Is the awkward experience really too bad? Red-faced, red-eared, heart-pounding, and eager to "cut out three bedrooms and one living room"?
Indeed, the experience of "embarrassment" in my mind seems to be so shameful. But have you ever wondered if we find it annoying, or even rejected, because we misinterpreted the concept of "embarrassment" from the start?
Melissa Dahl, former senior editor of psychology and health at New York Magazine, has compiled her nearly 30 years of personal experience and experience of embarrassment, as well as 2 years of in-depth research, into a book, bringing us "Once You Can Laugh At Yourself, You're Free.".
There are a lot of real-world cases in the book, and at the same time, there are many researchers' conclusions, providing a more rational and clear voice for us to understand "embarrassment".
Everyday experience tells us that "there are things that really can't be 'practice makes perfect'". It's like facing embarrassment, no matter what age, what kind of experience, encountering embarrassment, or like the original helpless child.
In fact, the reason for this kind of psychology is that we are "misunderstood" and embarrassed.
Melissa introduces in the book: Emotions can be constructed. When you meet awkwardly again, you may wish to understand the psychology of embarrassment as "excitement".
The reason why "embarrassment = excitement" is because when the two emotions come, the physiological changes we feel are almost the same, and we will be red in the face and heart will beat faster.
The difference is. Embarrassment is judged by us to be a negative emotion, and when we encounter embarrassment, our expression is extremely unnatural and we want to get rid of it. Excitement, on the other hand, is seen as a positive emotion, which can bring us more courage and motivation to our actions.
It's like being asked to improvise at a public event, and if you're not prepared, you'll certainly be momentarily embarrassed. However, adjust your emotions in time to judge the feeling of embarrassment as excitement, and the nervous blanks that occupy the brain will recede like a tide, and as you return to reason, the power of action can return to the body.
Something you deliberately ignore, you don't want to actively approach. More courageous than the brave who dares to look at the embarrassment is the person who takes the initiative to come forward and hug the embarrassment.
Melissa advises everyone to accept that the embarrassing "routine" is the same as the "good medicine bitter mouth" statement.
Good medicine is bitter, but it is good for the disease. Embarrassment is like a bitter medicine, although it can cause all kinds of discomfort in the witnesses, but the result is not necessarily bad.
I know a little girl who doesn't seem to have "embarrassment" emotions. The nth time she had to go to her office for help because she hadn't brought her books home, her teacher criticized her harshly in front of all her colleagues.
Unexpectedly, on occasions when other children may be criticized for being red-faced and embarrassed to dig a hole in the ground to escape, she smiled triumphantly as if she heard praise.
It is at that moment that you can understand why she always comes home without a textbook and has no psychological burden.
The lack of awareness of embarrassment is like losing the cloak of shame. Sometimes, although the adverse reactions caused by embarrassment can be happily avoided, at the same time, the objective judgment of the correctness of the problem is discarded and the wrong path is blinded.
Sometimes embarrassment is not as sharp as facing a critique, but it gives you the time to hesitate, which is precisely the most grinding and meaningless.
Melissa gives an example in the book:
His boss gave himself a nasty nickname. When the boss first called out the nickname, Melissa desperately wanted her to shut up. But the boss, dare not offend is the common sense of man. As a result, Melissa hesitated between stern refusal and swallowing. As a result, in order to figure out how to solve the problem, she missed the opportunity to really pick the problem.
Just as others can't guess your mind, you can't accurately capture what the other person is thinking. So don't be afraid to talk about awkward topics, some things can only be opened and said brightly, you can know what to do next.
In life, we rarely give each other the opportunity to explain clearly the content that can trigger our own negative emotions, but some content cannot be summarized in three words, and the topic of "embarrassment" is exactly like this.
Therefore, I @Lancangyue is very happy to be able to read this book, and I am also grateful that Melissa was able to resist the embarrassment of the topic itself and present it to us with its laborious content.
Through this book, we can see a familiar, but more profound, "embarrassing" image. Just like leading a soldier to fight, "knowing oneself and knowing the other can win every battle." The next time we encounter "embarrassment", we do not have to run away from the desert, but can easily and comfortably "goodbye" with it.