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At the end of April 2024, after nearly 4 years and nearly 400 cities by car, 60-year-old Su Min completed the "first phase of the goal".
In Su Min's complete plan, the first phase of the plan is a national tour, and then she will visit cultural monuments and niche attractions, and finally go to the world.
But just before she was about to start the next stage of her journey, she was stumped by one thing – divorce.
In the past few years, the story of Su Min's journey on the road has been dubbed by netizens with the meaning of "female consciousness awakening". But in the past two months, Su Min seems to be in two worlds that have been divided.
In a world, she is resolute, changing to a trailer, ready to drive to a new national highway at any time. In addition, she submitted the materials required for the divorce and needed to wait for a month for mediation before entering the trial stage.
After talking to the lawyer, Su Min took the time to chat with me for a while. She told me that the process of parting from marriage was more difficult than I imagined. Fortunately, she holds the steering wheel tightly and will always get back on the road.
When Su Min drove away from home for 7 months, she had a conversation with us.
At that time, talking about the future, she said that in the next three years, she would spend time on road trips, and when she talked about marriage, she was not resolute about divorce: "No matter what happened in the past, after a period of time, we will start again, or meet again, live again, it is possible." ”
No one expected that goodbye Su Min was in the storm of divorce.
Su Min three years ago
In early June, Su Min posted a video on social platforms.
Unlike previous videos documenting her life on the road, there is no RV on the screen, and there is no poetic narration. The man was saying: "You are now an Internet celebrity, you said that I was not good to you, but you didn't say it." Su Min suddenly became angry: "When you beat me, did you say that you were good to me!" ”
The two quarreled for a long time, and Su Min counted the grievances she had suffered in her marriage. She recounts the dispute that took place nearly 30 years ago, filling in the details, as if it were happening in front of her eyes, and the scars have not yet scabbed. "When we were fighting, you were laughing and beating me, and others thought you were joking, but in fact you were ruthless."
The man opposite was silent most of the time, occasionally laughing, and when Su Min talked about the conflict between the two during the Chinese New Year, he asked, "Is there such a thing?" ”
Su Min finally said divorce. The person on the other side replied: "You don't have to put pressure on me, one is (to me) 500,000, and the other is to go through legal procedures." Su Min took a deep breath and said, then go through the legal process.
Outside the video, Su Min found a lawyer and entrusted her to handle the divorce. After this quarrel, the two quarreled a few more times, and her husband Lao Du also found a lawyer, and the two gave evidence to each other. According to the judicial process, within one month of the filing of the divorce proceedings, the mediator will mediate between the parties, and if the mediation fails, the divorce proceedings will continue.
In the newly released video, Su Min made her own demands to the lawyer: "I don't want his house, I don't want his savings, but he doesn't want my money." ”
When Su Min communicates with the lawyer
In fact, this is not the first time Su Min has mentioned divorce.
In 2022, after two years away from home, Su Min returned to Zhengzhou to celebrate the Mid-Autumn Festival with her family. As soon as the car drove into Zhengzhou, she was a little out of breath, and she wanted to turn around and go back because of the fear of returning to the suffocating family.
She met her husband at her daughter's house. According to the content of the video she posted, when her husband saw her at home, the first thing he said was: "You still know that you can't get mixed up, do you?" ”
After this day, Su Min faced the public for the first time and said her intention to divorce: "We will definitely divorce, it is a matter of time." ”
Divorce. This term, which has been entangled in Su Min's entire married life, was finally taken seriously by Su Min.
When she was younger, her husband used this word to threaten her. During the quarrel, her husband blurted out the "return" that made Su Min angry. At that time, the person who did not agree to the divorce was Su Min. She was afraid that the divorce would make her daughter bullied at school, and later she was afraid that her daughter would be discriminated against in marriage.
After her daughter got married, Su Min used divorce as a revolt. At that time, the husband had an underlying disease such as high blood pressure and needed to be taken care of, and the person who did not agree became the husband.
