In the last tweet, we saw Madame Wang's noble grace, she was nostalgic and compassionate, generously donated money to help poor relatives Liu Grandma, and was also very tolerant of the arrogant Miaoyu and the arrogant subordinates, and her high emotional intelligence was to "have a good heart, say good words, and do good deeds", so she is indeed the most intimate successor of Jia Mu. Next, we have to understand Liu Grandma, who was greatly helped by Madame Wang, who solved problems and improved her situation without resources, relying on her own wisdom, especially her high emotional intelligence, which is why we should pay more attention to her.
Adversity is the touchstone of emotional intelligence
The most prominent emotional intelligence performance of Grandma Liu is, first of all, her perseverance and bravery.
Perseverance and bravery are actually very much related to emotional intelligence, which is not only a method or technique for handling things, but also an external reflection of personality. Think about it, when do you need high emotional intelligence? When you encounter setbacks, when things are not satisfactory, do you want to give up, or do you want to stick to it? When things don't develop the way you want, are you impatient and simply don't do it, or are you patient, slowly coordinating step by step, and letting things gradually be completed satisfactorily? Also, when faced with pressure, do you stoically bear it, or do you avoid it? In the end, even if things still don't go their way, do you have the courage to accept it? We usually agree that when encountering difficulties and setbacks, we have the courage to take responsibility, persevere, be patient, and complete things step by step, even if the results are still unsatisfactory, we can also wave our hands in a dashing manner, and do not sit in the city. Such attitudes and practices are the manifestations of high emotional intelligence.
Therefore, Liu Grandma's perseverance and bravery is the driving force behind her high emotional intelligence. When Grandma Liu first appeared, it was in the sixth time, when Grandma Liu's family was facing great difficulties:
Because of the beginning of the autumn and the beginning of winter this year, the cold weather will come up, the winter affairs at home have not been done, the dog is worried, eating a few glasses of stuffy wine, idle at home to find anger, Liu Shi does not dare to confront.
Wang Dog'er encountered things that were not satisfactory, but did not know how to solve the problem, only knew how to complain, get angry, and even anger others, the wife and children in the family became a punching bag. Of course, such an approach does not help, not only can not improve the situation, but also make things worse, it can be seen that his emotional intelligence score is not passed.
Here, I think of a passage said by Don Juan, an American Indian, who I personally thought was the most helpful quote to improve emotional intelligence. Don Juan said, "In your heart, you take yourself too seriously, so that you feel that you can be justified in getting annoyed with everything." You are so important, so as long as things don't go your way, you can turn around and walk away. You probably think that means you have personality. On the contrary, you are weak and pretentious! "Doesn't the king dog just confirm this truth?" He was a man of a tantrum, but also a pretentious but weak and incompetent man. First of all, he can't control his temper and lacks the ability to control his emotions; secondly, because wang dog has no ability to solve problems, he will sit in a troubled city and use his temper to cover up his incompetence; finally, he only dares to lose his temper with those who dare not fight back, and is bullying weak paper tigers. People who really have the ability are brave enough to face problems and solve problems, so Grandma Liu can't see it, and she comes forward, she advises the dog to say:
Grandpa, don't spit on me. We village people, that one is not old and sincere, how big a bowl to eat. You were used to eating and drinking because you were young and supported the blessings of your hometown, so you can't hold on to it now. When you have money, you will take care of your head and tail, and if you don't have money, you will be blindly angry, and you will become a manly husband!
We must first understand a situation, Grandma Liu was a widow, and only a daughter who was married, so she lived with her son-in-law's family, which was not uncommon in the Qing Dynasty. But after all, the head of the family is not his son, and the mother-in-law will still give in. However, Grandma Liu is very brave, the daughter does not dare to confront her husband, she came forward to persuade each other, and pointed out the shortcomings of the son-in-law, saying that he was used to enjoying it from childhood, from luxury to frugality, so when he had money, he spent it randomly, and he was angry without money, which is a manly husband!
