I had been in the hotel for a day and a night by the time I wrote these three words. In these 24 hours, I did not take a step out of the hotel, did not eat a single grain, and looped Jay Chou's "Waiting for You to Finish Class" on my mobile phone. I think I can pick up a pen and write down the emotional past of these years.
I don't know how many loves a person can have, so I'll just talk about my own
First acquaintance with love
The first time I had a favorite girl was in the first semester of junior high school. Now it seems that maybe it is not love, just ignorant emotions. It was the girl sitting in front of me, and I called her Qing. Blue, short hair, slightly fat, study very well, probably the top three in the class, she is in the first row, I am in the second row, she likes to turn back to me to speak, when she says, she shows sweet dimples, loves to smile, very beautiful. She also likes to bring me things from home. Because her house is on the street, and we all need to live on campus. I don't know when I had a vague liking for her, but people were good students, and in that era, good students were not allowed to talk about love. I buried this emotion deeply until the second and third grades of junior high school, when I began the rebellious period of my life. The fox friends began to mix with society, with gangs, with the plot of TV novels. Only feelings. I have not changed, and I still like the girl who studied well and loved to laugh in the first year of junior high school. This has also become the laughing stock of the brothers after tea,
Second relationship
Fast forward to 2005. This year Jay Chou was very hot, and the fire was his song in the entire lyric book.
This will be the high school period, after experiencing the tension of the first year of high school, the sophomore placement test, I resolutely decided to give up the key class. Abandon science. And recklessly deliberately not to write historical answers. In the end, I got my wish and went to the liberal arts class. It was also here that I received the first true love of my life.
Her name is Ran Ran, and this name is still very memorable. Short hair, chubby, especially fond of laughter, and good at studying. (This seems to be the same type as the girl I like in junior high school) That will be the name of our popular class looking for siblings. She's special. Instead of letting me call her master, she also called me an apprentice for three years.
About her, I want to write about too much, until some time ago, I often saw it in my dreams. It was the first time I really meant love, and it was also the girl who gave me all my love. I remember that on the night after the end of the college entrance examination, we snuggled up to the small river in the county town and sat like this all night. Until the creation of people, she went to Wuhan and I arrived in Zhengzhou. Under the strong intervention of our girlfriend, we were separated. When I broke up, I cried for a whole month, and basically skipped class for a month, which was a hard and unforgettable love, and it was a love that consumed all my heart. I didn't really love anyone else in the next ten years. When you say this, you may not be responsible for the next two relationships. This is the truest feeling in my heart, and I can't do anything about it. It wasn't until last month that I added her WeChat, the first time I've contacted her in 14 years since the breakup, and it was only a few short words, but it was enough.
The third emotion
It was a bizarre relationship, and after a month of crying and playing games for another month, as a psychology student, I knew that this situation could not continue and that I wanted to start a new life. It should be the first semester of the university, the class is popular to fall in love, and the dormitories have successively had their own new joys. Of the few girls left, I chose her, our deputy squad leader, and I called her Kasumi. I lived with Kasumi for three and a half years, and I also reached the point of talking about marriage. Even the parents of both sides have met and are about to set a wedding date. But in the end, they didn't live together. This is an indescribable emotion, difficult to locate, let's just say so much!
The fourth emotion
It was a worldly marriage, 8 years older than me but loved me very much. I also knew her by chance, at that time I had reached the point of marriage, and I was about to finalize the date of marriage, but Kasumi refused to live with me for a long time, and she always felt that something was missing, and there was a sense of unwarranted distrust in her feelings. It was at this time that she appeared and called her Li. Her presence completely disrupted my life, and for the first time I knew it turned out that a woman could be so nice to a man. It turns out that there can be a lot of new clothes, and it turns out that the world is really big. So I fell, and after her divorce we got married and wanted her girlfriend, a rebellious student I brought with me, a little girl who had called out to my dad. After 7 years of marriage, although there were some setbacks in the career, the relationship has been very good, and there is a boy. It feels really good to have a son and a daughter. But Providence tricked people, last October, a serious illness fell on her, and what people did not expect was that it was a disease that could not be cured. We closed the small store, was hospitalized for more than half a year, did craniotomy, did various rehabilitation treatments, and finally learned from the doctor that it was not cured. The sky really fell at that moment. But at this time, the girlfriend returned, which also had the following feelings.