The two have said that they have divorced many times, and only two times have really moved their minds. Once last year, Su Min took the initiative to file for divorce, but her husband did not agree. And because there was an event waiting for Su Min to participate, it came and went, and the matter was put on hold.
At that time, her husband's Hui Min couldn't remember clearly, but I only remember that he said, "What is the separation, I didn't ask you for money." So a year later, when Su Min filed for divorce again, the 500,000 yuan her husband asked for was unexpected and difficult for her to accept.
"He never sees you as a family member, he only sees your usefulness. When you were young, you were a free nanny, and when you were old enough to earn a little money, he saw you as RMB again. So for someone like that, there's no excuse for you to be nostalgic. ”
Su Min said that if her husband did not ask for money, but cared about her life outside the home in the past few years, she might give each other another chance. The reality is, she didn't hear what she wanted.
In her four years away, Su Min only received two phone calls from her husband.
Because the car used the ETC card handled by her husband at the beginning, Su Min took the highway and swiped more than 80 yuan when she passed the toll station. Her husband called Su Min and asked her to return the money to him.
Another time, Su Min parked her car on the side of the road, blocking the way for other cars to come out. Su Min forgot to change the phone on the car, and the other car owners dialed the phone to Zhengzhou, and Su Min received a second call from her husband: "Your car is blocking people's cars, hurry up and move the car." "The phone hung up.
In December 2020, when Su Min was away from home for 3 months, the media "5th floor editorial department" followed her in Yunnan. In 2022, she bound her ETC card to her Alipay.
In Su Min's description, she and her husband often quarrel over trivial matters, and the family is constantly under fire, and the car is one of the tipping points.
Su Min on the road
Back in 2013, Su Min's husband owned a van.
Sometimes, Su Min's mother and younger brother have something to go back to their hometown, and they will ask Su Min to ask her husband if they can drive them to run errands. The husband pushed back and forth, and the two often quarreled over this matter.
The idea of learning to drive inadvertently sprouted, and Su Min thought to herself: "I want to be able to drive myself, and I don't want to look at your face again." This year, she was 49 years old.
She still remembers the urgency of learning to drive. Every day, she gets up at six o'clock, leaves home at seven o'clock, and arrives at the driving school at half past seven. The coach didn't go to work until eight o'clock, and sometimes he went early, and when he saw Su Min standing alone in the training ground, he asked her to practice a few first.
"Because I have an obsession with cars, I was very fond of cars when I was a child, so I worked very hard when I learned to drive." Su Min learned to drive very smoothly, and the exams were all passed once, and the obsession in her mouth came from when she was in Tibet.
Because of her parents' aid to Tibet, Su Min grew up in Tibet. When she was in junior high school, she had to pass by a cemetery when she came home from school, and sometimes it was her turn to be on duty, and it was already dark when she got to the cemetery. Every time she was about to reach the cemetery, Su Min had to slow down until she saw the passing headlights shining behind her, and she started running, and when the car passed her, she ran more than half the distance of the cemetery, and then chased the taillights of the car and continued to run.
On the plateau at an altitude of more than 3,000 meters, the girl Su Min ran wildly all the way, she thought: "How good it would be if I had a car, if I had a car, I wouldn't be afraid." If I had a car, I wouldn't have run like that. ”
Su Min with her car
Su Min's wish belonging to the teenager was fulfilled at the age of 51.
In 2015, the second year of Su Min's retirement, she worked odd jobs in the supermarket, plus her retirement salary, and earned nearly 4,000 yuan a month. The daughter persuaded her to buy a car, not wanting her parents to quarrel over the car again.
Su Min took out more than 10,000 yuan in savings, and her daughter added 30,000 yuan to make a down payment, and took out a loan to buy a white Volkswagen Polo, with her daughter's name written on it, and the loan was repaid by Su Min.
Su Min remembers very clearly that just when the car loan was still two months away and could be repaid, her daughter was pregnant. The daughter was pregnant with twins, and the fetus was unstable, so Su Min quit her job at the supermarket and concentrated on taking care of her daughter.