In other words, Grandma Liu herself is a person who is "old and sincere, how big a bowl to eat", she is satisfied with her duty, she can "hold on" in the face of life, she can plan for a long time with money, she will not squander it all at once, and when she has no money, she also knows how to actively think of ways, rather than throwing a tantrum; moreover, when she encounters her son-in-law," she can also stand up and point out the shortcomings of her son-in-law in person, which is really a brave performance. Of course, Grandma Liu is definitely not arguing with her son-in-law on the spot, using emotions to collide emotions, which is another practice of low emotional intelligence. So how does Grandma Liu's high emotional intelligence manifest itself?
Grandma Liu did not scold her son-in-law, but objectively pointed out his problems, which were different levels. "Scolding" is mainly to vent their emotions, the tone of the other party must be bad when accusing each other, of course, it is easy to cause the other party to resist, and the result is a meaningless fight. Objectively pointing out the other party's problems is different, which is actually a reminder to him to understand his own situation, once the other party realizes his own problems, there is a possibility of communication.
That's what Grandma Liu did. Moreover, after pointing out the shortcomings of her son-in-law, Grandma Liu proposed constructive methods to help them solve the problem, so that the other party would no longer be angry, but would calm down and talk about the problem. Look at what Grandma Liu did, she said to her son-in-law Wang Dog'er:
"Now although we live away from the city, we are finally at the feet of the Son of Heaven." In this Chang'an City, there is money everywhere, but unfortunately no one will take it. Jumping at home is also useless. When the dog heard this, he said urgently: "You will only talk about kang tou'er, is it impossible for me to rob and steal?" Grandma Liu said, "Who told you to steal it?" In the end, I want everyone to cut the degree, otherwise the silver money will not run to our house by itself? The dog sneered, "There is a way to wait for this time." I don't have any tax-collecting relatives, no friends who are officials, what can I think of? Even if there is, I am afraid that they may not pay attention to us! Grandma Liu said, "This is not true." The plot is in man, and the success is in heaven. We have found it, looking at the blessing of the bodhisattva, there are some opportunities that are unknown. ”
Emotional intelligence reviews
In fact, Grandma Liu, like Wang Dog'er, has to face the problem of food shortages at home, but when she encounters unsatisfactory, she can take away her emotions, face the problem calmly and calmly, "think of everyone to cut", and be willing to do her best, "plot things in people", and do not give up the possibility of finding some opportunities, which is the performance of high emotional intelligence.
And which opportunity did Grandma Liu painstakingly seek? She said:
I'll come up with an opportunity for you. On that day, you were originally connected with the Jinling Royal Family,...... Although the royal palace has now been promoted to a border post, I am afraid that these two aunts and wives still recognize us. Why don't you just walk around, or he misses the old, some of the benefits, I don't know. If only he had been a little kind and plucked a cold hair thicker than our waist.
Grandma Liu not only has the courage, but also the wisdom, and is willing to actively strive for and seize every possible opportunity, which is the attitude of "planning in people, success in heaven". If you don't try it, how can you have a chance? If you don't try to do it, what's the use of having a chance?
Then Grandma Liu set off, took her little grandson Ban'er from the countryside to the capital, found the Zhou Rui family she knew before, and finally met Wang Xifeng. What follows is the story we already know.
Recommended reading
"Emotional Intelligence Lessons in the Dream of the Red Chamber" was born out of the online course of Ou Lijuan, a popular professor at National Taiwan University. The author analyzes the plot of the Dream of the Red Chamber or the classic, or easy to be ignored, explores the high emotional intelligence displayed by the characters, and takes the scenes in "The Dream of the Red Chamber" as a case to teach readers how to play the role of emotional intelligence in different situations and be a person who makes people like.
The book consists of nineteen chapters, which analyze the different emotional intelligence characteristics of thirteen (group) characters. Each chapter focuses on one or more of the characters' emotional intelligence abilities, so that the reader can grasp some of the basic principles needed to behave in the world. The book cooperates with the "scene reproduction" and "key tips" of the plot of "Dream of the Red Chamber", which is convenient for readers to learn and experience the application of emotional intelligence in daily life.