Guo Liuling, 28, is petite, beautiful and loves to dance, because she is widely concerned about cutting meat live in the mutton shop, and is known as "Mutton Xishi". This was originally her father's business, but not long ago, her father suddenly suffered from uremia, and Liu Ling could only give up her dream of dancing and take over the lamb shop. When she was a child, Liu Ling was very hurt by her mother's sudden departure from home, and although her mother returned when she grew up, the mother and daughter still had difficulty looking at each other.
In the early winter of 2021, we walked into the lives of Guo Liuling and her mother. Liu Ling strives to juggle the mutton shop and her beloved dance, and she gradually finds that this energy in her body is very similar to her mother who ran away from home.
Tencent News's "Chinese Day" column and Kuaishou We Studio jointly planned and produced a series of women's theme documentaries "The Great Mother and Daughter", the fourth episode tells the story of Liu Ling, a lamb shop girl, and her mother.
The knife fell on the board and cut out a section of lamb. In the small, red-lit lamb shop, a young woman holds the knife. She has Qi bangs, a crisp ponytail, and her eyes are bent when she laughs. She doesn't seem to belong here. Her name is Guo Liuling, 28 years old, a native of Guigang, Guangxi, a former dance teacher, wearing tight clothes, shining in the dance studio. But when she came to the market, she could only wear dirty clothes, an apron and gloves. The body is also stained with a very sour and smelly smell of lamb.
Because of her sweet appearance, Guo Liuling was called "Mutton Xishi" in the live broadcast.
Appearing here, Guo Liuling first has to face the eyes of others, "I think you are the past showman." A beautiful and shiny little girl, buying lamb here, must fish and two nets for three days, and can't stick to it.
This used to be Guo Liuling's father's lamb shop. When she first started taking over, an old aunt and father's old customer told her why not do a decent job and chop lamb here? Seeing the lamb that Guo Liuling chopped for her, she said again, not your father chopped well, or hurry back, don't be embarrassed here.
Guo Liuling was very unconvinced. At that time, she had just taken over the mutton shop and was not yet skilled. She bought more than a dozen pounds of pig bones herself, chopped them on the board for more than a month, and broke two or three knives. She was very afraid in her heart, afraid that the knife would float to her hand, and the moment the blood came out, she would also be shocked in her heart, "If I am not careful, I will miss my arm and leg, I am really afraid."
Guo Liuling's knife skills are very skilled, and now she can combine live broadcasting and doing business.
But she had to hold on. Not long ago, Liu Ling's father suddenly suffered from uremia, and the lamb shop was a real business vision of his father, and he could not find a more reliable person to help him run it.
It was the first time she had seen her father shed tears in front of her eyes. Then a father who was like a tree suddenly became fragile. In the eyes of others, selling meat in a lamb shop is dirty work with wet hands and wet feet, "around a bunch of smelly, messy and dirty things", which is not very decent. But Guo Liuling still took it.
"The mutton shop is not easy to cut off," Guo Liuling said, "we just hardened the scalp, I think it is not a big problem, I just stuck to it." The lamb shop sustains the father's spirit. She hopes that her father will feel that life is meaningful and not give up on treatment.
In order to send her father to do dialysis, Liu Ling often traveled between the lamb shop and the hospital.
Guo Liuling has been overcoming psychological obstacles, such as when she goes to get a sheep, she will see the sheep's pitiful eyes. She also felt unbearable. But I had to do it. There was no way to vent the pressure inside, and she began to cut meat. "I vent my anger on the meat, and the reason why I cut the meat so well is a way to reduce stress."
The voice is soft and soft, neatly lifting a knife to cut meat, Guo Liuling, such an image full of energy and conflict, has been seen in the online world. She became an Internet celebrity and was known as "Lamb Xishi". She describes her life now, "with a halo shining on me."
Under the aura, it is Guo Liuling's contradictory trade-offs. In real life, Guo Liuling can only take care of her son and insist on dancing behind, and the first in her life is her father's lamb shop.
Liu Ling practiced dancing in the lamb shop, and she could not let go of both ideals and reality.
Deciding to take over the work of the lamb shop and sticking to it until now, Guo Liuling feels that "it is more of a responsibility and responsibility." The ability to take responsibility in this way is Guo Liuling's dream all along.