When Su Min stopped going to work at the supermarket, her husband sold the original van. He obtained the right to use the vehicle that Su Min had bought, and often drove the car away without saying hello. Around the Spring Festival, the two grandsons went to her grandmother's house for the New Year, and Su Min finally had her own time and wanted to drive out for a walk, but she usually found that her husband had already driven back to his hometown first.
"You see I bought a car for hundreds of thousands, I can't drive it, do you think I'm in a good mood? When he bought the car, he didn't sponsor a penny, and he finally asked him to pay it back in two months, but he didn't pay it back to me, and then his son-in-law went to pay it back. He doesn't pay you back (the loan), he still drives your car, how do you say I feel? Su Min asked me one after another, with residual anger in her voice.
In September 2020, Su Min drove her car and left home. Many reports have mentioned the cause of Su Min's self-driving trip: one day, she saw a divorced woman earning income by self-driving when she was watching a video, and her life opened an outlet.
Su Min talked to me about another reason: "I'm going to drive the car. I won't let him see the car, I won't let him drive. ”
Anger.
Looking back at the reason for Su Min's departure, it is difficult not to think of this word, or to change it to a synonym: so strong.
Su Min wrote about this character in her self-statement: "Being strong is originally a virtue, but when I enter an unequal marriage relationship, being strong becomes a kind of 'sacrifice', and it becomes 'I want to prove it to you'." ”
In fact, not only in the 38-year marriage, but also in the matter of marriage itself, there are similar emotions.
In 1986, Su Min was introduced to Lao Du. The two had only met two or three times before they got married, and now in retrospect, Su Min mentioned a detail, when the two were talking about marriage, Lao Du visited Su Min's house and only brought a snack the size of a lunch box.
But Su Min didn't care too much about it at that time, and the urgency of getting married made her ignore the hidden crisis. She had only one thought in her mind: after she got married, she could move out of the house.
Before marriage, Su Min was the eldest daughter in the family and had three younger brothers.
Her mother is not in good health, and most of the housework falls on Su Min's head. At that time, she was working in a fertilizer factory, and her father waited at the gate of the factory every day to pick her up after work.
While the workers were singing and chatting in the dormitory, Su Min was cooking and doing laundry. Because of the lack of opportunities to play with her peers, she couldn't even sing for a long time.
Su Min still remembers a feeling. She steamed a pot of steamed buns, a full fifteen or sixteen. The three younger brothers ate a lot of food, and as soon as the steamed buns were served, most of them were gone. Her girlhood seemed to be stuck in a cycle, life was like a pool of bitter water, and the feeling of powerlessness did not disappear with the years. "I just felt very hard. Including the time when you knead the dough, I am not tall, I am thin, and I especially think about when I can stop doing these chores or do less at that time. ”
Su Min when she was young
The opportunity she could think of was to get married.
After getting married, not only can you apply for a house in the factory and live with your co-workers, but it also means that the housework is no longer heavy. In a previous interview, Su Min said that her father did not agree to the marriage, and her mother helped her get rid of her father, and when her father came back, the marriage was over, and her father only had time to say a cruel sentence: "Don't be angry in front of me if you live well in the future." ”
In 1986, 22-year-old Su Min got married. After getting married, she lived in the dormitory of the fertilizer factory in the county seat, and Lao Du worked in Zhengzhou City, and the two lived separately. The days of singing with the sisters that were envisaged before marriage also did not come true, "they don't want to sing anymore, they all have children and they are taking care of their families".
Not long after, Su Min also became pregnant. With her husband not around, Su Min survived a difficult pregnancy alone. When her daughter was a month old, she returned to work in the factory, working three shifts at the time, and during the day shift, she entrusted her daughter to a neighbor or asked her brother to help take care of her. When she was on the night shift, she sent her daughter to her parents' house and asked her mother to help watch her sleep.
