The matchmaker played by the author
Author:Zhang Xingli (Songyuan)
As the saying goes: "There is no cloud in the sky and no rain, and there is no matchmaking on the ground and no marriage", in ancient times, there was no parental order, the word of the matchmaker, the legitimacy of marriage was not recognized. It can be seen how important the role of matchmakers in the marriage of men and women is. Therefore, matchmakers were an indispensable profession in society at that time, ranking among the "three sisters and six wives". Among them, "Sangu" refers to: Daogu, Nun, Guagu; "Liubo" refers to Yabo (a person who sells human beings), a matchmaker, a teacher (a witch), a pious woman (an old bustard), a medicine woman, and a stable woman (a midwife).
Matchmakers, also known as matchmakers, red brides, moon elders, and introducers, are a type of person who specializes in matchmaking between men and women.
In the past, most of the people engaged in this industry were women, so they were called matchmakers. Matchmakers call men and women "matchmakers" or "matchmakers".
The matchmaker said that the media is mainly divided into the following two situations: the door is the right type and the door is not the right type.
The so-called door-to-door pair means that there are very little differences between men and women in terms of age, appearance, size, character, physical condition, family conditions, money, status, education level, and work.
The so-called wrong door is that these aspects are very different.
Matchmakers say that media is divided into active media and passive media.
Active media: The matchmaker sees that a boy and a girl are very well matched, that is, the so-called door-to-door pair, she will take the initiative to go to the male and female families to shake the cuān duo, both sides have the meaning of marriage, and the matchmaker will contact the two families to continue to communicate and promote marriage. The matchmaker said that the media, on the one hand, is the beauty of adults, on the other hand, it will also obtain certain economic benefits from the families of both sides. Wealthier families give valuable things such as money, cloth, clothes, snacks, cans, etc. Ordinary people will give some chickens, ducks, geese, eggs, pork, grain and other agricultural and sideline products. "Bao Media Pulls The Child, Mixes Yellow Rice", this is the best summary of the people's matchmakers at that time. The image of the matchmaker is also reflected in many embodiments in the drama creation, such as Ruan Mama, the second big mother, Chen Kuaile in "Little Son-in-Law", and Liu Matchmaker in "Liu Qiao'er", which are all matchmaker images, although exaggerated, but also show the extensiveness and necessity of the existence of the profession of matchmaker in society.
Passive media, also known as "mediator", is the parents of marriageable men and women, who take the initiative to find a matchmaker to say mediator. The media sometimes produce "knotted" marriages, that is, the two parties are not compatible in terms of age, appearance, marriage history, family situation, etc., in order to achieve a certain purpose, to conclude a marriage, some families even refer to the abdomen for marriage or set up a doll kiss, such an unequal marriage, with a lot of uncertainties, often will not be happy, and even cause tragedy.
The steps of the Northeast Media:
Blind date: The matchmaker is looking for a good blind date, and she must choose an auspicious day to go on a blind date. Generally, the man and his parents, and several other elders go to the woman's home to go on a blind date. The two parties measure each other's match from various aspects, including a comprehensive examination of age, appearance, language, upbringing, and the families of both parties to determine whether marriage is suitable.
If you feel that it is not appropriate, the blind date is a failure. If it is appropriate, the woman's family will generally leave the man's family to eat and deepen their understanding.
Opening gift list: For a period of time after the success of the blind date, the two sides of the man and the woman have the idea of marriage, and the woman's family should open a gift list and ask the man's family for a bride price.
The bride price includes a wide variety of contents and a wide variety of names. Generally including boxes, cabinets, ground organ belt quilt covers, standing cabinets, "big head sink", high and low cabinets, wall clocks, watches, bicycles, sewing machines, radios, luggage, money, tweed coats, leather shoes, fabrics, wool, velvet, fleece, gold velvet, scarves, nylon socks and other items for clothing, food, housing and transportation are all required for dowry.
With the different times, the content of the bride price is also very different, in the 1960s and 1970s, it was popular to "three turns and one ring" four major pieces: watches, sewing machines, bicycles, radios.
Later, it developed into a new "three turns and one ring": the watch should be brought on Sunday, the sewing machine should be locked, the motorcycle should be smoked, and the radio should be brought with a record. Later, it developed into washing machines, televisions, tape recorders, motorcycles, etc. "Winter to hair (wool), summer to yarn, nylon socks a handful of scratch (scarf)".
Later, it developed into "Wanli Pick One (10,010 Yuan)", "Ten Thousand Li Pick Seven (10,07 Yuan)", "Two Families Together (21,000 Yuan)", "Three Families Together (31,800 Yuan)", "Four Flats and Eight Stables (48,000 Yuan)", "Shunfa (68,000 Yuan)", "Fa Fa Fa (88,000 Yuan)", "Perfect (100,000 Yuan)", "Moving (Car, House)", "Wan Zi Qianhong One Building, Don't Kang Two Monkeys", etc., (Wan Zi Qianhong refers to the color of paper money, The two monkeys refer to two old people), although it is a joke, it also shows that the current young people are too stressed at work and family, and they are somewhat unable to support the elderly.
Over-the-top stubble (over-the-top gift):
The over-the-top stubble ritual includes two kinds of rituals: passing the ritual and taking (asking) the ritual.
Gift: Accompanied by a matchmaker, the man and his parents go to the woman's home, according to the content of the woman's family's "opening gift list", give part of the bride price to the woman's family, and give the woman a certain amount of cash, called "pressing the list of money", the woman's family should prepare meals to entertain the man's relatives and friends.
Take (ask) gift: the matchmaker accompanies the woman and her parents and relatives to the man's home to take (ask) the items on the "opening gift list", the man's family in the witness of the matchmaker, the part of the bride price to the woman's family, the money and things delivered are generally negotiated by the men and women in advance, through the matchmaker's message, consultation to reach an agreement, to avoid unhappiness. When a girl first arrives at the man's house, she must pack cigarettes for the man's elders, including grandfathers, grandmothers, fathers, mothers, aunts, uncles, uncles, etc., whether she will smoke, she must give the girls some cash, called "cigarette money", and the boy's family should prepare meals to entertain the woman's relatives and friends. "Passing the gift" and "taking (asking) the gift" can be called "engagement" or "betrothed". After the engagement, send away relatives and friends, you can leave the girl to live in the man's house for two nights, and then send it back to the mother's home.
Excessive gifts: After a period of interaction between men and women, the two feel that they are in love and can get married, and they want to pass the big gift, that is, to deliver the money and goods that have not yet been delivered on the "gift list" to the woman, and agree on the date of marriage. Before marriage, if one of the parties feels that the other party is not suitable for themselves, and proposes to destroy the marriage, if the woman mentions it first, she must return all the dowry to the man, if the man mentions it first, the woman can not return or less return the dowry, during this period, the matchmaker must consult with the two families to help deal with this issue well, so that both families feel fair and do not lose.
Matchmakers to protect the media, in advance of the two sides of the family must have some understanding, the two sides "look at each other", first of all, the other party's family appearance, word of mouth, parents speak for people, family environment, population, marriage partner appearance, behavior, conversation and other aspects of comprehensive investigation, "firewood and grass stacks even stove pit, there is a good chance to blow the lamp", this is the other party's most intuitive view of the marriage family, some seemingly small details, often related to the success or failure of marriage.
In the past, almost every link of a marriage needed a matchmaker to thread the needle, although there is a saying: "the new person enters the cave room, the matchmaker leans against the south wall", but after the fact, there is a big matter or a small love or to find a matchmaker to "say peace", engagement, marriage, separation, even war, divorce, etc. also have to find a matchmaker to witness and mediate. "It is better to demolish ten temples than to demolish a marriage", "to protect the media, to increase life expectancy for ten years", matchmakers generally persuade and do not persuade marriages, which plays a certain positive role in promoting family stability.
Nowadays, with the development of society, the improvement of the cultural level of both men and women, the work farther away from home and other factors, generally practice free love, even if there is a matchmaker, it is only to help the two sides matchmaking, the rest of the things, are the two sides free to get along, the role of the matchmaker is greatly reduced.