When she was very young, her mother ran away from home to pursue her dreams in the big city. From an early age, she felt that her mother, who had left without a word, was an irresponsible person. Her mother's departure had caused her a great deal of harm.
She was full of resentment towards her mother, and even had a kind of hatred. "Why don't people have what I don't have?" When people can wear beautiful skirts, when they can call out to mom and dad, I can't shout. ”
Every time she held hands with her mother, Liu Ling's heart was full of mixed feelings.
She was always told to be a motherless child. Being looked at coldly, the clothes should not match the best, she can only wear the rest of the clothes worn by others. At school, Guo Liuling will be excluded, and classmates will say that she is a motherless child and do not play with her.
Liu Ling often pretended not to hear, and then returned home, hiding in a cupboard alone, and did not speak or eat all day. One day, dad came home to look for her, thinking she was gone, but in fact she didn't want her dad to know that he had emotions. She looked at her grandparents to earn money to provide her with education, and she felt that she was a burden.
Liu Ling often wondered why her mother suddenly ran away from home, which was a very immature practice. "If you are really forced by life, you can also call your home and ask for warmth." But my mother has been out for so many years, she has not come back with a single phone call, she may have called my grandparents, but I have not felt that kind of maternal love during this time. ”
The crowd dispersed, and After a busy day of business, Liu Ling would be alone in a daze.
From childhood to adulthood, this "motherless child" learned to report good news and not worry. In school, she was bullied by other children, or there was no food to eat, or her shoes were rotten, and she would not cry with her grandparents, "If there is, it is better, if not, eat less, wear less, this is not a big problem." 」
She always felt that if she could carry what she could carry, she would carry it herself. The image of her mother cast a shadow over her childhood. She will always think in her heart that she must not become the same person as her mother in the future. "In the future, I must be self-reliant and be the kind of woman who can afford a responsibility for my family."
Before becoming an adult, Guo Liuling described herself as "like a wall-headed grass" and her life was arranged. Her parents asked her to go to health school, she went, she went to secondary school, she also went. "I was very scared and timid, because I was scolded a lot, I didn't have my own opinions, I was all going with the flow, and what adults said was what they were."
But as she grew up, she found that she was not a recalcitrant, completely obedient girl.
After graduating from secondary school, her father wanted to find her a job with an iron rice bowl, to graduate so that she could marry a doctor, have a fat son, retire and open a clinic, and her father hoped that she would live her life like this. But she felt as if her life path had been fixed. A new idea popped up: Why can't I live my own way?
Every time Liu Ling pushes her motorcycle on the overpass, she will run,
She wants to try to save time doing what she loves. She decided to live her own life.
Father was furious: You're out there bleeding, you're crying and coming back, you don't ask me for money. Guo Liuling is also very stubborn: I am not a boy, but I must be stronger than a boy, why do you think I will not be able to find food in the future? "I'll prove it to my dad."
Although her mother's departure brought great harm to Guo Liuling when she was young, she also unconsciously developed some curiosity about her mother. On the wall of my father are some pictures of idols from the 60s and 70s, but there is no wedding photo with Guo Liuling's mother. She rummaged through the cabinets at home and found a picture of her mother graduating as a nurse in the hospital, with watery eyes, "to be full of passionate feelings about life."
Liu Ling rode home on a motorcycle, and her life was completely different from the distant place of her dreams.
At that time, she began to have some new understanding of her mother, "just thinking from the heart, it turns out that my mother is not the way they talk about it." In the atmosphere at that time, everyone felt that women must stay at home for a lifetime, can not have their own ideas, and can not have dreams. If there is, it is not to keep the way of women, that is, to not follow a moral bottom line of one's own human being.
The mother's ran away from home in order to dominate her own life. She thought that her mother was so beautiful and must be very motivated, "A strong woman who is a little pursuing life, uneasy with the status quo, and needs to rely on her own hard work to work hard." "Maybe my dad can't give her what she wants, and then she wants to go out and prove herself."
