I just saw a Weibo post sent by actor Sun Li, describing supermodel Wang Wenqin as sharing with her a small trick to deal with the three children in the family who "can't move".
Because he always couldn't move the three children, everything had to be shouted seventeen or eight times, and it didn't necessarily have an effect, Wang Wenqin thought of a way.
She recorded what she was going to say in the Shanghai dialect directly on her phone, such as "Eating and eating!" Took a shower! Brush your teeth and brush your teeth! Sleep to sleep! ”
When it was time to do this, Wang Wenqin began to loop in front of the children, letting the children know what to do now!
Sun Li said at the end of Weibo: "May everyone get better and better, be in good health, and not be on the road to parenting!" ”
Hahahahaha! It's really real!
My middle-aged mother, who has raised a son, is often angry because she can't move him, but you can imagine what kind of life Wang Wenqin, who has raised a son and two daughters, is living!
Just think about it, can Wang Wenqin really move the children with this kind of single-looping "Tang monk chanting" method? Can the effect be maintained for a long time?
There may be only one truth, and that is "not necessarily".
【1】
Why does the child "not move"?
One mother recorded her child's daily upbringing, saying that when she got up the day before and the morning, the child not only blot but also stood still.
The parents were angry and angry, and the child cried even more bitterly, saying that the father had scolded him.
The mother confided that she was really tired of meeting such a child, no matter what called him to stand still, although the child's development was a little sluggish, but it was difficult for parents to control the anger in their hearts.
It can be imagined that when you get up in the morning, you have to brush your teeth and wash your face and eat breakfast, but the child can't move, it is really difficult for parents not to get angry.
But the child is not so obedient to listen to the parents, and even with the parents, the parents let "face east", the child should "face west"!
Why is the child "screaming and not moving"? In fact, it is really not all the child's fault, but the characteristics of the child's growth and development at different stages.
Huang Xingzhen, a popular science writer on early childhood psychology, analyzed in "The Scientific Parenting Method of Psychological Counselor Mothers: Raising Warm and Brave Children":
Children aged 1-2 are in a period of self-centeredness, they focus on self-exploration, because they are too focused to "hear" what their parents say, and of course the parents can't move them.
And 3-4-year-old children's sense of autonomy begins to develop, they want to be respected and do not want to be ordered, this stubborn behavior will make the parents' words sound to them as "ear wind".
Children over the age of 5, the development of autonomy is more mature, and gradually appear rebellious psychology, parents want to make children obedient, it is even more difficult.
Parents want to raise a child who is both obedient and well-behaved, but the reality is often very "punching the face", the larger the child, the more "can't move", the more children the parents are "can't move"!
【2】
How exactly do parents "scream" their children?
I have a son in the sixth grade of elementary school, and after more than ten years as a mother, I have gradually transformed from a fierce "tiger mother" to a middle-aged mother who only wants to protect herself.
From asking my son to "shout and be on call" to just no longer "chicken flying dog jumping", I understand that if you want to "bark" your child, parents must be able to grasp the following three points:
First, give up interruptions and give your child focus.
The blogger "Cream Mother" shared the girlfriend's troubles, saying that the girlfriend made a good meal and called her son to eat, and after shouting five or six times, the son came over with a grind, and the girlfriend was angry.
Later, the girlfriend cut the fruit after the meal for the son and called the son to eat, but the son was watching TV, and the girlfriend saw that the son did not move, and she was so angry that she came forward and slapped the son, and the son was stunned, and he did not know why he was beaten.
When the child is concentrating on one thing, parents try not to disturb the child, especially do not yell loudly, and the behavior of hitting the child is not allowed.
According to a survey, 70% of children have problems of inattention (poor concentration) after entering school, which leads to various learning problems, and it is difficult to succeed in work and life later.
When the situation permits, parents should give their children the time and space to exercise their concentration, try not to disturb the child, let the child immerse themselves in their own world, and concentrate on doing their own things.