Fifth relationship
I call him a single emotion in this relationship, because it is only a section of the self, and she does not know it. The owner of this relationship is called Nono. Today, I plucked up the courage to record it, which means that I will no longer mention this relationship from now on, and I will bury my love deeply and be a free and unfettered person from now on.
Nono is his wife's daughter. When we first met, she was 11 years old, and she didn't like to learn, but I was an educator and half a psychology researcher. The first time I saw her I knew this girl lacked love, the kind of love that came from her native family. So I picked her up from school every day, helped her with her homework, and sent her home. My inflected cycling level was also practiced naturally at that time. Just no amount of effort has saved her interest in learning, and when she was called to the school by the teacher for two consecutive weeks in the first year, we still chose to withdraw from school. After that, we went to Kaifeng, and after a year of not going to school, I sent her to Kaifeng Henan Chemical Industry Technical School, and after graduation, I sent her to Wuxi to study flight attendants. Although the tuition fee was very expensive, it was basically unaffordable with the economic conditions at that time. But I gritted my teeth and sent it. These experiences were just what I should have done as a half-father. There's nothing out of the ordinary. It wasn't until she came home from school this summer, and one day came into my room and talked to me for two or three hours, talking about her school experience, her worries about the future, and her confusion about her work, and it was at that time that I realized that I owed her so much. Growing up as a child, I was completely unqualified as a father.
Since that day, I have been chatting with her every day, answering her questions, correcting some bad habits, and buying what a girl should have. Until I took her mother three to Zhengzhou for hospitalization. We were all like this, chatting every day until she adjusted her mood and came to Zhengzhou to accompany us to give her mother treatment. It is reasonable to say that things have reached this point, and it should be a good ending. But the emotions of a person are wonderful. First of all, I already knew that my daughter-in-law's illness could not be cured, and I could only be a disabled person in the second half of my life, and I could not completely take care of myself. During this time, I have been suppressing my feelings, and my mood can not be imagined to be very good. After another flood in Zhengzhou, we were discharged early, but we couldn't go home. I had to rent an apartment outside and live in it temporarily. It is also a sudden earth-shaking change in feelings in the past few days. It was one night, and it was 12 o'clock, and she was still playing with her mobile phone and chatting with others on WeChat. I was a little angry and told her to put down her phone and hurry to sleep. But people don't listen to you, I was a brain cramp to grab her mobile phone, this time the ignition is on fire, I did not expect her to have the same temper as her mother. I dropped another phone. I went out barefoot, and I was afraid of an accident, so I chased out without getting my shoes on. In order to prevent her from running around after the ladder, I chased after her and hugged her from behind. I could hear her heart beating, and I could hear her heart beating. It took more than an hour, she was tired, went to bed, but I suddenly had the feeling of first love. I wrote in the headline that day, 'I fantasized about holding you ten thousand times, but I didn't expect it to come so suddenly in this way.' I knew that from that moment on, I had fallen into a complete love with her. This is the feeling that after 14 years of breaking up with Ran, it is the feeling that deeply buried love has exploded at this moment.
However, she was only 18 years old, and on the day of the 18-year-old coming-of-age ceremony, I also carefully decorated her room, (this I posted in the headlines at the time, but I deleted it all yesterday). Just such a girl, where do I deserve to like it, the day before the train tickets to zhengzhou home stopped selling, we rushed back and began to quarantine at home for 14 days. This time is my tangled, confused, heartache days, more of a self-blame for myself, a relationship that has no results, and even I can't tell her about my feelings for her. But he happened, and love was ignited.
After the quarantine ended, I found a hotel alone and shut myself in my room, not eating or drinking, and thinking about it. But it's really hard to forget a relationship or to give up a relationship. A man in his early 30s was crying so quietly that he forced himself to end the relationship. I know that this life can only be like this, I do not deserve to have my own love in this life, I can only continue to bury deeply, and then earn money alone to support the family.
end
I have been in the hotel for three days, and I have written down all the things I want to write one after another to commemorate the love that has passed, and since then I have returned to my family, raised my baby seriously, and do not talk about the wind and moon and do not show my feelings.
Brilliant
August 21, 2021