Last night, I lost a bet with my sister-in-law and lost a month's salary, which was very distressing. When I got home, I could only trick my wife into lending it to my sister-in-law, but I didn't expect that my sister-in-law came to visit the door at this time, holding it in my hand

Last night, I lost a bet with my sister-in-law and lost a month's salary, which was very distressing. Back home, can only deceive the wife to lend to the sister-in-law, did not expect the sister-in-law to come to the door at this time, holding a large box in her hand, happily stuffed the box into me and said: Brother-in-law, today the supermarket seven degrees space half price, I also bought you a box. I asked doubtfully: Give it to your sister, she is there, you go to her. The sister-in-law shook her head: No, last night you lost all the money to me, I have to do something for you, this wait for the kneeling keyboard when the cushion is a little soft!?

2. I delivered express delivery in Yuantong for 5 years, resigned and returned to my hometown with 500,000 yuan, and my father used my 500,000 yuan to wrap a large area of land in Houshan to grow peanuts. On this day, I went home and went to the field to deliver food to my father, but I forgot to take the chopsticks. I saw that my father peeled the twigs with a knife, scraped them smooth, and then used them as chopsticks. I was immediately inspired, and when I came back, I picked up a lot of small branches in the field, planning to go home and process chopsticks and earn some pocket money. In the evening, the uncle came to my house to ask for money and said to my father: All the small saplings I just planted today have been pulled down by your son.

3. The female neighbor does not handle the abalone that has just been bought, and my husband was very helpful to help deal with it for half an hour. As soon as he came back, I quarreled with him, and my father-in-law brought two stools and advised, "You two are arguing, sit down and have a good conversation." The husband was just about to sit, the father-in-law kicked the stool away, the husband fell heavily on the butt, the old justice was confused, the father-in-law went up and slapped: "This is for you to sit?" Daughter-in-law, come, you sit here, and we will continue to discipline him. ”

4. When I was a child, I was more skinny, and I was out for three days. Therefore, I was often rested by my father, and the key was that every time I finished beating me, I would laugh and giggle and say: "Daddy beat you is a manifestation of loving you!" On this day, Dad drank too much, I beat me up without making a mistake, and I cried and asked, "Do you love your mother?" Dad said confusedly, "Of course I love." I looked at my father and said indignantly, "Then why don't you beat your mother?" Dad listened as if he had sobered up a bit and said, "You think I don't want to?" It's all your mom beating me! ”

5. The cousin knows a local tycoon, and the local tycoon does not want to have children so early, so he takes the cousin to release the birth control ring. Three months later, the local tycoon wanted to break up with his cousin, and the cousin said, "Okay, you find me the next home, I'll share it!" So the local tycoon arranged a very good blind date for his cousin, and then the cousin went on a blind date, and this time he couldn't see it, and heard that there was no common language. The local tycoon said to his cousin: "You should not be too picky, this boy only needs to get by in all aspects." The cousin said: "I didn't pick ah, he said he wanted to buy a car, I asked him to buy a BMW, he actually said that buying Wuling Hongguang is not OK?" I don't want to cry in the van later. The local tycoon scolded without saying a word: "You are a dead nun, thirty or so people, someone wants you to be good, still want to sit on a BMW?" Sit in with your one hundred and eighteen bodies? ”

6. The flight attendant is a rich second-generation Maserati who fell in love with a poor and pragmatic male college student when she was studying at Harbin Institute of Technology. When the two were dating that day, the male college student asked: Your family is very rich, but will you marry me? The flight attendant said: Honey, my family is indeed very rich, this dress on my body alone is 300,000, I may not really be able to marry you! The male college student said: I know! The flight attendant said: Then you still ask me? The male college student said: No, I just want to feel what it feels like to lose 300,000 yuan?

7. Yesterday I drove my Lamborghini to pull a girl back to her hometown, with a large bag of luggage. When I got out of the car, I saw that she had a lot of things to do, so I helped her move things home. Before she could enter the door, she shouted to the courtyard, "Dad, Mom, see I brought my boyfriend back." At that time, the second elder came out very enthusiastically to greet him, and also killed chickens and fish. It has been at her house for several days, and the hundred yuan fare has not been given to me, and she will not pay the bill, right?

8. The last time a couple quarreled, I didn't expect that after the wife let the bullfighting in the family bite her husband, the wife felt that she was wrong and wanted to apologize to her husband, but she was embarrassed to open her mouth. I wrote a note: "I was wrong, please forgive me!" The wife asked the pet dog to give the note to her husband, and the husband read the note and fondly stroked the dog's head: "In this family, you still understand me!" ”

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #