My whole life

In the past few days, I have been thinking back to the forty-seven spring and autumn I have traveled, and those vague and clear scenes of the past have surged into my heart, although there is warmth, it is more difficult to look back. When I was a child, I studied in hardship, although the days were hard at that time, but because my parents were industrious, my life was better than other children, I could eat and wear warmly, and because I was the youngest of the three sisters, I was particularly taken care of by my parents and brothers and sisters, and there was not much sadness in my memory. When I was in high school, in the early nineties, the farmers could not buy a few dollars for grain, they bought fertilizer in the spring, and when the summer harvest ended, they paid for grain, and there was not much grain growing in the barren land that was originally irrigated by the sky, and these two expenses were enough to crush a family. At that time, the tuition fee was also surprisingly high, and the miscellaneous miscellaneous was also a few hundred yuan, and a few hundred yuan was not a big deal now, but at that time it was really a big number. Fortunately, my father is a person who understands things, no matter how difficult it is, he just does not let me this doll who does not study well drop out of school, it is not confused years, he went to Xinjiang to work thousands of miles in order to provide me with education, at that time there was not much to work, the salary was cheap, a few dollars a day, fortunately, there was a father's nephew in Xinjiang who lived there, whether it was looking for work or in life to take care of the solution he could solve. Later, I also heard my father talk about it more than once, and the words were full of gratitude, although they were nephews, but the two people were almost the same age. So I stumbled through high school. Because the college entrance examination results are more because of the family poverty, I chose the normal school with low tuition fees and high subsidies at that time, although the tuition fees were low and subsidies, but after all, it was still a cup of water, fortunately, at that time, the sister's family did not spend much because of the small cost of the children, the brother-in-law could go out to work and earn money all year round, and he could also help more or less, and all the rest of the expenses were pieced together by my parents, and three years of college read down to give me a debt that was not small at that time. The bad thing was that at that time, employment was extremely difficult, and when I returned to the local area, I only paid a pitiful little money every month, not to mention that paying off debts was not enough for my own life, but I had to live no matter how I lived.

I remember the first day when I went to work, I was carrying my bicycle with luggage, my mother helped me push in the back, and the mother and son walked and talked, I was depressed to the extreme, and my mother shed sad tears. My mother gasped and comforted me, if you have a good head in the day, it will get better slowly, and it is stronger than part-time work, at least there is a fixed place, and the wind and rain can't blow and can't get wet. Nowadays, I think about it in my ears. I was thrifty, while working while still paying the debts I owed when I was studying, the salary slowly rose, the money owed was slowly repaid, but I was still nervous, there was no money in my pocket for the night, there was no wedding in the marriage, and the two people lived together without any sense of ceremony, not even a group photo. The sky is clear, how bad I was at that time, staring at the ceiling every night, smoking cheap cigarettes one after another, trying to eliminate the anxiety in my heart. I don't see hope for life, I don't dare to imagine what the future will be like, I am so dazed.

In 2003, my only brother had an accident in the coal mine, and this blow gave me the first taste of the pain of losing my loved ones in the first place, and in the blink of an eye I felt loneliness that I had never felt before, no matter how many diaphragms there were before, he was a back helper for me, a person who could walk ahead of me in a pinch to accompany me. The parents of the year of the flower armor also grew older overnight, although they struggled to work in the fields during the day, and who knows how many sad tears they shed at night. My father is a strong man, my grandfather died of illness when he was twelve or thirteen years old, he also picked up the burden of the family early, orphans and widows lived hard, and the bitterness of it was only known to him, and it was precisely because he ate more bitter days than his peers, saw more white eyes, so he also developed his father's hard-working, humiliation-bearing character, or maybe too much suffering and pressure also made his personality more irritable, and although he died for eight years today, But whenever I think of some of his bits and pieces, I still have a palpitation. My mother was also an authentic bitter person, and the four sisters also died when they were very young, and they survived by heaven's mercy. Some people say that suffering is a school that can teach people a lot of things, but who wants to go in! The two of them had already lived more miserable lives than the others, and it was difficult to pull their three children into adulthood, but they were old enough to lose their children, how not to make them lose all five, but no matter how hard and tired life was, they had to continue. I vaguely remember one night in 2010, I was awakened from a dream by a rapid knock on the door, and my nephew said that his grandfather was seriously ill and fainted in the toilet at night under the house. I hurriedly put on my clothes and eagerly rented the car of my son-in-law to go straight to my hometown, the upper room was full of people, a few people were holding my father on the kang, and my father's head was hunched over the arm of the person who was holding him, and the old and thin face was bloodless and looked weak. I screamed a few times, he raised his head slightly, opened his eyes weakly to look at me, and closed them again, I clearly saw tears oozing from the corners of his eyes, and at that moment I couldn't help but tears come out of my eyes. My father, a man who was once so strong and so strong, has endured in his heart over the past few years. The years ruthlessly robbed him of his years, and ruthlessly consumed his will, and the strong father was unconsciously in the wind and candles. With the help of the neighbors, my father was admitted to the county hospital, the results of the examination were not so serious, the treatment was more than a week and the situation improved greatly, and we were discharged from the hospital when he felt cured, but since then my father's health has deteriorated. Later, after several repeated attacks, I led my father to the municipal hospital to see it, and then went to the provincial city for examination, and came up with a sunny thunderbolt result - cancer. I don't know how I walked through that time, I just felt groggy every day, six gods and no master. If my brother is still alive, he will stay with my father no matter what, and he will also give me a bold idea for the timid and cowardly. And who can I ask and count on now? With the help of his brother-in-law, his father underwent surgery, which was generally successful. In those years, the family did not cultivate the land and did not contribute to the farm work, but after all, it was cancer, and it was inevitable that in the end, in 2013, my father also completed his 72-year life.