As for her mother-in-law's family, Su Min's mother-in-law has glaucoma and can't take care of the child, so she also asked the child's aunt to take care of her for a while, but within two months, the child's aunt proposed to leave. Su Min also talked about one thing in the previous video, when her husband would wash diapers for her daughter, but her mother-in-law said: "How can a man wash diapers." ”
Su Min has lived such a day for more than a year. In 1989, the fertilizer factory closed down, and Su Min had to return to her parents' home with her children. 's strong character is magnified by the difficulties of life at this moment, Su Min thinks that she is married, "I finally came out, I don't want to go back."
Su Min and her daughter when she was young
After the factory closed down, Su Min started a small business. At that time, it was the season when oranges were ripe, and she chartered a car to Hubei to buy goods, made three trips back and forth, and earned nearly 3,000 yuan. After the oranges went off the market, she went to set up a stall to sell clothes, and ran to Kaifeng to buy them, but she didn't sell much.
She still wanted to continue to look for opportunities to make money, and her family told her: "Why don't you go to the child's father, he works in a public institution, and he must not starve you." Su Min came to Zhengzhou with her three-year-old daughter in her arms.
Su Min described herself: "I am like a little grass, I have no requirements for living conditions, as long as I can have a little water and a moist soil, I can grow." I can't bend or break it, you trampled me to death, maybe I'll sprout again somewhere. ”
Many people know Su Min from a video.
She sat in the car and told the camera why she was traveling by car. When she mentioned her husband and marriage, her eyes were tired and angry: "In short, living with him is pressure, pressure, real pressure. ”
Screenshot of the first video that Su Min was followed in
When she first arrived in Zhengzhou with her child, Su Min was still full of hope. Her husband, Lao Du, has a decent job and a stable income, and she thinks that even if she is a housewife, life will not be difficult. As a result, after living together for less than half a year, Su Min went out to look for a job.
The firewood, rice, oil and salt of life quickly consumed Su Min's expectations for the newlywed, and her husband's control of money made her unbearable. Every month, her husband gives Su Min living expenses, and then reconciles with her in the second month to confirm the basis of each of her expenses. "After half a year, it's very difficult to get money. If you don't have to pay or have living expenses, you can only go out and find a job on your own. ”
In the days that followed, Su Min worked many jobs: cleaner, mason, tailor, supermarket promoter, and the longest time was delivering newspapers, and he worked for ten years. When asked about Su Min's criteria for finding a job, she said: "I want to be fed and clothed, I want to feed my children, I want to live, that's all." ”
Su Min has an income, the family structure is adjusted, Su Min is 32 years old, the two live an "AA marriage" - the house uses the quota of the husband's unit, the husband and wife buy it together, the daughter's expenses are paid by Su Min, the water and electricity bills go to the husband's salary card, and the money for buying vegetables is shared by the two of them.
The husband is budget-conscious. Su Min's younger brother drove his car to run errands, and he had to negotiate with his brother-in-law about how much fuel was spent. Once Su Min's mother was sick, Su Min used her husband's medical insurance card to buy medicine, and the next day she found that the password of the medical insurance card had been changed. At the same time, her husband was also lavish, Su Min once described her husband as a "local tyrant", buying a lot of vegetables at once, she asked her husband what to do if he couldn't finish eating, and her husband replied: Throw it away and buy it again.
In her 38-year marriage, Su Min has always lived in the shadows. Looking back now, she could not recall any compliments she had heard from her husband. Once, she asked her husband if he was treated like this because he was not good-looking, and the answer she received was: "You think you are good-looking?" ”
The daughter once told the media about her mother in her eyes: "My father made all kinds of accusations against my mother, he was in a bad mood, and my mother was under pressure, so she felt that if she cooked well and did more work, she would be able to get a good face." ”
Su Min's friends and her are neighbors, and their friends also know about the fights between the two, so they only sigh to her: The two of them can't get along, what can they do. Su Min also tried to complain to her mother, but her mother advised her to be patient, "(husband) except for picking a little, there is nothing wrong with it, at least he doesn't go out to find the mistress."
Su Min wrote in her autobiography: "In the eyes of the older generation of Chinese women, the bottom line of marriage has never been decided by women, but by men. As long as he wants you instead of choosing another woman, you have countless reasons to stay in this marriage. ”
Of course, this is just the married life in Su Min's mouth.