After "boasting about Haikou" with her father, Guo Liuling also began to break in. She went to Guangdong to work, had no one to rely on, slept under the bridge, and had no food to eat. Later, she returned to Guangxi, continued to study, and also did sales in the store, selling some cosmetics, selling some daily necessities, and training her eloquence. After that, she began to bring goods for sale. In the past two years, she has earned her first pot of gold, more than 10,000 yuan.
Liu Ling switched freely between practicing dance and chopping meat.
She contacted a dance teacher she knew before and took her savings for two years to sign up for a dance class. "I want to be different from others, I want to prove myself." She didn't want to go back to the village, didn't want to do dirty and tiring work, and didn't want to go back to the trajectory of life that her father had arranged. "After you have your own ideas, you feel that my life is in charge."
Later, she began her career as a dance teacher, "doing it seriously, doing it when you say it". It's a beautiful career. In the dance classroom, Guo Liuling discovered a new world, a new vitality and passion. Under such a cheerful, relaxed rhythm and atmosphere, she found the confidence she had always wanted. That confidence encouraged her to keep her inner world.
Guo Liuling has always believed that the lamb shop is only a short job, and in the end, she will return to the dance classroom and complete her dream.
Guo Liuling, who danced her belly, was full of confidence.
When Guo Liuling was in secondary school, her mother still "came back plainly." Mother's urban life was not a success.
The mother returned to the family. Guo Liuling's father did not have any savings at that time, but her mother reunited with him and gave birth to a younger sister and a younger brother. The mother looked tired and worried, but she also had a very strong posture - she was busy with the big and small things at home, paying Tuition and miscellaneous fees to Guo Liuling, in order to save money, she ate a noodle steamed bun a day, did not take the bus, and walked a long, long way to work. "Putting our home back together".
Liu Ling's mother runs a clothing store and she hopes to have her own business.
But as a daughter who did not grow up next to her mother, Guo Liuling and her mother still have a deep inner gap, "A child can't get maternal love, the missing part of the thing, growing up can't make up." No matter how much money she makes later, if she wants to buy more things to come back to you, or to give you a good education, to give you more food and clothing, there is no way to make up for it. ”
But the mother and daughter have been working hard, during the period when Liu Ling gave birth, it was her mother who helped her wash her clothes, brushed the pot inside and out, changed the diaper, took the urinal, bought her a good day's dish early in the morning, boiled soup and stewed chicken for her, "She will give you everything you want in your heart and everything you lack externally." Although it is not the maternal love of childhood, Guo Liuling can still feel the love from her mother.
For Liu Ling, hard work is to earn more money and help her mother realize her wishes. My mother used to work to help people buy clothes, and she had the desire to open her own shop. Later, Guo Liuling found a friend to contact the shop, hung her the name of "Xie Jie Clothing Store", and helped her decorate.
Mom helped Liu Ling wipe the hand cream, looking at the hard cocoon of Liu Ling's hand, her mother was very distressed.
"I feel that my mother's dream I can help her complete in the future, and while I realize it, I will also illuminate her." Regarding her mother, Guo Liuling has always had a small dream. She didn't take pictures with her mother when she was growing up, and when she came back, she took a few photos as memories of her mother when she grew up. But she wanted to make up for the regret of not having a good photo with her mother when she was a child.
This evening, Guo Liuling took her mother to the photo studio. They were making up in front of the mirror and avoiding direct contact with their eyes, but Guo Liuling said a doubt that had been hidden in her heart for a long time: Why didn't my mother want me at that time? Her mother told her that it was Guo Liuling's grandmother who hid her, "I can't find you, I cry every night."
This is the photo position that Liu Ling craves most, lying on her mother's lap like a child.
"You have to forgive your mother, your mother does not want you", the mother said, "I can't put it down, I can't bear my eldest daughter.". When the picture was taken, her mother sat on the sofa, and Guo Liuling squatted on the floor, trying to lie on her mother's knees. Guo Liuling shed tears. At that moment, she seemed to have changed back into her mother's little daughter. Only now, Mom didn't leave, Mom was by her side.
Search for "Liu Ling" on Tencent News, welcome to follow Liu Ling's personal account to learn more about her.
Issue 3986
Written | Lee Ho
Video | Liu Xiaojing
Edit | Jiaqi sings
Produced by | Tencent News Kuaishou