed in your child.
Fear of the dark is a common problem for many children, and more guidance from parents will help help children overcome the psychological process of being afraid of the dark.
(2) Decorate the bedroom with your child
My friend's son is very fond of Batman, and my friend and his child have selected a lot of Batman elements on the Internet to decorate the bedroom.
The child liked it very much, and I heard that the bed was also very smooth.
Design the placement of beds and desks with children, choose bed sheets and dolls, and parents can also prepare a small night light for children who are afraid of the dark.
It can also help alleviate separation anxiety in children.
Some people say: The main driving force for children's growth comes from separation from their parents!
In the matter of children sleeping in separate beds and rooms, what parents have to do is to help their children accumulate courage, give their children full of love, and then wait for the flowers to bloom.
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