My cousin was newly married yesterday and is admitted to the hospital today. I went to see him with a gift, and my sister-in-law was standing in front of the hospital bed, with a shy face. While my sister-in-law was out, I asked, "What are you doing?" Cave flower candle night fight? Cousin: "When I woke up this morning, your sister-in-law found that there was one more person in the bed, and she kicked me out without even thinking about it!" ”
2. My mother-in-law hated my weakness, so she transferred 80,000 yuan to my wife to buy ginseng on Alipay. Just in time for the supermarket to engage in promotions, 80,000 yuan bought ten ginseng. After cooking, my wife said to me: "Ginseng is a big supplement, after eating you will have strength." I looked at it and asked, "How did you cook ten?" The wife said, "Probably eat ten pieces to count as a course of treatment!" ”
3. When the little uncle got married, his mother-in-law gave him a Baojun 560. As a result, when the uncle was driving on the highway, the transmission malfunctioned, resulting in the uncle's car accident and the lower body being amputated. Last night the uncle's compensation came down, and the insurance company lost 2 million. The mother-in-law said happily: "Son, can I take this money for plastic surgery?" How much would it cost me to get a facelift?? The little uncle lit a cigarette, thought about it, and said, "Two pieces!" The mother-in-law said shyly: "I can really talk, do you feel that your mother and I look so beautiful, don't need plastic surgery?"?" The little uncle said: "No, I mean you spend a dollar to take the bus to the plastic surgery hospital, the doctor shook his head after seeing it, said that the whole thing can't be done, and then you spend another dollar to take the bus back!" ”
4. Today I want to take my daughter to get a vaccine, and my daughter is particularly afraid of the injection, so she refuses to go to all kinds of crying. In order to coax her to go, I had to promise to buy ice cream, not to kill her, to take her to the playground, etc. Take her to the community clinic and find that the polio vaccine is just two sugar pills! Now she was sitting in the playground, eating ice cream, and asked me solemnly: Mom, when is the next preventive injection?
5. Went to school at Qingdao University, interned in the sophomore year, and took the bus home. Sitting next to me at that time was a beautiful woman who looked like a milk tea sister. Along the way, I racked my brains, thinking about how to talk to less vulgar, but I didn't know how to open my mouth. Seeing that I was about to arrive at the station, I was anxious to sit still, at this time the beauty glanced at me and said: Hold on a little longer, it will soon be at the station, don't worry, there is a toilet at the station.
6. My five-year-old nephew is a picky eater who eats only meat and never vegetables, and has very serious constipation. Eight greens were fried that night, and not a single meat dish was cooked. The nephew had to be hungry if he didn't eat, so he ate a few bites of green vegetables and two large bowls of porridge with a look of grievance. After the nephew finished eating, the elder sister asked him: Are you full? Can I eat it again? The nephew said: I am dead and can't eat. Then the elder sister went to the kitchen and brought out a plate of elbows and a plate of roast chicken, which our family ate. The nephew was crying when he looked at the wronged.
7. My brother-in-law was promoted from programmer to general manager of the company and invited me to drink in the evening. I was a "strict wife", afraid that my wife would not believe me, so I let him talk to my wife. So the brother-in-law picked up the phone, just opened up and did not speak.... The wife said, "Brother, you help me call your brother-in-law, and say that I will eat with you tonight and will not go back at night." As a result, the wife hung up the phone.
8. I didn't go home during the summer vacation, and I didn't know where to go, so I followed my boyfriend home. As soon as I entered the door, I saw my uncle cooking in the kitchen, and my aunt bathing his family's Erha. When my brother met, I wanted to show it in front of my boyfriend's family, and I rushed forward to take Erha and give him a bath. My boyfriend and his mother watched me wash and give me guidance from time to time. I was a little nervous, the strength was not mastered, and the kneading of the two ha-ha screamed. When I cleaned up Erha, it was just time for dinner. I had just sat down at the dinner table when Erha suddenly ran over and bit my pant leg and dragged me out the door.
#Funny# #搞笑段子 #