When something must be done, parents can walk up to their children and negotiate with them softly, so that the child can easily and happily transition from the previous scenario to the next thing that should be done.
Second, give up repetitive nagging and give your child autonomy.
Wang Wenqin recorded "Eat! Take a shower! These words are then repeatedly played in the child's ear, and finally the child seems to obey and do it, but in fact, the heart is disgusted or even collapsed.
Japanese education expert Yamazaki Fumiichi said in "No Hurry, No Yelling to Be a Mother" that parents' nagging and repetitive speech will cause children to emotionally alienate their parents, either vent their dissatisfaction with their parents or hide anger in their hearts.
When parents find that they "can't move" their children, they must not shout repeatedly, but should give their children the right to be autonomous and let the children decide "when to do their own things".
Some time ago, during the National Day holiday, my son was addicted to play, and every night half an hour of piano practice time had long been forgotten, and he did not mention me and did not ask.
On October 4th, I asked my son how to solve this problem. He thought for a moment and said, "Mom, I've been playing pretty much the same for the past few days, so let's practice for an hour a day starting tonight!" ”
Parents should believe in their children, they have the right and the ability to arrange what they should do, and the more parents give their children full autonomy, the more likely their children are to perform better.
Third, give up criticism and blame and give your child encouragement.
"Are you deaf in your ears?" Shout you eighteen times and can't hear it! "Look at your dead face!" Shouting that you can't hear your homework, as soon as you see something delicious, it's like a hungry ghost reincarnating! ”
Doesn't that sound familiar? When children regard their parents' words as "wind in their ears", it is difficult for grumpy parents not to be angry, and criticism and accusations are commonplace.
Psychologist Marshall Luxemburg says that maybe we don't think our way of talking is violent, but language does often cause pain to ourselves and others.
Parents do not want to make their children enemies, they must give up the criticism and accusation of their children, but replace them with words of encouragement, in order to have a multiplier effect.
For example, put it this way: "Didn't your mother call you just now?" It's homework time, so finish your homework and you're free to play! ”
The more parents can understand and accept them from the child's point of view, the more the child can listen to the parents' words, and naturally there will be no repeated shouting.
【3】
If you want your child to "shout and move", it is the parents who want to test it.
Two days ago, the school organized a stage test, and the daughter of her colleague Wang Jie did not take the test very well, so angry that she did not want to take care of her daughter for a day.
However, that night, Sister Wang's anger had not subsided, and her daughter, who had been rubbing her, once again made her angry.
It turned out that the daughter was eating a small snack while writing her homework, and Sister Wang asked her to concentrate on writing her homework first, and her daughter still bit the small biscuit as if she had not heard it.
Sister Wang has been patient, waiting for her daughter to finish her homework and saying, "Quickly wash your hands, let's go downstairs to practice jump rope." ”
But the daughter was talking about eating too much in her stomach and asked if she could not skip the rope tonight?
Sister Wang finally couldn't help but growl at her daughter: "I told you not to eat snacks, you don't listen!" I told you to jump rope, and you still don't listen! You're just going to be angry with me, aren't you? ”
When the daughter saw this situation, she quickly picked up the jump rope and went downstairs, and Sister Wang was already so angry that she couldn't catch her breath!
The more children grow up, the more disobedient they become, which is probably a process that all parents must go through, to constantly play games with their children and find a balance between them.
"Calling not moving" or "calling to move" the child is obviously a choice on the table.
But we should understand that it is not necessarily the child's fault that parents "can't move"; parents who "call to move" their children are certainly not the "blessing" of parents.
Writer Lin Qingxuan said: "No matter what kind of child, love is the best education, and the best way to express love is to rejoice, encourage and appreciate." ”
When the child "can't move", the best trick for parents is actually love, because love is the root of solving all problems, and it is also the source of parents to withstand the various tests in their children's growth.