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Referring to Mr. Qian Zhongshu's "Siege of the City", many people should have that classic line in their minds: "Marriage is a besieged city, people outside the city want to go in, people inside the city want to come out." ”
This metaphor is so classic that it still stands today and is still impressive.
The so-called siege, the people inside desperately want to go out, looking at the world outside the wall, full of fantasy, but those who are free outside hope to have a siege city to make themselves safe, to be able to accept all of themselves.
Marriage is like this, when you meet a loved one when you are young, you always fantasize about two people walking into a good life after marriage, as if you have entered the fairy tale world, and you can meet your expectations for life;
But people who have been married for many years, have tasted the taste of marriage, and also understand that they are protected by marriage, and they must also be bound by marriage, so they miss their single selves from time to time. Although he is a little lonely, he is completely free, and he is all his own.
So many people sigh that marriage can determine a person's fate, if you marry well, you will be destined, and if you marry badly, you will be miserable.
However, after reading Qian Zhongshu's book "Siege of the City", I suddenly found that marriage cannot determine a person's fate, and whether fate is bitter or fate is good often depends on whether a person tastes bitterness first and then tries sweetness, or tries sweetness first and then tastes bitterness.
Mr. Qian Zhongshu wrote in "The Siege":
"There are only two kinds of people under the heavens, such as a bunch of grapes in hand, one kind of people choose the best to eat first, and the other kind of people save the best for last to eat."
As a rule, the first should be optimistic, because every time he eats one, he eats the best of the remaining grapes; the second should be pessimistic, because every time he eats one, he eats the worst of the remaining grapes.
However, the truth is just the opposite, because the second kind of people still have hope, and the first kind of people only have memories. ”
These two kinds of people are placed in real life, the former is a kind of person who is happy in time and lives in the present, and the latter is another kind of person who knows how to delay gratification, and their happiness will be more long-lasting.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="14" >: those who are sweet first and then bitter will eventually pay a corresponding price</h1>
Everyone's gains and losses in life are basically equivalent, the things that God gives you are so much, if a person takes away all the sweetness in life in advance and eats them, then the rest is all bitterness, which is the conservation law of life energy.
Generally speaking, people who choose sweetness first, when facing the hardships of life, their ability to bear is also very weak, and they are unwilling to face pain on the one hand, but they have to face pain.
A friend I know, Mr. Lin, is a businessman whose family is in business for generations and has a very well-off family. Mr. Lin has a son who grew up in the palm of his hand and responded to every need. Mr. Lin did not let his son suffer any hardships, and gave him all the benefits that could be given to him.
When his son went to college, Mr. Lin did not pay monthly living expenses like other parents, but directly gave him the money needed for four years of college in a card.
Unexpectedly, my son habitually played around for four years in college, ate, drank and had fun, and squandered the money in this card in one year. Near graduation, I found that I had learned nothing, and I may not be able to finish my grades.
Mr. Lin woke up and let the child enjoy everything in life prematurely, so that he did not know how to cherish it. So Mr. Lin told his son that after graduating from college, his family would no longer give him pocket money, and he would have to rely on his own efforts to support himself.
His son is the typical person who uses the second half of his life to make redemption for the first half of his life. They only care about the immediate pleasures, completely disregard the future, such people have no plan for life, let alone ideals.
Fortunately, he is still lucky, there is family support, but also leave a way back, most people have no way back, once the formation of such a habit, the second half of life will most likely be very hard.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="48" > two: those who are bitter first and then sweet will have endless hope</h1>
People who choose to be bitter and then sweet, on the contrary, they are people who have ideas about the future, knowing that the happiness of the moment is only fleeting, fleeting, and they are patiently laying out more long-term happiness.
There is a term in psychology called "delayed gratification," which means to willingly give up immediate pleasures in the moment for more valuable and long-term goals.
They will not blindly suppress their desires, never get what they want, nor will they wait hopelessly. They are more like doing a practice, and after practicing their body and mind, they will get what they want most.
Such happiness is long-lasting, solid, and meaningful.
In the 1960s, a professor at Stanford University in the United States conducted an experiment specifically for this purpose.
They found two groups of children, went into two small rooms with a lot of snacks and toys, and told them that if they could bear not to eat snacks and not move the toys, they would be rewarded with better things when the adults returned.
Through the monitoring of the room, the professor found that several children in each group were eager to try snacks and toys, and finally couldn't help but eat those delicious snacks, and after eating, they walked aimlessly around the room, fiddling with the toys.
Their pleasure consists only of a small moment of eating, followed by a boring wait after the desire is satisfied.
And those children who suppressed their inner restlessness and did not eat snacks, although they were very hard to restrain, they all looked out of the window from time to time with bright eyes, waiting for the adults to return with expectation.
Finally the adults pushed the door in, and the snacking children knew that they had broken the agreement, and some even bowed their heads in shame, while the children who resisted their desires were rewarded in the end. They are very happy, and this kind of heartfelt happiness will have a profound impact on them.
Therefore, those who choose to be bitter first and then sweet will never lose hope for life, and those deepest desires will undoubtedly turn into upward momentum.
This is the inspiration brought by Mr. Qian Zhongshu's "Siege of the City", which has both marriage and life.
Through the portrayal of ordinary characters, his book shows the most authentic appearance of life, which can make us recognize reality, and at the same time, there is no lack of pursuit of ideals and more love for their own lives.
If you still have a lot of problems in your life that you haven't figured out, it is recommended that you read this "Siege of the City" carefully, which will definitely benefit a lot.
It is worth mentioning that "Siege of the City" is the only novel in Qian Zhongshu, which writes the true meaning of life.
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Siege of the city Qian Zhongshu original novel ¥38 purchase
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