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"Wang Xiaoxin and Li Qingmei", this is Li Qingmei's WeChat name.
Since the son Xiao Xin from a shouldn't, stereotypical behavior... It seems that all the corresponding features of the autism spectrum disorder happen to him star child,
Growing up to be kind and lively, he has shined in many concerts and has signed a three-year labor contract (Xiao Xin prides himself).
For more than ten years, it was Li Qingmei and Xiao Xin who passed the pass all the way.
Like the WeChat name, their lives are like two vines full of life, tightly entangled and smoothly winding forward under the impermanent weather of sunny and rainy weather.
"I still think I'm going pretty well," Ms. Li said.
She studied autism, obtained a teacher's certificate, jumped from a general nurse to the autism rehabilitation industry, and made many like-minded friends. Let the former impatient, strong, and somewhat vain self slow down and slow down again, try to understand the essence of life, and pick flowers with your son in the thorns.
Xiamen Sunshine Youth Wang Xiaoxin
First make up the beds and towels in the laundry room, occasionally whisper "15 sheets, 30 pillow covers", and then go to the side to pick up a large bottle of toiletries and carefully divide them into small bottles. In the linen room of InterContinental Xiamen Chenzhou Seaview Hotel, there is a special figure busy.
This is Wang Xiaoxin, an autistic patient who has turned 20 this year.
In November 2020, after graduating from Xiamen Special Education School Pei Vocational High School, Xiao Xin successfully passed the interview and got a "fairy offer" that did not have to work overtime and paid all five social insurances and one gold.
Once the three-year labor contract was signed, Xiao Xin realized Li Qingmei's transformation from an unimaginable identity: a student to a social person.
Xiao Xin likes this job, what is "going to work syndrome"? Completely non-existent! There were two epidemics in Xiamen last year, in July and November, xiaoxin who stopped working at home was bored, and called to ask the leader when he could go to work? The leader told him not to worry, saying that he was also resting at home.
During the second shutdown, the salary was stopped, and he could not make money, Xiao Xin was very anxious, looking at his mobile phone several times a day and flipping through his schedule.
It turned out that Xiao Xin was already using his salary to pay off the mortgage for the family after work, and asked Li Qingmei, "Mom, am I great?" ”
In life, Xiao Xin is not only a warm man at home: the noodles have buns, steamed buns, salted flower rolls, and the dishes include fried fish, fried rice, fried chicken wings, and everything is skilled. When the parents are busy, the housework is neat and smooth. Mom records online lessons, role playing him can also, director plus actors can switch at any time.
He is still a literary and artistic youth with a full tone: black pipe, gourd wire and clarinet, all of which are good at it, and after a year, the "announcements" of musical performances do not stop. In December last year, the song "Colors from China", which was performed with others, shined at the Xiamen "Love Without Hindrance, Integrating the Future" concert.
Xiao Xin is playing
Teacher Li Xin, secretary general of the Xiamen Star Foundation, initially watched Xiao Xin play and couldn't believe it: "Is this really a child with autism performing?" ”
The sword of Damocles overhead
As hard as it may be to believe, it is.
At the time of diagnosis, Xiao Xin was three and a half years old.
A neighbor gave Li Qingmei a copy of the autism information collected online. "Boom", like a blow to the head, Li Qingmei's brain is chaotic, and she is sure that every item on the data is matched with her son: circle, back advertising, serious emotional problems... The untimely growth reaction was like a sword of Damocles that had been hanging above Li Qingmei's head. It wasn't until the next day, June 1, after the hospital confirmed, that the dangling sword finally fell.
After the diagnosis, "I feel like my life is over." ”
"Wang Xiaoxin, Wang Xiaoxin", no matter how many times I shouted in my ear, he only blinked his eyes, called him over, did not respond, what to do; the language was very poor, completely unable to express, teach him to call his mother, the mouth began to repeat "you call me mother... You call me mother"; because I can sing "Farewell", when there is a need to express my needs, I start to sing "Outside the Long Pavilion, Beside the Ancient Road, the Grass is Green in the Sky"; the water cup catches whoever picks it up and drinks, the bag is lost no less than 5, the kindergarten others are doing exercises, he is on the side of the slippery, tiptoeing ...
