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01
There is a saying in Keigo Higashino's book "White Night": "The fact that what you once had is taken away does not mean that you will go back to the time when you did not have that kind of thing." ”
Taking Karasawa Yukiho in the book as an example, she has a classic monologue saying: "Although there is no sun in my life, there are things that replace the sun, although it is not bright, but it is enough to illuminate my way forward." The "replacement of the sun" in this sentence can refer to the lessons she has learned from the past, or to Ryoji Kirihara, and when she is strong enough, even if the lessons of the past are gone, Ryoji has disappeared from her life, and she can still continue to be strong.
It's like when we learn to walk, we may have to be supported by our parents at first, but after learning, we can walk without anyone's help. This is true of everyone's life, loss is sometimes not a bad thing, when you have a certain ability, you can use it in any environment.
As my friend Xiao Yun said: "The lessons I learned in my marriage and the things I felt will be used for the rest of my life, even if I lose my marriage, these things will still exist." Marriage and men can not be my dependence, I gave up marriage is not the same as saying that I will go back to the time before marriage with nothing, my potential is stimulated, there is no fear of the future. ”
02
Although it is said that the marriage has been good for Xiao Yun, and her ex-husband A Liang has also helped her, but the emotional matter is two-way, Xiao Yun has also paid, and has also helped Ah Liang, but in contrast, A Liang, who has better conditions, has helped her to improve, which is greater than her help to Ah Liang.
Just seeing this, some people may think that her ex-husband A Liang is a good man, but in fact, it is not. If it's just to be friends, he's really good. But in combination with marriage, he is not a good husband, because he is not only good to Xiaoyun, not only loves Xiaoyun, he is better to other women than to Xiaoyun.
For the wife, even if her husband loves himself and helps himself, he can't stand him to love others, because doing so will make the feelings of two people unbalanced. You only love him alone, but he loves many people, and it is difficult for you to achieve psychological balance.
Xiao Yun initially persuaded him to return to the family with kind words, but then found it useless, which turned into a quarrel. When they quarreled frequently, the mother-in-law mixed in, so the nature of the problem changed, from a simple husband and wife contradiction to a mother-in-law contradiction.
This is not to say that after the contradiction escalates, she does not have to care about the contradiction between husband and wife, when the two contradictions are placed in front of her at the same time, when she realizes that there is no good husband and no good mother-in-law in marriage, she feels that staying in the in-laws' house for one more second is a waste of life.
She wants a divorce, Ah Liang is no opinion, but the mother-in-law is not dependent, because she feels that it is not good to let her son carry the name of divorce on his back, so he said to Xiao Yun: "If you divorce, you will definitely be beaten back to the original form, you can live a happy life along the way, all thanks to my son, without him, you are nothing!" He is not only your cash cow, but also a noble person in your life, and those who do not know how to cherish noble people will be punished! ”
Xiao Yun said that before her mother-in-law said this to her, she herself had thought about this aspect of the problem, thinking about it, she did not want to believe that she would be beaten back to its original form: "Whether I relied on his help before or not, the ability I already have will at least not be taken away, as long as the ability is still there, I can't become nothing!" ”
People who can have the kind of enlightenment of Xiao Yun are destined to live better and better, and will not become more and more bitter, because they not only do not admit defeat, but also have the ability and have a higher awareness than before, as long as they do not give up on themselves after divorce, they will have more and more wealth.
Moreover, people who have experienced suffering are determined to be angry and strong, and often make greater progress than those who are content with the status quo. There is such a gap between Xiao Yun and her ex-husband Ah Liang, and after three years of divorce, the gap has widened a lot. It was at this time that the mother-in-law who said that Xiao Yun would definitely be beaten back to her original form proposed remarriage for her son, and said to Xiao Yun: "No matter what I said to you before, I was wrong, my son is sorry for you, since you are still single, I hope you can remarry my son!" ”
Xiao Yun did not accept her mother-in-law's request, because her realm at this time was higher than when she first divorced, and the conditions were better than that, she proved with her actions that she could live well on her own, of course, she was not willing to go back: "Before, although I knew that women could live well by holding their breath, but they had no confidence and half-belief; and now, I have personally verified this fact, of course, I am willing to continue to rely on myself, and I do not want to rely on others!" ”
03
Women who are "blessed" are "able to hold their breath", not only Xiao Yun, but other women are the same. Take Yukiho in Keigo Higashino's "White Night", if she can't hold her breath, doesn't change the local tone, doesn't follow her adoptive mother to learn various etiquettes, and doesn't start from "pretending to be a lady" to slowly develop the habit of a lady, she will not have the later nobility and temperament.
In the morning, a friend called me to tell me about her experience in recent years, but also the problem of "holding her breath", in 2019, she was in debt because she was eager to start a business, and then she slowly changed and adjusted, so that she had a life that was not what it used to be, and she could be heard from the tone of her speech that she was very confident.
You Erjie in "Dream of the Red Chamber" is a person who can't hold her breath, Su Qian said that she is the first mediocre person in the Red Chamber, based on the following: her short-sightedness, her head is not bright, Jia Lian secretly married her to do the second room in the filial piety of the country, she did not refuse, this is not only a self-deprecating identity, but also a handle, will only be despised by the in-laws, will not be treated kindly.
Calming down means not being able to swallow breath, and simply swallowing is no good, only in the state of not explaining, not arguing, and not in the state of social, have their own pursuits, and follow their own goals to firmly go on, can they really be calm. Only by calming down and doing the right thing, and holding down the breath and refusing to do the wrong thing, will bring good luck to yourself.