Su Min is taking care of her two grandchildren
In recent years, because her husband Lao Du rarely appears in public, relying on the descriptions of Su Min and her daughter, Lao Du's image has been portrayed as an image that is enthusiastic outside, indifferent at home, and good at denial. The media "Extreme Day Studio" once had a rare conversation with Su Min's husband Lao Du, restoring part of Lao Du's life.
He was born in a rural area, his family conditions were very poor, and he was reluctant to eat oil when he was a child. After graduating from high school, he worked odd jobs for a few years, and later joined the River Bureau through recruitment, where he stayed for 40 years.
In the unit, he is taciturn, honest, and does not participate in drinking parties. In the eyes of the media, he is similar to his neighbors, thoughtful and enthusiastic, and always smiling. Until the door closes, he begins to "pick on the sting" of his family, and he also realizes that he does not speak well, but the man's self-esteem does not allow him to bow his head and apologize to his wife and daughter.
He admitted that he had committed domestic violence, because Su Min "talked back", and this is a "common thing", "How can there be no 'ding' at home?" ”。 As for the AA marriage that made Su Min angry, it was a good choice in Lao Du's opinion. "She has several brothers in the family, and they don't go to work, (AA) I can at least control it, maybe she will help the family a little less." He explained it this way in that article.
Such men are not uncommon. In the video of the two quarreling released by Su Min, many people in the barrage swiped the same sentence: My dad is like this.
But it was such a man, such a life, that made Su Min despair. In 2019, Su Min and her husband broke out into a fierce quarrel, Su Min picked up a knife and stabbed herself, slashing her wrist twice and stabbing her chest three times. Her husband rushed her to the hospital, but fortunately, the knife was crooked, and Su Min saved her life.
was immediately diagnosed, as well as Su Min's moderate depression.
When I talked to Su Min, I asked her about her plans after the divorce. She originally thought that when all the plans for the self-driving trip were completed, she would find a city in Yunnan to settle down. But she had talked to her daughter about this idea before, and her daughter was worried that she would be too far away, and if something happened to her, no one would take care of her, so Su Min thought about simply finding a place near Zhengzhou, "whether it's buying a house, renting a house, or living in their house."
Everything is good, Su Min's tone became relaxed. This is the future that she had no time to think about four years ago. At that time, she was bleak by life, and there was only a narrow hope in front of her: "I don't even know how old I will live." ”
The moment the car drove out of Zhengzhou, Su Min's eyes suddenly brightened.
She drove to Chengdu first, went to find her former classmates, and by the way, she also distracted. Su Min's departure was not hidden from anyone, and her husband thought she was angry at first, and she would come back in a month or two at most.
But the car didn't look back, and Su Min went farther and farther.
Su Min's car was walking on the road
The Volkswagen Polo with her daughter's name on it became Su Min's temporary residence.
She strapped a tent to the roof of her car and stuffed a trunk full of supplies. Shortly after leaving Zhengzhou, Su Min temporarily changed his mind and drove the car to the bank of the Yellow River.
Impromptu ideas like this often happen during Su Min's journeys. She doesn't set a schedule, she runs two or three hundred kilometers a day, and stops when she comes across a suitable campsite, usually for two to three days.
In the morning, she slept until she woke up naturally, ate something casually after getting up, washed the clothes she had saved, and went out in the afternoon to take a look and shoot a video. At night, she sometimes cuts videos, or starts live broadcasts, chats with netizens and brings goods, and earns her own travel expenses.
"I never planned, I played today and set off tomorrow. If I want to go from this city to the next city on this day, I'll go to the next city, no matter where I go, no matter what time I arrive. ”
When she set off from home, she only brought more than 2,000 yuan. She won't go into the scenic spots for a fee, and she rarely buys souvenirs. She rarely takes the expressway, preferring to take a detour and take the national highway, on the one hand, because she does not want to receive a call from Zhengzhou, and on the other hand, she feels that the expressway fee is an expensive expense.