Xiao Xin who does not look at the camera (front row left)
Catharsis, torture, collapse, negative emotions are like savage growth weeds, constantly squeezing the living space of Li Qingmei's rational thinking.
But the son's wet eyes looked at her, ignorant, even if he was disappointed and wanted to get angry, it was like a deflated leather ball, and he didn't know where to start at once, as if his fist was on cotton, and his life was a chicken feather.
Self-deception brings hope
The women's and children's hospital evaluated Xiao Xin for moderate to severe autism, and the level of all aspects was about two years different from the actual age at that time. Li Qingmei grasped this point, and the self-deceptive assumption that Xiao Xin was only two years old when he was eighteen years old, did it not affect at all?
The thought shattered at the first moment, but it did become a dose of chicken blood as she began to embark on the path of crazy intervention.
In the year and three months of Xiao Xin's recovery in Canaan, the staff can always see a unique parent: the child does not cooperate with the teaching activities, screaming and crying, but the mother is on the side of the hilarity, should jump and sing, what to do.
Every night when I got home, I reviewed the daytime class again, and felt that the training time of the institution was not enough, so I imitated the teacher's methods and actions, set goals, made plans, wrote training notes, and pulled Xiao Xin to continue practicing.
In order to learn to classify, she bought vegetables and fruits, arranged them on the table, and tirelessly pointed out with a smile: "This is an apple, what is an apple?" It's fruit; this is cabbage, what is cabbage? It's vegetables. ”
The effect was not good, Xiao Xin was still vague, asked him again, and began to cling to people again.
Take a deep breath first, then recall the teacher's voice and expression, hold the chubby little hand of the smile, and feel it one by one: smell it, touch it, and then wash it and taste it. Peaches, apples, pears, touch the hand round, nose smell fragrant, can be eaten directly, eat sweet.
Class D is promoted to Class A (level represents the degree of rehabilitation), Xiao Xin can say five words "I want to eat peanuts", and then to eight words "I want to eat fragrant peanuts", ordinary children easily express, in Xiao Xin, each extra word makes her heart turbulent, full of emotions.
Home musicians are just beginning to grow up
On the other hand, Li Qingmei noticed that the children around her were learning piano, guitar or violin, and found that Xiao Xin seemed to have no special skills except good food and playfulness.
How expensive can you learn the piano, the neighbors there inquire, the gourd silk is good, cheap and good. I didn't think about how much I could achieve, but in Xiamen, where the musical atmosphere was strong, I let him have multiple artistic experiences.
Now on the stage to touch the laughter of everyone, at the beginning of the "learning from the teacher" is too uncooperative, even the gourd silk is not willing to take.
Li Qingmei, who is already in elementary school and works as a rehabilitation teacher in a rehabilitation center, also knows more about the growth characteristics of Xiaoxin. She grasped Xiao Xin's already existing comparison heart, learned from the teacher first, blew a clip, and asked the teacher to rate herself, each time higher than the other.
The smile in the corner saw that her mother was often praised, and the small eyes that glanced at her began to stir. When Li Qingmei told him again, if you also come to try, you will not be so resistant.
"The Little Girl Who Chased the Sea", "Snail and Yellow Oriole", the instrument teacher adapted Xiao Xin's favorite songs to him one by one, he felt new and funny, and also began to enjoy the beauty of music in practice.
Touch bypass, black pipe, clarinet, can also be, every day to take 1-2 hours to practice the instrument, has been insisting until now.
Autism allows them to grow together
Xiao Xin is growing all the way, and so is Li Qingmei.
In terms of career development, since her son needs lifelong rehabilitation, she feels that "she is destined to fight for life in the field of autism": from a nurse to a nurse, first in her son's kindergarten to do integration, and then to the rehabilitation center as an autism rehabilitation teacher, and then the center transformation, and then ran to the special school as a teacher.