Her current income is composed of two aspects: a pension of more than 2,000 a month and income from self-media. Later, she gradually gained more money, and the content of her videos slowly changed.
Su Min is on the way
The first is the car.
In 2022, Su Min spent 350,000 yuan to change an RV. She dressed the car cleanly, and there was always a bouquet of silk flowers on the table in the car.
On the day she picked up the car, she smiled and talked to the camera, and there were tears in her eyes: "I finally have my own home." Before, many things didn't belong to me, and many things didn't have my name, but this one can finally bear my name. ”
In 2023, she took the C6 driver's license in Hebei. This year, she has switched to a second-hand caravan, which has more space and a more comfortable stay.
This is followed by video content.
At first, Su Min's account mostly consisted of her wobbly selfies, but gradually, she learned how to use a selfie stick to photograph the car as it moves, and then she began to control drone aerial photography.
After the account surpassed 1 million followers, her unemployed daughter became her assistant and helped her edit videos. She went to Hainan and Xinjiang, saw the sea, stepped on the grassland, and experienced sandstorms. In 2024, she will drive her RV up the snow-capped mountains at an altitude of more than 4,000 meters, sit on the mountains and sing loudly.
She wrote on her social account: "I have seen a wider world, and this new world is equal for everyone. ”
Su Min on the road
Su Min, who was on the road, rarely had a moment of fear.
Under questioning, she recalled and mentioned one thing. It was the second month of her first trip, passing through Zhaotong, Yunnan. She searched for an "ecological RV campsite" on the map on her mobile phone, which showed that she could fish, climb mountains, and camp.
Su Min didn't think much about it, and drove to his destination. Nearly two hours later, she arrived at the map and found only a dark ravine with two rooms in the ravine, one of which was lit. Su Min pushed open the hidden door, and there was no one in the room, only a table and a few chairs. The atmosphere was eerie.
Su Min was frightened, walked backwards, climbed into the car and drove back. At this time, the mobile phone had no signal, and Su Min walked back with his memory. In a panic, Su Min's mind was still online, and she thought: I don't need to drive back to my original position, I should go directly to the high-speed service area for the night.
Sensible, courageous. This is Su Min on the journey, and it is also Su Min's original appearance.
At night, Su Min slept in the car
Looking back at Su Min's life, she was tied to a conventional straight line, and walked through four life roles in turn: eldest daughter, wife, mother, and grandmother.
When it comes to this topic, Su Min doesn't have any special feelings: "Everyone has to go through these stages, unless you don't get married. But if you weren't married, and if you didn't have the roles of mother and grandmother, I feel that life is also imperfect. ”
She mentioned housework in a previous interview, "It's the job you should do, who thanks you." My mother does the housework." Even her departure came after completing all the tasks attached to motherhood - when she left home, her two grandchildren happened to be in kindergarten, and Su Min felt that her daughter could take care of the children alone.
Despite this, some people still accused her of "abandoning her husband and daughter". The harshest sentence is: "If all the women in China drove out like you, the family would not be able to survive?" ”
Su Min is on the way
Su Min remembered that when she was raising her children, her grandmothers and grandmothers got together, and most of them were talking about the unhappiness in life. But not everyone supports Su Min's decision: some people don't like to travel, some people like to stay at home with their children, and some people prefer to endure pain, but also immerse themselves in the role of their ancestors, and take the initiative to lose themselves.
In the post-60s group, Su Min is an example of "rebellion", and her self is also slowly pieced together while driving. "When I leave these roles, when I actually go out, I'm myself. I think about myself completely and don't have to think about what my children are going to eat at home. ”
Not long ago, Su Min received an invitation from Dong Yuhui to participate in a talk show. In that conversation, Su Min asked Dong Yuhui if he loved himself, and Dong Yuhui talked about his swings and contradictions in his new identity, which attracted countless netizens to watch.
I asked Su Min the same question: "Do you love yourself?" ”
Su Min said firmly: "Now I love myself every day, I go every day according to my own heart, within my ability, under the conditions of permission, I will not let anything become my regret in the future." ”
(Excerpted from the WeChat public account)