Looking back at this journey, the kindergarten teacher is one of the most colorful turning points.
Where to? It was the first question Xiao Xin faced after coming out of Canaan. Li Qingmei ran a lot of places, and finally found a private kindergarten in a residential building, "I don't dare to pick at all, others can accept us well", a big city, willing to accept the child's illness and accompany the few.
The head of the kindergarten saw that she had a good set of children, pulled her aside, and asked her if she would like to come in as a kindergarten teacher.
"Unwilling", Li Qingmei's first reaction was not to accept.
"I used to be a nurse with a decent job and a good income, so how could I be a kindergarten teacher with a monthly salary of only 400 yuan in a residential building with less than thirty children in the whole kindergarten?"
She still had a thought in her heart: it seemed that she should not be like this, and it seemed that she did not have to be so shabby.
Later, friends with autistic children came to the house as guests, and everyone praised Li Qingmei for having a lot of experience in intervention and integration with Xiaoxin, and advised her to buy a fake certificate directly, and when Xiaoxin finished kindergarten, she could also go to a private school as a teacher to continue to bring.
The last sentence made Li Qingmei want to move, not to mention the primary school, as a kindergarten teacher to take care of Xiao Xin to colleagues will be easier than parents Wow, "Buy a fake certificate? Why don't I just take the test? ”
In further study, she began to become more relaxed, no longer completely isolating her training from her life.
Xiao Xin once loved to play with water in the bathroom, making the floor of the house wet for a long time, and education could not be changed many times.
Once Li Qingmei accidentally fell a "big horse", fell too hard, the pain of the ass to the limbs drilling the heart, the "storm" has reached the mouth, the ghost makes god worse, Li Qingmei suddenly had a thought in his mind" "I have to cure him at this time, this opportunity is not something he can create", he fell to the ground, pretended to cry, waited for Xiao Xin to walk to the side worriedly, and then let him help himself up, let him know that playing with water would hurt his mother.
Warm manhood at home may be the seed sown here, Xiao Xin began to understand the pain of his mother, calling him to buy vegetables together, teach him to cook, let him wash clothes, he is also willing to learn.
Assemble cabinets
Not long ago, Xiao Xin called Li Qingmei and said that he had a small acne on his hand and had moisture, so he asked Li Qingmei to boil red bean coix water for him. While feeling relieved and amused, Li Qingmei instructed him: "You go to buy it after work, buy it and cook it at home." ”
Teach him to wait for love
It is more important than worrying about the future
In the past two years, Xiao Xin began to plan for his own money to buy a house and marry his wife, occasionally asking Li Qingmei, "Why don't I have a girlfriend?" ”
Li Qingmei told Xiao Xin to learn to wait, take the people around you for example, you see Dongzi brother is so excellent, so capable, handsome, and does not have a girlfriend, not all excellent people have girlfriends, everyone has to wait.
There are autistic parents who get together and joke, try to make money now, and go to the mountains to buy a daughter-in-law for their children in the future. She found it ridiculous, not just because of breaking the law and objectifying women, but also because she couldn't understand why she should pay for someone who didn't love her children.
"There is only one kind of heroism in the world, and that is to love life after recognizing the truth of life."
For Xiao Xin's future, Li Qingmei was no longer anxious for a long time. Although he was not so optimistic about whether Xiao Xin would be able to truly work and live independently after a few decades, he also took into account the trust or appointment of a guardian as a guarantee for his son's future life.
In her words, "We prepare for the worst in order to prepare for the worst, but we also have a positive and beautiful belief that problems will be solved." ”
From "feeling that life is over", to self-deception blindness, to "problem solving is good", using women's weak bodies to support individuals, children and families, all the way to harvest the experience of life and the calm experience of Thousand Sails, Li Qingmei is not an isolated case, her experience carries too many female epitomes in autistic families.
Writing | Ice Cream Editor | Dangdang Editor-in-Chief | Qin Yu